Pop Culture Beauty School: Lips Inspired By Your Favorite Pop Music Videos

It should come as no surprise that I basically base all my life choices on pop culture.

What should I eat for dinner? Chinese takeout, care of SATC's Miranda Hobbes. What should I watch right now? Reruns of Malibu Country, courtesy of Heather/Gretchen/Alexis on Real Housewives of Orange County. What should I NOT do with my life? Murder people, thanks to every episode of every show I've seen at least thirty-seven times on Discovery ID, or Investigation Discovery. (Side note: WHAT IS THE OFFICIAL NAME OF THIS CHANNEL? I watch it 90% of my life, and it's still unclear to me.)

Then, naturally, the lipstick I wear is based directly upon what the eff I'm listening to. Here's a cosmetic-filled road map to it all.

Robert Palmer - Addicted to Love

This is probably the most obvious link between lips and music videos that ever existed. "Addicted to Love" is basically a lipstick-and-legs commercial, with a dash of LA Looks hair gel thrown into the mix. X-TREME hold.

If this video doesn't make your heart skip several beats over that bold-ass red lip, you can take your not-scarlet-y lips have several seats.

This ColourPop Lippie Sitx in Bichette ($5, ColourPop) is almost a match made in classic-red-lipped heaven with this Robert Palmer jam. Just with a smidge less shine. Might as well face it, this lipstick is the shit. And it costs $5.

Aqua - Barbie Girl

Okay, okay, this song and video are more annoying than watching episodes of Everybody Loves Raymond and then Coach with your dad, but the '90s were annoying. They just were.

Similarly, this NYX Cosmetics Matte Lipstick in Shocking Pink ($5.99, Ulta) is annoyingly bright, but in the most complementary sense of the word. Plus, it's pretty much the exact shade of pink (with a touch lilac) as the convertible in the video. Hate the song, not the lip, H8RZ.

Britney Spears - Oops!...I Did It Again

Other than Brit's acting chops (AKA "the old lady dropping it into the ocean at the end"), this video lived and died with that red pleather jumpsuit.

This tarte LipSurgence lip gloss in natural beauty ($19, tarte) is the reddest and glossiest thing I have in my lip arsenal, but I still don't think it does Britney's getup the SHINE and RED justice it truly deserves. Awww, you shouldn't have...OOPS, I...Maybe next time.

Alanis Morrisette - Thank U

"Thank U" is no "You Oughta Know," because there can never be enough songs about allegedly fellating Dave Coulier in a movie theater, but it's the most naked music video that came to mind.

Nude lipstick is notoriously difficult, because everyone has a different skin tone and desired level of opaque-ness, but this NYX Cosmetics Soft Matte Lip Cream in London ($5.99, Ulta) is a beige-y dream in a tube. It's like an impenetrable pair of L'eggs hosiery: all vaguely tan with zero shine. But, you know, sexy.

UB40 - Red Red Wine

Real talk -- I hate this GD song -- I really just wanted to talk about the magic of this kind-of-lipstick lipstick.

If you've ever wanted the color of a wined-out lip stain, but the moisture of a lip chap, Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey (Clinique, $17) will be your all-marshmallow box o' Lucky Charms. It's the perfect blackberry jam lite color, and if I wasn't disgusted by the word creamy, I would almost say it's creamy (BLEH BLEH BLEH). It's gel-y? Jelly? I don't know; it's fantastic.

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Pop Culture Beauty School: The 15 Beauty Lessons We Learned From Sex And The City

Like many pop culture gems worth their salt, Sex and the City had some freaking fantastic beauty moments. Like Carrie's hair. And Carrie's hair. And when Samantha shaved her head after chemo treatments, and that hot bia Smith followed suit. That was a real sacrifice; dude had some magical-ass hair. 

But even beyond that, SATC gave us actual teachable beauty lessons -- times you could say, "Shit, I FEEL that." Here are my favorite 15.

1. It may take a minute to find a good look for yourself. 

(Season 1, Episode 1)

 

Hopefully, you've already gleaned this nugget of beauty information from me, but if you haven't, I think this photo collage alone allows me to rest my case, Your Honor. Your pilot look usually sucks, even in life.

2. Don't stay up doing shady shit all night when you're shooting a cover story for NEW YORK EFFING MAGAZINE the next day. (Season 2, Episode 4)

In this case, Carrie should have used her own GD advice and taken a Nap(a). And maybe time-traveled to 2015 and used a really hydrating sheet mask? Yes, that's a question mark.

3. Instead of having "the talk" with your (maybe) boyfriend, just leave your tampons and a brush there. (Season 2, Episode 11)

Talking sucks; let your girly shit do the speaking.

4. Hair plugs are scary. (Season 2, Episode 11)

Have these things improved with time? Help me, Bosley Medical.

5. Let your boob flag fly, you total Char. 

(Season 3, Episode 3)

Charlotte was super uptight about showing her bawdy, but once she was actually naked, everyone was like, "Uhh...nice rack." So, quit being all uncool. Okay?

6. Getting your hootenanny waxed is probably horrible. 

(Season 3, Episode 14)

 I, admittedly, have never done this. I attempted to begin an at-home wax once, and it was the worst and I got a shitty rash. HARD PASS on the real thing.

7. Braces are a real bitch. (Season 3, Episode 15)

It doesn't matter if you're 14 or 40, having metal in your mouth is not NEARLY as fun as flattening a paperclip and pretending it's a retainer. Futuristic mouth transplants, where you at?

8. Keep some flip flops, or some type of shit, in your bag. 

(Season 3, Episode 17)

Carrie was foot-mugged on the dirty-ass streets of New York, and we couldn't help but wonder: would you rather a), keep some simple type of footwear in your bag for emergencies; or b), have Britney-barefoot-in-a-Starbucks feet? Choose your own adventure.

9. Heidi Klum ain't all that. (Season 4, Episode 2)

JK, JK; she totally is. And, also, if Dolce & Gabbana tell you to put on bedazzled underwear and get to stepping, you do it?

Then you fall on your a-hole. And it's fine.

10. Fake nips are an actual thing. (Season 4, Episode 6)

I have nothing else to say about this. I just wanted you to know that they exist.

11. Dudes really like deodorant. (Season 4, Episode 13)

Carrie found hoarder-levels of antiperspirant in Aidan's man stuff, and I have found similar things around my own house. This makes me ask -- Dudes, why you so obsessed with deodorant?

12. Sarcasm Report: If you want to look whorey, get some volume in your hair and define your eyebrows. 

(Season 5, Episode 3)

Charlotte went to Atlantic City with the other girls of SATC, and decided to slip into a shiny freakum dress and v, v solid hair and makeup. She was trying to look slutty, and I LIKED IT A LOT. Buy some eyeliner, Charlotte York. It's not just for sluts anymore! (Can that please be a tagline for a cosmetics ad?)

13. Face peels will peel your face. (Season 5, Episode 5)

Samantha got a peel, and looked a hot and bloody mess, as one is wont-ish to look. It is my one great hope that they put raspberry jelly all over Kim Cattrall's face to film these scenes, like they do with pretend newborns in movies, who are actually like 28 months old.

14. If you have a cystic zit, LEAVE IT THE HELL ALONE.

 (Season 5, Episode 7)

Carrie had a big-ass zit. On a dirty-ass train. If you find yourself in that exact situation, just leave it alone and slap a sulfur-y mud mask on your face. Not all zits are meant to be popped. (I know, I know. Don't pop anything. Boring.)

15. Don't dye your pubes with hair dye. Please. 

(Season 6A, Episode 12)

Samantha found a gray pube and decided to try to get the carpet to match the drapes, but ended up with clown wig shrubs. If you REALLY want to dye your bathing suit area, that's cool. Just use that actual dye for that actual area. Or maybe wear a merkin! People don't wear merkins enough these days.

What was your biggest beauty learnin' from Sex and the City? And are you currently wearing a merkin? Plz respond.

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