Happy Birthday, 'Murica (Eff Yeah!). Here are a Few of My Favorite Things About You.

America can be kind of cool, you guys. It can also be a lot of this...

But we shan't focus on this effery. Here, in no certain order, are some of my favorite things about America.

B's can where crazy sh*t like this.

I can say that this sh*t is annoying. (AND POST IT ON THE INTERWEBS FOR ALL TO SEE.)

You can eat the grossest mess in the world, if you mf-ing feel like it.

You can have wine whenever the sh*t you feel like it. (Unless you live in the deep South in a dry county. If that's the case, sorry, yo.)

Brunch.

We have national treasures like this.

And this.

Easily accessible (and affordable) hair extensions.

Being lazy is totally okay.

In fact, I don't even really have to leave the house that much.

We have TV shows like this.

via realitytvgifs

 It's completely acceptable to combine delicious candies with delicious alcohols.

All bacon errrythang.

And whatever this is.

Happy 4th, American humans.

We are some crazy ass b's. Let us celebrate. And feel free to tell me your favorite thing about the ol' US of A below.



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Oh...My...Stars...

Pic via In Touch Weekly

 You guys. It's tanning mom, and she doesn't look THAT insane! Honey Boo Boo got a little side bang kickin', nice lippie happening, and letting the girls show. (Okay, that went too far.) But most importantly, B STOPPED TANNING! What's her address? I want to send her one of those recordable congratulations cards. Go head, lil' mama.



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Santa's Little Ho Ho Ho?

You know I'm playing, C. Stodd. All I want for Christmas (and Chanukah/Hanukkah) is you, b! Pin It

Too. Much.

Michelle Duggar announced on the Today show this morning that she is pregnant with her 20th child. Yes, like as in two zero. Listen, b. This is too much. Michelle and her last child ALMOST DIED during her pregnancy. What are you doing??!?!? Do you want to die in childbirth, Oregon Trail style? I know the Duggars don't believe in birth control, so tell ol' Jim Bob (Isn't that creepy face's name?) to keep on steppin' when it comes to the bedroom activities. My lady parts hurt for you! Pin It

Every Woman is Jealous.

I am jealous. I'm jealous that I lost my Caboodle in '93 and I can't find my exact match to that lipstick shade C Stod is rocking. I'm jealous that I have searched every Body Shop and Rave around, and I still can't find an arm cuff like that. Blerg!

But seriously, how did this girl become the alleged person that is now Courtney Stodden? Get on that, Rubix Cube solvers. There's your puzzle. Pin It

A Halloween Hahahahah Moment

C Stodd and her gross husband, who here is dressed as an out of work 90's boy band-er who now works under the table for a moving company, were kicked out of a pumpkin patch after people complained about these two hoeing it up. (That was the longest run-on sentence ever, but you get the point.) These two rascals! With their fake sex ish! Hop over to the Daily Mail and see more of this hot ham sandwich situation. But seriously, you are at a PUMPKIN PATCH. I hope the spirit of the Great Pumpkin comes for these crazies. (No, I don't. I love them.) This. B*tch.

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When Pants-less-ness Goes Too Far

Listen, Aggs. I still love you, but this is just more than my poor eye/heart combination can take. What exactly am I viewing here? Tights and boyshorts? A leotard and a t-shit? (I seriously typed that first. It fits.) At least she wore her sensible and sassy Chico's pleather coat over this mess. I mean, really. Some things are sacred!

Photo: US Weekly Pin It

Courtney Stodden's Ridiculous Tweet of the Day

So. Many. Ridiculous. Words.

This b*tch MUST moonlight as a low rent romance novelist. If not, she is seriously underachieving. Pin It

Seriously, WTF is this Effery?

Oh. My. Stars. Are we double-sided taping our eyeballs now? N'thanks. Cray cray britches! (Yes, BRITCHES, you dirty heads!) Pin It

I'm Changing the Name of This Blog...

To icantstopobsessingovercourtneystodden.com. But seriously, WTF world??? Please go look at ALL of these pictures of her "just another day at the pool" over on Superficial.

P.S. YOU ARE WELCOME! Pin It

What the Hell am I Looking at Here, Exactly?

We all know Paz de la Huerta is a crazy ass crazy, but this is a man down level of cray cray. I literally do not know where to rest my eyes. I'm not even mad that she's wearing my dream prom dress from '97. Or that her skin is half a day glo shade from that salmon on acid dress color. Or that her hair looks like one of those shitty Spencer's wigs you buy for your slutty Shania Twain Halloween costume and then wear home tossed askew on your walk of shame the next morning. What in the disgusting effery is that lipstick?!? She looks like she just made out with this dude. Who the hell am I kidding? I love this bitch. Pin It

Why Am I Obsessed?

What is my deal with this "girl?" I can't quit her alien-faced ass. Ugh!

P.S. YOU ARE NOT 16!!!! Pin It