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Showing posts with label Help. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Help. Show all posts

Thursday, April 24, 2014

SMMFS (Save My Mutha F@*&%#$ Skin)

I have not been shy with you about my long, storied past (and present) skin issues. I've had bad skin for 20 dumb years now, and there seem to be no signs of stopping this beastly trainwreck. It's not cute. No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom album could have been named after the topography of my skin. (Or a play on words with Magic Kingdom, but whatever.)

Most of my issues have always surrounded acne, and it's bitch cousin, acne scarring. I've become well-versed in that crap. But since I moved to Phoenix six months ago, I have encountered new and uncharted territory. MY SKIN HAS ALSO BECOME MATURE-LOOKING AND DEHYDRATED in this lack of humidity/sun-heavy ecosystem blah blah. What. The. Eff. Am I going to have to move into a Bio-dome? Luckily, I don't venture out much.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

So now my skin life revolves around not only acne (which was off the mf-ing chain for my first five months here), but also dry weirdness and boring wrinkles. I've had just about enough of this bullshit, skin gods. Yeezus, save me. 


Kanye must have rubbed the legs of his leather sweatpants together in a certain way for me, because I have found a routine that has made my skin much, much better than it's been since I moved. If you find yourself with any of the laundry list of skin issues that I've listed above, travel along this skin brick road with me to see what's up. (Okay, that was too much and not normal. I've been watching too much Hannibal.)

Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream: Intense Hydration 
Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream: Intense Hydation (Kiehl's, $26.50)

When I started noticing the extreme dehydration of my face happening, I reached out to my Kiehl's peeps and begged them for help. They sent me the Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream Intense Hydration to try, and it has helped so, so much. I really wanted to try this cream because it was "torture-tested" by Kiehl's, in a study in the hottest and driest city in the country...Phoenix. WHERE I LIVE. And what did the test (and my face) find? That 97% of subjects showed a reduction in visible skin dryness by 30% in just 7 days. 

Here's the bottom line on this stuff: it's the perfect night-time cream for me. It doles out a ton of lasting moisture, without being heavy. It's too much for my skin for a daytime deal, because I'm still ALSO OILY. Yes, karma is a bitch. Or something. But if you're a drier skin-type this will be great for you, regardless of what time it says it is on your cuckoo clock.


tarte Maracuja Bronzing Serum
tarte Maracuja Bronzing Serum (Sephora, $47)

Speaking of daytime face stuffs, this is heaven in a shimmery bottle. I've been completely hooked on it, ever since tarte sent it to me with all of those amazing lip glosses a few weeks ago. It's not really the texture of the regular Maracuja Oil, which is also great, but it really dries to more of a matte finish that I can totally wear under makeup/sunscreen items during the day.

But besides having all of that good good junk for your mug in it, there's also a dab o' sunless tanner in the Maracuja Bronzing Serum. Just a little touch of tan. Nothing insane. You can sign my ass up forever and ever.

Clearogen 
Clearogen Acne Treatment Set (Sephora, $39.50)

I won't go on and on about Clearogen again, but I credit this stuff for finally keeping my ridiculously over-the-top breakouts in check. My skin is made of complete bullshit, and this really is the only thing that keeps me from looking like a total monster. 


I love this stuff so much that I cannot go one day without it. If fact, BRB (in AOL IM lingo), I have to go buy some more of the Acne Lotion. I WILL NOT let my face get crazy again.

 Pixi Glow Tonic
pixi Glow Tonic (pixi, $29)

I love a great toner, and this is a total bad b of a toner. It's probably made from finely pressed True Blood fairy wings, but I don't even care. (Okay, okay. It really has stuff like Glycolic Acid, Ginseng and Aloe Vera.) It exfoliates my skin and leaves it soft and buttery. 

Pixi Glow Tonic is like a refreshing alcoholic drink on a hot, disgusting day. But, you know, on your face. With an tiny umbrella. But no maraschino cherries. Those are sick.

Adovia Dead Sea Mud Soap
Adovia Dead Sea Mud Soap (Cleopatra's Choice, $11)

I bought this soap on a whim one day when I fell down a scary rabbit hole of internet beauty product shopping. One of those deals that you don't even know how you ended up somewhere, and you're just buying random shit that seems like it might work.


Well, weirdly enough, this Adovia Dead Sea Mud Soap happens to do it for me. It's one of those cleansing bars that really feels like it's getting all up in there and kicking gross stuff's ass and taking names. This would be a terrible life choice for people with dry skin, though. Proceed with caution.

Do you have a favorite skin care product? What do you swear by? TELL ME EVERYTHING.



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Thursday, February 20, 2014

I Report, You Decide: Is Robert Pattinson A Dark-Haired Beauty?

pic via us weekly
I've never really been a part of that whole oh-my-god-r-patts-is-so-hot-vampires-vampires-vampires bandwagon. I'm more of the he's-okay-and-stuff camp. I kind of thought that his name was Robert Patterson for, like, three years. B*tches be gettin' old, man.


But here's Patty cakes on the set of some movie (I can't be bothered) with some fresh dark hairs, and I'm not really sure how I feel about him all of a sudden.


He's kind of giving me a darker, hotter vibe, but maybe I'm just falling for the douche smug he's got wiped all over his face in this picture. My ovaries can occasionally get temporarily bewitched due to smugness, so I can't really be sure.

Help me figure it out. Is Robbie looking hot, or am I being straight up delusional right now?





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Wednesday, February 12, 2014

What To Do When You Legit Hate Your Hair, And How To Fix That Hot Mess

I've been living through a silent struggle for the past couple of months, you guys. When I moved to Phoenix, I faced a huge ass dilemma -- I was leaving behind a bomb ass hair stylist. One that I completely trusted with ever single hair on my damn head. I wasn't too worried though, because Phoenix is a bigger city filled with salons. There have to be amazing hair people here, right?

I went to two salons semi-close to my house within my first couple of months here. The first one was okay, but I wasn't in love. I was in "meh" hair purgatory. By the time I hit up the second salon, I had run into actual trouble.


This is the picture that I brought to the stylist at the second salon. I told her that I had been having nightmares about getting streaky, chunky highlights in the nights before I had come to see her. She laughed it off, but my ass must be a psychic, because that's exactly what I left with.

I really don't even have a proper picture of what my hair looked like. I didn't take any pictures that included my hair during the last month (except for the one further down this post, which doesn't even show how truly bad it was), and it wasn't a coincidence. The top of my head looked like a love child of Tony the Tiger's circa 1997 -- striped and brassy orange. And my hair felt like straight sh*t. Capt'n Crunch, party of mf-ing one. (Who's up for a round of cereal now?) I couldn't even think of doing tutorial videos or pictures, and I took to wearing my hair in a bun whenever I left the house. The struggle was real.

I quickly developed a strategy to turn this trainwreck hair situation around, and developed some tips on how to handle a hair massacre if it happens to you.

Try to Salvage What You Have

Eufora's Beautifying Elixirs Damage Cure Clay Masque, $39
Because my hair was crispier than a delicious plate of french fries, I asked Eufora to send me a sample of their Damage Cure Clay Masque to try to get my sh*t back on track. I've been using it once or twice a week after using a cleansing conditioner for the past few weeks. I like to leave it on for about 20 minutes with a shower cap and a warm towel on my hair. So, like a boss.

It has literally saved my hair from just quitting this b*tch and jumping off my head. After using this stuff I could actually comb through my hair and not cry pain tears. It's great. Plus, it's pepperminty and tingly on your scalp. Because it's a repairing masque, use it twice a week, max, so you don't overload your hair with proteins and such. If you are in a crispy situation of your own, you can find out where to get the goodness for yourself here.

Find One Million Pictures of Styles and Colors You Like


I am not exaggerating when I say that I collected over 20 pictures of highlights that I liked while mulling over my own tragic hair. The more specific you can be about what you are looking for the better off your mop will be. Your idea of golden blonde might be a hop, skip, and a bus ticket to Brass Town, USA away from the hair stylist's. The more you can demonstrate what you want (and what you don't), the better off you'll be. Trust.

Do Your Research, and Find Someone You Can Trust

This is the hard part. Maybe your bad hair sitch came from someone you actually know, and see on the reg. If that's the case, contact them IMMEDIATELY and let them know you aren't into what's happening on your head. Maybe there was a miscommunication with what you wanted and they can fix it without any issue or hard feelings. 
If your case is like mine, and some rando jacked your ish, start trying to find someone with capable hands to take on your case. Keep an eye out for great heads of hair you see on the gen pop, ask around, and research like you're trying to track down Carmen Sandiego. I did a TON of googling/yelping/twittering/looking for a salon that had a blog (it shows me that they are passionate about hair) before I settled on David Frank Salon. When I called to make my appointment, I let them know that I was currently hating on my own hair and what I didn't like about it. That way the salon knows what they're getting into before they even see your head.


I am LOVING my current hair status, thanks to David on color and Haley on cut from David Frank Salon. I was super-specific about what I wanted and hated, and they totally delivered exactly what I what I was looking for. Gone are the brassiness and insane stripes, and I'm left with the natural balayage look that I originally was seeking. Victory at last!

So don't worry, you can fully expect me to be back to my normal schedule of annoying selfies and terrible tutorial videos now. How do you guys survive your bad haircut and color traumas? Share your brains!



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Monday, September 2, 2013

RuPaul Gives My B (Courtney Stodden) Some Effing Spot On Career Advice...In a Car.



You guys know my ass has feelings for C Stodd. I just can't quit her gold lame-covered ass, no matter how many battery pack-lit pairs of underwear homegirl puts on. But, I also love RuPaul, because he's everything I'm not and want to be -- a drag superstar, a badass b*tch, ridiculously cheek-boned, and tall as f*ck.


And after watching this video, I desperately need to ride around in RP's volvo and get some major life advice. Boo boo was on effin' point with that career bizznass for Stoddie. I need that sh*t.


If Ru ever comes out with a Oprah Life Class-esque deal, I'm there. My ass (and everything else) is a hot ass ham sandwich of a mess.


I know, I know. It's way too late for your asses to not judge me.


video via world of wonder






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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I Report, You Decide: Did Skinn's Lip 6X Gloss Plump Up My Jams?

Lemme be real with my b*tches for a second -- sometimes being a beauty blogger can be hard, man. There are times when I have a product, and I'm into it, but I'm just not 150,000,000% sure (Maury style) that it does what it says. So, today I bring the goods to you, and let your magical, rainbow-filled, wizard brains decide.

Skinn Lip 6X Gloss Amplifying Lip Gloss, $18.50
Skinn Cosmetics sent me their 6X Amplifying Lip Gloss forever ago, but I lost it, like a dumb dumb doo doo head. After I found it wedged somewhere in my car, I tried it several times and really liked it a lot. It is really, really moisturizing, and lasts FOR-effin'-EVA on my lips. I even had a friend want to steal it from my ass after she tried it, and loved the ish out of it.

But here's the sticky sitch, and why I haven't brought it to your asses, yet. As much as I love this stuff as a lip gloss, I don't know if I feel like it actually plumps my lips. It's not the BURNING plumping gloss, like those bad b's of yesteryear. So maybe that's my problem. But like a real, live, scientist, I took pictures of my lips to see if their was any plumpness happenin' after I applied the gloss. I totally followed the scientific method 100% 0%. Here are the results:


I don't know what to think, you guys. I feel like they are kind of plumped, non? I don't know.

Sh*t, I'm the worst. So, then, this.


I'll leave it to you guys. More plumped lippies? Not at all? What are the balls of your eyes and brain waves telling you? Sound off below, and check it out for yourself for your own damn experiments here.




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Friday, November 23, 2012

ANNNNND My Hair Transformation C'est Fini. (I'm Fancy and French.)

So, I got brave(ish) on T-gives and dyed my own hair. See the reveal after the jump and how I effed up...And ended up in Walmart at the start of Black Friday with all of the crazies.

via 90120gifs




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Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Help This B.

Uggggh. I am the most indecisive person in the world. I hate a commitment to anything, even hair color. So I need my home peeps to help me pick my next hair color. Here's somewhat what I currently look like:

Ignore my scrunchie. Or don't, and judge the eff out of me. So you get the idea. It's a darkish brown with some slightly lighter panels. Okay. So here's the thing -- I've had EVERY HAIR COLOR EVER.


I mean, AMIRIGHT? Here are my thoughts -- I really like this hair color. I have blocked the face of this young lady, because I don't even know who she is.


In my wildest fantasies, I want this:


But everyone that I've ever met is STRONGLY opposed to this choice. I hate everyone. OR should I stay pretty much on the hair path that I am currently on? This was the color inspiration for my current color:


I am, of course, open to other options. Help my annoying ass! I don't know what to do with my life!

P.S. Not that it really matters, but my real hair color is a dark, ashy blonde. It's horrendous.







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Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tell Me Your Problems!

If you guys have any questions or problems concerning beauty/fashion/makeup email me at glossanddirt@gmail.com (or even comment below), and let me help you. Help me, help you! (What was that, Jerry Maguire???) Let me be your hero, baby! (Enrique Iglesias...) Okay, I'm done. Pin It

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

How to Look Less Crazy: The Bangs Edition

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Monday, November 7, 2011

Brace Yourselves. I'm About to Say Something Nice!

Demi Lovato posted this picture of her new hair color to her Twitter account. And you know what? I really like this ish! But I will say that I'm really biased. I am OBSESSED with red hair right now. I think it's completely gaaaaw-jus. I'm just going to throw it out there. I want to be a ginger. Badly.


Are you guys watching American Horror Story? Young Moira is a HOT redhead. Am I wrong?


And what about Florence Welch, of Florence + the Machine? B*tch is fierce as hell!


And probably the most beautiful ginger of all (to me), Alison Sudol from A Fine Frenzy. You cannot tell me this redhead is to die for!

So what do you guys think? Think I could pull this off? Or would I look a hot, hot mess?

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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Tell Me WTF To Do

I am a high heels, platforms, wedges as high as they make them kind of girl. Probably because I am short as a mofo and I have a complex with my legs being a-hem, "stumpy." But I digress...I have recently moved to a bigger city, that is much more conducive to actually walking places. Or like parallel parking and walking to your destination. Bleh. It is becoming increasingly tough to wear my beloved five and six inch heels all the time. So, I have been wearing flip flops more and more. I don't like flip flops. So here I am.
Toms. Are these me? Do I keep schlepping around in flip flops? I like their whole give a pair of shoes to needy kids for every pair they sell thing. What do you guys think? I'm facing an internal war of glam versus flats! I need help. Pin It

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