Who Would You Rather: New Hot Mugshot Guy Or The Local News T.I. Aficionado

It's been a total sausage fest for the last 24 hours, man. No, not at my house. The only sausage fest around here would be me literally just eating actual sausage in a festive manner. And it's more of a bacon fest at my house.

I'm talking about dudes taking the internets by storm with kooky antics and/or hotness, depending on your view. So this guy-o-rama clearly lends itself to the question -- WHO WOULD YOU RATHER? Let's take a look at the dazzling contestants.

pic via santa cruz police department

First up, the most recent gentleman (???) to be dubbed 'Hot Mugshot Guy'. (Yes, I just linked to a Yahoo! News article. I like to kick it old school.) This smize expert was arrested in Santa Cruz on Halloween for:

"...attacking a person dressed as a Fox News reporter.  The suspect attacked the victim telling him he “hates Fox News”.  The suspect grabbed the victim’s microphone and placed down the front of his pants and proceeded to rub the microphone on his crotch.  The suspect then attacked the victim with an aluminum tennis racquet.  The victim was not injured and reported the incident to police.  The suspect fled as officers approached, but was eventually ran down and caught by pursuing officers." 

I'm a little torn on this one. This guy is a clearly a total sexpot in the ol' face department, but that flesh-colored t-shirt is doing him zero favors. Also, why are you assaulting someone dressed in a costume of something that you don't like? Has he been asleep for several years, à la Rip van Winkle, and didn't know it was Halloween? Where did he get a tennis racket? Was he dressed as Anna Kournikova? The non-timeliness of that costume actually supports my Rip van Winkle story. Also, maybe don't assault people. Also, the victim in this case should sell the crotch-rubbed microphone on eBay. I'm sure some people would buy that shit.



Next up in this man-on-man competition is this local TV news guy annoying the shit out of his co-host with his T.I.-themed voguing.

I love this dude for his impromptu use of props and Clark Kent hair. He loses points for lack of edginess in my book, but there were zero assaults happening, so there's that. Except for homie being cut via eyeballs from his co-anchor.

So who would you guys rather? I'm slightly leaning toward Mug on this one, mostly because those eyes and cheekbones really speak to my bathing suit area. Thoughts?

P.S. Alex from Target is not in this contest because I'm not trying to catch some charges.

video via reddit



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Zac Efron Got Into Fisticuffs With Some Homeless Dudes, Let's Infer What The Hell He Was Doing.

nice shark tooth, bud.

Whaddup with, Zac Efron? Stuff's been kind of shady ass with Zac lately, from that weird broken jaw story to now this new shit from TMZ, where Effie got into a legit street fight with three men sans houses. Here's the maybe story:

We're told cops were on patrol under the Harbor Freeway when they saw Zac and a man he identified as his bodyguard.  Cops saw Zac and the other guy in a full-blown melee with at least 3 other people. 

After breaking up the fight, cops questioned Zac. He told them they had run out of gas and were sitting in the car.  Zac said while waiting for a tow truck they threw a bottle out the window -- he never said what was in the bottle -- and it smashed on the pavement near a group of transients.

Zac said the transients confronted him and the bodyguard because they believed the pair hurled the bottle at them. Zac says 2 of the transients attacked the bodyguard and when Zac got out of the car to help, he got cold cocked in the mouth. Zac said, "It was the hardest I've ever been hit in my life."

Erm, okay. That story sounds like some complete and utter bullshit. So instead of scooping that faux knowledge into our innocent brains, let's make up what might have been going on in this enigma-filled situation. (Beyond the obvious late night hoodrat activities that are pretty likely.)

He was practicing for his newly-formed street gang.

Level of Probability: 10. Please, if you don't want to be in a dancing street gang, then you can get the hell out of here.

He wanted to finish watching Frozen in the car before he got home, and the homeless dudes hate "Let it Go."

 
Level of Probability: 8. "Let it Go" is super annoying.

He was trying to make a Mentos/Diet Coke bottle rocket for his science project, and it totally sucked.

Level of Probability: 6. That hypothesis was way off.

His sea monkey colony quit that bitch and jumped out the window.

Level of Probability: Unknown. I wasn't allow to have sea monkeys, so I really can't judge their lifestyle choices.

He wanted the guys to read him Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark for a bedtime story, but those dudes were more Goosebumps fans.

Level of Probability: 7. It's a personal preference. I totally get it.

He thought the transient men were vampires, so he was donating his blood.

Level of Probability: 4. Generosity killed the cat, or something.

They were all playing a rousing game of Hungry Hungry Hippos together and shit got heated.

Level of Probability: 8. One dude was totally hogging the pink one. You know it.

Okay, I'm all out of ideas. My brain is in shambles. What do you guys think happened?

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Homeboy From Felicity Is Getting Nakey To Sell Your Ass Some Towels

via people

Remember Scott Foley? I know him from Felicity, with a dash of True Blood and a side of Jen Garner, but he's also apparently on Scandal, which I have never seen. (I know, I know, I'm a gigantor a-hole for not watching it. I'M TOO BUSY WATCHING HORRIBLE REALITY TV. I HAVE PRIORITIES.) However you know his ass, Scott's latest gig is schilling towels and sheets to, I'm assuming, mofos that are into topless guys, with a company called Charisma. (Please let Charisma Carpenter own this company.)

I'm not familiar with this brand because I buy my sh*t (linens, if you're fancy) from Target and TJ Maxx clearance sections, and I'm not about that life. So, instead, let's just focus on the semi-nakey dude times.



Okay, okay. He's cute. And that blanket's pretty dope.

My night cheese (and wine) wouldn't kick that blanket out of bed for being too luxurious.



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Quick Sh*t: Alexander Skarsgard Gets Sexy On a Snow Toilet

via instagram

Sexy ass Skarsgard is in the North Pole, and he's fake pooping on a toilet. I don't know the what/why's about this picture, and I really don't give an eff. Let's just enjoy this moment.

Wait. He's on a toilet, is this even hot? I'm going to go with yes, yes, it is.




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BREAKING NEWS: K Fed Gets Married, Doesn't Look Bad

pic via people mag

You guys might've heard that Kevin Federline married his tall girlfriend over the weekend. (Somewhere, Shar Jackson is PISSED.) All of that is fine and good, I mean he also had a kid with Tally Talls (street name Victoria Prince, which is total 1996 Penthouse Pet name, and I mean that as a sincere complement), so "yay!" for due diligence, or something. But here's the meat and potatoes of the matter -- K FED IS LOOKING AIIIGHT.

pic via people mag

Yes, his hair is very 90's Thom Yorke.

But, considering star-shaped cornrows have been a viable hairstyle choice of his in the past, dude looks good.

Stars are for Lucky Charms, not hair shapes.

And there's a 0% chance of over-sized t-shirts in that b*tch, too, so I'm effing really happy.

But, I am disappointed to not see one of these klassy azz garter/mini dress pictures in the new Federline wedding photo album. (I'm lying. This sh*t was gross and unnecessary for all human and animal eyeballs.)

Bottom line, K Fed is making me feel like he's borderline hot here, with minimal white trash vibe. UPGRADE!

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