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Showing posts with label Twitter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Twitter. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Justin Bieber Visits Strip Club, Strippers Around The Country Collectively Quit.


No, they didn't. But they should, because that sh*t is some inhumane working conditions. The Huffington Post has pieced together a story from TMZ and The Miami New Times involving Biebs visiting a Miami strip club for about an hour and spending somewhere around $75,000. He was there celebrating someone named Lil' Scrappy's birthday. The strip club tweeted this after: "Justin Bieber just ordered 75k ones..." and also included some dumb and annoying emojis. There's also a quote from the club promoter, named Disco Rick, that is boring and adds nothing to this story.

Let's dissect all of this tom foolery, shall we?
  • Don't strippers have enough bullsh*t that they have to deal with, without dealing with Bieber? I'm sure dealing with your everyday, garden-variety strip club patron is annoying enough.
  • How many Lil's are there out there? These kids are like a Warner Brothers cartoon about a rag-tag gang of kittens.
  • Isn't there some kind of code of ethics when it comes to nakey bars? Like, isn't it kind of like a doctor, where they shouldn't be tweeting all of your business all over the internets?
  • DISCO RICK??? ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? It's 2014, sir, please retire.

Speaking of retiring, I've had just about enough of this world. I just can't with you, anymore, Earth.




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Monday, March 11, 2013

Oh, no no no no.

amanda-bynes-face-pierced-cheek-blonde-extensions.jpgI thought really hard about posting this, you guys. I don't know ish about Amanda Byne's rillll (copyright Courtney Stodden) life, but I suspect that some areas have been going less than swimmingly for her. But at least there haven't been those daily reports on her having to be physically removed from, well, everywhere, so I will assume that things have calmed down a bit. That was what I believed in my heart until I saw this picture she posted on her own twitter. Oh, honey. Why are you wearing a Taylor Dayne wig?


Sorry, youngsters. I know that you have ZERO idea who this is, but it's AB's wig twin. Except for the fact that this was Tay Tay's real hair at the time.


And just because Dave Chapelle isn't doing his show anymore, doesn't give you the right to bite Tyrone Biggum's style so hard. Rude. And I know that people are still doing the whole acrylic stiletto nails thing, but seeing them without polish gives me the grossies. I'll leave the makeup deal alone, because we all have eyes. And brain waves. Oh, and if you think I'm being a total c-face (Well, duh. Nice to meet you.) and judging off of one weird picture...

amanda-bynes-face-cheek-piercing-bling.jpgThis is happening. And I REALLY, REALLY hope that this all is just a case of...


Because Amanda seems like a nice girl. Learn from your peer peeps. PLEASE. Take a nap, eat a nice grilled cheese, and stop the silly nonsense.









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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Crazy Sh*t Celebrities Have Been Telling Me

No, I haven't been hearing the voices of famous people in my head. I'm not to THAT level, yet. I'm talking about on the social medias. I try to follow as many b's as possible on Twitter/Instagram/Grindr (I wish). And on occasion, that mess pays off. This is what has been happening in the celebrity world lately.


My lifetime role model, R Simms, talked about lunch boxes. (Heh -- boxes.)


Amanda Bynes bedazzled her face. With a needle. (Or however they do that ish.)


JB FINALLY listened to my ass for once in his mutha effin' life, and looked like he was in an all-lesbian review of West Side Story in the process. (P.S. Does that exist??? Because I would be VERY interested in watching that.)


Lilo talked about herself via Google Facts. We're all VERY impressed, Linds. You're special. And now for the picture that made my life...


LANA DEL REY IS F*CKING SMILING IN CURRENT DAY TIMES, YOU GUYS. What. Is. Happening? If someone had told me that this day would come, I would have never believed it. And she looks totally norms! Like a real and actual humanoid -- I feel quite confused.

And now I must go rest, I do believe that this has given me the vapors.




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Thursday, November 1, 2012

Neil Patrick Harris' Family Never Fails to Make a B SQUEEEEE!

via neil patrick harris' twitter
Listen, I'm not even kid obsessed, or anything, but this ish is freaking ridiculously adorable. Kids in Halloween costumes are already really cute, but the whole family? In themed costumes? Squeeeee, b*tch. SQUEEEE!

P.S. Lil' Dorothy is totally into it, but Lil' Lion looks vaguely pissed. And NPH's husband is possibly the cutest.



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Wednesday, October 24, 2012

BREAKING NEWS: Tracy Morgan (Jordan) Has a Shark Tank


Tracy Morgan on WhoSay

AND IT IS ENCASED IN A FAUX SHARK MOUTH. What would Liz Lemon say about this?

via fakezombieseagoon
Yep. That about sums it up.


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Tuesday, October 23, 2012

GUUUUUURL of the Day: Lindsay Lohan's Poly Sci Tweets

The debate was last night, as you might've known if you want to watch 2 Broke Girls, or whatever, and were totally c-blocked. I love to go on Twitter during the Presidential debates because people get all fired up and ish and it gets super crazy. Little did I know that I was in for a wonderful assault on my eyes and brain, from ol' reliable -- Lindsay Lohan. Here's how it started:


B, what the eff are you talking about? Are you debating a ho? (In case it's not clear, the answer is no.) Why are you nervous? Then came this:

I'm sure that Bill Maher wants to message back and forth with you on your political thought/random nervousness, Lilo. And why did you take the "o" out of God? What is happening here? Well, finally the debate is over, and this pops up:

Oh, she's relieved it's over. EVEN MORE SO THAN THE FRIGGIN' PEOPLE IN THE ACTUAL DEBATE. I can't even with you right now, Lindsay Lohan. This is what it's like following this person on Twitter.
via unitedstatesoftony
And for that, Lindsay, you and your ridiculous political tweets are the GUUUURL of the day.



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Friday, October 19, 2012

No.



Ma'am.




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Friday, August 3, 2012

Have You Guys Heard? Miley Cyrus Works Out.

I must start this out by saying that I follow ol' MC (no, not Mariah Carey) on Twitter. I know, there is no good reason for a damn 31 year old woman to follow Miley Cyrus, but here we are. I have noticed a trend with Miley over the past couple of weeks. B LOVES to show a belly-showing self photo on the Twitter. Don't believe me?


Okay, honey boo boo. OH-KAY. Yoooooou (Soulja Boy, Tell 'Em) look good. You been pilates-ing more than Joseph Pilates could ever even imagine in his wildest dreams, during an amazing night's sleep after reading Good Night Moon or even a Berenstain Bears book on working out. We gots it. But you know who has two thumbs and can't even judge yo' ass? This guy.


See? I totally  win the douche award from at least '99-'01, and possibly even currently. Please believe if Twitter (or even Myspace) were around in the late 90's/early 00's, my everything would probably be all over everything. Praise baby Jesus that I'm an old ass b.

pic via buzz feed
So go 'head Miley. You do you.


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Saturday, July 7, 2012

Breaking News: Hot People Wear Bikinis, Look Hot.

Duh, everyone in the world is a the beach right now. So a plethora of celebrities have either tweeted pictures of themselves or been photographed in bikinis. I, on the other hand, have been alternating between working my retail job and eating a sh*tload of pastries. I'm pretty disgusting.

First up, Heidi Klum tweeted this picture of herself:
Yeah, she looks so gross. Cover that mess up. JK. She looks super hot. Sigh.

Also coming from her own tweet, here's Britney Spears and her young'ns:
Lookin' good, Brit-a-saurus Rex! And it's nice that you gave your hair stylist the holiday off. Sweet.

Next up, in the super posing for photogs category, is Aubrey O'Day. Girlfriend is letting those cheeks fly high on the 4th of Juuuu-ly, honey:
Pic via Daily Mail
Next we have double the hotness with Nicole Sheroiweuroewhatever (I'm not googling that) and Krysten Ritter:
Pic via Huffington Post
Wow, that amazing beach doesn't look NEARLY as fun as me eating potato chips right now. But you know what?
That's Tina Fey's kid, and I want to adopt her. Did you guys do anything fun this week/weekend? Make my ass ever more jealous, please.



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Saturday, May 19, 2012

Why Do We Give a Vajazzle About Raven Symone's Lady Business?


The interwebs have been accusing Raven Symone of loving on the ladies, specifically some chicky poo from America's Next Top Model. So Olivia (Cosby, duh.) took to her Twitter to speak up on the rumors. She's pretty much telling us we're in her business more than this cat.

Pic via Huffingtonpost.com

Pretty much, b is saying that she ain't saying! Which is fine. I don't need to know what Raven's lady parts are doing (or who) 24/7.

What I DO want to know is, why this mess was cancelled.


Yes, I watched this show. And I liked it. Kind of a lot.

The only other thing I want to know from Raven Symone is if she knows where Bill Cosby bought this.


I'm in love with a sweater. (That should have been the name of the T-Pain song.)


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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Go, girl! (Yes, I just said "Go, girl." What do you want from me? I'm old.)

 I've never really had an opinion one way or the other regarding AnnaLynne McCord of (new) 90210 fame. In fact, I had to google her name like three times to figure out how to spell her damn name properly. This is how I'm used to 90210:


I prefer my 90210 with a heaping lot of Brenda, with a side of OOOOOONdrea Zuckerman. But ALMC recently tweeted a bare-faced pic of herself:


And I have to say, kudos to you, kiddo. Or KADOOZE as Real Housewife Ramona Singer would say.



I'm over celebs tweeting photos with flawless bare skin, and rubbing in all of our average faces. Like, we get it people, you are flawless. Great. I already hate myself enough. What more do you want from me? So I give uber points to ALMC for showing her real face, even if that includes a little uneven skintone LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING.

So to you, ALMC, I say, "Go, girl!"


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Friday, May 4, 2012

Should I Be Scared?


I need to go bleach my skin.


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Thursday, December 1, 2011

This B is Just Playing Us Now.

I know you like old dudes, Stoddy-kins, but you are just being off the mf'ing chain. Too. Much. (What's new?) Kisses!
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Monday, November 28, 2011

Santa's Little Ho Ho Ho?


You know I'm playing, C. Stodd. All I want for Christmas (and Chanukah/Hanukkah) is you, b! Pin It

Monday, November 21, 2011

I Should Be a Freakin' Detective.


Now I'm 2,000% sure (like a b on Maury) that Hot Stoddy isn't the author of her tweets. What 17 year old wears slips? Or even has seen a slip? Ha! I see you, girl. I got your number now. Gotcha, b!

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