Fire Up The Karaoke Machine, Here's Your New Anthem

So the actual lyrics for this song are NSFW like woah, but feel free to bump this loud and proud at any and all locations, because no one will even know that dude is saying eff 3485928340kjafldskj times. I mean, when the vocals get layered at 1:44, every other singer in the world can take one billion seats, because it's all just too perfect. Andrew Lee has the voice of an angel, if angels sang by sucking their voices back into their bodies.

And you can't ask for better background visuals than these. Frogs? Check. Soccer ball? Done. Andrew Lee on Andrew Lee? Obvs. A cat in an Admiral's outfit? Doy. Friends credits? Don't be basic -- of course.

If you're in the market for something a little more groovy that you can really dance to, you're in luck. Welcome to "Body Heat," where the going always gets hot.



Are the kids clipping pens into their unruly, yet luxurious, bangs and jamming in front of ironing boards now? Is that the hot new trend? I'm so MF-ing glad that YouTube wasn't around when I was a teenager/young adult/whatever age is happening here. Thank you, technology gods.

Fireworks and champagne all around for being an old bitch.




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WTF Music Monday: International Edition

Here we are again, mofos. It's Monday, and we all hate our lives. But don't worry that pretty little noggin, I'm here to jump start the week in the very best way that I know how -- with awesomely shitty music.

First up, is a jam from Eastern Europe. Watch the video and we'll discuss afterward. (P.S. I'll high five the shit out of you if you can make it all the way through this one.)



What was that? It's like the Russian (???) version of "Gangnam Style, " with extra highlighting eyeshadow. And bedazzled headbands as sunglasses. And chandelier accoutrements as headbands.

I have absolutely no idea what just happened, but whoever told homie that licking that lollypop like that was cute was a damned liar. That person is not your friend. Add the d-bag that sold you those Paris Hilton colored contacts to the list of your non-friends, too.

This isn't even the end of the fun(ish) times today, you guys. I also found this adorably mustachioed Indian man auto-tuning his little heart out in this piece of musical perfection.



I MF-ing love this song. I like to imagine that it's this dude's take on Bon Jovi's "It's My Life," but with extra EXTRA sound effects and air drums. The lyrics are more magical than a gif of a kitten riding a unicorn, which I couldn't find, but I did find this:

Let's just flesh out some of the amazingness of this man's words:

• It's my life, whom I want to leave oooo....oooo....oooo
• A friend of mine said I'm a waste fellow, he don't know the taste of this fellow.
• I always search for good in bad, I also search for bad in good. I am a very good bad boy.
• I am a brain eater...
• I am a smart cheater...
• I am a back bencher...
• I am a kids lover...
• I am very anger...I know it's very danger

You could really put any of those quotes on a watercolor background and have a hell of an inspirational Instagram post.

The moral of the story? "If you don't like anyone, live alone." And also, "Don't believe me...I am a true lier." Annnnnd scene.

Yep, pretty much. Happy Monday!

via reddit's "crappy music"


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Cops Are Looking For St. Patrick's Day Freak-A-Leeks That Were Doing The Deed Behind A Dunkin' Donuts Dumpster

photo via uproxx

Now that this year's St. Paddy's day is in the history books, we can all sit and ruminate on our regrets of the holiday. What happened? What did you do? NEVERMIND, DON'T TELL ME, BECAUSE IT'S PROBABLY DOESN'T INVOLVE DOING SHIT BEHIND A FAST FOOD DUMPSTER, SO WHO EVEN CARES?

Uproxx has given us a modern-day love story about how the poe-lease are looking for this sexually sophisticated (who am I to judge) couple that were caught getting dumpster crunk on numerous Instagram accounts (and videos, which I didn't want to post, because there's, like, .4 seconds of a possible front 'gine shot, and your workplace might lightly frown upon that). I covered the faces of these two romantics, on the off chance that this is one of your freaky ass asses. If so, kudos.

That's probably the most interesting thing that ever happened to someone wearing a pair of (hopefully pleated) Old Navy khakis.

Oh, and maybe turn yourself in. Being on the lam is probably a major life c-block. Plus, you'll need to put this on your resume, and no one will believe it's legit if your criminal records don't match up.




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Brandi Glanville Does What We All Feel Like Doing, and Gets Crunk and Semi-Naked.

I kind of love Brandi from RHOBH, you guys. She always seems like she has zero effs to give, and she does sh*t like getting her swerve on on a Monday night. Like, b*tch got like boobs and ass hanging out drunk on the first day of the work week.

I'm not really sure how this dress was supposed to operate, but I don't think that this is it. Sh*t, if I had legs like homegirl, I would straight walk around like this always.

Turn it all the way up, boo. I blame Tamra.

Brandi pics via TMZ

 

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Happy Birthday, 'Murica (Eff Yeah!). Here are a Few of My Favorite Things About You.

America can be kind of cool, you guys. It can also be a lot of this...

But we shan't focus on this effery. Here, in no certain order, are some of my favorite things about America.

B's can where crazy sh*t like this.

I can say that this sh*t is annoying. (AND POST IT ON THE INTERWEBS FOR ALL TO SEE.)

You can eat the grossest mess in the world, if you mf-ing feel like it.

You can have wine whenever the sh*t you feel like it. (Unless you live in the deep South in a dry county. If that's the case, sorry, yo.)

Brunch.

We have national treasures like this.

And this.

Easily accessible (and affordable) hair extensions.

Being lazy is totally okay.

In fact, I don't even really have to leave the house that much.

We have TV shows like this.

via realitytvgifs

 It's completely acceptable to combine delicious candies with delicious alcohols.

All bacon errrythang.

And whatever this is.

Happy 4th, American humans.

We are some crazy ass b's. Let us celebrate. And feel free to tell me your favorite thing about the ol' US of A below.



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Randy Travis Got Busted for Getting Crunk and Driving While...

pic via E! News

NAKEY! I normally wouldn't even write about a country singer, just because it's not really my deal at the moment, but B WAS NAKED AND CRASHED HIS CAR. How does that happen? But he apparently was wearing a hat, because the picture above is ol' Ran Ran leaving the slammer in some papery scrub deals, barefoot, and WEARING A HAT. You would think that one would at least throw a thong on before climbing behind the wheel. Damn, I'll have what he's having. ALLEGEDLY.

P.S. If he was drinking Arbor Mist, I can die a happy woman.




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