tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-80735997242351827942024-02-19T07:48:17.125-05:00Gloss and DirtBeauty and trash talk.Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.comBlogger1010125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-24060562027185037502018-03-03T22:18:00.001-05:002018-03-03T23:05:24.494-05:00You Can Keep Your Damn Beauty Samples<div>
Hi. Remember me? I'm drunk. (I KNOW, J'SUPRISE.) Okay, I'm not DRUNK drunk, just like 4/7s drunk. I had two glasses of wine, and felt inspired to do something. Like Lindsay Lohan trying out a new accent. So here I am, spreading my horrible beauty opinions again, like a Jeffree Star/Typhoid Mary hybrid.<br />
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I have to be honest, like I am about thinking Justin Bieber's dad is objectively super hot, some of y'all might not be down with the opinion I'm about to spew forth:<br />
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I HATE BEAUTY PRODUCT SAMPLES.<br />
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I know. You're about to be all, "But it's so fun and new and fresh and new and fresh and also new." But like liking This Is Us—you are wrong.<br />
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Let me say, whenever I buy something from Sephora and they try to give me some damn samps, I am v much like:<br />
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Keep your Armani Blue Wave Kool Splash Zone cologne sample, honey girl. I am not interested.<br />
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Like Rueben Studdard, I'm Sorry for 2004, but I have my reasons. Just hear me out. </div>
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They're Too Small To Do Shit</h3>
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Listen, Sapphire the beautiful sales associate who somehow looks hot as f wearing gray-ass matte lipstick, I don't need to try anything doled out in a metric amount of less than a thimble. How will I even know if I like an eye cream that I can try on half of one crow's foot-laden under eye? I NEED A GD VAT OF ANYTHING. My cells are literally dying by the millisecond over here. Help a bitch.</div>
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Or I need at least more than a literal swipe of foundation. I will never be like, "Oh, I love how this foundation worked on 17% of my forehead. This is a yes for me. Sign me all the way up!" Who can even get one use out of these damn things? <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsdZQub7QVE" target="_blank">David the Gnome</a>? </div>
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And that's not even my only issue.</div>
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I Don't Need to Like More Things</h3>
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Listen, my beauty routine is exten-muthaeffing-sive. I already have too much shit. The last thing I need is more shit.</div>
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What happens if I try one dot of a miracle serum, fall Justin-Bieber's-dad-style in love, then find out it's $457 for one fluid ounce? I will have to move to the moon. It's my only option. And it's cheaper.</div>
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I don't need new things. Period. Keep your new things. Especially the spendy sort. I'm old as hell. I still shop at Forever21, because I literally only have two pennies to rub together.</div>
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So, beauty samples? All I have to say is...</div>
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See you in two years, or something.</div>
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-63244297563526228552016-04-18T23:27:00.000-04:002016-04-18T23:27:33.579-04:00ColourPop VS NYX: Battle Of The Bargain Brows<div style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="color: #0000ee;"><span style="color: black;">B</span><span style="color: #0000ee;"><span style="color: black;">eing on a makeup budget can be a real rude bitch</span><span style="color: #0000ee;"><span style="color: black;">.</span> <span style="color: black;"> </span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0000ee;"><span style="color: #0000ee;"><span style="color: #0000ee;"><span style="color: black;">I will eat some Top Ramen like a Mike Tyson-level champ, but I refuse to walk around with brows that are less than bangin<b>'</b>.</span></span></span></span> In a perfect world, I'd be <a href="https://youtu.be/fNTBb1u6UGg?t=51s" target="_blank"><b>swimming in women</b></a> and <a href="http://www.sephora.com/brow-wiz-P202633?skuId=1056084" target="_blank"><b>Brow Wiz pencils</b></a>, but that's just fiscally irresponsible for my low-rent lifestyle. Dreaming may be free, but Anastasia products sure as shit aren't, so I need cheaper options.</div>
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Luckily, there are some brow pencils under $10 (!!!) that will give that MF-ing high-dollar angel of a Brow Wiz a run for her money. Let's explore two contenders: the ColourPop Brow Pencil and the NYX Micro Brow Pencil.<br />
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NYX Micro Brow Pencil in "Taupe" (<a href="http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productId=xlsImpprod12011193" target="_blank"><b>Ulta, $9.99</b></a>) has been a recent ride-or-die for me. It's SUPER similar to the Brow Wiz "Taupe" in color, size, and texture. It's also has similar cons, in that I can run through one of these puppies in a month-ish. But at less than half the cost, I can still live worth living. Kind of.<br />
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I've compared both of the guys we're discussing with a basic-ass pen so you can get an idea of the size of the brow stroke happenings. The NYX is a little thinner, and both have spoolies on the opposite end of the pencil. The NYX product is retractable, and the ColourPop isn't. Womp womp.<br />
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<a href="https://colourpop.com/product/dope-taupe-pencil/" target="_blank"><b>ColourPop is pretty new to the brow game</b></a>, and as a giant GD ColourPop stan, I was dying to try some of their brow offerings. Especially for $5.<br />
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Sadly, I'm not loving this pencil. My first issue is that "Dope Taupe" isn't really taupe-y. It's more medium brown-y. It's a warmer tone and darker than I ever really want in an eyebrow pencil. <a href="http://glossanddirt.blogspot.com/2015/02/drugstore-eyebrow-pencil.html" target="_blank"><b>YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS</b></a>. <br />
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But my biggest issue with the CP pencil is its texture. It's a little too creamy for my tastes (BRB vomiting), so its lasting power is diminished, like my willpower around an open bag of Ruffles chips. Those friggin' salty ridges, man. It's also a tad thicker (heh), so application is a little harder to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH8xbDGv7oY" target="_blank"><b>control</b></a>.<br />
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I will say that a lot of this shit is just personal preference, so I'm giving you just the facts, ma'am (or sir). ColourPop IS half the price, so file that away in your gorgeous little filofax of a brain as you wish. (Full disclosure -- I'm not really sure what a filofax is, but I feel like all of the <i>9 to 5 </i>bad bitches had one and I'm trying to be cool.)<br />
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For my pennies, I'm going with the NYX pencil. I'd rather give up my chips. (That is a lie.)<br />
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-13777667221433981692016-03-28T17:40:00.000-04:002016-03-28T17:44:21.016-04:00Leave Me Be, Instagram Celebrities: These Are The Only Things Want Notifications About<br />
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Everyone is losing their GD collective minds today on Instagram.<br />
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Apparently, one of the best apps to spy on c-list celebrity vacations is changing its algorithm tomorrow, showing whatever the shit it thinks will be most important to you first, instead of chronological postings. Or something. I can't really be bothered to research the details, but this has prompted an ONSLAUGHT OF FOOLISHNESS.<br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BDgFnbwwaOf/" style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_blank">To keep me in your feed turn on my notifications! Instagram is changing!</a></div>
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A photo posted by Ashley Tisdale (@ashleytisdale) on <time datetime="2016-03-28T15:15:12+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">Mar 28, 2016 at 8:15am PDT</time></div>
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Every human on earth now wants you to turn on notifications for their boring-ass Instagram postings. Or else you might find yourself caught unawares of what is happening in Lori Loughlin's life. Can you imagine? Prepare for your world to be in actual shambles. So please make sure that you co-sign on getting constant popups on your phone, or you'll never know that Ian Ziering had some sliced grapefruit for breakfast.<br />
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As for me, I want to have exactly zero notifications about anything in life. Unless any of the following things happen:<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Melissa Joan Hart stars in a Lifetime movie wherein she rides a mini horse.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Swan's Crossing comes back on.**</b> </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Jon Hamm inquires over my whereabouts because he wants to take me to Applebee's.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Shannen Doherty has a yard sale and is selling some prototypes of Brenda Walsh Collection Clip-On Bangs™.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>There's a baby koala on my doorstep and he doesn't have a key to get in.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>The wine store goes out of business and is like, "Hold on to your butts, here's a ton of free wine."</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Any and all news relating to <i>Mother May I Sleep with Danger? </i></b></span><br />
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If it's none of the above, leave me the hell alone and I'll see your picture of clouds that look like a kitten when I see it.<br />
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**I challenge you to find a lower quality video on the internet.<br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-25851079853825512502016-02-16T19:40:00.000-05:002016-02-16T19:43:38.673-05:00FYI: You Aren't Good Enough To Look At Prince's Passport Picture<div style="text-align: left;">
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PRINCE ROGERS NELSON::PASSPORT PICTURE 2/11/16 <a href="https://t.co/lgdLCXQ9y2">pic.twitter.com/lgdLCXQ9y2</a></div>
— Prince3EG (@Prince3EG) <a href="https://twitter.com/Prince3EG/status/697809908700303360">February 11, 2016</a></blockquote>
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I know, I know -- it's been a damn minute. To be completely transparent (like you know I do), I've been trying to decide the future of this blog, and if there really is one. I'm not trying to evoke any kind of reaction with this declaration; just keeping it all the way real, as I am wont to do. </div>
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BUT, I felt compelled to come out of hibernation to share this amazing slice of heaven as soon as I saw it on <a href="http://uproxx.com/music/prince-passport-photo/" target="_blank"><b>UPROXX</b></a>, because I love you, and what kind of dick would I be if I didn't share this purported passport picture, as presented by Prince himself?</div>
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I find it almost zero percent likely that this is Prince's actual passport photo, but really, who am I to question someone whose cat-eye liner is leaps and bounds more perfect than my own? Whose lips sport the absolute optimal amount of nude shine? Whose facial hair very closely resembles a late-'90s shave job of a lady's bathing suit area? I am not the one question this man. Not I.</div>
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Not when he has been so many generous with us.</div>
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The bounty of his spirit knows no bounds.</div>
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<a href="https://media.giphy.com/media/e7XO0rWSOZIk0/giphy.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="327" src="https://media.giphy.com/media/e7XO0rWSOZIk0/giphy.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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This man can say whatever he GD pleases.<br />
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Plus, I look like a hot pile of garbage in my passport picture. I can't say shit about shit. Bye. </div>
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-39750378625793237232016-01-13T15:36:00.000-05:002016-01-13T15:36:00.572-05:00The Best Things To Wear With Your Hard Rock Cafe T-Shirt<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://img1.etsystatic.com/048/1/5558571/il_570xN.663584519_a6l4.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://img1.etsystatic.com/048/1/5558571/il_570xN.663584519_a6l4.jpg" width="425" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">pic via <a href="https://www.etsy.com/listing/206147190/vintage-hard-rock-cafe-tshirt-neon-black" target="_blank">etsy</a></td></tr>
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At the pinnacle of '90s glamour, there was one clothing staple -- the Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt. Whether you selected the classy combo of white, flat gold, and chocolate brown colorations, or something a little more avant garde (like above), you had to have one of these mofos.<br />
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Once you had chosen your fine treasure, you would then be confronted with the biggest and most important decision in your life -- no, not what to name your future children or your adult career path -- how to wear your fancy HRC tee. Here is your style guide.</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Umbros</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjctz0l1GY7Dt782EQpoRM-l5qZAImbkp47pD87s35pE-K6r7cSRcOvjNgbRWb3WfgOnHlPyQGdNM1MnbdDf3ZwCrPhd_7e6OXo44uD0EFTtebwIMU9gu-0ep_SU2znLdnD32gZFFONhJC5/s1600/image011.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjctz0l1GY7Dt782EQpoRM-l5qZAImbkp47pD87s35pE-K6r7cSRcOvjNgbRWb3WfgOnHlPyQGdNM1MnbdDf3ZwCrPhd_7e6OXo44uD0EFTtebwIMU9gu-0ep_SU2znLdnD32gZFFONhJC5/s1600/image011.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Because who doesn't love to hear their thighs swish about, singing the songs of the south(ern parts of your body)?</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Knee-Length, Cuffed Bongo Shorts</b></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/MGEAAOSweW5VK9HF/s-l1600.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/MGEAAOSweW5VK9HF/s-l1600.jpg" height="315" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">pic via <a href="http://www.ebay.com/itm/Bongo-girls-denim-long-shorts-summer-size-7-bright-blue-5-pocket-cotton-blend-/331736822602?hash=item4d3d0e334a:g:MGEAAOSweW5VK9HF" target="_blank">ebay</a></td></tr>
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To simultaneously highlight and smoosh your kneecaps.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>A T-Shirt Ring</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://cdn3.bigcommerce.com/s-3c9q9chi/products/76/images/263/a20791a13099eb4141bce6_l__52291.1410291061.1280.1280.jpg?c=2" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn3.bigcommerce.com/s-3c9q9chi/products/76/images/263/a20791a13099eb4141bce6_l__52291.1410291061.1280.1280.jpg?c=2" height="285" width="400" /></a></div>
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Bonus points for tortoiseshell, because it's classy as eff.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>A Blossom Hat</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://www.anarchyinthesandbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Mayim-Bialik-Blossom.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.anarchyinthesandbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Mayim-Bialik-Blossom.jpg" height="266" width="400" /></a></div>
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When crushed velvet and gigantic faux foliage collide, the world wins.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>A 29' Woven Leather Belt</b></span><br />
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It can never be long enough. </div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Slouch Socks</b></span></div>
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Warning: there are a lot of fetish pictures of slouch socks, so don't google that shit. <br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Keds with Those Curly Shoestrings</b></span><br />
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Why.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>A Shitload of Tendrils</b></span><br />
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The thinner the tendril, the closer to Satan.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Or a Rat Tail</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://img.allw.mn/content/2014/01/04000004_3990.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://img.allw.mn/content/2014/01/04000004_3990.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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Actual Satan?<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>With a Crystal Pepsi in Your Hand</b></span><br />
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<a href="http://images1.westword.com/imager/gone-but-not-forgotten/u/original/6440298/crystal_pepsi_lede.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://images1.westword.com/imager/gone-but-not-forgotten/u/original/6440298/crystal_pepsi_lede.jpg" height="400" width="380" /></a></div>
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Because this tasted like cream soda made a baby with cola flavors, and everyone wants to sip on that.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><br />
</b></span> <span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>The Sounds of "Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia)" in Your Ear Holes</b></span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JwBjhBL9G6U" width="420"></iframe><br /></div>
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I still have this CD single. It was the best dollar I ever spent.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Along With These in Your Ear Holes</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://cdn-img-2.wanelo.com/p/677/7c2/290/2ca2dc25bc268ebece70c3e/x354-q80.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://cdn-img-2.wanelo.com/p/677/7c2/290/2ca2dc25bc268ebece70c3e/x354-q80.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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These are timeless earring MVPs.<br />
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This concludes the most useless thing you'll read today. Or in your extended-by-cutting-edge-technology-well-into-your-100s lifetime. Bye.<br />
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-27636950214539191902015-12-31T15:25:00.000-05:002015-12-31T15:27:00.756-05:00The Best Beauty Tenderonis From 2015<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Fv04FX7nj2s" width="560"></iframe><br />
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It's the end of the year. Let's review.<br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-22416782024788585862015-12-28T22:58:00.000-05:002015-12-30T11:59:27.045-05:00Living For Liv: A Ranking Of Olivia Benson's SVU Hair<div style="text-align: left;">
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Real talk: as I've been packing/moving/unpacking/hating my life, I've been watching the shit out of <i>Law & Order: SVU</i>, and by proxy, Olivia Benson.</div>
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<a href="http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2015-03/5/16/enhanced/webdr09/anigif_enhanced-buzz-19320-1425591130-5.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2015-03/5/16/enhanced/webdr09/anigif_enhanced-buzz-19320-1425591130-5.gif"></a></div>
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If there's one thing I obsess over while watching this show (in addition to why every acts like Amaro isn't blazing hot -- does everyone in the NYPD have impaired vision?), it's Detective/Sergeant Olivia Benson's hair. It's an ever-changing and almost always glorious mane, that at times is only like a step-and-a-half below Carrie Bradshaw's best TV hair hair.</div>
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I've been drinking wine, so my brain told me it would be fun(ish) to rank Liv's hair looks from worst to best. Let's delve into the mane-ia (OH MY GOD I HATE MYSELF) before the buzz wears off.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>12. The Worst Worst (Worse Than Capt. Cragen Being Gone)</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://images1.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Olivia-Benson-promos-law-and-order-svu-828109_352_480.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://images1.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Olivia-Benson-promos-law-and-order-svu-828109_352_480.jpg"></a></div>
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I HATE THIS SPIKY BABY MULLET. GO BACK TO HELL WITH THAT PLEATHER BLAZER.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>11. What Even Is This And Where Is Elliot</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a4/cd/30/a4cd306c976182496a9250040a56a3e1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a4/cd/30/a4cd306c976182496a9250040a56a3e1.jpg" width="425"></a></div>
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While I actually think this color is pretty friggin' delightful on her, but this cut is a snip away from being a bowl cut and a flick of the wrist from an '10 Bieber. No, Liv, no.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>10. More Brass Than The NYPD</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://33.media.tumblr.com/3a08b532657919c8a06f8e1cad2337d2/tumblr_inline_n6gk5tjHFW1rjh2ye.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://33.media.tumblr.com/3a08b532657919c8a06f8e1cad2337d2/tumblr_inline_n6gk5tjHFW1rjh2ye.jpg" height="400" width="327"></a></div>
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Oh, look, this hair matches her camel, faux-suede thing. Medium-hard pass for me.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>9. Flipping Out Like A Creepy-Ass Perp</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/cb/5c/e8/cb5ce8e6f83ff4117aaf0fc0ac084ee3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/cb/5c/e8/cb5ce8e6f83ff4117aaf0fc0ac084ee3.jpg" width="301"></a></div>
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This (along with number nine) is giving me strong Lisa Rina vibes, and I mean that in the worst way. I hate Liv with flips. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>8. Hot Head Like Amaro</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2092029/olivia-benson-512x640.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_assets/2092029/olivia-benson-512x640.png" height="400" width="320"></a></div>
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Liv looks like sex with this hair. It's all about that FACE. This is a great Liv.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>7. I Miss You Munch</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://hairstylesoo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/law-and-order-svu-olivia-benson-in-neck-length-hairstyle-this-style-is-using-a-bob-cut-and-variated-with-layered-cut-55975ee6325b8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://hairstylesoo.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/law-and-order-svu-olivia-benson-in-neck-length-hairstyle-this-style-is-using-a-bob-cut-and-variated-with-layered-cut-55975ee6325b8.jpg" height="266" width="400"></a></div>
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This is old-school Benson hair: not a highlight in sight, and a straight-up round brush blowout, like any lady of the early '00s would covet. It's nice. It hearkens back to a simpler time, when Detectives Munch and Stabler were still in our lives.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>6. LIVGOTBANGS.ORG</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://questionthirty.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/law-order-svu-hargitay38.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://questionthirty.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/law-order-svu-hargitay38.jpg" height="330" width="400"></a></div>
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I like Liv with bangs, so suck on that.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>5. Liv's Life And Hair Get Centered</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://hairstyles.thehairstyler.com/hairstyle_views/front_view_images/11180/original/Mariska-Hargitay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://hairstyles.thehairstyler.com/hairstyle_views/front_view_images/11180/original/Mariska-Hargitay.jpg" height="400" width="333"></a></div>
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After ten billion years, Benson gets a promotion and a center part. One of those looks really good on her and one of those is meh like whoa. You guess what's what in this bitch.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>4. Too Glam For The Slammer</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/images.charitybuzz.com/images/95957/original.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://s3.amazonaws.com/images.charitybuzz.com/images/95957/original.jpg" height="356" width="400"></a></div>
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This is pretty, and completely unrealistic to Olivia Benson's busy life. Homegirl doesn't have time for a curling wand. Get out of here with this hair, <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0937725/" target="_blank"><b>Dick Wolf</b></a>.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>3. Tousled Waves (Bye-Bye to Stabler)</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://cdn.styleblazer.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/olivia-benson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn.styleblazer.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/olivia-benson.jpg" height="311" width="400"></a></div>
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On the other hand, these waves are much more believable. Back to sex head. Into it.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>2. Swoop-y Side-Bang Benson</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://entertainmentthatsus.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/margitay-hargitay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://entertainmentthatsus.files.wordpress.com/2015/03/margitay-hargitay.jpg" width="297"></a></div>
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This highlight placement and swooped out bang are almost my favorite OB hair to be had. It's quintessential current-ish Liv to me. Hair that would turn any Harry-Connick-Jr-playing-an-ADA-for-a-hot-minute's head.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>1. Sleek, Shoulder-Length, and Special (Victims Unit)</b></span></div>
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This is the Liv-iest Liv hair that's ever lived. We've got great color, a deeeeeep side part, volume, and textured ends. It gives Liv (and me) life. I salute this hair, Sergeant.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Runner Up: OB The Cat</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/7d/c8/fd/7dc8fd64ed2b8b47514020bbc26da887.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/7d/c8/fd/7dc8fd64ed2b8b47514020bbc26da887.jpg"></a></div>
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This is Taylor Swift's cat, Olivia Benson. Okay, okay. This mofo is cute. And those ears are adorable. BUT YOU'RE NO LIV, LIV.</div>
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GLUG GLUG GLUG G'NIGHT.</div>
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-71491603163457396282015-12-22T16:27:00.000-05:002015-12-22T16:27:32.787-05:003 Easy-Ass Tricks To Make Lipstick Last FOREVAH<div style="text-align: left;">
There are days when your lips are all, "FEED ME (MOISTURE), SEYMOUR," and you slather the hell out of your lips with the glossiest gloss that's ever glossed. Then there are the times that you crave a lasting color on your lips that won't fade away like the hotness of the dudes in Color Me Badd. Group B, this is for you.</div>
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Don't even worry, there's no need for you to go out and buy a long-last lipstick for all of that, Jazzy Jeff. There are some easy steps you can take to get that long-ass lip wear without spending one more penny on another lip product.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>1. Line Time, All the Time.</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCA2HFClsnptM3pPQlXu6fuxs5NqVH4s6ptFkFzvtxrqSAAjdYgKOQ_2imPxMTyMNnzaLkhHrHkBs8YkfmR9VxoE5y5yQcgVtmfun0WrmRcf9ZJ2ZuHYSvu8NOHDhpLWBomyvDGlKSVRnd/s1600/liner.GIF" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCA2HFClsnptM3pPQlXu6fuxs5NqVH4s6ptFkFzvtxrqSAAjdYgKOQ_2imPxMTyMNnzaLkhHrHkBs8YkfmR9VxoE5y5yQcgVtmfun0WrmRcf9ZJ2ZuHYSvu8NOHDhpLWBomyvDGlKSVRnd/s1600/liner.GIF" style="cursor: move;" /></a></div>
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You'll start by lining your lips, but not in a brown-liner-on-the-periphery-and-wait-for-the-white-frosted-lipstick kind of way that you might think of when I say lip liner. I'm talking all over your damn lips, like you're using a Barbie-sized lipstick. </div>
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This works like a primer for your lip, and just gets the shit you're about to apply to stick like an Elmer's glue stick for your ass. I will almost always use a nude-colored liner, regardless of the lip color I'm going to apply, but if you want the shade to stay vibrant as eff, line with a similar-to-the-lipstick color.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>2. Skip the Gloss, Boss.</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxwWjuZDdkUo67SR4oiN9DhaFA1Q7xUYZ_DMrffCo_YLpzb-PbJh3V6PzQNClcGEjzaadMELyCoHQHOqWRiHa4tRw6ApoBdagUP2-i09NcAz5g0kR35b5Fg8T7qdQ6Ic01YE-1LZyFokyV/s1600/lipstick.GIF" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxwWjuZDdkUo67SR4oiN9DhaFA1Q7xUYZ_DMrffCo_YLpzb-PbJh3V6PzQNClcGEjzaadMELyCoHQHOqWRiHa4tRw6ApoBdagUP2-i09NcAz5g0kR35b5Fg8T7qdQ6Ic01YE-1LZyFokyV/s1600/lipstick.GIF" /></a></div>
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Listen, I love lip gloss as much as the next Mariah Carey impersonator (this is just an assumption), but gloss sucks when it comes to staying power. You can quite literally kiss that shit goodbye after one sip from your constant companion, AKA your wine glass.</div>
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Instead, use a lipstick for lasting color. Matte finishes last the longest, but I actually picked a pretty moisturizing shade (CoverGirl Lip Perfection Lipstick in Spellbound) for this, just to prove you don't have to use something that will suck all the moisture out of your mouth to get this hootenanny to work. Live your life -- you know how I do.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>3. Do It Powdered Doughnut Style.</b></span><br />
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The last step in the game is to grab a separated tissue or that really thin and shitty two-ply toilet paper and put it over your freshly-painted lips. Apply a translucent powder over the tissue/TP/whatever you want, using a puff or a powder brush.<br />
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The powder will soak up a little of the oiliness of the lipstick and get that shit to stay like Lisa Loeb, without any of the drying or discomfort of a long-wear lipstick. Now you're free to go do your damn thing, without that c-block of a faded an uneven lipstick situation.<br />
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Watch out mouth, here comes wine.<br />
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-5539457147163337662015-12-21T14:01:00.000-05:002015-12-21T14:01:58.853-05:00This Is Not A Drill: JAMES FRANCO IS REMAKING 'MOTHER, MAY I SLEEP WITH DANGER'<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51sLMjZF5wL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51sLMjZF5wL._SL500_AA300_.jpg" /></a></div>
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In the best thing you've ever heard in your life news (no, Koala Yummies aren't coming back), <a href="http://www.vulture.com/2015/12/james-franco-remaking-mother-may-i-sleep-with-danger.html?mid=facebook_vulture#"><b><i>Vulture </i>has just reported</b></a> that the possible/questionable/it's-just-a-vibe-I-get douche James Franco will be remaking everyone on the planet's favorite movie, <i>Mother, May I Sleep With Danger. </i>Merry Christmas, Happy (belated) Hanukkah, and Happy (early) Kwanzaa.<br />
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In even better news, TORI SPELLING MIGHT BE PLAYING THE MOTHER.<br />
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<a href="http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30200000/EduardoRios-tori-spelling-30244549-391-550.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/30200000/EduardoRios-tori-spelling-30244549-391-550.jpg" /></a></div>
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This person.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbpgrVbtkejXX9_o1pKPygUIYO6YvfQlnqMooaibs-EXCzycp_LomxcPJbLyAjZ0eiIOYZo9HdQuWTHQKFoI-xNFYaDSoHEC_VywBAAtu8IAreT4hyphenhyphen5n4n-AjTqM1mkVaGyYrq2za0hk8/s1600/ts.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbpgrVbtkejXX9_o1pKPygUIYO6YvfQlnqMooaibs-EXCzycp_LomxcPJbLyAjZ0eiIOYZo9HdQuWTHQKFoI-xNFYaDSoHEC_VywBAAtu8IAreT4hyphenhyphen5n4n-AjTqM1mkVaGyYrq2za0hk8/s1600/ts.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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You know, this human being.<br />
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<a href="http://www.boutiquetoyou.com/Images/ProductFull/b57345-524/l-space-adia-bandeau-bikini-in-berry-as-seen-on-tori-spelling.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.boutiquetoyou.com/Images/ProductFull/b57345-524/l-space-adia-bandeau-bikini-in-berry-as-seen-on-tori-spelling.jpg" height="640" width="432" /></a></div>
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The person that's always keeping it 100 on the streets. Totally real. (Tor-tally Real?™)<br />
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<a href="http://cdn.trendhunterstatic.com/thumbs/tori-spelling-q-tip-vanity-pack.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://cdn.trendhunterstatic.com/thumbs/tori-spelling-q-tip-vanity-pack.jpeg" height="640" width="425" /></a></div>
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Just stays keeping it all the way real.<br />
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<a href="http://images.latinpost.com/data/images/full/26251/tori-spelling-says-she-will-continue-with-true-tori-despite-dean-mcdermotts-departure.jpg?w=600" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://images.latinpost.com/data/images/full/26251/tori-spelling-says-she-will-continue-with-true-tori-despite-dean-mcdermotts-departure.jpg?w=600" height="640" width="464" /></a></div>
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Speaking of real talk, I have this shirt. Bye forever. Or until <i>MMISWD</i> reboot is presented to my eyeballs.<br />
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Be honest -- is today the most exciting day of your life? If you say no, I don't even know you.<br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-39506973242221829072015-11-16T22:50:00.001-05:002015-11-16T22:50:44.889-05:00Video: I Got Botox Today <div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oiLP3TV3P1o" width="560"></iframe><br /></div>
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I'm not shy about my Botox use, and I got injected today. Let's get all up in it.<br />
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I'm just working on these frown lines, honey. And this night cheese.<br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-70689267641307310492015-11-12T22:47:00.000-05:002015-11-12T22:47:10.263-05:00Here's Your BFF Jennifer Lawrence, Who You May Or May Not Be Over<script async="" src="//player.cnevids.com/embedjs/5176e90368f9daff42000014/video/564384ed61646d1f67000001.js"></script><br />
<div style="margin: 10px 0; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://thescene.com/watch/vogue/vogue-original-shorts-jennifer-lawrence-cover-shoot-interview" style="color: #444444; font-family: sans-serif; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="TheScene.com">Watch this on <span style="color: #0c48fe;">The Scene</span>.</a></div>
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Are you still into J Law(r)? Or are you of the camp that thinks her whole deal is a shtick-y shtick shtick and you've had just about enough of her bullshit? Like the whole, "<a href="http://time.com/4108213/jennifer-lawrence-red-carpet-fall-mockingjay-hunger-games-premiere/"><b>LOLZ I FELL AGAIN</b></a>" thing is definitely a thing now, but I happen to still find this little Hot Pocket endearing as eff, and I hate everyone, but that's just one layperson's opinion.<br />
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<a href="http://www.britneyarmy.net/uploads/gifs/sips-coffee.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.britneyarmy.net/uploads/gifs/sips-coffee.gif" height="308" width="400" /></a></div>
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I did glean an interesting bit from this video -- Jenny LIKES A BOOTCUT JEAN. How Jennifer Aniston 2.0 of her! I bet she slathers on the Aveeno, too. <br />
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I wonder if hanging out with Jen 2.0 is like going zip lining. At first you're like, "This shit is fun," but around zip line seven of ten you're more, "I think I'm done and I might vomit if I don't get this GD helmet off."<br />
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<a href="http://imagesmtv-a.akamaihd.net/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/tumblr_n59kqdK5kY1qcm0m3o1_500-1418661033.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://imagesmtv-a.akamaihd.net/uri/mgid:file:http:shared:mtv.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/tumblr_n59kqdK5kY1qcm0m3o1_500-1418661033.gif" height="253" width="400" /></a></div>
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JK, JL. I love annoying zip lines and I would soar through the sky forever with you. Islands in the stream, that is what we are.<br />
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I've had wine.<br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-5738194972021941122015-11-10T22:04:00.000-05:002015-11-10T22:04:57.931-05:0010 Bad B*tch Beauty Products Under $10 <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
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I LOVE some cheap-ass-ness, but only if it's good cheap-ass-ness. No one is into a crappy beauty product, whether it costs two cents or two billion cents. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRuzeZKYN-I" target="_blank"><b>Sorry for 2004</b></a>.<br />
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With this in mind, I put together a list of some of my favorite stuff I haven't necessarily beaten you over the head with (AKA my <a href="http://www.drugstore.com/maybelline-expertwear-twin-brow-and-eye-pencils-blonde/qxp34823" target="_blank"><b>Maybelline Brow Pencils in Blonde</b></a>), and that all cost less than one thousand pennies. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>1. L'Oreal Mega Moisture Nurturing Creme </b></span></div>
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I did a post on <a href="http://www.sallybeauty.com/Mega-Moisture-Creme/SBS-500393,default,pd.html" target="_blank"><b>L'Oreal Mega Moisture Nurturing Creme</b></a> as one of my first acts of blogging a million years ago, and I'm still on its jock. Full disclosure -- the price of this (with a Sally's card) is $10.29, but C'MON.</div>
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It's basically ten bucks.</div>
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I have never used a more moisturizing conditioner than this mutha. And it smells like a damn fruit-bearing flower, in the best and most fragrant way. AND it makes your hair shimmer and shine like a brand new Crystal Pepsi. Refreshing.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>2. ColourPop Lippie Stix</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7AzaPk6rW3CYPIPqX7EYg44hfI7YJQ83WvHEIuJCWTxb6ycjSULxpuKSlL9sTgYa2kI3dSU3abABu72JjbOpZrO8gHeGu2wxyIEyqd4dvr9ohVBnCmrOlaqPPiAChaQeD8LViLbKCWc5H/s1600/ten8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7AzaPk6rW3CYPIPqX7EYg44hfI7YJQ83WvHEIuJCWTxb6ycjSULxpuKSlL9sTgYa2kI3dSU3abABu72JjbOpZrO8gHeGu2wxyIEyqd4dvr9ohVBnCmrOlaqPPiAChaQeD8LViLbKCWc5H/s640/ten8.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://colourpop.com/product-category/lips/lippie-stix/" target="_blank"><b>ColourPop Lippie Stix</b></a> are one of those products that (along with 99% of other life things) I don't really understand. "Bichette," the red beauty <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=degas+reclining+lady&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0CB0QsARqFQoTCM2xlvPfhMkCFQjIYwodW64Frg&biw=1280&bih=618" target="_blank"><b>reclined like a Degas lady</b></a> in front, is one of my favorite lipsticks on this planet and it costs FIVE MF-ing DOLLARS. FIVE. How is this real? And, also, how long do house flies live? </div>
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See, there are a lot of things I don't understand, but mostly how these lipsticks are $5. And how gravity works.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>3. Maybelline Lash Sensational Mascara</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV8sax2m1KJZtj82CMrpC6BeUR6px2XgXLJQZiEX_SisgU3KoBOY0Cj1DR7PhmaEN7HavMYC9mecYkv_fA9HIbbykSGBs6pbQYq4SowIsTsQyfiFm9MEH9BqnEFPMZomHVgq2l5kpL_j6D/s1600/ten10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV8sax2m1KJZtj82CMrpC6BeUR6px2XgXLJQZiEX_SisgU3KoBOY0Cj1DR7PhmaEN7HavMYC9mecYkv_fA9HIbbykSGBs6pbQYq4SowIsTsQyfiFm9MEH9BqnEFPMZomHVgq2l5kpL_j6D/s640/ten10.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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I used to be pretty snobby about mascara, especially when it came to Maybelline. I was like, "Great Lash? More like No Thanks Lash." (I'm really great at word play.) That was until I tried <a href="http://www.target.com/p/maybelline-lash-sensational-mascara/-/A-16743327" target="_blank"><b>Maybelline Lash Sensational</b></a> and fell the eff in love. </div>
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I've gone through two tubes of this magical, inky goodness that somehow lengthens and really brings the volume heat, and loved every minute. I recently branched out and tried a new mascara, because that's kind of what I'm supposed to be doing here, and it's FINE, but I miss this stuff. A lot. I'm going back. That is all.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>4. Ardell Demi Wispies Lashes</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcoC4zPRkR2uE_VzRkNV1Kme5KD-89JUXE0aD60sIvPLrqVVtIDbgCu1zO9kGmMvw6-3a58gFn4EFsqKbGZsEpeEjH2D2efxs01Y_WwczAoaGVn0gJGICPDr59tMaPIiFhItcuA6-hs_yr/s1600/ten9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcoC4zPRkR2uE_VzRkNV1Kme5KD-89JUXE0aD60sIvPLrqVVtIDbgCu1zO9kGmMvw6-3a58gFn4EFsqKbGZsEpeEjH2D2efxs01Y_WwczAoaGVn0gJGICPDr59tMaPIiFhItcuA6-hs_yr/s640/ten9.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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Don't judge the grossness of the lashes above. I've used them ten to twenty times and haven't thrown them out, because I'm a cheap-ass scrub.</div>
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These might just be my favorite lashes, and that you can get <a href="http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productId=xlsImpprod12441145" target="_blank"><b>four friggin' sets for $9.99 from Ulta</b></a> might be a large part of my infatuation with them. I also like that you don't have to treat them like a delicate princess of a flower -- you can do dumb shit like put mascara on over them -- unlike the expensive and ethically-shed mink bitches I also own. I just always seem to come back to these. They're easy, cheap, and don't have the constitution of a Victorian lady. And if these things go sideways (literally or figuratively) YOU CAN THROW THEM OUT.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>5. L'Oreal Brow Stylist Plumper</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVfTUWEzd5J_KewqhjUuUYXdUqJ9Rhg8ZydmMxIXp4hRcdHlOEi-Dnnt4qMiNNpk80DEPdbvzaOddhmAYLApXFlXPe3qqwy9S7hWTKWlqy68g-1QaEpvNcWZ5G0tSCY-1scFCNYzyt7vrF/s1600/ten6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVfTUWEzd5J_KewqhjUuUYXdUqJ9Rhg8ZydmMxIXp4hRcdHlOEi-Dnnt4qMiNNpk80DEPdbvzaOddhmAYLApXFlXPe3qqwy9S7hWTKWlqy68g-1QaEpvNcWZ5G0tSCY-1scFCNYzyt7vrF/s640/ten6.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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I bought this <a href="http://www.target.com/p/l-oreal-paris-brow-stylist-plumper/-/A-16716787" target="_blank"><b>L'Oreal Brow Stylist Plumper in Medium to Dark</b></a> without even knowing what it was all about. I was really just curious about it, and also have a strong desire to hold all of the world's brow
products in my wine-stained paws.</div>
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It apparently has tiny fibers in it to mimic brow hairs or some shit. I don't know what the hell is going on in that tube, but I'm into it. It's like a non-crunchy tinted brow gel that also makes your brows look a little thicker. Please reference above, where I don't understand how these things work.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>6. Batiste Dry Shampoo</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWtcuVjgYTDrbw3PHAxX8gkO1Kst3vUA3YFeGnoOOjxh7Vu2HB5CCy51MdSwQzU4dMKIg8KaOjRItgqApE1j3GNSLGjnZoykPMEmWJVpBB_Y1ZizBz0KIDJ11J4dqfWIIEW27alQ9Ip7Je/s1600/ten1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWtcuVjgYTDrbw3PHAxX8gkO1Kst3vUA3YFeGnoOOjxh7Vu2HB5CCy51MdSwQzU4dMKIg8KaOjRItgqApE1j3GNSLGjnZoykPMEmWJVpBB_Y1ZizBz0KIDJ11J4dqfWIIEW27alQ9Ip7Je/s640/ten1.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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My scalp oil knows no limits. It could be an alternate energy source. <br />
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Having a dry shampoo on hand every-friggin-second is a necessity, and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_6?url=search-alias%3Dbeauty&field-keywords=batiste+dry+shampoo&sprefix=batist%2Cbeauty%2C238" target="_blank"><b>Batiste Dry Shampoo (in a million varieties)</b></a> is the only one I really care to have. It doesn't smell horrible, actually works, and doesn't leave a crime scene of powder all over your hair and scalp. This is that shit. Get it.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>7. Floss Gloss Polish</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPmVLMvWmCKKLDC5D1NA3U2RfpfTTD4Ob39xF2BgDrDvNMgWXoPvlhHrV-ZgUMOSwrzpFqGEbE0y0WmO0bj3axp64jsMPFlBMmIBkdDpvVVd0BzZmYnOSWRURM1J1PGFkOXuuoePXa8ZCU/s1600/ten5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPmVLMvWmCKKLDC5D1NA3U2RfpfTTD4Ob39xF2BgDrDvNMgWXoPvlhHrV-ZgUMOSwrzpFqGEbE0y0WmO0bj3axp64jsMPFlBMmIBkdDpvVVd0BzZmYnOSWRURM1J1PGFkOXuuoePXa8ZCU/s640/ten5.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://flossgloss.com/collections/lacquers" target="_blank"><b>Floss Gloss Nail Lacquers</b></a> are hands down (har har) my favorite nail polishes. The colors are dope and they don't have the bad shit in them. I've never met a FG polish that I wasn't completely obsessed with.<br />
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I'm going to be featuring one of their newer shades (it's in the pic above and I LOVE IT and I bet you can guess which one) in a video on my current favorite stuff, which will probably be filmed in 2056 because I'm reliable.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>8. Palmer's Cocoa Butter</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxA_n3uPI-8lVdNy0evtrT-WKJ7lpdsh57tOJ1ysiHUMRzGaM9WFGaMnsuyhORBbDlEaYqfsT14iX1zM8xJv5U_PESZZAkLrc_sZFp9X8kmGDxg2baKakg_vonttKoMo6bVevJJZbxAM0/s1600/ten4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFxA_n3uPI-8lVdNy0evtrT-WKJ7lpdsh57tOJ1ysiHUMRzGaM9WFGaMnsuyhORBbDlEaYqfsT14iX1zM8xJv5U_PESZZAkLrc_sZFp9X8kmGDxg2baKakg_vonttKoMo6bVevJJZbxAM0/s640/ten4.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://glossanddirt.blogspot.com/2015/08/beauty-lessons-learned-90s-mall-job.html"><b>I recently told the tale</b></a> of how I first fell in love with <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Palmers-Cocoa-Butter-Formula-Vitamin/dp/B0009F3O8Q" target="_blank"><b>Palmer's Cocoa Butter</b></a> almost twenty years ago. It's an ongoing and devoted saga, because it's still my ride-or-die choice when it comes to moisturizing. </div>
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And my newest cocoa-scented discovery is that Palmers <a href="http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=206665&catid=182918&aid=338666&aparam=206665&kpid=206665&CAWELAID=120142990000009832&CAGPSPN=pla" target="_blank"><b>with SPF is even better</b></a>. It smells even more chocolate-y, while allowing my vampiric tendencies to flourish. I'm basically Count Chocula.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>9. Not Your Mother's Dry Finish Texture Spray</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8xm6eOiVBegh2UnN24BvFSW2F4meMP84ApVXF4kJ0-GM30ZiEoEe8BWFPBFg0MtJNe1CGHaOnrXQvo4Mb43JQ6NRpQk4U31xCgnolO6NIac6xlWgLKnQyaZTmekkacF6U9j8uM-1uunfY/s1600/ten2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8xm6eOiVBegh2UnN24BvFSW2F4meMP84ApVXF4kJ0-GM30ZiEoEe8BWFPBFg0MtJNe1CGHaOnrXQvo4Mb43JQ6NRpQk4U31xCgnolO6NIac6xlWgLKnQyaZTmekkacF6U9j8uM-1uunfY/s640/ten2.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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Although <a href="http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productId=xlsImpprod12041711" target="_blank"><b>this texture spray</b></a> is not my FAVORITE favorite, that's reserved for <a href="http://www.sephora.com/thickening-dryspun-finish-P381033?skuId=1602580&om_mmc=ppc-GG&mkwid=sfV25mPMJ&pcrid=50233217079&pdv=c&site=_search&country_switch=&lang=en&gclid=Cj0KEQiAyIayBRDo4vjdqJrgxZ0BEiQAhOYCYKvB7A2QGG9zs73d6J9E2iRLhLS_dt8rtSN5O3NPPcoaAvg68P8HAQ"><b>Bumble and bumble Dryspun Finish</b></a>, this is by far my favorite drugstore hair score. My friend Shauna (who has fantastic hair) told me I had to try this, and she was not lying. This stuff is good. Just don't get too loosey goosey with the spray job -- too much will give you cotton candy hair.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>10. NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqAl4pz_GVcmaMYAiRgud7Etud_f_DczU8CyqpTkAwGvmd_Dmw7kAluUdZFzVyBH_KN44Pk4OJlUaqJ-08dUIB5QhImErJE2s-zT_3JUnY9d2kRuJYOS0iJw5OOpAOEygkdg9weLlrdLOH/s1600/ten7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqAl4pz_GVcmaMYAiRgud7Etud_f_DczU8CyqpTkAwGvmd_Dmw7kAluUdZFzVyBH_KN44Pk4OJlUaqJ-08dUIB5QhImErJE2s-zT_3JUnY9d2kRuJYOS0iJw5OOpAOEygkdg9weLlrdLOH/s640/ten7.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.target.com/p/nyx-soft-matte-lip-cream/-/A-14728607" target="_blank"><b>NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream</b></a> is straight-up fantastic. "London," the homie up front, is my go-to for all of my nude lip needs. It's beige-y and not orange. The formula is matte without being drying and crinkly. It's everything I want in life. </div>
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I got a Facebook message from someone a couple months ago that was like, "HELP, I'M AT TARGET AND I NEED A GREAT CHEAP LIPSTICK ALSKDJFLKAJF." And I was all, "This shit right here."And that's how it always goes. I'll tell random shoppers, too. I'm annoying.</div>
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And there are all of my secret (and not so secret) cheap-ish favorites. I am spent, but my money ain't.<br />
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-18271574076478732382015-11-03T22:00:00.001-05:002015-11-03T22:00:30.115-05:00How To Take Your Face From "Blah" To "Blam-ish" In A Few Easy Steps<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDvm5wjwfMwjZBNRhbBNjw8ZuzpdUO8VWFMZKlr4LpZw09bNFbnRjup85cbAHf3u3iveD61RdRJa_FhFRGhg4OUbURdXnbRhXIjSc8-fJd6sVh0jG8bl5ZbSpB-JJJhxqNMVxDtav0dl5J/s640/n5077ac0a2f01b.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDvm5wjwfMwjZBNRhbBNjw8ZuzpdUO8VWFMZKlr4LpZw09bNFbnRjup85cbAHf3u3iveD61RdRJa_FhFRGhg4OUbURdXnbRhXIjSc8-fJd6sVh0jG8bl5ZbSpB-JJJhxqNMVxDtav0dl5J/s640/n5077ac0a2f01b.gif" /></a></div>
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Time for some real talk -- this post is not for a super-glammed out mug. Reference this for when your face has a haze of meh all over it, and you need to look like functioning human head. The days when you're not shooting for the stars, you're just aiming for the horizon, I guess.<br />
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Let's see what we're starting with: <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaRfX6hUUimUaqHgdWFaoAEZ5SsZMuelTA-0X4yynfxk_uVyml1x35E-gvFsGKywLCpOTJdTPXEsno6uZltWK61tFKqDBHK-EYMMzdpbRGDCTTihLlmCiYt80a5N930bmheKJpj_lCRYHX/s1600/blah.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaRfX6hUUimUaqHgdWFaoAEZ5SsZMuelTA-0X4yynfxk_uVyml1x35E-gvFsGKywLCpOTJdTPXEsno6uZltWK61tFKqDBHK-EYMMzdpbRGDCTTihLlmCiYt80a5N930bmheKJpj_lCRYHX/s640/blah.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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Pretty, pretty, pretty blah. <br />
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And as you can see, I am the ultimate trash, because I was watching <i>Vanderpump Rules</i> in the background. Hey, Jax's fourth nose job. Thanks for being here.<br />
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Also, please ignore my overly bronzed bod. I put on self tanner and haven't washed off the color guide yet, because ultimate trash and all.<br />
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Let's ignore all that noise and working on this mug.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Let Your Brows Carry You Through the Tough Times</span></b></div>
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Take a lesson from my best friend <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=britney+spears+eyebrows&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0CB0QsARqFQoTCIL3oKbi9cgCFQHRYwodyxIBJQ&biw=1280&bih=618" target="_blank"><b>Britney Spears</b></a> -- having actual eyebrows on your face can make a world of difference in life. And if not life, at least your face. It brings a structure and shape to your eye like nothing else really can.<br />
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Today I used <a href="http://www.sephora.com/dipbrow-pomade-P384060?keyword=dipbrow%20dark%20brown&skuId=1578699&_requestid=404148" target="_blank"><b>Anastasia Dipbrow Pomade in Dark Brown</b></a> to fill these puppies in, but you can use whatever you have in you Downtown Julie Brow(n) arsenal -- eyeshadow, brow powder, pencil -- live your life. Just fill in the sparseness and bring a little more boldness to those sad sacks. If you have naturally sad sacks like I do.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Bring Some Drama <i>Lite</i> to Your Eyeballs</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW7hyphenhyphenDiwR3y77DGgnNBHZr3u9SuBqmiiMB2O-46bTvpq4by1x7o3vgH04KbACG6nNduh9jAaZHVlD6ah9fGumcIjPcBkbKZIP6PbKqypIfh5SZ8nWRrLTPN4uNpZpT6JF7bmS3gjiyrwI1/s1600/blah3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhW7hyphenhyphenDiwR3y77DGgnNBHZr3u9SuBqmiiMB2O-46bTvpq4by1x7o3vgH04KbACG6nNduh9jAaZHVlD6ah9fGumcIjPcBkbKZIP6PbKqypIfh5SZ8nWRrLTPN4uNpZpT6JF7bmS3gjiyrwI1/s640/blah3.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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I once interviewed Trish McEvoy (#humblebrag), and <b><a href="http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/blogs/daily-beauty-reporter/2012/09/an-interview-with-trish-mcevoy.html" target="_blank">the best tip she told me was how to create the appearance of fuller lashes</a></b> by dotting eyeliner between your actual lashes on your upper lash line. As inelegant as the following sounds (surprise, surprise, coming from me), if you <i>lightly </i>smoosh a creamy eyeliner into your eyelashes, it looks like you have a billion lashes without giving the appearance of liner. It's just like, "Hey, you've you dope eyelashes. And a lot of them."<br />
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For this, I used <a href="http://www.eddiefunkhouser.com/product/graffiti-creme-eye-pencil/" target="_blank"><b>Eddie Funkhouser Graffiti Creme Eye Pencil</b></a> (which they sent me like a year ago and I just tried recently and love for this), but you can use anything with a creamy or gel texture. Just not a super-hard (heh) pencil. It will pull too much and not give you enough color payoff.<br />
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For the finale of your David Blaine-level lash illusion, finish up with a wiggle of mascara. I used <a href="http://www.target.com/p/l-oreal-paris-voluminous-superstar-mascara/-/A-17302175?ci_src=17588969&ci_sku=17302175&ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&CPNG=PLA_Health%2BBeauty%2BShopping&adgroup=SC_Health%2BBeauty&LID=700000001170770pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9029967&gclid=Cj0KEQiAsNyxBRDBuKrMhsbt3vwBEiQAdRgPsr9YwS5TCfCFhrXJAp3AWmoL4-2Sh7dSGy8UK4xZKX4aAp138P8HAQ&gclsrc=aw.ds" target="_blank"><b>L'Oreal Voluminous Superstar Mascara</b></a> for this, which is one of those two-sided deals, but I just used the actual mascara side and skipped the primer side. You know I'm lazy to the bone.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Fake that Flush</span></b></div>
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One of the biggest blah-faced culprits is having a monotone-ass skin tone. It just says, "I'm on bed rest or something of that ilk," and even if you are on bed rest or something of that ilk, you don't have to look like it.<br />
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The solution to this unfortunate pallor is using a combo of bronzer and blush to create a flushed-face fake out. I'm using products from this <a href="http://www.sephora.com/beautifully-blushed-bronzed-set-P399953?skuId=1732551" target="_blank"><b>Too Faced Blushed & Bronzed Set</b></a> because I prefer a bronzer sans a lot of sparkle. I have shit skin and the glittery stuff brings out even more imperfections. I also think a matte bronzer looks more natural, because my skin tends not to glitter up. I don't bleed body glitter.<br />
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I'm not using these dudes to contour -- more for just a general glowiness, putting the bronzer where the sun would naturally hit you, if you went in the sun, but you don't because you're trying to stay forever young. (No? Just me?)<br />
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You can also use this combo on your eyelids to make them peepers pop even more. I didn't do this because I'm the worst, but it would have looked noice.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>A Little Pink-ed Out Lip </b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx4vsjbK19H8WcpZ33S2wYxkO2uaGaS3fzOfAMOaOaXkZePYOwtmC1pweJa2cvH01iMB0-Bv1ZPRK-Q5xERYhr3ySqqtTBWbOq3sxgckwmQy7W-kwnoLX63toZeg_EflLV6Sc1HwqmD0yp/s1600/blah5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx4vsjbK19H8WcpZ33S2wYxkO2uaGaS3fzOfAMOaOaXkZePYOwtmC1pweJa2cvH01iMB0-Bv1ZPRK-Q5xERYhr3ySqqtTBWbOq3sxgckwmQy7W-kwnoLX63toZeg_EflLV6Sc1HwqmD0yp/s640/blah5.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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A pink lip is complementary as hell to a human being's complexion. It's like taking that whole "your lips but better" idea and kicking that shit up 12 notches. Roughly. It just makes you look alive, man.<br />
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I'm using the <a href="http://www.sephora.com/rouge-infusion-lip-ink-P384875?skuId=1624675" target="_blank"><b>Sephora Collection Rouge Infusion Lip Stain in Peony</b></a> that I got in the <a href="http://www.sephora.com/give-me-some-lip-2-P399824" target="_blank"><b>Sephora Give Me Some Lip</b></a> set, which I am currently super into. It's like a appetizer sampler that features really bacon-y apps. It's delicious.<br />
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This is labeled a lip stain, but it's kind of like a long-wear lipstick that FADES INTO A LIP STAIN. It's MF-ing magic. <br />
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The before is like, "Someone create a Kickstarter for this Silly Putty
face." After is like, "Okay, that's a human being and I think they're
alive." Upgrade! <br />
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That's the end???<br />
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-55771004653759441932015-10-29T09:00:00.000-04:002015-10-29T09:00:15.971-04:00Weird Makeup Inspo: Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark<br />
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I recently bought the <i>Are You Afraid of the Dark</i> trilogy, because how could I not, and also...<br />
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Reading these books again really brought me back to being a weird kid, reenacting the stories in front of my Stepmom's video camera. Especially my literal ride-or-die (it's basically all horseback riding) story, "Cold as Clay."<br />
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In tribute, I did a non-scary eye look inspired by this two-paged tale of terror. Okay, terror is way too strong. Curiosity? Whatever, watch if you're into it.<br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-41012128548304525012015-10-20T23:38:00.000-04:002015-10-20T23:45:21.745-04:00A Farewell To The Ridiculous: Goodbye, America's Next Top Model <div style="text-align: left;">
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By now, I'm sure you've heard the tragic national news: <a href="http://www.ew.com/article/2015/10/14/americas-next-top-model-canceled" target="_blank"><b><i>America's Next Top Model</i> is coming to an end</b></a>.</div>
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Don't worry, I will be saying all of the appropriate goodbyes here, where we can have time to mourn the kookiest-ass moments ever seen on reality TV. And I'm not being hyperbolic by throwing out the term kooky. THIS SHIT IS KOOKY.</div>
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This actual shit show (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMOOr7GEkj8" target="_blank"><b>hate that I love you</b></a>) is in its TWENTY-MF-ing-SECOND SEASON, which just seems excessive and unnecessary. It's high time for a goodbye, even though it's tough.</div>
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Will we miss Ty Ty? Yeah, sure, whatever. But I think we know our hearts will really have a hole the exact same size as one Miss J. Alexander in a few short months.</div>
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Where will we get our much needed weekly dose of glamour? Courtney Stodden?</div>
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She can't even get on this level. No one can.</div>
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I'll also miss the never ending crop of beautiful weirdos the producers keep inexplicably finding year after year.</div>
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I do know.</div>
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Stop it.</div>
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Stop it, the sequel.</div>
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We feel you.</div>
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Basically, how I feel about this whole show, which I have spent 95829850439 hours of my life watching.</div>
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You mean you're kooky and you're kooky?</div>
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I don't have a problem with this one.</div>
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And to be fair, Tyra has had her own moments of (mostly unintentional) entertainment.</div>
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Babies are vastly overrated. Modeling a cardigan in a Sears catalog is not.</div>
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This...cannot be real. Please let this be real.</div>
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This is the end of the road, Ty Ty. Pack your bags and return home. </div>
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Goodnight, moon.</div>
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-15646493233412628892015-10-19T15:45:00.000-04:002015-10-19T15:45:16.168-04:00Pop Culture Beauty School: Lips Inspired By Your Favorite Pop Music Videos<div style="text-align: left;">
It should come as no surprise that I basically base all my life choices on pop culture.<br />
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What should I eat for dinner? Chinese takeout, care of <i>SATC's </i>Miranda Hobbes. What should I watch right now? Reruns of <i>Malibu Country</i>, courtesy of Heather/Gretchen/Alexis on <i>Real Housewives of Orange County.</i> What should I NOT do with my life? Murder people, thanks to every episode of every show I've seen at least thirty-seven times on Discovery ID, or Investigation Discovery. (Side note: WHAT IS THE OFFICIAL NAME OF THIS CHANNEL? I watch it 90% of my life, and it's still unclear to me.)<br />
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Then, naturally, the lipstick I wear is based directly upon what the eff I'm listening to. Here's a cosmetic-filled road map to it all.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Robert Palmer - Addicted to Love</b></span></div>
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This is probably the most obvious link between lips and music videos that ever existed. "Addicted to Love" is basically a lipstick-and-legs commercial, with a dash of LA Looks hair gel thrown into the mix. X-TREME hold.<br />
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If this video doesn't make your heart skip several beats over that bold-ass red lip, you can take your not-scarlet-y lips have several seats.<br />
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<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT_ssmm8n-kKnW0BTLGIqLsm1yKjd7TTiyAnRbXUWi67kkxt1s6DsGmN_QNAoxTprdeU9Zmb3PiOleN_eBAsAPVFyJMpd0m6us8HtVw9ljXY0cvuiGFLJDEJrT6bNRlio8akDxom0-V9f3/s1600/musiclips9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT_ssmm8n-kKnW0BTLGIqLsm1yKjd7TTiyAnRbXUWi67kkxt1s6DsGmN_QNAoxTprdeU9Zmb3PiOleN_eBAsAPVFyJMpd0m6us8HtVw9ljXY0cvuiGFLJDEJrT6bNRlio8akDxom0-V9f3/s640/musiclips9.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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This ColourPop Lippie Sitx in Bichette (<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://colourpop.com/product/bichette-2/" target="_blank"><b>$5, ColourPop</b></a>) is almost a match made in classic-red-lipped heaven with this Robert Palmer jam. Just with a smidge less shine. Might as well face it, this lipstick is the shit. And it costs $5.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Aqua - Barbie Girl</b></span></div>
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Okay, okay, this song and video are more annoying than watching episodes of <i>Everybody Loves Raymond </i>and then <i>Coach</i> with your dad, but the '90s were annoying. They just were.<br />
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<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7SR5bxNotXy87Na_aHV2AaWOJCFAECYputhKdqD6alWk5yLodBxydTym0vpnr2vjlVWT7rxLB7-sQYtPcjnTRxI73IAfPkKgOHyut-mCiQM2aejcyhjh0R3BIKP48bHmbPgnzYPeAd0Wl/s1600/musiclips10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7SR5bxNotXy87Na_aHV2AaWOJCFAECYputhKdqD6alWk5yLodBxydTym0vpnr2vjlVWT7rxLB7-sQYtPcjnTRxI73IAfPkKgOHyut-mCiQM2aejcyhjh0R3BIKP48bHmbPgnzYPeAd0Wl/s640/musiclips10.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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Similarly, this NYX Cosmetics Matte Lipstick in Shocking Pink (<span style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productId=xlsImpprod4141597#" target="_blank"><b>$5.99, Ulta</b></a>) is annoyingly bright, but in the most complementary sense of the word. Plus, it's pretty much the exact shade of pink (with a touch lilac) as the convertible in the video. Hate the song, not the lip, H8RZ. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Britney Spears - Oops!...I Did It Again</b></span></div>
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Other than Brit's acting chops (AKA "the old lady dropping it into the ocean at the end"), this video lived and died with that red pleather jumpsuit.</div>
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<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnrKt6SQ0IGNAHaMn98Dj6Y9kQ3iiT8KikbThSEjuZHuiJB6Mi2OIUgFt5r15BUG3ApuKtaQJUo_kVIgXLbFQTZvwi-z7o0nRL34lHboR0DZfnNe9xA3KbIVO6hUVo6egK48wHTYGpcdrq/s1600/musiclips6.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnrKt6SQ0IGNAHaMn98Dj6Y9kQ3iiT8KikbThSEjuZHuiJB6Mi2OIUgFt5r15BUG3ApuKtaQJUo_kVIgXLbFQTZvwi-z7o0nRL34lHboR0DZfnNe9xA3KbIVO6hUVo6egK48wHTYGpcdrq/s640/musiclips6.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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This tarte LipSurgence lip gloss in natural beauty (<span style="color: black;"><a href="http://tartecosmetics.com/tarte-item-lipsurgence-lip-gloss" target="_blank"><b>$19, tarte</b></a>) is the reddest and glossiest thing I have in my lip arsenal, but I still don't think it does Britney's getup the SHINE and RED justice it truly deserves. Awww, you shouldn't have...OOPS, I...Maybe next time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Alanis Morrisette - Thank U</b></span></div>
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"Thank U" is no "You Oughta Know," because there can never be enough songs about allegedly fellating Dave Coulier in a movie theater, but it's the most naked music video that came to mind.</div>
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<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSqrvmOBsi7gynyV3qSWD4rzlHXhfnaCdp9UcxJBpQf0dKIKI8nyjTA7ygtLez46e4yrFPIOAmCouxsVyuOloHzyRjh2Mqwn0FJ5R-wDeNDyHKD9c3_fZkosX5PRQpar5NQUcVhMIITnko/s1600/musiclips7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSqrvmOBsi7gynyV3qSWD4rzlHXhfnaCdp9UcxJBpQf0dKIKI8nyjTA7ygtLez46e4yrFPIOAmCouxsVyuOloHzyRjh2Mqwn0FJ5R-wDeNDyHKD9c3_fZkosX5PRQpar5NQUcVhMIITnko/s640/musiclips7.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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Nude lipstick is notoriously difficult, because everyone has a different skin tone and desired level of opaque-ness, but this NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in London (<span style="color: black;"><a href="http://www.ulta.com/ulta/browse/productDetail.jsp?productId=xlsImpprod3020045#" target="_blank"><b>$5.99, Ulta</b></a>) is a beige-y dream in a tube. It's like an impenetrable pair of L'eggs hosiery: all vaguely tan with zero shine. But, you know, sexy.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>UB40 - Red Red Wine</b></span></div>
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Real talk -- I hate this GD song -- I really just wanted to talk about the magic of this kind-of-lipstick lipstick.<br />
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<span style="color: black;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBM6BCdOTsNK87DdcP6rGdaAQQad7pVY22oCWuq9gSNJLmNzPUxmfwsAovcgkaxrztJRQzIge-RTYg7Pv-ikzoDPzjz2RHWJclBZJEGxxTGh1Tygz0vl97rX66CQQ3jxXBY36BLiZulrLH/s1600/musiclips8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBM6BCdOTsNK87DdcP6rGdaAQQad7pVY22oCWuq9gSNJLmNzPUxmfwsAovcgkaxrztJRQzIge-RTYg7Pv-ikzoDPzjz2RHWJclBZJEGxxTGh1Tygz0vl97rX66CQQ3jxXBY36BLiZulrLH/s640/musiclips8.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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If you've ever wanted the color of a wined-out lip stain, but the moisture of a <span style="color: black;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WYIGzECQYY" target="_blank"><b>lip chap</b></a>, Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey (<a href="http://www.clinique.com/product/1603/4772/Makeup/Lip-Glosses/Almost-Lipstick" target="_blank"><b>Clinique, $17</b></a>) will be your all-marshmallow box o' Lucky Charms. It's the perfect blackberry jam <i>lite</i> color, and if I wasn't disgusted by the word creamy, I would almost say it's creamy (BLEH BLEH BLEH). It's gel-y? Jelly? I don't know; it's fantastic.</span><br />
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-41514573423182588962015-10-11T22:46:00.002-04:002015-10-11T22:46:37.287-04:00Things That Make You Go Hmmmm...I Want To Vomit<div style="text-align: left;">
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Sometimes in life, you feel things. Sometimes those things are like, "This is okay, I guess." Other times it's like, "This is not really okay, and I kind of want to barf." These are those times.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>That No Doubt's <i>Tragic Kingdom </i>album came out 20 GD YEARS AGO.</b> </span></div>
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That's two decades (which are comprised of ten years apiece), if you need help. This album would be in her junior year of college, working toward a degree in International Business. TWENTY YEARS OLD. </div>
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<b>Vom Level:</b> Like 2. It's disconcerting, but eat a Werther's flavored Tums and you'll be fine, you old-ass. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>These ridiculous MF-ers.</b> </span></div>
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Why does a one-sized shirt with the texture of crumpled, pointy tissue paper need to exist on this planet? Also, when they sell shirts in Walgreens, you know that shit is done.</div>
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<b>Vom Level:</b> Let's call it a 3. Remembering the feeling of this fabric on my skin gives me the creeps.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>How many bugs that are probably in food. </b></span></div>
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I think about this a lot and I'm always like:</div>
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<b>Vom Level: </b>A solid 8. Bugs need to get the hell out of my mouth for any and all reasons. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Hearing other people eat at the movie theater. </b></span></div>
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The sound of other people's chewing and swallowing and rustling around
of wrappers and shit is disgusting torture to me. I need to live in an
isolation chamber to get through life.<b> </b></div>
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<b>Vom Level:</b> To me, 7. To the rest of the universe, probably a -56.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>Bieb's Bieb-O-Ween.</b></span></div>
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1st look at tomorrow's Page 1… KNICK COACH LOVE TRIANGLE <a href="http://t.co/tDS9XnSC9m">http://t.co/tDS9XnSC9m</a> NUDE BIEBER <a href="http://t.co/t20WVSd5Yn">http://t.co/t20WVSd5Yn</a> <a href="http://t.co/hBopvHCtd9">pic.twitter.com/hBopvHCtd9</a></div>
— New York Daily News (@NYDailyNews) <a href="https://twitter.com/NYDailyNews/status/651942750414348288">October 8, 2015</a></blockquote>
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If "Justin's little Bieber" doesn't make you never want to eat a delicious gas station hot dog ever again, I don't even know you.</div>
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<b>Vom Level:</b> Obvious 10. Not feeling so hot now, are you, champ?</div>
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-83247773113136012482015-10-05T15:09:00.000-04:002015-10-05T15:09:48.154-04:00To Do Or Not To Do: Matthew McConaughey's Latest Not Hot Character<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en">
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It looks like Matthew McConaughey has traded in his six-pack abs for an actual six-pack <a href="http://t.co/RgpooTGnZW">http://t.co/RgpooTGnZW</a> <a href="http://t.co/xDdEKFlStz">pic.twitter.com/xDdEKFlStz</a></div>
— Page Six (@PageSix) <a href="https://twitter.com/PageSix/status/651058280018640896">October 5, 2015</a></blockquote>
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Real talk: would you do this man?<br />
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<span style="color: black;">Here we find Matthew McConaughey, filming some movie called <i>Gold</i>, and looking like a sexually confusing hot mess. According to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gold_%282016_film%29" target="_blank"><b>Wikipedia</b></a>, the movie is about</span> "an unlucky man Kenny Wells (<span style="color: black;">Matthew McConaughey), who teams-up with a geologist Michael Acosta (Édgar Ramírez) to find gold deep in the uncharted jungles of <a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" title="Indonesia">Indonesia</a>."</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">I guess if you don't want to be unlucky in life, one should avoid cockatoo-themed novelty ties? </span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">But back to the task at hand -- would you? You know that under those ill-fitting pleated slacks lies actual </span><span style="color: black;">Matthew McConaughey in all his weird glory, but that tongue is very...there.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">I'm going to have to pass.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;"> </span> <br />
Instead, I choose to partake in this puppy's puppy talk.<br />
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Sorry, MM, you will never be this cute.<br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-17497462740616986082015-09-23T14:40:00.000-04:002015-09-23T14:40:50.784-04:00Beauty Science Fair: I Dyed My Eyebrows And I'll Never Go Back<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6gdcytBnMqXESVhxIl3lJ_0ePwg8JuO7O46G8rRpbz1Xnu_s9diAEC_kmRQFLgvxANSibCA6LuG1cb2vbum07WUii7Hj9ja3N3R0Ovnw5qlQIe_NSmeawgnmBigqn4WwB1I8_HKoLjII4/s1600/brow_dye5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6gdcytBnMqXESVhxIl3lJ_0ePwg8JuO7O46G8rRpbz1Xnu_s9diAEC_kmRQFLgvxANSibCA6LuG1cb2vbum07WUii7Hj9ja3N3R0Ovnw5qlQIe_NSmeawgnmBigqn4WwB1I8_HKoLjII4/s640/brow_dye5.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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If you don't <a href="https://twitter.com/glossanddirt" target="_blank"><b>follow me</b></a> on <a href="https://instagram.com/glossanddirt/" target="_blank"><b>social media</b></a>, you might not have heard the very exciting and important world news that I have dyed my hair darker. Mourn or celebrate appropriately.<br />
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Because I'm naturally a blah, dirty-ass blonde, my natural eyebrows have followed boring suit, and are also a blah, dirty-ass blonde. With my new hair color happenings, I decided to go against nature, as I do with every fiber of my being, and dye those MF-ers. F this life.<br />
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<a href="http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0n849MWDf1qgb5p1o1_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0n849MWDf1qgb5p1o1_500.gif" /></a></div>
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I bought <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Godefroy-Eyebrow-Tint-Dark-Brown/dp/B00EEN2HCS" target="_blank"><b>this Godefroy kit from Amazon for about $15</b></a> to get the job done, and it has a supply of 20 little pre-measured capsules (to also get the job done). Each application is supposed to last about six weeks, but I'm betting on roughly three weeks, based on absolutely nothing but my feelings and life mediations. <br />
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This is how the process goes. (AND IT'S EASY AS SHIT, MAN.)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83yMOyhbjtGDaB4oTHKWzQkIG62bHrpwWWF0fIwpgqFySxvF-nvRBth5MU9lJkWdIXgMAjip5S8e4NjXG0q6PFsUnUKlK05zaVZr4MFJ4W5VkWOPlvuFzh8VxJZeOqen_FVUUv4Q4IRqO/s1600/brow_dye4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83yMOyhbjtGDaB4oTHKWzQkIG62bHrpwWWF0fIwpgqFySxvF-nvRBth5MU9lJkWdIXgMAjip5S8e4NjXG0q6PFsUnUKlK05zaVZr4MFJ4W5VkWOPlvuFzh8VxJZeOqen_FVUUv4Q4IRqO/s640/brow_dye4.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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You first need to wash your brows. I just took a shitty washcloth with a little soap and face wash and cleaned off all my normcore eyebrow stuff. (JK, it's the opposite of normcore. It's insanely intense for everyday wear.)<br />
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Next, just mix up the supplies. You dump one tiny capsule in a cup with a tiny amount of developer (it comes with a little measuring cup), and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5sOzbD29GQ" target="_blank"><b>stir it up, little darling</b></a>. Then apply the mixture with the handy-ass angled brush just like you would a brow powder or pomade, like in the picture above.<br />
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The instructions say to leave the dye on for one to two minutes, but I didn't want to do that because I'm a non-listening asshole, so I chose to go a little rogue. I applied the dye to one brow, waited one minute, wiped it off with a washcloth, and did the other. I repeated the process three times total. I probably could have stuck with two, but I LIKE MY SHIT DARK AND I DO WHAT I WANT.<br />
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Here are the final befores, durings and afters.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqwGF3z0oJhly9EFFQW_etTFX7T7tdlcA5tm-VRqCr2cMbmsk6QByvzLDIoyjpgUYmNEPAVkEldzEu4qWGa3izvL2q5fQsUzvVNPjQsiSScGkvnKHhnA3UtX7Vqnkd4Nuy0NnrUlT4k39d/s1600/brow_dye6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqwGF3z0oJhly9EFFQW_etTFX7T7tdlcA5tm-VRqCr2cMbmsk6QByvzLDIoyjpgUYmNEPAVkEldzEu4qWGa3izvL2q5fQsUzvVNPjQsiSScGkvnKHhnA3UtX7Vqnkd4Nuy0NnrUlT4k39d/s640/brow_dye6.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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This is a full-faced comparison, in which I look very sleepy and over it, because I was, but you can get the idea of the difference.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHYBf0Ialo1JeAqHiVgoWJHAFIHXwo3LIoDTJCL1rQjyn3jIIwB-Dyw1vVmvdFd-oBI9d8mA3JpftOtzk8McjUJLzkXrQCP2fXrtYxtBpNuvULgIpvG_Z0XfI9mFWGUgftVp1i6cnx29Gi/s1600/brow_dye10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgHYBf0Ialo1JeAqHiVgoWJHAFIHXwo3LIoDTJCL1rQjyn3jIIwB-Dyw1vVmvdFd-oBI9d8mA3JpftOtzk8McjUJLzkXrQCP2fXrtYxtBpNuvULgIpvG_Z0XfI9mFWGUgftVp1i6cnx29Gi/s400/brow_dye10.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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And because I'm all about this scientific method, here these bitches lie with a completely bare face. (But at least not a sleepy face!)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibwC4XyqxJxn7yyJ3gZIV0dvPu9xvFWoWpabE1ukZ-bzHxkZ4MBuk8TMEIx2z3-Au_55QEneLmbnUdaFzJIYrwlvi_UL27ikd5INcwNvEeMYSP5fxIqQjJ5B-rg3lbQHwa2eaXKS0P59Va/s1600/brows_gollum.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibwC4XyqxJxn7yyJ3gZIV0dvPu9xvFWoWpabE1ukZ-bzHxkZ4MBuk8TMEIx2z3-Au_55QEneLmbnUdaFzJIYrwlvi_UL27ikd5INcwNvEeMYSP5fxIqQjJ5B-rg3lbQHwa2eaXKS0P59Va/s640/brows_gollum.jpg" width="480" /></a></div>
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Also, file this under "What would the offspring of a less attractive <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Gallagher" target="_blank"><b>Peter Gallagher</b></a> and Gollum look like?" Also, don't make other <i>LOTR</i> jokes, because I've only seen half of the first one.<br />
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I would say that I am firmly into brow jobs. Will I leave them completely nude when I'm wearing makeup? No. I'll probably still do a fill-in of some sparse areas with an eyeshadow and top that with a brow gel, but that is BARE MF-ING BONES in comparison to my usual routine.<br />
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Brow dyes, I am in you. Forever. <br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-32790072448685396012015-09-21T22:06:00.000-04:002015-09-21T22:06:54.980-04:00GUUUUUURL Of The Day: Burger King's "Black Whopper"<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" lang="en">
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Burger King’s Halloween Whopper will be its first intentionally frightening burger <a href="http://t.co/dzELHy4X3r">http://t.co/dzELHy4X3r</a> <a href="http://t.co/2JtLRLklz3">pic.twitter.com/2JtLRLklz3</a></div>
— BGR.com (@BGR) <a href="https://twitter.com/BGR/status/646086761345585152">September 21, 2015</a></blockquote>
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I could be on an episode of "True Life: I Love Black EVERYTHING." Because my heart and soul are black as eff, and you know this, and I tend to think the darker the better (in all scenarios). So much so that my husband and I were watching some show on Discovery ID, like every second of every day in my life, and it was about some goth kids murdering someone. He was like, "I can't believe you weren't a goth." And I said, "It's too much work and feelings. Otherwise, I would have been." The point of that pretty pointless story is that I like black shit. A lot.<br />
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BUT THIS HALLOWEEN-Y "BLACK WHOPPER" LOOKS MF-ING GROSS. Why do I want to eat a black bun? How does that even make this a Halloween hamburger? Nary a candy corn or a snaggle-toothed pumpkin in sight.<br />
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<a href="https://38.media.tumblr.com/20e3b4e78bd43f987ae898dbc795789a/tumblr_inline_nukryrVEOW1rmw4pp_500.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://38.media.tumblr.com/20e3b4e78bd43f987ae898dbc795789a/tumblr_inline_nukryrVEOW1rmw4pp_500.gif" width="400" /></a></div>
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How boring.<br />
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And ordinary.<br />
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<a href="http://i.imgur.com/N5tGv.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i.imgur.com/N5tGv.gif" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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And not even really trying.<br />
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Just pour some liquid smoke in a box and tell me it's a "Ghost Whopper." I'll respect that more.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/burger-kings-black-burgers-are-coming-to-the-us-2015-9" target="_blank"><b>via a hopefully inaccurate report from Business Insider</b></a></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b> </b></span>Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-89770413278494993572015-09-16T22:09:00.000-04:002015-09-16T22:09:41.401-04:007 Times Tonya Harding Was Your Unconventional Beauty Muse<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="http://mediad.publicbroadcasting.net/p/kmuw/files/styles/medium/public/201207/Tonya_Harding_Into_It.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://mediad.publicbroadcasting.net/p/kmuw/files/styles/medium/public/201207/Tonya_Harding_Into_It.jpeg" height="640" width="502" /></a></div>
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Whoever created this photo deserves at least one of Nancy Kerrigan's medals. (Too soon?)</div>
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Here's a true fact for your ass: I'm a low-key stan for Tonya Harding. Her story is just so crazy over-the-top that you can't help but semi-fall in love with her. She has some kind of Amy Fisher/Pamela Smart <i>xtra-lite </i>appeal to her that I can't explain with actual words that make sense. But just know that she lives in my heart.</div>
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(P.S. If you haven't watched it, go watch <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3417870/" target="_blank"><b>that ESPN doc on the whole Harding/Kerrigan deal</b></a>. It's amazing. You know it has to be if I just recommended something from ESPN.) </div>
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My favorite thing about T Hard is her whole vibe and style. This is a woman with beauty MOMENTS. Here are my favorite times. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>When She Had Those Bangs.</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.btlnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/LR-Tonya_Nancy_PRICE_OF_GOLD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://www.btlnews.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/LR-Tonya_Nancy_PRICE_OF_GOLD.jpg" height="640" width="432" /></a></div>
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If you never had bangs that looked like fledgling sparrows were nesting in them, your ass didn't have BANGS. Pair them with white eyeshadow and you've got yourself a solid, solid look.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>And That Scrunchie.</b></span></div>
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Tonya was like the kaweeen of scrunchies. Her (imagined) hair routine was like: blow dry with one of those tiny Conair dryers that get up to 989852093845 degrees while brushing through your perm, do bangs, slick back into tight ponytail with a handful of LA Looks gel, tie hair back with a giant (preferably velvet) scrunchie, and call that shit a day. Flawless.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>And Also That Scrunchie. (With an Assist From That Blush.)</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://sangbleu.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/Screen-Shot-2015-02-26-at-19.45.44.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://sangbleu.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/Screen-Shot-2015-02-26-at-19.45.44.png" height="265" width="400" /></a></div>
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I told you -- queen of scrunchies.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>AND THIS EXTREMELY EARLY FRENCH BRAID THAT'S SO EARLY, IT STARTED BEFORE THE CIVIL WAR BEGAN.</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://a3.files.biography.com/image/upload/c_fit,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,h_1200,q_80,w_1200/MTE1ODA0OTcxODgyMDIyNDEz.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://a3.files.biography.com/image/upload/c_fit,cs_srgb,dpr_1.0,h_1200,q_80,w_1200/MTE1ODA0OTcxODgyMDIyNDEz.jpg" height="400" width="400" /></a></div>
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Signs that you aren't effing around with your French braid: it starts at your eyebrows.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>And This One Eyebrow.</b></span></div>
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<a href="https://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/tonya-harding-bio-photo.jpg?w=330" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/tonya-harding-bio-photo.jpg?w=330" /></a></div>
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Speaking of brows, this is a natural one. Hey dude, it's been a minute since I've seen one of you.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>And This Eyeliner.</b></span></div>
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<a href="http://imgick.masslive.com/home/mass-media/width620/img/sports_impact/photo/13986832-mmmain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://imgick.masslive.com/home/mass-media/width620/img/sports_impact/photo/13986832-mmmain.jpg" height="303" width="400" /></a></div>
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The Hard learned she was a "Spring" skin tone and went to MF-ing town with that blue eyeliner. Went to all the towns. She was so pleased, that she let Nancy borrow one of the royal scrunchies.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>AND LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT THIS KODAK MOMENT. </b></span></div>
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<a href="http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/multimedia/photo_gallery/1112/athlete.wags.90s/images/tonya-harding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/multimedia/photo_gallery/1112/athlete.wags.90s/images/tonya-harding.jpg" height="640" width="460" /></a></div>
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I dare you to find one single thing that isn't perfect about this. I DARE YOU. This should hang in the Louvre. </div>
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-32077967669394393772015-09-10T21:31:00.000-04:002015-09-10T21:31:28.078-04:00Semi-Tipsy Talks: How To Deal With An Ugly Day <div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/4E6WeHrPylA" width="560"></iframe><br /></div>
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Life ain't all sunshine and unicorn manes, especially when it comes to how you feel about yourself. Here's a (kind of) Tipsy Talk (the first!) about how to deal with an ugly day.<br />
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<a href="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m77qa4PoK51qase9m.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m77qa4PoK51qase9m.gif" /></a></div>
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But really just a <i>little. </i><br />
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<i> </i><br />
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<br />Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-27576186585839556252015-09-08T22:26:00.000-04:002015-09-08T22:26:09.555-04:00This Man Is Your Life Inspo Set To Music<div style="text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oOg3yc2lPtM" width="420"></iframe><br /></div>
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Is this your favorite use of green screen in the history of technology? Why am I even asking, of course it is. Stick it up your ass, <i>Great Gatsby</i> (the movie), there's a new green screen cowboy in green screen town.<br />
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This is TV John, and he's your new boyfriend. He also needs someone to turn his vocals way up. And because you are now borderline obsessed with TV John and TV John's life, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IODQ4MIZPhs" target="_blank"><b>here is TV John's cable access TV show</b></a>. Thank you for existing, Reddit, just for finding rare and majestic gems like TV John.<br />
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What do you think TV John is doing right now? Maybe he's shopping on Amazon Prime for tube socks.<br />
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<a href="http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx124/ohkimosabe/GIFS/anigif10.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://i748.photobucket.com/albums/xx124/ohkimosabe/GIFS/anigif10.gif" /></a></div>
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Or picking up a few new tops at Tommy Bahama.<br />
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Or just flying and shit.<br />
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TV John for president! (Of your dad's book club.)<br />
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<a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/crappymusic/comments/3j8ct7/tv_john_claims_to_have_recorded_over_6000_songs/" target="_blank"><b>via reddit </b></a>Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-81111325325711267422015-09-02T23:18:00.000-04:002015-09-03T23:53:05.790-04:00Miley Cyrus' New Music Video Is Grossing Me The Eff Out<div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/wu5iAgJ65dA" width="560"></iframe><br></div>
<br>Miley, what's good? Not this.<br>
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I don't even really HATE hate the song -- I can deal-ish with it. What I can't handle is the actual visuals of the video, where <span class="st">Destiny Hope Cyrus dumps a bunch of different shit all over her face and then spits it out. Sometimes it's in slo-mo, sometimes it reversed, but it's gross all the ways.</span><br>
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<span class="st">I don't want to see your tonsils, homie. With or without milk coating them. </span><br>
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<span class="st">And is glitter even safe to have all up in your mouth like that? I can't think about it anymore. I'm getting nauseated and I need a major palate cleanser.</span><br>
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<span class="st">Okay, that should be sufficient. Sweet dreams.</span><br>
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<span class="st"><br></span>Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8073599724235182794.post-17374314477780938072015-08-31T21:12:00.000-04:002015-08-31T23:49:56.485-04:005 Beauty Lessons I Learned From My '90s Mall Job<div style="text-align: left;">
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<a href="https://instagram.com/p/2j-e3fq3Xn/" style="color: black; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: 17px; text-decoration: none; word-wrap: break-word;" target="_top">Hang in there kids, it gets better. Serve it up in your Senior pictures, in spite of that mall haircut. #morelayersthanalayercake</a></div>
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A photo posted by Shannon Ray (Gloss And Dirt) (@glossanddirt) on <time datetime="2015-05-12T00:41:42+00:00" style="font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 17px;">May 11, 2015 at 5:41pm PDT</time></div>
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I grew up in a relatively small town, and teenaged it up in the '90s. So, suffice it to say, malls were everything. And kind of the only thing to do, save hanging out in giant groups in front of 7-11 and paging people from payphones. I worked at CHAMPS SPORTS in the mall, which is probably the most ill-fitting mall job I could ever have, as a staunch sports h8r.</div>
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Before we get started here, let me set the scene for you: I was wearing a pink ice ring and a gold anklet I got from the mall jewelry kiosk, which hit my ankle just above my Adidas shell-toes or Pumas, depending on the day at Champs. I had a haircut and chunky highlights also from the mall (see above), but more on that later. It was 1998.</div>
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This was actually my third job, and maybe where I learned the most. At least beauty-wise. My second job was at a car dealership, where I learned that men in their 30's will give 16-year-old girls cigarettes if asked, but that's not a super-helpful Soul Sunday lesson. Instead, let's go to the mall and see what I beauty info I gleaned from doing time there.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>1. Jerry Maguire is an actual person.</b></span></div>
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Okay, so I straight-up lied to your face. There are only four beauty lessons here. This first one has nothing to do with beauty, but I needed to share this story with the world (i.e. the five people that will read this). My Assistant Manager's name at Champs Sports was JERRY MAGUIRE. And I could never get over it. </div>
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Him: "Hi, I'm the new Assistant Manager, Jerry Maguire"</div>
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Me: "Wait, what? Like JERRY MAGUIRE, Jerry Maguire????"</div>
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Him: "Yes."</div>
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Me: "Wow! What was that like, when you first heard about the movie? Did you freak out? Did you scream in the movie theater? Did you pee just a little bit? Did you slap someone with a pair of satin gloves?"</div>
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Him: "No. It wasn't really a big deal."</div>
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Me:</div>
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YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE A MOVIE NAME, SIR. NOT EVEN A TOM CRUISE MOVIE. I spoke to him as little as possible after that.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>2. Mall hair cuts can eff you up, man.</b></span></div>
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My actual haircut was pretty much this gif. It was very shitty.</div>
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I got my hair done in the mall because, uhh doy, I worked there and could strut my ass down there in less time than it took to drink an Orange Julius. A perfectly pleasant-ish woman close to retirement age would highlight and cut it to my non-specification every couple months. I said I wanted to have hair the color of Heather Locklear's (THIS IS SO '90s), and ended up with chunky highlights. I told her to give my a fun haircut, and ended up having THAT for my senior pictures.</div>
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Listen, #NotAllMallHaircuts are bad haircuts. Just choose your adventure carefully. And bring extra Heather Locklear pictures. </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>3. Work your shit, even when you get in trouble for it.</b></span><br />
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A part of the Champs Sports sporty uniform included khaki shorts. My shorts happened to be very short khaki shorts. During one of my short-shorted shifts, the Regional Manager came to visit the store. This man informed me that my shorts were <i>too</i> short. I told him I wasn't changing, and the only reason people even came in the store was because of my shorts. Oh, 17-year-old bravado, you are such an asshole-y card. I somehow did not get fired, or even in trouble, and I kept wearing the shorts.<br />
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Bottom line -- if ever there is a time to show all that gam, it's when you're a rude 17-year-old. So do you, and eff what a mid-level manager type has to say. Have you <i>seen </i>Kylie Jenner?<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>4. You can still lace up a Nike with really long acrylic nails.</b></span><br />
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My high school acrylic nails were long as hell. They were so long that they almost started curling back toward my palm. But I didn't let those plastic talons hold me back from completing my mall job duties. I could lace a K Swiss in record time. I could spray the Michael Jordan cologne sample on the drop of a dime. (Am I writing a poem right now?) I could ring up those no-show athletic socks tout suite.<br />
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Other non-mall job duties I could perform included: inserting/removing contact lenses, applying chocolate brown lipstick with just a hint of frost, and opening and closing the clasps on chokers from Contempo Casuals.<br />
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Don't you ever let someone tell you your beauty choices are limiting and ridiculous, even if they probably are.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b>5. Cocoa butter is the tits.</b></span><br />
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My manager at Champs Sports was a giant of a man with deep, glowy skin, and probably the last person I would think would give my a beauty love to last a lifetime. He was a really manly type of dude.<br />
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But one day, after a long shift of my adolescent complaining about dry hands, he opened a drawer and tossed me a tube of something. "What's this?" I said, completely unfamiliar with this new lotion he had tossed into my Edward Scissorhands hands. He was like, "You've never heard of cocoa butter? Try it." AND THAT'S WHEN I FELL IN MF-ing LOVE. (With the cocoa butter, not the manager. He was like 30-something.)<br />
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If you have read this blog for even three seconds, you know I have an <a href="http://glossanddirt.blogspot.com/2015/05/the-beauty-products-ill-buy-until-i-die.html" target="_blank"><b>undying</b></a>, <a href="http://glossanddirt.blogspot.com/2014/08/best-products-for-dry-skin.html" target="_blank"><b>ride-or-die</b></a> <a href="http://glossanddirt.blogspot.com/2013/12/the-best-beauty-unicorns-you-could.html" target="_blank"><b>love</b></a> for <a href="http://glossanddirt.blogspot.com/2012/02/lose-scaly-skin-best-heavy-duty-body.html" target="_blank"><b>cocoa butter</b></a>. It's one of the only products I have used consistently for over 15 years. And I owe it all to that man, whose name I can't remember, because it wasn't Jerry Maguire.<br />
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Shannonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10376777988902026863noreply@blogger.com0