I recently bought the Are You Afraid of the Dark trilogy, because how could I not, and also...
Reading these books again really brought me back to being a weird kid, reenacting the stories in front of my Stepmom's video camera. Especially my literal ride-or-die (it's basically all horseback riding) story, "Cold as Clay."
In tribute, I did a non-scary eye look inspired by this two-paged tale of terror. Okay, terror is way too strong. Curiosity? Whatever, watch if you're into it.
I don't even really HATE hate the song -- I can deal-ish with it. What I can't handle is the actual visuals of the video, where Destiny Hope Cyrus dumps a bunch of different shit all over her face and then spits it out. Sometimes it's in slo-mo, sometimes it reversed, but it's gross all the ways.
I don't want to see your tonsils, homie. With or without milk coating them.
And is glitter even safe to have all up in your mouth like that? I can't think about it anymore. I'm getting nauseated and I need a major palate cleanser.
Okay, that should be sufficient. Sweet dreams.
Hey, have you heard? I'm lazy as shit. In this episode of the Lazy Diaries, I cover Sarah Potempa's Beachwaver, the easiest tool to curl human hair. And probably horse hair, but I haven't tried that.
You can buy it a few places, including Ulta (you can use a coupon on it, too!) and even Target. I bought mine here from Birchbox, and used a 20% off newbie person promo code (I just googled to find one).
Well, some people asked for a new Tipsy Tutorial video, and boy did you ever get one. Enjoy my steep, steep decline. And if you've ever wondered what kind of drunk I am, apparently the answer is sad. Very, very sad.
Please just watch this glamorous person instead. I need a piece of burger.
Okay, so Wiggy Gardenia is actually my dog's stage name. Iggy Azalea is the one on this track, but I think Wiggy would have been a solid choice. Plus, she has a better acting range than Iggs.
We need to get real about this video. Brit Brit's weave situation changes THREE TIMES without so much as one outfit switch. Who in eff's sake was wig wrangling on this set? (My money is on either Jayden James or Daddy Spears.)
P.S. If that shot on the left isn't the cover of a late-'90s porn video, I know nothing about anything.
I'm actually kind of into the Earth Girls are Easy vibe of the whole thing, but JESUS GOD, what are these speaking parts? No one should be talking in this shit. No one. Not even you, lavender lipstick and earrings/bang deal girl. No one.
But especially not Iggy. Her whole, "I can turteelaaay fux it fur yeeeeew," and also the, "Laht me call yewr fran," made my brain quit this bitch and fall out of my ear hole. I first typed whole, so you know that it's true. She sounds like a German person doing an impression of an Australian person doing a Valley Girl accent.
On a positive note, at least Brit was excited for her alien abduction.
If you're in the mood to get some free ish, watch this video for your chance to win an April Allure Sample Society box. Then, click back over to the OG video and leave a comment. If you've got your lucky winning pants on, maybe you can cop one of these babies!
If you want to get your mitts on this month's Sample Society box, first watch this video. (Don't worry, I tried to keep it short.) Then go read all the rules and such and leave comment on the OG YouTube video.
I don't do well with massages. I'm super uncomfortable and talk the whole time and pretty much make everyone involved feel weird.
But for this months' Outrageous Beauty, I GOT A DAMN MASSAGE. Did I survive? Did I act like a creep? Is there a shot of my tramp stamp? All of these answers and more on this video. Watch if you're into it.
Very few things bring me more joy than watching Kate McKinnon bring the hardcore douchey-baby-vibes with her Justin Bieber impression, and this is her masterpiece. This is the GD Mona Lisa of faux Bieb-ing.
"Yo, my pee-pee's in there," is my new mantra. I'm going to chant it in yoga and shit. While wearing a codpiece.
And just in (Justin? Sorry.) case this is too Bieber-adjacent for your tastes and you need to get the stank off, here's your palette cleanser.
You know I never leave you on a shitty Justin Bieber note.
This week is the premiere of HBO's GIRLS fourth season. I'm pretty excited, because I love the extreme levels of selfishness of everyone on this show. It's fantastic. And makes me feel good about myself. Selfish.
So for this months' Get the Look video, I decided to do a mashup look of all of the characters. Plus, you can peep my amazing acting skills. AND vocal stylings.
I friggin' love using double-duty beauty products. Whenever you can use something for more than one purpose, that's a good-ass deal. So I decided to make a video using only five products, and using four of those things for two things...shit, that's confusing.
Just watch the video (if you want). It will all (kind of) make sense. I'm also posting all of the products that I used below the video, just in case you're in an anti-video jail, or at your Gam Gam's, or something, and can't watch.
I know that it's the holidays and you're busy thinking about other people (BORING) and being all nice and crap, but why not take a couple of minutes and do something for your own damn self?
If you want to cop this month's Allure Sample Society box for free, watch this video and follow the instructions from the YouTube description box. That's it! Now you can go back to whatever crazy-ass holiday schedule you're currently enduring.