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Thursday, June 30, 2011

Hold Me. I'm Scared.


Seriously, WTF is this? This is Michaele Salahi of RHWoDC, and White House party crashing fame. I have no words. Except maybe sit the eff down, madame.

P.S. The dude performing with her is DJ UPS. Yep. This is really happening. Pin It

It's Better Than My Freaking Birthday: Vintage Edition

I just banked, you guys. I hit the 80's lottery. My bff/cousin is in town, and one of our favorite things to do is go through my Stepmom's closet. It is usually for ridicule purposes, but this time it totally paid off. Let's see what I got from this crazy treasure trove.

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Monday, June 27, 2011

True Blood Recap: Fairies, Witches, & Lesbians

Oh honey, how I have missed you...


I'm spoiling everything after the jump, so don't blame me if you haven't watched!

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

Do We Really Care About an X-Ray of a Kardashian Ass???

So, Kim Kardashian x-rayed her butt to show that it's real. Okay...Seriously, when is this crap going to be over with? I might have a KKKKKKKK Kardashian-induced breakdown. Why does anyone care about these people? For f's sake! And I'm talking about these d-bags. I'm adding fuel to their fame w-ing fire, aren't I??? Crap. Pin It

This Will Save Your Ass. No, Seriously.

I was searching today for one of my absolute, hands-down, must have items, and I thought I would share it with the rest of the class.

 This is Hollywood Fashion Tape's Hip Hugger. I LOVE THIS B. It's like a little baby suspender that clips onto your belt loops on your pants or jeans. It's elastic, and it keeps you from getting that gap in your jeans up above your butt crack. (See, saving your ass...Ahhhh!) And you don't have to wear a belt underneath your shirt, making it all bulky and cray cray looking.  And it's adjustable, and it's awesome. I'm about to buy three, because I have worn mine out with my big ol' ass. If you want to jump on the no-gap-butt train, you can buy them here. Pin It

Put this on Yo' Nails

I am almost constantly on the hunt for my new "favorite" nail polish color. I still feel like I will never find the true red of my dreams, but I digress. There are an ass load of great summer polishes out right now, and I feel like I need to be snatching some of these b's up!

First up, let's see what is currently residing on my toes...

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Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm Pretty Sure This is the Worst.


This is a Crossroads/Terminator cluster f. Brit, you are 30. And you are not Avril Lavigne circa 2002. You just flashed a ginger child. I am not okay. Pin It

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Summer Fashion for Lazies

Listen, it's hot as a mo fo. And I'm not in the mood to try that hard. So what's a lazy/high maintenance chick to do? Two words. Maxi dresses. They have been around for a few years now, and are still easy and fashionable. I have found a nice selection around the interwebs, so lets take a gander.


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Get Ready to Want to Punch a Deep-Fried Barbie in the Face.

If you ever just want to let loose, and really get pissed and annoyed, read this article about Heidi Montag. It's chock full of ridiculous crap, like her claim that she has been working out from 5 (am) to 7 (pm) to lose weight for the Summer. Put your abacus away, that's 14 friggin' hours a day. See, you want to punch something, don't you? Still not annoyed enough??? Her favorite makeup item? Glitter. I think I have just found my arch nemesis.

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Sunday, June 19, 2011

Mascara: Cheap to DGAF Richie Riches

Mascara. Is there more of a makeup staple? I think not! Well what if you're broke? Girl, I gots you. What if you don't give an F and want the best? Girl, I gots you too. Read on!

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Listen to This: New Music (Comes Out Tuesday)

Disclaimer: If you hate indie/alt rock, you will probably HATE every single thing that I recommend.

Those of you that are still with me, lets take a little journey. Bon Iver is my  newest musical "thing." This ish is awesome. The vocalist, Justin Vernon, is from Wisconsin (What?!?) and has a completely unique sound.


Here the dude is. Yup, looks indie, huh? But ol' dude worked with Kanye, Rick Ross, et al  on this...


And on the other end of the musical spectrum, here's a track from the new, self-titled album.


Versatile, non? Anyway, CD comes out this Tuesday. I listened to it in it's entirety, and it's friggin' awesome. If you want to read more about Bon Iver, he is the cover story of Spin magazine's July edition. Read more here. Pre-order the album on iTunes or here on Amazon. Let the Indie wash over you. Don't worry, you can still shower on a regular basis. Pin It

Friday, June 17, 2011

You Need This: Embarrassing Edition

I have an absolute favorite eyeshadow brand. But, I kind of hate myself over it. Ugh, here it goes. Like Kriss Kross says, "Jump!"

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P.S.

I obviously have a problem with too much P.S.-ing. Carry on. Pin It

Gross.

I just can't with Tom Cruise. He might be the actual worst. No, seriously, T.C. Please sit down.

P.S. We all know that you requested that Taylor Lautner's abs be photoshopped onto your (???) body. Okay, bye bye now. Pin It

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Listen, Ke(I wish I had a cents sign on my keyboard)ha...

Nude hosiery are not a substitute for pants. Not even on the fence about this one. Even Lindsay Lohan is all, "Bitch, please." on this.

P.S. I can see too much. Things that can't be unseen. Pin It

Monday, June 13, 2011

Ummm...Al?

I'm pretty sure you rolled up a dinner napkin and tied it around your head and wore it to the Tony Awards. Is that what is happening here? This is like when I was a kid and I tied a bandana like a sling and acted like my arm was broken. I feel crazy in my brains right now. I need a Fruit Roll Up and a nap.

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You Need This: An Absolute Makeup Staple

I literally cannot live without this. If you have eyelids, and you wear makeup on them, you freaking need this.


Urban Decay Primer Potion is my down ass b. I look like complete ish without this. I'm am, I do believe, the oiliest person on the face of the planet. Nothing can shut down those oil rigs. (More on that another day.) But even if you aren't oilier than the pet duck from the football field on Saved By the Bell (Please tell me someone remembers this???), you need this. It makes eyeshadow stay ALL DAY. And I mean all day. Not some half-assed day. It also makes colors more vibrant. Seriously, go buy this. If you don't like it, you can punch me in the face. Thoughts? And don't tell me about some lid primer you like better, because I ain't hearing it!

EDIT: Do yourself a favor and get the version that's in a tube. Don't get the hard, genie bottle-shaped tube. You can't get even half the product out of that one, and you will literally have to butcher knife that b open to get the rest out. It's not cute. Stick with the tube, so we can all be lazy together. Pin It

Sunday, June 12, 2011

We Have a Problem

I did a google image search of "Real Housewives" and this is one of the images that came up. Whatever, it works.


See why I hate my (TV viewing) life after the jump.

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Let's Talk About Weave...

As I mentioned a few days ago, I am a Sally Beauty Supply w. And there is one an only reason for that. I am completely addicted to clip-in hair weave. These are the extensions I get, and I dye them to match my hair. So let's get real first and see the actual blah-ness of my actual hair.

I will say two things about these pictures. 1. I took these this morning, and I hadn't even brushed my hair. So it looks slightly more gross than normal. (Give me a break, it's freaking Sunday.) 2. I was not aware of the tragedy that is the apparent double chin that I have. I will give that immediate attention; trust. So c'mon after the jump to see the magical extension tour.
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Saturday, June 11, 2011

I Just Can't: Stiletto Nails Edition

I'm totally into pushing the envelope, and trying new things (fashion-wise; don't get crazy), but I just can't with this one. I first noticed this trend with Rihanna a while back, and I chalked it up to that crazy Rihanna and her crazy little orphan Annie wigged craziness. But guess what, guys? Stiletto Nails are an actual thing, now.


I just can't get behind this one. I can understand crazy nails. I lived through the late 90's, when my nails were approximately six inches long, chocolate brown, and matched my chocolate brown lipstick (and lip liner, OF COURSE). But this is just the peak of the cray cray in the nail department. Let's take a closer look.


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Hey Guys, I Have a New Best Friend

I want to time travel back to the 90's and befriend this kid "Beaches" style (I'm Mayiam Bialik, obvs.) and have him out-Vogue the crap out of me. Jealous.

Check out the video. Pin It

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Can't. Stop. Listening.

This is the bee's friggin' knees. Enjoy.

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Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Do you have like ten bucks? Then you need this.

I'm weird. I'm cheap, but if I feel like a product works I will spend $323984093 on it. But don't worry, this stuff is super low-end. It's from Sally Beauty Supply (I know, it's like my Mecca...More on that possibly tomorrow.), and if you have hairs on your head you need this.
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Judge Judy is my favorite human.

If you don't watch J.J., you are so dumb. I CANNOT get enough of Judge Judy. She is the sunlight of my life. I know that the average age of her viewing audience is 72 (I made that up, don't google that ish. Nerd.), but this crap is ridiculously entertaining. I know you are probably too busy watching "The Hills" (Shoutout to 2007!) or some mess, but you are missing gems of people like these.
See? You life is already 10-12% better. But the best thing about J.J. is her sassy pants attitude.
You can't tell me you aren't in love. That sensible frosted and banged bob, the same shade of lipstick everyday...Adorable! If you aren't out buying an "Um is not an answer" t-shirt right now, I don't know you anymore. Pin It

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

EYEBROWS! Jazz hands!

I am completely obsessed with eyebrows. Like ol' dude from Brokeback Mountain, I cannot quit them. En. Thralled. If you don't give a rat's keister (???) about eyebrows, skip this ish. Those of you that are still reading, let us embark on a brow tutorial!


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Listen to This

Cults. They are awesome. Give it a chance, don't be a d-bag.

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I want it now! (Veruca Salt voice)

I really want a hand/finger harness, y'alls. I saw this thing somewhere, and I didn't even know what it was called, so I searched Etsy for "finger chain bracelet." Yup, because I'm brave like that. Apparently, it's called either a finger harness or a hand harness. Anywhoodle. I want it. Now. And now onto endless hours of scouring the interwebs for the perfect one.

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Grab yourself a bag of Werther's, because Dakota Fanning graduated.

Yes, from HIGH SCHOOL. Thank God I'm botoxed, or my forehead would be displaying my displeasure in how freaking old I am. What's next? Did Jonathan Lipnicki graduate from med school? (Crap, I just googled him. That b is 20! 20 years old!)

I still feel like I'm of an age where it's appropriate to wear my Express faux-snakeskin pleather pants that hit right at the bellybutton and a choker. And perhaps a chunky heel. And dance to Montell Jordan.


 If you hate yourself and want to feel ancient, here's the story from  USA Today. Pin It

Monday, June 6, 2011

I know I'm old, but daaayum.

What exactly is cute about this? I feel like I'm having a flashback. Of this.
You're headed down a slippery slope, Biebs.
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You need this in your life (closet).

I have stumpy legs. Truth. If there was a Stumpfest 2011, my legs would be the headlining act. And knowing this, I have to go out of my way to try to elooooongate these pegs. I might get my bones stretched if it wasn't such a pain in the ass, so until that becomes a little easier, I have the next best thing. NUDE. HEELS. I always have to have a pair of nude, peep-toe heels in my closet. Not convinced? Okay...


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Whooo? How? Uhhh...

So many questions. How does Jess Squared know each other? What are they talking about? Why are they strolling about Yale's campus? Is J. Simp REALLY wearing red denim cutoffs? Why am I 30 years old and I am coveting Honor's headband? I feel mind f'ed right now. Pin It

Well this is creepy...

Hey guys! Remember when you were learning CPR in high school, or whatever, and you were all, "Annie, Annie, are you okay?" on the CPR dummy? Good times! Well apparently Annie's face was modeled after an actual unidentified woman that drowned in the 1800's...Slow clap?

Story from the Daily Mail

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Ob. Sessed.

Listen, I don't mean to be a Negative Nelly, but I really detest tanning. Indoor, outdoor, no thanks. I know it may seem like an amazing idea right now, but trust, when you are looking a hot mess way too young, don't come crying to me. But no worry, you can be a bronzed goddess without looking like a baseball mitt.

Side note: If you want to embrace the paleness, I'm totally down. Vampires are hot, I dig it.

This is for those of us that just feel slightly hotter with some color on our buns. I have been a self-tanning fanatic on and off for almost ten years. I have tried almost every brand and formulation out there. I have looked a streaky mess many a time. (See: Lindsay Lohan's legs in natural sunlight.) But I now have my application down to a science. And I have my favorite self tanners. See what's up after the jump!

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