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Showing posts with label Lips. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lips. Show all posts

Monday, April 7, 2014

Dammit, I'm Back On The Gloss

I've been on a major lipstick bender for the past few months. It's been a pretty ride-or-die matte lipstick moment in my life, really. Then all of that flew out the window when I got a box of samples from tarte, which included EIGHT SHADES of the LipSurgence lip gloss ($19). I peed my friggin' pants a little, then I fell in love.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend
It was like lip gloss screamed, "I'm back, bitches!" in my heart. And it was like we had never parted. Like The Notebook or some shit.


tarte LipSurgence lip gloss in tipsy, $19
Is this too dramatic? Sorry. I've always been an over-actor. Bottom line, these homies are legit. They're super shiny, not sticky, are pretty long lasting (for a gloss), and come in a variety of cupcake-y colors. Here are the ones that I gave a whirl:

I arranged them in order of what I felt like I would wear most to least, but that's really a load of bullshit, because there was not one that I was all, "Ick, nast," about. And that's saying something, because I hate 99% of all things.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend
But I would wear every single one of these puppy dogs in the drop of a dime piece, no questions asked. The colors are sheer, but still pigmented, and I think they would be gorgeous on a wide range of skin tones. EVERYONE WINS.

If you want to check them for yourself, see the full tarte LipSurgence cornucopia of offerings here.


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Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Drugstore Beauty: A Sassy Ass Spring Refresher For Just $20

It's officially Spring, you guys. So that means it's time to get our beauty shit so fresh and so clean, clean. But mostly just fresh.


With seasonal changes, I usually like to get some of that new new to spruce up my makeup flair, but due to broke ass-inducing circumstances like having to pay boring taxes and one of my dogs having to have double knee surgery, that cash flow game is pretty damn tight. So I decided to try to keep it affordable and spend $20 at the drugstore, just to find a few key things to help Stella get her groove back on the cheap.


This is seriously the state of one of my local drugstore beauty aisles. Was there a zombie apocalypse involving shitloads of liquid eyeliner and I was completely unaware? And if you wanted to buy a mascara here, you had to go get a clerk to unlock a anti-theft deal to get to it. Is mascara now pots o' gold? Am I unwittingly living on Riker's Island? Too much, drugstore. Too much. Regardless of what kind of effery was going on, as you can see I effectively spent my twenty dollars. Plus a couple of extra dollars. Whatever. I'm no Suze Orman. Here's what I ending up getting:


The one thing that I knew I wanted to get this Spring was an orange-y hued lipstick. Every beauty publication in the universe (seriously, google it) is saying that this is THE COLOR YOU MUST HAVE ON YOUR LIPS OR YOU'LL DIE OR SOMETHING, so who am I to buck the system? I also knew I wanted to get something matte, because that's my deal, so I was delighted to find the bright orange (with a touch of red) NYX Matte Lipstick in Indie Flick. It's a damn dream.

Because I wanted to keep the focus on that bangin' ass lip color, I wanted to keep the rest of my face as neutral as Switzerland (or Sweden if you're Jessica Alba). I've been dying to try the Maybelline Color Tattoo Dare to Go Nude Collection, so I settled on Sleek & Spice, which is a taupe with a dab of metallics. This isn't my first go-round with Color Tattoo shadows. I really love them because they're a gel-like texture, but DO NOT CREASE like a pair of linen pants at a Southern wedding. They're great. And you can layer them with powder shadows. Get on this train.

I next found the adorable cobalt blue turban/headband thing, and my day was made. I have roughly two billion of these because they cover a multitude of unfortunate circumstances, like my huge forehead and dirty hair. I hoard these things. I'm kind of like Brett Michaels and his bandanas about it.

Once I got that little guy, I was kind of on the blue kick, even though I am not a matcher in any part of my life. Either way, I fell in love with, not a stripper, but this Sally Hansen Xtreme Wear in Pacific Blue polish. It's GD lovely. Bonus: I only used one coat and it was completely opaque. Yay for lazy enabling!

Here's the finished product of my Spring-y reboot.


I'm super happy with how I spent my twenty spot. I would have probably just spent it on brokedown mall gumball machines anyway. What are you guys craving for Springtime beauty stuffs? Tell me what else I can buy.




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Saturday, March 15, 2014

Get That 90s Beauty Vibe, In Completely A Non-Tragic Way

They say, whoever the hell "they" are (Illuminati?), that fashion and beauty trends are cyclical, and everything comes back after about 20 years. That means we're smack dab in the middle of the 90s again. I've totally been there and done that, in middle and high school, and it was all terrifyingly terrible. With those feelings in mind, I've taken these boomeranged 90s beauty trends and given them a slightly modern tweak, so I can avoid flashbacks of the most awkward time in my life. Now I will be able to continue living like a friggin' human being, for the most part, without having to listen to a "Jock Jams" compilation album on repeat.

Chocolate Rain Nails


Yes, I used a "Chocolate Rain" reference in 2014. I know not what I do. The bad mofos at Floss Gloss sent me a sample of Blood, Suede & Tears a while back, and I have never gotten around to using it until now. There's a reason for my madness -- I have deep-seated issues with chocolate brown nail polish. It was my polish du jour (for every jour) in high school, so I'm almost still burned out on it. Like the Celine Dion Titanic song. It's all still filed under "too soon" in my brain.


But then I actually TRIED this polish, and it's pretty damn boss. I decided to top it off with my OPI Matte Top Coat to give it a more leathery look, and it looks 0% like my high school nails, but still has a hint of that 90s vibe. IN YOUR FACE, 1998!

Brows to the Max

my down ass brow pencil and well-loved anastasia brow powder
Okay, so maybe the 80s are the most known decade for big ass brows, but I refuse to think about sperm-y eyebrows of the mid to late 90s. I can't. I'm talking those lush-to-death Linda Evangelista brows that just won't quit. Those things are bad boys for life. (You know Puffy's going to try to sue me now.)


The biggest, boldest brows are built in two steps. (And in a day. Take that, Rome!) First, create the shape of the brows you want with an eyebrow pencil that's a couple of shades lighter than your hair color. Because this is the part that really shows on your skin, and doesn't stick to your hair, you don't want the pencil to be dark and super obvious. After you've penciled up, fill-in the stencil you've created with a slightly-darker-than-your-hair brow powder. Always follow the direction of the hair growth of your brows, to keep them looking natural and non-tattoo-like. Viva la bushy brows!

Kate Moss-esque Zero Effs Grunge Hair


The queen of 90s-I-don't-even-care-about-anything-I-just-happen-to-be-hot-and-my-boyfriend-is-Johnny-Depp hair is obviously Kate Moss. I mean, look at this picture. It's so meta 90s that you want to scoff your a-hole off. And Kate's like, "Wheeee! I just woke up this way! Next to Johnny mf-ing Depp in his sexy prime! I have quirky and adorable teeth! I kind of paved the way for Kirsten Dunst! I never got a thank you letter for that, but I'll let it go! Frozen! Adele Dazim! Isn't my hair so damn recklessly fabulous?"


Here's the best thing about this 90s hair resurgence: it's perfect for lazies. It really looks best with air-dried, messy hair, and this takes almost zero effort. And, really, second-day hair works even better, if you can stand it. I usually can't do second-day hair sans chapeau (thanks, seven years of French) but I treated my slightly oily hair here with the Jonathan Dry Dirt spray, which I was given a sample of, to sop up a little grease and add some texture and volume. My non-blow dried hair is limp as the limpest noodle (insert your own dirty joke, freak-a-leeks), so I've been using Dry Dirt on the daily, and it's the perfect mix of texture with a teensy bit of hold. The cherry on the 90s hair cake (that's disgusting) is a deep side part, so part it up. Okay, where's Johnny Depp? Side note -- how often do you think JD washes his hair? Twice a month, tops, I bet.

Gloom n' Doom Lips


Remember, like, seven paragraphs ago when I told you I was almost irreparably damaged in my beauty brain by my own brown nail history? I pretty much felt the same way about dark lips, man. As you can see by Exhibit A above, I really favored dark brown lips in my teenaged years. So when the dark lipped trend recently bared it's beautifully monstrous head again, I had to find a way to flip the script to let the darkness back into my life, without feeling like I was participating in a horrible Freaky Friday-like experiment.

I achieved this by pretty much living and dying by this picture of Lily Collins when it comes to dark n' lovely lips. Instead of a brown-ish based lip, I favor deep reddish burgundy, like Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Shame. For maximum impact, I keep the rest of my mug relatively on the down low and let my lips do the talking. It's like my old school brown lip game, with a new school twist. As for my choker collection, it's been put out to pasture. Sorry, world, I'm not ready.




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Tuesday, January 21, 2014

How To Get Yo' (Makeup-Wearing) Mug To Last All Day

There are few things worse than spending a big ol' chunk of time on your makeup, only to discover that it was all in vain by lunch, because that sh*t is fading like a mofo. Don't let yourself me the poster child for a sad sack of a made-up face, and check out how to keep your face on your face.

All Primed Ever-y-thang


Primer is super-important when it comes to making your 'face' last into eternity. It's like the foundation...to your foundation (ugh x2). I know I have told your asses two billion times before, but using Urban Decay's Eyeshadow Primer Potion (urban decay, $10-$20) is a game changer when it comes to your eye makeup. It makes that gross creasing sh*t a thing of the past, all while intensifying shadows and keeping all of your eye stuffs in check. Seriously, as long as I have two pennies to rug together I WILL BUY THIS SH*T.


As far a foundation primer goes, I have had some issues with those bad boys. The only primer I have ever found to not melt right off of my insanely oily face is this one from Murad. But if you're oily-faced and ballin' on a budget, I find that applying a little pressed powder to your face pre-liquid foundation really cuts down on shine and that b*tch of an oily/blotchy/muddy mess that tends to happen to the sebum-inflicted ladies.

If you are a normal-to-dry person, goody on you. You really have your pick of primers. It's a great way to get a smooth canvas before your foundation application train starts rolling. Just skip putting it on your eyelids -- that's just asking for more creases in your eyeshadow than A.C. Slater had in his pleated Z Cavariccis.

Set It Off


If I'm looking at a long-ass day ahead of me, I know that I will be finishing my face with a setting spray. It's like a hairspray for your face, without actually using hairspray on your face. My favorite setting spray is far and away Model in a Bottle ($18-$21). I've been using this good good for what feels like forever, and it's completely mandatory for me on special occasions/hot and humid/never-ending days. I've tried other brands, but they can all take a seat, because I love this sh*t.

Lips For Days


Long wear lipsticks have come a long ass mf-ing way, you guys. Gone are the days of the chunky, gross lips of yesteryear. And I have found a couple of truly ride-or-die, crazy long-lasting lipsticks that will last forever, ever.


Kat von D makes (made?) a great, lasting lip called Everlasting Love Liquid Lipstick (one pictured is Outlaw) that I CAN'T FIND ANY-DAMN-WHERE, except for on amazon for, like, $2.5 million dollars. Here's another kitty Kat lip that seems semi-similar, but let us all wish on a Magic 8 Ball that Sephora brings the OG back.

I was sampled the hot pink goodness above that is MAKE UP FOR EVER Aqua Rouge in Fuchsia (Sephora, $24) a while back, and it's still a staple for me when it comes to a statement lip.


The color is really intense, and it will last a looooong ass time, from A.M. coffee times to glass whatever-your-life-is-about of wine. Or until the cows come home. I don't know how you mark your time. But, if you yearn for a NeverEnding (lip) Story, this lipstick is the one for you.


Do you guys have any tips for a long-lating face game? Spill your secrets in the comments, or forever hold your peace and be selfish.




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Thursday, December 12, 2013

Fun Times With The New Eddie Funkhouser Cosmetics Line. (See What I Did There?)

I really could write an entire post here about my high levels of jealousy that my last name isn't Funkhouser, but I'll save (most of) my neuroses for every other effing thing that I write. Eddie Funkhouser, who is badass/rocker-chic makeup artist dude, just came out with a new line of cosmetics. So, of course, I really wanted to try all that new new, and the nice EF peeps sent me some stuff to sample. Why anyone on this Earth indulges in my pleas and annoyances, I don't really know.


I first tried the Girls on Film Palette ($14.99), which is made up of non-blahsville colors like pink(ish) tones, blue and silver. They all blend pretty damn nicely, and are a welcome change from the neutral tones that I am always shoveling all over my eyeball lids.


Speaking of neutrals, OF COURSE I had to try the Utlimate Smoky Eye Palette ($14.99), too, because I'm a brat that just told you how much I love neutrals. Thanks for ignoring me. I really love this little angel of a compact, and I completely enjoy that a base/highlight eyeshadow shade is included, because it indulges my lazy lifestyle. I'm bout it, bout it when it comes to that easy life.


Speaking of neutrals (part deux), I also have a total lady boner when it comes to nude-y girl lip colors. For lipstick, I went for the Hyperreal Nourishing Lip Color in Innuendo ($11.99). It has an uber creamy (sorry, I'm disgusting myself with that word, but it's accurate) texture, and has the slightest pink touch to nude, to make sure you don't look like an undead person. It's pretty, pretty without being too princess-y.

The nude n' lovely gloss is the Hyperreal Hydrating Lip Gloss in Unapologetic ($10.99), and this beast has earned a permanent place in my purse. (It's a modern day tongue twister!) I'm a sucker ass sucker for a pink/nude gloss sans glittery goop, and this stuff is pretty killer.

via realitytvgifs
The best part of this line? It's affordable! So I can totally be a sucker for all this badassery, without having to actually sucker...never mind. Check out all of the Eddie Funkhouser fun for yourself here.




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Friday, October 4, 2013

How To Be A Trash Bag Like Me In 5 Easy Steps (Actually Featuring Some Badass Products)

Have you b's heard the good word? I'm kind of trashy.

actual comment about me to prove said trash bag-ness
 But you know what? Being trashy is a fun way to live life IN THIS MOTHER, so suck it, world. And just in case you feel like getting on some next level non-classy sh*t, here's how you can get like me (at least this week).

#1 Drink Cheap(ish) Wine.

jam jar sweet shiraz, $9.99 at whole foods, but check yo' ish
You guys, I love this wine more than most things that currently exist on this earth. I originally picked it up from Whole Foods just because the bottle is super adorable and actually jam jar-looking, PLUS IT HAS A SCREW TOP, which lends itself to my lazy and drink-y lifestyle. Freakin' major points on that sh*t.

Once I actually consumed this affordable nectar of the Gods, I was all in. It's kind of sweet, but not in a over-the-top way.


Try it. It's like $10-$12 most places, so re-gift it (to me) if you hate it (I hate you if you do), and you aren't out a bajillion bucks, man.

#2 Hermit Yourself Up In Your House And Watch A Show Featuring Badasses, Until You Think You're A Badass.

http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/277/files/2013/09/sons-of-anarchy.jpg
featuring lots of hot backs and other parts
I've barely tended to basic ass hygiene this week (even more so than the usual), and I blame it all on Sons of Anarchy. I'm been binge watching the ish out of this show, and I show no signs of slowing.

my favorite dudes of SOA, opie & tig
One of the reasons for my can't stop, won't stop SOA viewing is for the dudes. I'm doing it all for the pseudo nookie, I guess. I know that most homegirls' lady flower tizzies are for the main guy Charlie Hunnam, and don't get me wrong, he's hot. BUT, I'm way more into the secondary hot mens like Ryan Hurst (Opie) and Kim Coates (Tig). What can I say? You guys know I'm into the "off the beaten path" when it comes to man crush feelings.

P.S. If you are a dumb dumb head like me and haven't yet watched this show, get on that sh*t, you silly mofo.

P.P.S. If you're current on episodes, DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT THE EFF IS UP WITH THESE TWO. (Although I've gotten a hint of Opie spoilers, and I am not happy.)

#3 Buy And Wear Clothes Inspired By (Male) Characters Of Said Show.

flannel and beanie, target, boots, nordstrom
See above, and you can see why I'm currently dressing like a grungy motorcycle dude. My obsessions run deep. I got these Steve Madden "Leader" boots from Nordstrom during their big ass sale deal (not the actual name of the sale) a couple of months ago, and I wear the sh*t out of them -- pretty much on the daily. The flannel and beanie can be copped from Target on the cheap, although I couldn't find them online.

denim vest, h&m, faux leather vest, f21
And every lady-type biker man needs some vests, obviously. The acid wash denim is from H&M a few months ago (similar one here), and the studded fake leather deal is from Forever 21. Thankfully, my ass is clipped to the brim with weave, or I would be constantly mistaken for a boy.

#4 Same Damn Makeup, Different Damn Day.

marc jacobs eyes, urban decay lip
I've been in a major makeup rut lately, and have pretty much been switching up my beauty looks 0% of the time. But I really give zero effs, because I'm totally into it. I've been all about a baby liquid liner cat eye paired with a bold lip, usually the MAC RuPaul Viva Glam goodness I told you about the other day, or this Urban Decay Revolution Lipstick in Shame that I recently bought.

urban decay in shame, $22
It photographed weirdly light, but it's super sumptuous and creamy as f*ck, as well as deep and gorgeous. (That sounded really romance novel-y, but I didn't even say throbbing.) I've also been using the new Marc Jacobs eye palette and liner that I bought at the same time, but I'll talk about that another day. I don't give it up all at once. I'm a damn lady.

#5 Watch Britney's New Music Video On Repeat.



The first time that I heard Brit Brit's new song, I left super "meeeh" about it. But, of course, that sh*t completely grew on me and once I peeped that video scene, I was totally into it. I can't help it, when Britney does that dumb Madonna-esque fake British accent, I lose my ish. Viva la Britney, b*tch. Gimme, gimme more.


Okay, okay, I'm done. What trashy ass tendencies do you guys have? I know you're out there, don't leave a b hanging.








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Monday, September 30, 2013

RuPaul Just Rocked My Damn World With MAC's Viva Glam (The Original) Lipstick.

I really went to MAC the other day to just check out what the what was with that RiRi collection, and maybe to see what those Retro Matte 'sticks were all about. But when my ass was in there, one of the MAC girls told me about RuPaul's OG Viva Glam being back, and how IT WAS A MATTE BURGUNDY RED, and my ass was sold faster than fried pickles (to me). Even though I ALREADY have an effing red lip that I love. I'm such a dumb dumb sucker...for every damn thing.

mac viva glam, $15
But on the real, TELL ME THAT F*CKING COLOR ISN'T GORGEOUS. YOU'D BE A LIE.

via pandoraboxx
Oh, but that's not even all the good good, baby bubba

 

This sh*t lasts a crazy long time. Like, almost as long as the terrible one-ply toilet paper I bought at a convenience store three weeks ago. (Why won't it end? WHY?) My lips lasted through an entire shift at work, even through eating and drinking (I do a lot of that mess), with very little fading.

my typical work day, IN MY DREAMS.
PLUS, it's not drying, and doesn't get weird and pill-y like pretty much all the for real long wear lipsticks. It's pretty much perfection in a stick.


Thanks, Ru.



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Thursday, August 22, 2013

MacGyver Makeup Creations -- The Deep Wine Lip


As evidenced by this tweet, I've been semi-obesessing over wine lips as of late. Listen, this lip is not for people that like to pussyfoot around (or even dick around) with the bold lip thing. It's really only for those that are downright bout it, bout it.

I've been searching for a perfect wine lip product, so if you've got a line on one, let my ass know. I don't really want one Gaga dark, but definitely bold as f*ck. But in the meantime, I decided to play around with the million lip things that I already have to find something to tide my impatient ass over.


I started by lining my lips with a nude-ish liner, and then applied MAC Pro Longwear Lipcreme in Approaching Storm with a lip brush, because that sh*t is darker than my effing soul if you apply it directly.


I topped it off with Styli-Style Lip Paint in Tres Chic. End of story, maybe I pussyfooted around the lipstick portion of this deal too much, because I really wish I ended up with a darker result. And I'll keep searching for a badass b*tch of a deep wine lipstick/gloss/whatever the eff. But for now, I've MacGyver-ed some ish that I can live with. Result level -- pretty, pretty, pretty...okay.




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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Low Maintenance Chicks Rejoice: The Entire Universe's Best Lip Balms

I told you guys a while back about my crack-like addiction to lip balms, and my new favorite one from me & the girls. So I decided to compile a list of my all time favorite lip jams, because these sh*ts are the good good AND the cheap cheap, and you can't beat that mf-ing combo.


My first pick is my b*tch because it gives a touch o' color to your lippies.

Burt's Bees Replenishing Lip Balm with Pomegranate Oil, $3
I like a lot of Burt's Bees products, but this is one of my top b's. It provides just a pinch of pink to your lips, and is nice and moisturizing. Win-sies!

Evolution of Smooth Smooth Sphere Lip Balm in Honeysuckle Honeydew, $3.29
 This little boo berry is one of my faves based mostly on smell/taste. But I also love the weird case deal and it feels like a dream on your lips.

The Fresh Market 100% All Natural Lip Balm in Peppermint, $???
This last one is kind of a tricky (tricky, tricky, tricky) situation. I bought this at Fresh Market on a whim one night, and I f*cking fell in love with this shit. It's minty, which I love, and feels pretty much the best out of any lip balm deal out there.

But, here's the bad part -- I can't find any trace of it online. I'm guessing you can only buy it at the actual Fresh Market grocery stores, and they aren't exactly on every corner. So, what I'm saying is, I'm kind of a huge b*tch for even telling you about this, because it might not be easily obtainable.


Hmmm. Sorry 'bout that.

Tell me things. Do you guys have some lip chap you love to pieces?



 


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