Thursday, November 13, 2014

Jeaneez: Just Like Jeggings, But Worse



Please tell me that you've seen this Jeaneez commercial. If you haven't, here's a summary: they're pretty much like the Pajama Jeans' sluttier cousin, yet somehow inexplicably worse.


And right now I'm sure you're thinking, "But look how distressed and fashionable those Jeaneez are!" Nope, that's just Photorealistic 3D printed fabric that looks just like denim! (Their words, not mine.) Those aren't ACTUAL rips. No, no. That would be a smidge too sensible. They're just pictures of rips.


Same goes for the pockets, so don't plan on carrying shit around if you buy these. Or two of these. (I mean, it is the best deal.)


They're also apparently quite filled with magic and woven with unicorn tail hair that can make you lose a solid-ass 15 pounds immediately and make your donk look like a certain someone's, that I refuse to talk about, on a current sans-Jeaneez (or anything else) magazine cover. What I'm saying is, someone please buy all washes of these and then sext me pictures of your ass just straight-up covered in Jeaneez fabric.

Take one for the team, bruh.


Thanks to my friend Kristin for the heads up on these puppies.

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