I don'tmean to harp, but I have sh*tty skin. So whenever I find something that makes it feel or look better, I am on freakin' board, man. And I also like to try skin products multiple times before I give them my glowing endorsement. (See what I did there? I'm the worst.) PureCeuticals sent me some products to try a while back, and I feel totally and unabashedly in love (Can you tell I've been reading classics?) with this Pumpkin Peel. I've used it probably four times, and it is awesome. It not only makes you feel like you rubbed Fall all over your damn face, but it makes my mug feel supa dupa soft. You only use it once a week, so although the price isn't cheap, it should last your ass a while. And all of the PureCeuticals products are free from:
No Parabens
No Sulphates
Products not tested on animals
No Petrochemicals
Fragrance composed with 100% essential oils
Environmentally Conscience
I love the tingle it gives me (my face, sicko), but if you have very sensitive skin, you might need to pass on this lil' baby. But oily, dry, norms, whatever peeps -- peel on, yo'! I just had a baby sample, so I'm about one more peel away from feeling like this:
Until I buy the big daddy...Then my face will once again have purpose.
Way back in my late college days, and right after (So about 1923. No!), I discovered a brand of eye liner that quickly became my all-time favorite go to. But, I couldn't find it all the time, and I then found myself discovering it less and less often, until I couldn't find it at all. That's why I was never able to share my find with all of you fine citizens. The brand is Styli-Style, and luckily for us all, it is back in this mofo! They sent me a bunch of products to try from the brand new re-launch, and here are my favorites.
This liner is my boo thang that I was completely raving about. It seriously lasts until you remove it, no nonsense about it. If you are oily, or just want your liner to last until you are an 89 year old woman in a rocking chair, this ish is right up your proverbial alley. I have been using it on the daily since I got it, and it is just as awesome as I recalled. No dumb rose colored glasses, here.
I also tried the Lip Paint liquid lipstick in two colors -- Tres Chic (above) and Country Girl. I was totally into these shining stars, as well. They are super shiny, and fade well, as you can see on the bottom lip pic. I friggin' hate lip products that fade into a crappy, blotchy ass, mess, and many of them do. Not the case here. And the applicator brush is a little stiffer (heh) so the application is precise.
Here's my wrinkly, old gamgam hand with all of the colors on it. Pretty ish, and totally reasonably priced. I'm so glad Styli-Style is back on my scene, and I can start buying this mess again! You can try it for yourself my finding a location near you here, or being a complete lazy ass and buying here online. I vote lazy style, but I always do.
Full disclosure here, people: I don't do holiday gift set reviews/holiday sales/your auntie's favorite cookie recipe contest, or any other holiday-related writing. Why?
I don't like the holiday season. It's stressful, annoying, and kind of makes me want to punch faces even more than the rest of the year. Don't try to convince me otherwise, I WILL NOT change my mind. I read TheGrinchWho Stole Christmas when I was a kid, don't even try me, b's. But I am making ONE exception to the anti-holiday set rule.
When the tarte people sent me the Girl Meets Gloss set, I kind of lost my ish. Because I am kind ofcompletely obsessed with tarte products. I have truly never had something from them that I didn't absolutely love more than Ron Swanson.
The kit includes:
5 x 0.11 oz Maracuja Divine Shine Lip Glosses in Bubbly (sheer rose),
Curious (sheer petal), Preppy (bubble-gum pink), Chic (watermelon
berry), and Sparks (cotton candy).
I really do love every damn color. There's not one that I'm all, "Meh. You are the worst." about. Seriously.
Super sexual, right? They are all sheer enough that I feel like no matter your skin tone, anyone can wear these puppies -- and the shine is insane. The only slight negative about the glosses is the applicators are the kind that have the little button that you click on the bottom, and the first time you use them, you might get carpal tunnel from clicking to get the product up to the brush. But once that ish is on your lips, you will forget all about the silly click-fest. Know that.
You guys know that I love some fake tan swag. I've been using self tanners since most of you were wearing those awkward ass bloomer underwear with the lace and ruffle crap on them. But lately, I have been wearing my REAL SKIN. (Okay, that sounds insane. I'm not Buffalo Bill, or anything. But, it puts the lotion on its skin.) Probably due to mostly laziness, I haven't been self tanning as often. That doesn't mean that my white ass hasn't been trying ish to bring to you b's. Just because I am currently going through a goth phase, doesn't mean you have to.
I have found some ERRRMAZING tanning products that have been sent to me over the past couple of months. One that I am currently totally on board with is Vani-T Bronzing Custard (about $25).
The lotion-y good good.
Using this little lovely potion a few times a week on my legs keeps them from looking like my pegs fell off that little b from The Ring. What can I say? Sometimes I like tans on my legs, not on my face.
I just had to stop writing to watch my absolutely tootley favorite moment in history. If you don't love Steven, you may go ahead and excuse yourself. (And not to excuse your beauty.) I am COMPLETELY obsessed with this Bronzing Custard. It smells really good, and has absolutely zero of that tell-tale self tanner reek. And I have never seen a streak, and blotch, or any other standard tanning faux faux pas. It has also been used by the likes of Victoria Beckham, Jennifer Anniston, and MY BORING ASS. But the best thing about the Vani-T products:
Are rich in natural and organic ingredients
Contain NO mineral oils or paraffin
Contain NO parabens
Contain NO sulphates
Contain NO talc, bismuth oxychloride
Contain NO petrochemicals DEA, TEA
Contain NO artificial colours*
DO NOT participate in animal testing
Are high in vitamins, active ingredients, luscious natural oils and pure botanicals
So if you like to smell like angels and look like Posh Spice, this one's for you, honey bunny. Check out more about Vani-T here. Now we've covered that bod, but there are (many) times that I also like tans on my face. (Sorry, Steven.) And I have fallen in love with a facial tanning towel. Awkward.
Oh, hey, new boo boo.
Meet by favorite tanning boyfriend (Yes, my life is sad.), Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Glow Pad, ($18-$65). This stuff is beyond the cat's pajamas. It's like the werewolf's ballgown, or something. As long as I have been using self tanners, I have never found something that gives me an even tan on my face. I've always looked like I might/might not have just finished a mud wrestling match on my mug. But this little towelette (How much do you love that word?) packs may-juh punch, and it has more than enough product for your face, neck, and chesticles. My face tan also lasted a week, which is unheard of in the self tanning world. Trust me, I checked message boards and ish. (Nope. No, I didn't.) Oh, and by the way, this mess EXFOLIATES your skin, and stuff: Alpha Beta® Glow Pad is the only anti-aging, exfoliating sunless tanner that contains active Vitamin D (the sun vitamin) to provide smoother, healthier skin and natural radiance year-round. Microencapsulated DHA and Soy Protein deliver color deep into skin to prevent fading through surface exfoliation.
Oh, hot damn. This is my jam. (What song was that? A Black Eyed Peas, or something? Hell if I know.) I have tried many a lip scrub, y'alls. I usually put them all into a big, fat ol' "meh" category. A lot of them tend to be chunky, or scratchy, or do-nothings. But lemme tell you about this little pumpkin, which is a LIP SCRUB on the bottom, and a LIP BALM on the top. That's straight simple genius, yo. All you do is scrub-a-dub for half a minute or so (I found it worked best after a shower), and then balm up the pout. My lips feel brand spankin' new! Like I ripped them off a toddler's face, or something. And my lips are always dry. I took Accutane back in the mid 90's (Shut up, I know I'm old as sh*t), and ever since then, I've had a problem with lip dryness. (On my face -- you gross b's.)
Looks like mama's found a new LFF. (Lip friend forever. Obviously.)
As soon as I put these on in the shower, I started soft-shoeing, because that is what one does when one puts on white gloves. Especially when one wants to be an old timey gentleman. So after my routine, I decided to actually use them for their intended purpose, and to stop being a friggin' weirdo for two minutes. And lemme tell you, these little gloves can exfoliate with the best of them. You get loofah-esque levels of exfoliation, but with much easier use. I also like that there are actually TWO gloves, because a lot of times you get one, and then you are caught switching hands four million times per shower. And that crap is not cute when you're a lazy mofo.
There's also a tag on the glove that tells you when to replace it. When the ink fades from the tag, you throw dem b's out! How easy is that? So I give these lil' mamas two enthusiastic and exfoliated thumbs up! Now, I have to go take my pants off and pretend I'm Donald Duck. Don't call the police.
Before I received this Layla polish, I had never heard of the brand. It's apparently an Italian nail polish company, and they were one of the first peeps to do the whole magnetic polish deal. The color I tried is best described as a ruby red with flakes of red glitter. But the glitter isn't like your gamgam's glitter from Michael's. This polish looks like lava is painted on your nails.
My photography skills are straight sh*t.
I COULD NOT get a good representation of these nails in any light.
See? Terrible.
But I promise they are badass. And the polish dries really fast, which my lazy ass truly appreciates. The company says you don't need a base or top coat, but I did both anyway. What can I say? I can't be tamed. I break all the rules. Anyway, check out all of the colors over at Zappos and see what you think. Now I'm going to put on my Katniss Everdeen "girl on fire" dress to match my nails.
Update:This is an easily chipping polish, which is pretty standard for glittery ass polishes, but I just had to keep it real with my b's. I wrote this post last night, and am now on my work lunch break, and I've got some chipping happening. But like some Level 2 type ish. Nothing insane.
I know I just talked about another LUSH product, but I'm in love with a non-stripper. (Of your hair, sick brains!) I was dying to try Blousey, the new LUSH 'poo for LLDH (Ladies who love dying their hair, duh.), and they graciously sent me a sample. The texture is very different from any shampoo I've used before -- it's kind of lumpy and thick. Which, to me, makes it all the more fun. It just FEELS like your mama and them made it in their home laboratory, or something. And it smells kind of like a chocolatey banana. I have to stop myself from grabbing a spork and taking a taste. Because I exclusively use golden-plated sporks to eat things. It gets pretty sudsy for a bananarama-packed product, and it still really gets my ol' greasy mop clean. I am really loving on this stuff hardcore. My hair feels soft, clean, and smells like the Bluth Banana Stand.
So, in other words, I give it a dancing David Silver. 'Tis the highest honor of them all.
I originally got this Deborah Lippmann Forsaken Sookie Sookie Nail Lacquer Duo from my friends over at HSN a few months ago. (Reppin' my hood...They're right down the street from me. Heeeeeey, boos!) And in a total d*ck move, I completely forgot to even try it until they were WAAAAAY sold out of the set over at HSN.
That ish is rude as hell, and I apologize. What a crap beauty blogger I am. And True Blood fan. And person...
The two polishes in the kit include: Human Nature (mortal putty taupe), and Fairydust (ethereal shimmer). I have never used a Deborah Lippman polish before, and let me say, that mess is pretty freaking amazing. The polish is thick in a luxury way, not an "old, gross nail polish I found under my couch" way. The coverage is great, and I love both of these colors. I currently have a human hand and a fairy hand, and I'm totally into it. I can't wait to accumulate one million more DL polishes. Awwww Sookie, Sookie, now. HSN had the set at an amazing price ($25), but if you still want to get down to True Blood town with this set, it is available here from Nordstrom for a few more buckaroos.
I love Argan oil products, and rumor had it that Josie Maran has some badass Argan products. So I was super pumped when they sent me the Argan Oil Hair Serum to try. And I decided to give it the old tried and true test -- use it on half my hair, and leave the other half alone.
CLEARLY the half that I used the serum on was the side on (your) right. I shampooed and conditioned them both exactly the same (duh, like I'm talented enough to do any differently), and blow dried using a round brush. I knew that the untreated side was in for a wild ride when I had trouble brushing through it when I was drying it. Ish was a trying task. The half with the serum feels super silky and shiny, and the other side is a damn tumbleweed blowing through a one horse town. Not. Cute. So it's sufficient to say the the Josie's has totally lived up to the hype, and I'm all in on this pony. This silky, sheeny-coated pony. Neeeeigh, b. Neeeeigh!
I feel like this product was MADE for me, even though I really think it's more for kids. Too bad, kids! Too bad! Fun is a new product from Lush Cosmetics (a brand that I LOVE), which can be used as a soap, shampoo, or bubble bath. But the best part is...YOU CAN MOLD IT LIKE CLAY. Whaaaaat? So, of course, I wanted to be completely overly ambitious and create a masterpiece molded after the Falcor, the dragon from The Neverending Story. I mean, obviously.
Well, come on, people. If you have read this blog for 2.5 seconds, you know that laziness is my number one priority. So instead, I made this.
It's a doughnut! The nice peeps at Lush sent me the yellow (vanilla), green (lemon/lime), and red/orange (duh, mandarin orange), so I wanted to use all of the colors. And naturally, I wanted to create something delicious as eff.
And here's after I took a big ass bite of my fauxnut. No! I broke off a piece to use in the shower, obviously. That little bitty piece was enough to last through the shower, and the combination of smells made me want to eat a real doughnut. And there was no gross residue, which is a pet peeve of mine when using a soap. And here's another awesome bonus from the Lush website:
2.5% of sales from every bar of FUN is contributed to the FUNd, a LUSH
initiative which supports charities in Fukushima, Japan that create safe
places for children to play outside.
Cool, right? Go see all of the Fun varieties here.Now, I am off to eat a real doughnut. No, I'm not! (Yes, I am.)
Lemme make this ish quick, because I'm going to be late for work. I was sent this little beaut from the peeps at Susan Posnick, who was a celebrity/model makeup artist. It's called COLORME ($32), and it's a little blush system. And I say system, because it has a powder puff on top, which is the perfect size for the baby apple of your cheek! And the top has a mirror, which is the knees. (Shortening of Bee's Knees. It's what the kids do these days.) So because of these factors, this little kitten has been delegated as my purse blush. (Which is totally a thing that I need, being the oily grossness that I am. Blush fades from oily faces like a mofo boss. It's not awesome.) I can just pop this stuff on my cheeks in two seconds, and I'm back to looking like an in-my-30's cherub. Something that I'm into, if you're wondering. Oh, and the color that I have, Lily, is inspired by Natalie Portman. Now that's just sexy. So what I'm saying is...
My hair is fine as ish. And not in like a, "Damn girl, you're fine." kind of way. (I am actually aware that it is not the year 2000. My my brain is just stuck there, like Liz Lemon's brother on 30 Rock.) So I'm always looking for something for a volume boost. And lately I have been really into the undone hair look, as opposed to my Real Housewives of Beverly Hills/OC/NJ/NY...waves that I have been doing on and off for years.
This lil' can of Oscar Blandi Texture & Volume Spray (that was another goodie from my Best of Beauty SWAG) is like an instant blamo of UNDONE sexy. I have been keeping the can in my purse and giving some extra sprays throughout the day. Then I rake my fingers through my hair at the end to get that unfinished/slightly beachy look. I wanted to take some before and after pictures, but I didn't have enough time to wash my hair before work this morning, and that greasy ass situation is NOT CUTE right now. It's for your own damn good, trust me.
One caution: If you like super shiny hair, this is not your bag. It's kind of mattifying and texturizing, which is the point of it. I used it on a friend's hair at work because she has the super crazy straight, silky, shiny hair that won't hold curl at all. I asked her how it turned out the next time I saw her, and she said the curls stayed for DAYS in that straight ass hair.
Have I mentioned that my skin is total ish? Oh, yeah -- I have -- about 239,206 times. Yay! Because of this mess of a face, I have to be extremely careful about the products that I use. I first tried the Skin Authority Daily Cleanser when they sent me a travel sample several months ago. I was really into it, so I ended up buying the full size when I ran out. It's not cheap ($42 for 6 oz.), but a little bit of this stuff goes a loooong way. I have been using the tube for at least five months, and it still feels pretty much full. It also has a little bit of Glycolic Acid in it, so it really helps exfoliate and deeply clean the skin, which is EXACTLY what my grossness needs. When I use the Daily Cleanser with my Clarisonic, my face feels super crazy clean. And soft!
"I'm clean! I'm clean!"
I have tried other cleansers over the past months, but I just keep coming back to my ol' standby. The others just haven't been as good for me. So pretty much what I'm saying is, once you go to this dude, you never go back. (Or something else that rhymes more appropriately.)
I'm going to be real with you right know. It's hard to write/review about a supplement. So when the nice SeabuckWonders people sent me supplements to try, I was excited. But while I was taking the SeabuckWonders Sea Buckthorn Seed Oil, (I took the softgels) I was really unsure how to review it. I'm no chemist, and I'm not super observant, so I'm probably the worst person to even be doing this mess. And also let me preface by saying that I have really bad skin. Like acne for almost 20 yrs kind of skin. Yeah, it's pretty friggin' awesome. And fun.
ANYWAY, while I was taking the supplement, I felt like my skin looked a lot better than normal. I wasn't breaking out, and I didn't have to wear as much foundation, which is like UNHEARD of for my horrid-ness. But I didn't really attribute it to the Sea Buckthorn, yet. (Remember? Not observant? Worst beauty blogger, ever?) Then after I ran out of the supplement, ish really went down. I totally broke out. Like insane breaking out. Like, I'm still dealing with the repercussions. (Yay!)
So, needless to say, I am going to buy ONE MILLION MORE BOTTLES of this stuff. I'm also trying the liquid on my face, mixing a few drops with my normal lotions/concoctions. I'll let you know how that experiment works out.
Oh, and if you think that I'm weird and don't want to listen to my crazy ass, Dr. Oz also featured these products and talked about how sea buckthorn has been shown to improve the appearance of skin, help with digestion, and possibly help b's lose weight. He totally said "b's." (No, he absolutely did not.) So read up on it, and see if you think I might be something cool for your life. See, I'm awkward as eff. I don't know how to do this. So let's finish this up by watching this adorableness.
Now, I'm going to slather myself in sea buckthorn. Good day to you all.
So when Revlon gave me one of the new Top Speed Nail Enamels in Sterling, I was pumped to try it. Any time saved that I can spend lying around is a major bonus to me. One issue that I have had in the past with fast drying polishes is that they tend to bubble or the finish on the polish is funky as hell. I used two coats of polish and finished with a top coat, and the finish was super shiny and smooth. And it dried really fast. (I don't have the specifics or anything, I'm not an effin' scientist up in here.)
All I know is that I'm sold. So go search out your local drustores/wherever you choose to purchase your ish and try this mess. It's the monkey's mittens. (I'm over the cat's pajamas.)
I'm into a dude (shampoo). Here's how it happened. Redken sent me a sample of their Clean Brew shampoo, and after my husband's diva ass refused to try it, I decided to give it a go on my own dirty mop. From Redken:
"Anti grit technology, with a premium blend of malt, brewer’s yeast and
orange zest, intensely cleanses to eliminate dirt and oil while helping
to purify the scalp."
I thought to myself, "Yep, I need all of that ish. I'm grossly dirty and oily." So I used it, like any boss b would, and I haven't looked back. I like to use this shampoo once or twice a week to get rid of all of my oily/dirty mess. I follow it up with a a semi-deep (Heh.) conditioner, and my hair is like an effin' dream. It smells like a boy, but that doesn't bother me in the least. Clean dudes smell good, right?
I will caution ladies with vibrantly dyed/fragile/dry hair from using this. It could eff up your world. But if you're oily or use a lot of styling products, jump on the dude shampoo clarifying train. There's plenty of room on board for all of us broads. Toot toot!
If you're into it, you can purchase here for about $14.
I know you guys remember ck one from back in the dizzle. I really wanted to use a picture of my pubescent self wearing a ck one t shirt and I don't know, either jorts or umbros, but it wasn't in the cards. So here's an Etsy mannequin wearing one instead.
I also went through the whole ck one perfume in a bottle that looked somewhat flask-y phase. Whatever, you remember all of that. But then the whole deal kind of fell off of my radar. I moved onto Pleasures, or whatever. Fast forward to (kind of) current day. Some of you guys know that I won a suitcase of product when I won theAllure Beauty Blogger of the Year contest. Here it is:
Yep, that's an ish load of product. So I am going to try and do occasional posts/reviews on all of that stuff as I work my way through. (Check back with my ass in 84584 years.) And somewhat randomly, today's product is a LIP GLOSS from ck one, which I didn't even know existed. Worst beauty blogger, ever, party of one? But you b's already knew that.
The color is called Illicit, and you can get it at Ulta for $15. This boo boo is my jam right now for times when I want an easy, pinky neutral gloss with some sparkle. It's one of those glosses that you can apply without even looking. It's smooth and not sticky, and smells like a delicious vanilla cookie, or something. And the applicator is boss, too.
Right? Don't you love these kind, instead of those crazy, unwieldly baby brushes? It's also large and in charge, so it's a pretty good value. Okay, I'm sick of talking about factly type ish. Let's look at Ryan Reynolds.
It's that ho's birthday today, so let's all be thankful that all of that is happening on this planet. Viva la abdominals!
