Showing posts with label NOT Orange. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NOT Orange. Show all posts

Monday, December 3, 2012

TAN-dem Homies: My New Jams in the World of Self Tanning

You guys know that I love some fake tan swag. I've been using self tanners since most of you were wearing those awkward ass bloomer underwear with the lace and ruffle crap on them. But lately, I have been wearing my REAL SKIN. (Okay, that sounds insane. I'm not Buffalo Bill, or anything. But, it puts the lotion on its skin.) Probably due to mostly laziness, I haven't been self tanning as often. That doesn't mean that my white ass hasn't been trying ish to bring to you b's. Just because I am currently going through a goth phase, doesn't mean you have to.

I have found some ERRRMAZING tanning products that have been sent to me over the past couple of months. One that I am currently totally on board with is Vani-T Bronzing Custard (about $25).

The lotion-y good good.
Using this little lovely potion a few times a week on my legs keeps them from looking like my pegs fell off that little b from The Ring. What can I say? Sometimes I like tans on my legs, not on my face.

I just had to stop writing to watch my absolutely tootley favorite moment in history. If you don't love Steven, you may go ahead and excuse yourself. (And not to excuse your beauty.) I am COMPLETELY obsessed with this Bronzing Custard. It smells really good, and has absolutely zero of that tell-tale self tanner reek. And I have never seen a streak, and blotch, or any other standard tanning faux faux pas. It has also been used by the likes of Victoria Beckham, Jennifer Anniston, and MY BORING ASS. But the best thing about the Vani-T products:
  • Are rich in natural and organic ingredients
  • Contain NO mineral oils or paraffin
  • Contain NO parabens
  • Contain NO sulphates
  • Contain NO talc, bismuth oxychloride
  • Contain NO petrochemicals DEA, TEA
  • Contain NO artificial colours*
  • DO NOT participate in animal testing
  • Are high in vitamins, active ingredients, luscious natural oils and pure botanicals
So if you like to smell like angels and look like Posh Spice, this one's for you, honey bunny. Check out more about Vani-T here. Now we've covered that bod, but there are (many) times that I also like tans on my face. (Sorry, Steven.) And I have fallen in love with a facial tanning towel. Awkward.

Oh, hey, new boo boo.
Meet by favorite tanning boyfriend (Yes, my life is sad.), Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Glow Pad, ($18-$65). This stuff is beyond the cat's pajamas. It's like the werewolf's ballgown, or something. As long as I have been using self tanners, I have never found something that gives me an even tan on my face. I've always looked like I might/might not have just finished a mud wrestling match on my mug. But this little towelette (How much do you love that word?) packs may-juh punch, and it has more than enough product for your face, neck, and chesticles. My face tan also lasted a week, which is unheard of in the self tanning world. Trust me, I checked message boards and ish. (Nope. No, I didn't.) Oh, and by the way, this mess EXFOLIATES your skin, and stuff:

Alpha Beta® Glow Pad is the only anti-aging, exfoliating sunless tanner that contains active Vitamin D (the sun vitamin) to provide smoother, healthier skin and natural radiance year-round. Microencapsulated DHA and Soy Protein deliver color deep into skin to prevent fading through surface exfoliation.

'Tis true, Miley. Find out more about the Glow Pads here. Now go put a tan on it, then see how it do.

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Sunday, October 2, 2011

The Badass Self Tanner List

I'm TRYING to be less awkward with every video. #FAIL

P.S. Fail on using "fail." What is it? 2009? Pin It

Monday, June 6, 2011

Ob. Sessed.

Listen, I don't mean to be a Negative Nelly, but I really detest tanning. Indoor, outdoor, no thanks. I know it may seem like an amazing idea right now, but trust, when you are looking a hot mess way too young, don't come crying to me. But no worry, you can be a bronzed goddess without looking like a baseball mitt.

Side note: If you want to embrace the paleness, I'm totally down. Vampires are hot, I dig it.

This is for those of us that just feel slightly hotter with some color on our buns. I have been a self-tanning fanatic on and off for almost ten years. I have tried almost every brand and formulation out there. I have looked a streaky mess many a time. (See: Lindsay Lohan's legs in natural sunlight.) But I now have my application down to a science. And I have my favorite self tanners. See what's up after the jump!

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