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Showing posts with label 90210. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 90210. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Who Would You Rather: The 90210 Dudes Edition


I'm kind of a Beverly Hills, 90210 nut, as evidenced by this picture of me wearing a Brenda Walsh mugshot t-shirt that my friend Sarah bought me. Because of my particular brand of crazy brains, I've spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the dudes of BH High. That sounds illegal, but everyone on that show was, like, 42 during the show's run, so stop judging my ass.

All of this pondering led me to compile a list of pros and cons for each 90210-type-of-bro, so we can find out, once and for all, who would you rather?

David Silver

BAG sporting a unibrow starter's kit

Pros:
Cons:
  • Many awkward hair phases.
  • David and Donna were so gross, as told by this video, which is one of the more horrific things even burned into my eyeballs and ear holes.



    BRB, vomiting and bleaching the Earth.

    Bottom Line: Whatever, I can't even keep up this front. DAVEY WAS THE WORST.

    Brandon Walsh

    B Dubs, the stern years.

    Pros:
    • He did charitable shit like bring homeless men home for Thanksgiving dinner and had relationships with Kelly Taylor.
    • He was well-beloved by crazies (Emily Valentine) and bores (Andrea Zuckerman) alike.
    • He had the privilege of sharing a womb with Brenda.
    • He had the second-best dude hair on the show. (Except for that short-lived mullet. Hard pass.)
    • Just..This...



      Cons:
      • He did horrible shit like have relationships with Kelly Taylor.
      • He got kind of judgey over walking Earth treasures Brenda Walsh and Valerie Malone. 
      • These sunglasses fill me with a deep and fiery rage. There's something so Wilford Brimley about them that make me want to throw hot oatmeal.

      Bottom Line: I like Brandon. But do I LIKE like Brandon? Like, loins-like him?

      Dylan McKay

      Okay, so this was IRL Luke Perry, BUT I DON'T CARE.

      Pros:
      • Please see above.
      • That voice.
      • He had the best hair that's ever even graced a friggin' TV screen.
      • He had rough times, but had a heart of GD GOLD.
      • He almost pulled this look off. And that's a lot of look.


      IS THAT A WETSUIT TOP TUCKED INTO RELAXED FIT JEANS?

      Cons:
      • That tramp-ass-tramp Kelly Taylor.
      • He doesn't love me.

      Bottom Line: Everyone loves Dylan McKay. If you don't, you aren't a living human being. Shit, even ghosts haunting old Victorian-era mansions probably love that mofo.

      Steve Sanders

      Steve loves coochie cutters, and he cannot lie.

      Pros:
      • Steve kind of gave zero effs about ANYTHING.
      • He had a weirdly sexual confidence about him.
      • Semi-unrelated, but, uhhhh....
      • Ian Ziering did this in my life, so major bonus points:


      Cons:



      Bottom Line: Current-day Ian Ziering? Hot. Steve Sanders? Not.

      Conclusion: Please, this was all a flimsy, farce-filled, flim-flam facade! And you fell for it. MUAHAHAHHA. DYLAN MCKAY 4EVA.


      How much do you still love Dylan McKay, one to eight trillion?



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      Friday, January 31, 2014

      10 Fierce Hair Times in Beverly Hills, 90210 History

      Real talk -- I formed roughly 99.9% of my opinions in life from watching Beverly Hills, 90210. There are so many amazingly horrible things to soak up from the ten years of that show, that I could fill an entire blog with all of the wonders of that world.


      One of the best and worst things about 90210? THE HAIR. Now, click through so we can talk about all of the glory and the madness that made up the best moments in 90210 hair history.


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      Friday, April 12, 2013

      GUUUUUURL of the Day: Brenda Walsh in a Photographic History, 'Cause It's That B's Birthday.

      You guys, I love Shannen Doherty's ass. (Figuratively, not literally.) And today is mah boo's birthday, so I've collected some amazing pictures of that crazy ass through the years -- or the 90's. Whatever.

      jorts for effing daysssssss
      well this sh*t is just massively uncomfortable...
      even a bunk ass perm can't stop the FACE
      ...and kelly's a slut b*tch, duh.
      badass 4 lyfe
      that's right, dylan, oooo you can get it.
      this.
      ha. and a sh*tload of this. wynonna judd meets alyssa milano in fear.
      who DOESN'T want to slap the ever-loving blah out of andrea zuckerman???
      and just because -- what are you, wilford brimley? get your sh*t together, andrea.
      Happy Birthday, Brenda (Shannen). You're forever my GUUUUUURL.






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      Monday, December 31, 2012

      Random Homie: Pixi Lash Line Ink in Black Silk

      Holy eff, you guys. It's already NYE. How the hell did that happen?!? We survived the Mayan apocalypse, so now it's time to look super sexual for your New Year's nonsense you've got happening tonight. And maybe that ish involves a sexy ass winged eyeliner. If so, I have the RH for dat azz.

      pixi lash line ink in black silk, $16 @ target
      The Pixi Lash Line Ink is pretty badass, mofos. The tip is soooo freakin' thin it should be illegal (don't be a perv), so you can totally pull off the extreme (or not) winged liner look.

      It's also really inky and dark, which is the business, in my book. I do apologize for the lack of other makeup in these pictures, but I'm a lazy b. I have zero excuses. These pictures are also kind of Aeon Flux-y, which is both gross and creepy. What can I say? I'm the worst, and I hope to induce nightmares.

      If you're ready to bring the full-on sex, go get the Pixi Lash Line Ink in Black Silk at your local Target. It's almost THIS sexy.

      via 90210gifs
      But let's be real, nothing is THAT sexy. Is that a wetsuit top tucked into jorts? I can hardly contain myself.

      P.S. While you're there, I dare you not to try this on. It's impossible. Impossible, I tell you.




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      Friday, November 2, 2012

      The Only 90's Tori Spelling Photo Round Up You'll Ever Need. (You Are Freaking Welcome, People.)

      If Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus and broccoli had a baby, this would be its hair.
      This is a helluva lot of look, T Spell. Helluva lot.
      I really just wanted to post BAG's hair in this picture.
      What is happening? Even the dog is freaked the eff out.
      Dream 90's wedding. Annnnnnd cue vomit.
      Somebody get the V05 Hot Oil Treatments in bulk. Immediately.
      Holy sh*t. Lumiere is hanging from Donna Martin's ear. Times are tough, man.
      My God. No. Is this a Project Runway/Michael's challenge?
      I can't ever stop with this movie. WATCH. IT.
      Oh, brother. Trim your bangs.


      Like I could leave out mutha effin' Violet. Harry Potter bit homegirl's look.
      And THIS. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS:



      P.S. I still totally dance like this. I am joking 0%.


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      Thursday, August 30, 2012

      Someone Get Brenda on The Phone...

      And the phone better look like this or I'm going to be pissed.
      The New York Post is reporting that Kelly Taylor and Dylan McKay (or Jennie Garth and Luke Perry if you're boring) are dating EACH OTHER. Oh, hell naw. I know that Shannen Doherty is married, (Yes, it's important to stay up to date on IMPORTANT celebrity relationship statuses. And Education Connection commercials still qualify a person as a celebrity.) but she needs to drop her dude so she can get up on this. KELLY TAYLOR CANNOT WIN.

      pic via ny post
      P.S. Their respective reps claim that the two are just "close friends." Ummm hmmm. That means their no no's have seen each other. B, please. These two are practically bumping and grinding to Next's Too Close in the picture above.



      Pshhhaw, I say to you. Pshhhaw. And on a completely unrelated note, I just ordered this shirt:

      What? A capped sleeve baseball style screen printed baby tee is totally in for fall '12. I don't dictate the trends, people.



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      Thursday, May 10, 2012

      Go, girl! (Yes, I just said "Go, girl." What do you want from me? I'm old.)

       I've never really had an opinion one way or the other regarding AnnaLynne McCord of (new) 90210 fame. In fact, I had to google her name like three times to figure out how to spell her damn name properly. This is how I'm used to 90210:


      I prefer my 90210 with a heaping lot of Brenda, with a side of OOOOOONdrea Zuckerman. But ALMC recently tweeted a bare-faced pic of herself:


      And I have to say, kudos to you, kiddo. Or KADOOZE as Real Housewife Ramona Singer would say.



      I'm over celebs tweeting photos with flawless bare skin, and rubbing in all of our average faces. Like, we get it people, you are flawless. Great. I already hate myself enough. What more do you want from me? So I give uber points to ALMC for showing her real face, even if that includes a little uneven skintone LIKE AN ACTUAL HUMAN BEING.

      So to you, ALMC, I say, "Go, girl!"


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