Time to jump in our spaceships!

So, before you play this at full volume in your cubicle, it's super NSFW language. I mean, obvs. It's Tupac, y'all.

But seriously...

Now, let's all ride or die.



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Hey, Rihanna...

Why are you wearing Gam Gam's jammies?

P.S. Your hair looks 1,000 times better than that thirsty blonde weave you've been sporting, so congrats on that!




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This is...Different.

Here's a video of (forever in my mind) Cher Horowitz feeding her kid by chewing up her food and spitting it into his mouth. I don't have kids, so maybe I'm out of the loop in life. Is this a thing? Do people spit in their baby's mouths? Wouldn't your kid be hanging on your mouth all the time like one of these things?

I'm not going to lie. This ish freaks me out a little. I would be all:

Okay, maybe not that harsh. It is an infant, after all.

What do you guys think? Is this ish 'normaling'?



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I Enjoy Drinking Weird Crap

 The first let's say 'non-traditional' thing I drink is Kombucha. It's supposed to deliver antioxidants, probiotics, and help your body rid itself of toxins. Hell if I know. It has gunky stuff in the bottom (or sometimes Chia seeds, yay!) and kind of tastes vinegary. Are you sold yet? Thought so. I usually drink the 'enlightened' version, because the original has .5% alcohol in it, and sometimes when you're driving or whatever it's not COMPLETELY appropriate to be drinking alch' tea. Remember when Lindsay Lohan said her alcohol ankle monitor went off because she drank tea? The original Kombucha was the alleged offender. It's as badass as a tea can be.

I also drink more traditional (kind of) teas. I love Guayaki Yerba Mate teas. It kind of tastes like leaves in hot water, but who doesn't like that? It's made from the leaves (See? Leaves!) of a South American tree, and gives you energy and focus. It one of those ancient-type deals. Fun, right? 

Similarly, Tulsi is an ancient Indian plant known as Holy Basil that is used to energize and calm (???). I don't know how that's possible, but don't you guys feel worldly right now?

I also like random flavorings of more traditional teas. Coconut Chai black tea? It's gurrrd, you guys!

The last thing I like to drink you might have heard of. FRS is endorsed by a lot of athletes, including Lance Armstrong. It's main ingredient is Quercitin, which is found in blueberries and red onions and such. Listen, I don't know how it works but it doesn't have a lot of caffeine (about as much as 1/4 cup of coffee) but it gives me crazy energy, but not cracky energy. I like to drink this before I workout. It's the bizz-nass. You can read about the science behind it on the FRS website.

I also eat some crazy stuff, but I'll save that for another day. Do you guys drink any cray cray drinks? Am I missing out on something that I need to add to my insane lineup?

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Ma'am, Your Boob Is Staring at Me...Angrily.

Photo via Huffington Post

Let's all just drink in this Sour Sally. This is the wife of one of the dudes that created Angry Birds, angrily donning an Angry Bird-themed dress. Why so glum, chum? Maybe she's just getting into character? Or maybe she's pissed that she kind of looks like she was wearing a normal red satin dress, and on the way in she somehow had a crazy, wacky mishap that ripped the bodice of her dress. She happened upon a display of  Angry Bird kites in the lobby of this party (which is probs for some kind of A.B. ish), and she resourcefully patched up her dress with said kite! I bet that's it. I'm sure this b didn't pay 8 bajillion dollars for this mess. (Slash, she totally did.) Sigh.

This post brought to you by Angry Birds.

(No, it's totally not. It's brought to you by me, an unemployed, bored person, but that would be cool.)

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Now This B is Just Effing With Us.

Pic via Radar Online

You guys, try to hold back your jealousy. Just because the overly-aged alien that we call Hot Stoddy wore a prom dress to the mall yesterday, and you did not, is no reason to be mean to her! Although it does make sense. B got married to a dude the age of her Gramp Gramp before she was old enough to go to prom!  It's an "A-ha!" moment for us all.

P.S. In what world does that purse even come CLOSE to going with that dress? Oh yeah, in C Stodd's alien homeland.

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Gaga's Expensive Ass Craziness for Barney's

Have you guys heard about Gaga's holiday line with Barney's? Of course all of the clothes, accessories, even food is crazy, ridic expensive. I saw a chocolate shoe that was $95 or something. What the what? No. But I did fall in love with these press-on nails.

I mean, how friggin' cool are these??? I will not be buying them, because they are $45 per set, but I do think that they are badass. I might attempt to emulate them by raiding a Michael's and gluing crap on some regular, old Lee Press On Nails. Too much? Nah, I'm gaudy trash.

What do you guys think? Are you into this? Or do you think they are too hot to handle; too cold to hold?

P.S. If you are a DGAF richie rich, you can buy the Gaga nails here.

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Radom Ish I Totally Want Right This Second

I would stab a b in the ball of their eye, and do the time for it, for Rose Byrne's sexual mustard yellow leather skirt.

I mean, seriously. Do I need to even comment? Urban Outfitters, $199

I NEED THESE. In every color. J. Crew Vintage Matchstick Cord, $79.50

Um, please and thank you??? Etsy, $21

I heard that this clip-in weave is the bizz-nasss. Luxy Hair, $119.95

Like a boy, but girly! ASOS PREMIUM Mixed Metal Boyfriend Style Watch, $71.88


What is on your wish list right now? Anything crazy? Or just sane items? Pin It

Nope. Completely Natural!

I LOVE this photo montage from US Magazine cataloging Kate Gosselin's face over the past several years, and speculating over the procedures that she's had done. The first picture looks like a woman on trial for the murder of her abusive, preacher husband. The most recent looks like a crazy b trying desperately to become a regular on the RHoBH. Oh God, she's probably reading this (You know she has herself on crazy Google alert status updates.), and I just gave her an idea for her next career move. Dammit! Pin It

Is It Okay to Laugh at This?

Pic via US Weekly

I vote, yes, on babies.

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I Just Can't: Vicky Edition

Listen, I usually can co-sign just about anything that ol' Poshy Becks wears. I'm down with the tightness (That sounds gross.), the cray cray high heels (Love it!), and the on-and-off again hair extensions (Check!). However, THIS, I am not into. The leather (stirrup?) leggings are cool. The dress is fine. But together? Yeah, no. Maybe if the dress was shorter? Or just not there, and she was wearing a top? Or are these leather leg warmers? Oh, God. My heart hurts.

P.S. I TOTALLY endorse David Beckham, though. Just wear him. Pin It

How to Look Less Crazy: The Bangs Edition

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What the WHAAAAT?!?!?

Pic via US Magazine

The NY Daily News has uncovered a paternity lawsuit, in which a 20 year old woman claims Justin Bieber is the father of her three month old baby. She says she had sex with the Biebs last year after one of his concerts. Whaaaaat? Go to your room, young man (woman?)! But seriously, ish just got serious. Dude, you are 16 (I think.) and a gazillionaire. If you're getting down with a random, please protect your self before you wreck yourself.

P.S. This is his new haircut. I'm not sure if we're moving farther away or closer to looking like a sweet-faced lesbian. (Which is a cute look, so whatevs.)

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This. B.

Ol' formerly Dash face (currently cattish? face) wore this ish BOWLING the other night. Listen, I'm a ridiculous b*tch. I overdress for effing EVERYdamTHING, and even I know this is crazy as hell. Pin It

Are You Going to Try This Ish? Or am I Cray-Zay?

So I got brave today. I've been wanting to try the open-toed bootie/wedge/whatever the hell you wear on your feet and sock trend, but I've been scared. I decided to do it today. I was getting my beloved Russian mail order bride (rude) bangs cut, and I said, "Eff it. I'm wearing socks and wedges. Bite me, world!"

I'm into it, guys. I can't lie. I can't wait to try different socks, tights, hospital shoe covers, cotton balls, everything! What do you guys think? Are you willing to give this look a try? It's okay if you hate it. I won't judge you. (Yes, I totally will.) Speak yo' mind! (And the rest will follow...Shout out: En Vouge) Pin It

What the Hell am I Looking at Here, Exactly?

We all know Paz de la Huerta is a crazy ass crazy, but this is a man down level of cray cray. I literally do not know where to rest my eyes. I'm not even mad that she's wearing my dream prom dress from '97. Or that her skin is half a day glo shade from that salmon on acid dress color. Or that her hair looks like one of those shitty Spencer's wigs you buy for your slutty Shania Twain Halloween costume and then wear home tossed askew on your walk of shame the next morning. What in the disgusting effery is that lipstick?!? She looks like she just made out with this dude. Who the hell am I kidding? I love this bitch. Pin It

Oh, R. Simms!

All these other hoes need to sit the eff down. This b is the OG Stunt Queen. And I'm sorry, but I WISH I could rock a pair of hose like Richard Simmons. Those are some nice stems! (Stems credit: Cher Horowitz) Pin It

True Blood Musings: Leave La La OUT Of It!!!

 Okay, you b's know my love for Lafayette. That's my down ass b, and you know this. But in the final scene, when he's in bed with Jesus...That hair. That little scrap of hair that they are gluing on this poor man's head...Tragic.

File that ish under TOO. MUCH. Let's discuss this week's epi.

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What Kind of Effery Happened Last Night?

I hate the VMA's. That ish is boring. I literally caught 2.3 seconds. This is what I saw.

Is this what we are doing now? Too. Much. Bitch couldn't even walk with that ish on her head.

Listen, Biebs. You have left butch lesbian and are starting to look lipstick. You are wearing a friggin' YSL BROACH for God's sake!!! This crap is getting ridiculous. I don't even know what is happening. You are one step away from looking like Betty White. Pin It

Hey, Katy?

 

Quit fighting the hot, honey. You can start by borrowing my bottle of hair dye. See you at Sally's! Pin It