Monday, November 17, 2014

Sorry Beyoncé (And Tina And The Dad), Solange Is The Best Knowles



I'mma let you finish Beyoncé (no, I'm not), but Solange is the best Knowles of all time. I know that you may want to fight me on this. Or maybe you don't care. Or maybe you only know SK from that elevator shit. BUT SHE IS THE BEST.

If you don't believe me, check out this video of Solange performing a choreographed dance with her adorable son Julez at her wedding this weekend. Don't act like you aren't putting that dress on your Christmas/Hanukkah/Festivus list this year.

And if that dress isn't bomb enough for you, SHE WORE MULTIPLE CAPES for her wedding festivities. Not to mention her double golden cuffs and hair perfection. Finding Yoncé in those pictures is almost like trying to find a hidden whatever in a Highlights magazine. All eyes on Solange.


Oh, and this:



I rest my case, your honor.



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Saturday, November 15, 2014

The Butt-Themed Weekend Anthem You've Been Waiting On



I have to be honest -- I have no idea what is happening in this video. I only know that the topic is ass (again) and that I shouldn't change the subject. And that homegirl has an aversion to looking at the camera unless she's wearing semi-transitional lenses.

I do need to know where one picks up an application to be the President of Ass, because I think that I'm probably qualified. Also, those dance moves are fresh to death. It's like a choo choo train impression. I'm way into it.


When you're in the club tonight, make sure you request "The Topic is Ass" to the resident DJ. I'm pretty sure that they love that shit.

P.S. I'm not even being sarcastic when I say that I kind of love this song. It's catchy as mother f.

P.P.S. If you need a palate cleanser after all of that, here's an hour of Lil' Bub kicking off the holidays for your ass (which is the topic).




ass song via reddit

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Friday, November 14, 2014

What In The MF-ING HELL Is Going On With Robert Pattinson's Hair


What is life anymore, really? After my eyeballs gazed upon these photos of the once at least semi-attractive diamond-encrusted vampire, I'm not really sure.


This might be the actual worst haircut I've ever seen on a dude. It looks like the world's most awful bowl cut with an additional stick-on merkin that you would get from a gumball machine at a porn store.

 My eyeballs need a long soak in the bath. With bath salts. Maybe even BATH SALTS bath salts.


Thanks to my homie Kelly for the tip on this mess.


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I Love Black Polish And I Cannot Lie

Don't be afraid of black nail polish. It's come a long way from the coloring-in-your-fingernails-with-a-sharpie days. It now can really range anywhere from classy-lady-who-lunches to edgy like woah.

Glossy and Flossy

sinful colors in black on black + out the door top coat

Shiny black polish is like classic red polish with a slight emo edge. It goes with anything, and is perfect for any occasion. Going to Quiznos to pick up some kind of toasted something-or-other? Black nail polish. Trying on wedding dresses for an actual wedding or in a SATC ironic way? Black nail polish. Watching Dumb and Dumber To? Please don't. And also, black nail polish.

Okay, end of post! JK, JK. We have a long-ass way to go and many options ahead of us.

Flat Matte

sinful colors black on black + opi matte top coat

I really do apologize for how shitty that I am at painting my nails in a non-human garbage manner. In fact, I made this gif just for this situation. (Okay, I didn't. I made it because it should exist in the universe.)


Anyway, back to the sauce. Matte black nails are glossy black nails' IDGAF sister that dyes her hair with Kool-Aid. She also has a part-time job at Hot Topic, but mostly because of its close proximity to Auntie Anne's Pretzels. I feel her in my heart.

P.S. If you get sick of the matte look, you can just throw a top coat on that mess and you're back to shining bright like a cubic zirconia.

Alt black


If I still haven't convinced you that black nails are boss shit, then maybe I can interest you in an almost-black polish? If you really need a tiny dab of color in your nail life, I present you with these options (from left to right): CND Midnight Sapphire, Essie Devil's Advocate, OPI Here Today...Aragon Tomorrow, OPI Suzi Skis in the Pyrenees. All of these boo boos look pretty much black, but in direct lighting -- blam, pow -- a little color. Get on my darkness level.

See? Black nail polish is crazy versatile. And if you still don't aren't feeling it, you can just paint your nails pinky and sparkly. I still love you the most.



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Here's A Baby Sea Otter Adorably Learning To Do Baby Sea Otter Stuff



This is the video that your cold, black heart has always needed of a five-week-old sea otter pup (!!!) doing the most adorable shit like learning to swim and squealing over cold water. This little baby lady currently goes by Pup 681, which is a mildly depressing moniker, and was recently found abandoned off the coast of California, which is at least a moderately depressing circumstance. (RIP, sea otter mom.)

If you can't watch all four minutes of this fluffy wonder flapping about, then I just won't have time to tell you about the next time that Jon Hamm's pants-ham-sandwich comes out to eclipse our eyeballs. Sorry, Charlie.



And just in case you can't get enough of #681 (What is she, a Hunger Games refugee? Give her a damn name!), here's two and a half more minutes of furry baby stuff. Her little flipper-flapper things! I can't handle it.


Don't worry, my heart will ice over again in 4.23843 minutes and I'll be back to my regularly scheduled rude-ass-ness. But for the next four and change minutes: SQUEEEEEEEE!!!


via national geographic

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Thursday, November 13, 2014

Jeaneez: Just Like Jeggings, But Worse



Please tell me that you've seen this Jeaneez commercial. If you haven't, here's a summary: they're pretty much like the Pajama Jeans' sluttier cousin, yet somehow inexplicably worse.


And right now I'm sure you're thinking, "But look how distressed and fashionable those Jeaneez are!" Nope, that's just Photorealistic 3D printed fabric that looks just like denim! (Their words, not mine.) Those aren't ACTUAL rips. No, no. That would be a smidge too sensible. They're just pictures of rips.


Same goes for the pockets, so don't plan on carrying shit around if you buy these. Or two of these. (I mean, it is the best deal.)


They're also apparently quite filled with magic and woven with unicorn tail hair that can make you lose a solid-ass 15 pounds immediately and make your donk look like a certain someone's, that I refuse to talk about, on a current sans-Jeaneez (or anything else) magazine cover. What I'm saying is, someone please buy all washes of these and then sext me pictures of your ass just straight-up covered in Jeaneez fabric.

Take one for the team, bruh.


Thanks to my friend Kristin for the heads up on these puppies.

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Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Prince Doesn't Own A Cellphone; Took His First Selfie




Prince is better than all of us will ever be. Even when he was the symbol. And I say this with absolutely zero percent sass, which you know is a rare occurrence for me.


"Why is he better than us?" you may find yourself asking. First of all, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. Have you heard "Let's Go Crazy"? Beyond that, this is this man's very first selfie. And it's damn #flawless. Jump back, Beyoncé.


But that's not even the biggest revelation here. Read this quote re: the inaugural selfie from Prince's rep, via Huffington Post:

Prince used an old-school camera because he doesn't own a cellphone. He jokingly says, "We ban their usage anywhere around Us because We're allergic 2 lithium and 'Everybodyelsies.'"

Okay, I have no effing idea what that last part means, but I did learn one big thing. PRINCE DOESN'T HAVE A MF-ING CELLPHONE.


Does anyone one want to buy a heavily-used iPhone with Cheetos fingerprints all over it? I'm asking for a friend.






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Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Oh, Hell Naw News Of The Day: Ariana Grande Is Remaking "The Boy Is Mine"

A photo posted by Ariana Grande (@arianagrande) on


This is the face of a person that thinks that they are above the Brandy/Monica laws of nature. I think not, ponytail! Ariana Grande and Jessie J ARE REMAKING "THE BOY IS MINE" AND EVERYTHING IS NOT OKAY.



Ariana Grande is one of those people that seems to be just a general annoyance to me. I don't know what it is, I really have nothing to base these feelings upon, it's just a thing. Like an orange. It's just something that exists.

But this has crossed the MF-ing line into something that is personal to me. "The Boy Is Mine" is one of my songs. It came out in 1998, which was my junior year of high school. (Save the comments for your mom-ments, I don't want to hear about my elderly nature.) My friend Jodell and I learned all of the lyrics, and would play each part (I think I was Monica) and sing our faces off, long-ass acrylic nails waving in the air while we drove around in her teal Eagle something-or-other. (RIP Eagle something-or-others.) Here's a visual, so you can imagine me during that era:


Try not to jump off the nearest bridge in a fit of jealousy. You can clearly see why I don't want this time in my life tarnished by the likes of an Ariana Grande and her clip-on ponytail. Has Ariana Grande ever worn a Contempo Casuals sheer button-up top while driving around in her Honda Civic that she worked overtime hours for so she could get the gold accessories package? I think not. Homie didn't even live in a time before flat irons. I mean, look at my hair in that picture. Those are hardships.

I DO NOT co-sign this tom foolery. Leave the OGs to their OG-ing, Grande.


via vulture/my friend Kelly with the tip-off


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Allure Insiders Get The Look: The Hunger Games Capitol Retrospect



It's almost time for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1 (??? I don't know the format of these titles). Whatever the hell you want to call it, I'm excited about it.

If you want to relive the heyday of the Capitol (I don't know, maybe you're all #TeamPresSnow), watch my Allure Insiders video for a makeup look inspired by the Capitol. But wearable-ish. May the odds be ever in your favor, and all.


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Monday, November 10, 2014

If You Can't Get Too Many Cooks Out Of Your Head, Here's Your Antidote



This is such a friggin' confusing piece of fine art. These British (???) people seem to have only heard of three fast food places. Nary a Taco Bell in Europe, I guess.

And they're talking about sex times, yet the dancing dog with the Jem makeup makes me think that your latest ringtone is for children. But the ass-slapping while singing about sauce and the "I'm coming back for more...HOTDOG!" makes me hope this is really not for juveniles. And I don't even want to know what "let's eat to the beat" means.


I just need to know which life-size My Buddy Special S&M Edition™dolls these three yanked those outfits from. I need to see everyone's receipts.

P.S. If you clicked there to buy the album, I can't talk to you anymore.

P.P.S. If you would now like to reinstall Too Many Cooks back into your brain after this hot mess express, you can watch my jankety remake here.

P.P.P.S. If you don't even know what the hell I'm talking about, get on everyone's level.


via reddit


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Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Who Would You Rather: New Hot Mugshot Guy Or The Local News T.I. Aficionado



It's been a total sausage fest for the last 24 hours, man. No, not at my house. The only sausage fest around here would be me literally just eating actual sausage in a festive manner. And it's more of a bacon fest at my house.

I'm talking about dudes taking the internets by storm with kooky antics and/or hotness, depending on your view. So this guy-o-rama clearly lends itself to the question -- WHO WOULD YOU RATHER? Let's take a look at the dazzling contestants.

pic via santa cruz police department
First up, the most recent gentleman (???) to be dubbed 'Hot Mugshot Guy'. (Yes, I just linked to a Yahoo! News article. I like to kick it old school.) This smize expert was arrested in Santa Cruz on Halloween for:

"...attacking a person dressed as a Fox News reporter.  The suspect attacked the victim telling him he “hates Fox News”.  The suspect grabbed the victim’s microphone and placed down the front of his pants and proceeded to rub the microphone on his crotch.  The suspect then attacked the victim with an aluminum tennis racquet.  The victim was not injured and reported the incident to police.  The suspect fled as officers approached, but was eventually ran down and caught by pursuing officers." 

I'm a little torn on this one. This guy is a clearly a total sexpot in the ol' face department, but that flesh-colored t-shirt is doing him zero favors. Also, why are you assaulting someone dressed in a costume of something that you don't like? Has he been asleep for several years, à la Rip van Winkle, and didn't know it was Halloween? Where did he get a tennis racket? Was he dressed as Anna Kournikova? The non-timeliness of that costume actually supports my Rip van Winkle story. Also, maybe don't assault people. Also, the victim in this case should sell the crotch-rubbed microphone on eBay. I'm sure some people would buy that shit.



Next up in this man-on-man competition is this local TV news guy annoying the shit out of his co-host with his T.I.-themed voguing.

I love this dude for his impromptu use of props and Clark Kent hair. He loses points for lack of edginess in my book, but there were zero assaults happening, so there's that. Except for homie being cut via eyeballs from his co-anchor.

So who would you guys rather? I'm slightly leaning toward Mug on this one, mostly because those eyes and cheekbones really speak to my bathing suit area. Thoughts?

P.S. Alex from Target is not in this contest because I'm not trying to catch some charges.

video via reddit



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Monday, November 3, 2014

All Eyebrow Everything (Seriously, Like, Everything)



I tried to cover any and every eyebrow issue I could think of in this video -- trimming, which products to use for what, how and where to fill your eyebrows -- every-damn-thing.

If there's something you still aren't sure about, let me know in the comments, because I'm tapped, bruh.



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Thursday, October 30, 2014

Farrah Abraham Uses Frozen To Stunt Queen For Ween

via farrah's twitter
This story is about Farrah Abraham being ridiculous and inappropriate, part 4958630. I know, color yourself shocked. On this particular occasion, the grossness lies in the decision to dress up as a character in a Disney movie to sell her sex toys. In case you've found yourself unawares, F Dot sells molds of her lower bathing suit area for dudes to do sex things with. Yay for all!

This is so offensive to me. No, not that she's using a kids' movie to sell sex stuff. I'm talking about this shitty costume. What the hell is on homegirl's head? It looks like a mangled marching band hat and Mother Goose had an alien baby. Her legs are spray-painted white for no explicable reason. She's wearing gloves that really only belong inside a Spears/Federline wedding photo.


Inappropriate as eff. And worst of all, WHERE THE SHIT IS YOUR WIG?

If you're going to pull some stunt shit, pull some stunt shit. Don't half-ass it. Maybe take a page from a better stunt queen's book, bb.


See more pictures of this great tragedy in American history over at Uproxx. I have to go floss, or something. Everything is gross.



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Halloween Is My Favorite Holiday: A Retrospective Look


If you follow me on Instagram, you may have already seen this picture of the soaring heights of my Halloween costume creativity, paired with some nonsense child that clearly doesn't hold a candle (zing!) to my costuming endeavors. Actual child, please.


As you can see, it's an understatement to say that I MF-ing love Halloween. I've always preferred a costume to boring human attire, so this holiday is right up my alley. It's an alley that leads straight to Crazy Town, so tread lightly. Don't believe me? Do you know who else loved costumes?


Thank you. Little Edie is my homie 4LYFE, but she crazy. Get on our level.

My favorite Halloween memories are not the ones that include the slutty monkey outfit that consisted of a faux-fur bra/ears/tail that I constructed myself, or even these mermaid stripper boots that took me almost 349852039 years to shoddily hot-glue into life.


They are of my childhood costumes, 99.9% of which were purchased at some shitty pop-up Halloween store adjacent to the mall. During this time, I had a bratty habit of wearing my OG costume for weeks on end before trick-or-treating, and getting completely burned out on that costume. So much so that I would sometimes make my mom buy an entirely different costume. I know, I know. What a dick.

Here's a perfect example: I got a bride costume one year (ick, nast, inappropriate), but don't worry, I only chose it because it had a white, stretchy sateen bodice trimmed with sequined elastic. And a tulle-y, possibly mullet skirt. I'm also remembering white lace fingerless gloves, although my brain might be confusing that detail with this. Or this. I have a shitload of fingerless lace gloves in the old memory bank. (I unfortunately can't find a picture of this damn getup, but I do have this picture, which is equally inappropriate for a child.)


I wore that shit over and over, because, doy, it was like a ballgown to my second grade self. I was fancy as eff. And a child bride, but whatever. When Halloween week finally rolled around, I was so over the bride costume. It had become like my favorite acid wash jean skort -- nothing special.

So I did whatever any rude kid would do; I whined until my mom bought me a bumblebee costume that I wanted strictly because it had antennas made from gold glittery balls on springs attached to a headband. The glitter ended up all over my stupid face by the end of Halloween night. But I deserved the risk of a scratched cornea for being such a crap ass.


I also don't have a picture of the bumblebee costume, because I suck, but here I am serving it as a witch in a wig. Don't ask me what homie next to me is supposed to be, but he's really utilizing that tarp/disposable tablecloth well.


Halloween rules, every other holiday drools.



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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Allure Insiders Outrageous Beauty: The Pumpkin Enzyme Facial



The second Allure Insiders facial video is a major Fall staple...the pumpkin! I'm getting all up in the Pumpkin Enzyme Facial, which is kind of like rubbing a Pumpkin Spice Latte on your mug, except that it's great for your skin.

What does it feel like? What does it smell like? (Side note -- I had to edit out at least five minutes of me talking about what each thing smelled like. It was getting creepy like woah.) Watch the video to get the answers to these burning questions and more. FALL 4EVA!


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Allure Insiders Outrageous Beauty: The "Million Dollar Facial"



Who's ready to get fancy up in here? Today I've got TWO Outrageous Beauty facial videos coming out for Allure Insiders. The first one is dubbed the "Million Dollar Facial," and involves tons of fancy pants stuff like a diamond microdermabrasion and a 24k face mask. I've never felt less garbage heap-y than I did after these treatments. (And you know that's saying a lot coming from me.)

Check it out if you're feeling extravagant. Or luxurious. Or lavish. I'll post the Fall-centric facial number two in a few hours, so keep those eyeballs peeled. You know, or just check back.




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Monday, October 27, 2014

My Favorite Nudes (Lipsticks, You Sickos!)


I feel like I've been a Never Nude lately. I've been sitting around, blabbing my big dumb mouth about nothing but bright/dark/bold/any other adjectives that mean non-natural-color lip products, and I've been completely neglecting all of the naked ladies of the world. And I actually love the naked ladies.

As much as I flaunt the hell out of crazy-color lipsticks, I'm actually more of a nudist lip type of chick on the daily. I've tried roughly 3.7 billion (lies) nude lips through the years, and I've accumulated a decent arsenal of the "your lips but better" mouth jackets in every kind of formulation, from matte to gloss. So, no matter your preference, I've got you, boo.

The Mattes


Let's start with the seriousness. Matte nudes pack the most color (non-color?) punch, but they're also the thickest and make your lips look the most like a wrinkle circus. I live my life not giving any shits, so that doesn't bother me, but I'm sure some mofos have feeling on this.

My favorite nude mattes are the NYX Soft Matte Lip Creams in Stockholm and London. Stockholm is more of a pinky nude, and London is more of a beige. They run about $6 each, so bonus points for not costing a bazillion doll hairs. (P.S. You can also mix the two of these together, and it's kind of a slice of perfect pie. In my eye. I can't even lie. *snaps for poetry*)

The Gloss


Maybe you hate matte lips. Maybe you're more of a shiny type. That's okay, I'm only slightly judging you silently. Like, three percent. It's fine. To keep it completely honest, I actually use this gloss the most out of anything I'm talking about today, because it's easy and I can put it on sans mirror.

Tarte LipSurgence Lip Gloss in Exposed is the perfect sheer pinkish nude gloss. It's also kind of minty, so if your lips are thirsty and parched, this will be your shit. I'm always thirsty and parched, so this is, in fact, my shit.

The Department Stores


I also have a couple higher-end nude favorites that fall into more of the more traditional lipstick variety. They really vary in color, too, so there's that.

The Clinique Chubby Stick Intense Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm in Curviest Caramel is pretty bomb. If I didn't think that the word "creamy" was gross as eff I would call it creamy. Because it's creamy. Creamy. It's also a deeper shade than most of the other products I've featured, so if you have a darker skin tone, this will be a damn dream on you, dream box.

MAC Lustre Lipstick in High Tea is my other department store homie. Side note -- I've had this lipstick for YEARS and until this very second I thought that the shade was called "Lustre." Nope. I am so dumb. Anyway, it's great and blah blah blah I love it. I need to go read all the Encyclopaedia Britannicas.

The Drugstores


Don't think that I forgot about my thrifty sisters. These drugstore babies are nothing to scoff at. Also, please don't scoff at things. It's rude. I'm slowly morphing into an Emily Post etiquette blog. Ha. No, I'm not. I SCOFF AT THAT.

In fact, the L'Oreal Colour Riche Colour Caresse Lipstick in Sheer Linen is probably my favorite color of all of these nude dudes, so take THAT expensive stuffs. And the texture is pretty sheer (uh, no doy) and moisturizing. It's well worth the dough.

In other L'Oreal news, L'Oreal Colour Riche Lipstick in Fairest Nude is no slouch, either. I like this lipstick because it almost has a tiny lilac flair. And it's not shimmery. It's kind of weird for a nude, which speaks to me as a weirdo.


Let's get nude! On our lips. I'm actually wearing pants. What are your favorite nude lips? TELL ME ABOUT ALL THE THINGS.




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Thursday, October 23, 2014

"Between Two Ferns" Satisfies All Of Our Cravings (Sorry, Gross) With Brad Pitt And A Dash Of Louis CK



In this latest installment of "Between Two Ferns," we get to relish in the trying-not-to-break moments of Bart Pit, who is known for such films as 12 Years a Salve and Furry, but more notably, still somehow sexual with a mustache. Someone do research on this. I thought it was impossible.

We also get a few short moments with another one of my unlikely crushes, Louis CK.



Why is his shirt inexplicably wet? WHY IS YOUR DUMB SHIRT WET? Get out of here...rats.

If Zach Galifianakis were a lady person, we'd be talking about how he's all skinny and shit now, but I'm much more interested in if anyone remembers when he was in a music video with my favorite weird humanoid, Fiona Apple. And also why his hair is looking like such a mash-up of a colonial dude and a Disney prince. (Side note: I just had to google the Fiona Apple thing, just to make sure that wasn't a peach-schnapps-and-goldschlager-fueled dream I had in the early '00s. It wasn't. It happened.)



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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

A Crazy-Easy Fall Face, With A Bonus Mini ColourPop Haul



I did a combo video today. Like those gross pretzel-with-fake-pizza-cheese things, but hopefully 100% less gross. And more pizza-y.

It's one part easy Fall makeup tutorial, one part mini haul for ColourPop, one part rambling river mouth. (How many parts are there? It's unclear, much like my trains of thought.)


Here are the lip colors I talked about, in a collage where they look eerily similar. They are in fact different. Here's the top shade and here's the bottom. See? Totally...different.


And as promised, here are swatches and close-ups of the shadows. Pretty amazing, right? You can check out all the available shadows here.

I have to go do some shit. AKA this:




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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

This Is Literally Renée Zellweger


You know when people are all, "This is LITERALLY the worst day of my life," when really the Starbucks barista gave them an (Ariana) grande instead of a venti (AKA A LARGE), or some shit? Well, they're using 'literally' wrong. And you probably think I'm in that same boat. Because there's no damn way that this is literally and actually Renée Zellweger.


BUT YOU'RE WRONG, BRO.

Listen, I am the first person to say that if you feel like effing around with your face, do the damn thing. I don't care. It's your face. What the hell do I care? But the fact that I thought that this was Robin Wright and Christina Applegate's first cousin is slightly problematic. And not through marriage.

RZ hasn't been in a movie since 2010, so I don't know what her life is all about. The singular thing that I do know is that her signature Zellweger squint started bumping "Since U Been Gone" and peaced out this bitch sometime in the last four years. And that I would love to get my hands on her eyebrows.

Live your life and do what you want, Renée, I just don't want to feel like this every time I see your mug.





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Monday, October 20, 2014

The Chef Too Sexy For His Shirt, And The Other Best Stories Of The Day

via buzzfeed



This all-around sexpot was fired from my hometown-area Chili's for doing generally gross shit like lying shirtless on the area where they make your Southwestern Eggrolls. How rude. He also uploaded the pictures he took of his unsanitary ass to Facebook, and created an album called "Sexy Cooks of Chili's," TAGGING THE LOCATION WHERE HE WORKED. Is it too late to use Antoine Dodson's "You are so dumb" here? Too late if it's too late. -- Buzzfeed

via daily mail
In other dude body news: A new virtual autopsy (what the eff is that?) revealed that King Tut had "girlish" hips because his parents were brother and sister. Hot. My own observation reveals that homie's alleged thorax looks like a boobless Kim Kardashian. -- The Daily Mail

via abc 7
This kook in a chute tried to get into a dude's house and ended up getting stuck in his chimney. She did this sexy Santy Claus deed after they met online, went on a handful of dates, and the house guy broke up with her. My main concern is how her hair still look so damn lustrous. On another note, dudes until the end of time will be quoting this in an argument for "bitches be crazy." Thanks, lady. But seriously, what shampoo do you use? -- abc7.com



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Sunday, October 19, 2014

Make A DIY Curling Wand In 30 Seconds


Sometimes life hands you lemons. And those lemons are in the exact form of a curling iron that happens to be the perfect size, but the handle is c-blocking your hair styling flow. I love this curling iron because it's as big as a mofo and creates treasures of loose waves, but my hair is always getting yanked the hell out by the screws and springs on the clip thing-y. It's like I'm involved in a Real Housesives-esque fight every day.


So I decided to get rid of that shit. And it took 30 seconds. Here's how it works:


Use a screwdriver to remove the clip. Be careful, it kind of springs off at the end. Don't poke your eye out. While you're at it, avert your eyes from my gross nails. I'm a trash heap.


Then unscrew the spring part.


If you want, put the whole shebang in a ziploc and put it up. Who knows, you might want your OG curling iron back one day. I don't know your life.


That's it! I told you this was quick. No more hair-ripping-out-age for this beyotch.


Now you're free to...



(or whatever your flavor might be) your hair freely all up on your brand new curling wand.



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