FYI: You Aren't Good Enough To Look At Prince's Passport Picture

PRINCE ROGERS NELSON::PASSPORT PICTURE 2/11/16 pic.twitter.com/lgdLCXQ9y2

— Prince3EG (@Prince3EG) February 11, 2016

I know, I know -- it's been a damn minute. To be completely transparent (like you know I do), I've been trying to decide the future of this blog, and if there really is one. I'm not trying to evoke any kind of reaction with this declaration; just keeping it all the way real, as I am wont to do. 

BUT, I felt compelled to come out of hibernation to share this amazing slice of heaven as soon as I saw it on UPROXX, because I love you, and what kind of dick would I be if I didn't share this purported passport picture, as presented by Prince himself?

I find it almost zero percent likely that this is Prince's actual passport photo, but really, who am I to question someone whose cat-eye liner is leaps and bounds more perfect than my own? Whose lips sport the absolute optimal amount of nude shine? Whose facial hair very closely resembles a late-'90s shave job of a lady's bathing suit area? I am not the one question this man. Not I.

Not when he has been so many generous with us.

The bounty of his spirit knows no bounds.

This man can say whatever he GD pleases.

Plus, I look like a hot pile of garbage in my passport picture. I can't say shit about shit. Bye. 

Pin It

The Shade Of It All: The Kat Von D Shade + Light Eye Contour Palette

I have a confession -- I'm a sucka-ass sucka for a matte eyeshadow palette. Call me a basic bitch if you wish, but it's just my comfort zone. It's like sweatpants for my eyelids.

So, when the Kat Von D Shade + Light Eye Contour Palette came out a while ago, my brain got all tingly over that shit. It was like finding a pair of sweatpants that cup your butt cheeks just so. I wanted it. I needed it. I was a little too poor to buy it. But then I said eff this life and caved like woah. I'm more irresponsible with money than Lilo. ALLEGEDLY.

Side note: I've been watching an ungodly amount of RuPaul's Drag Race over the past week, so prepare your eyeballs for an onslaught of draggy gifs. Christmas (or Hanukkah or Shannen Doherty's birthday) came early this year.

This palette consists of twelve matte shadows. There are three bigguns on top, which are meant to be base colors. I only use the far left one as a base, because as you can see on the swatches, it's basically my skin. The others I use for blending, but do whatever works for you. I don't know your skin tone, honey.

The shadows are broken up into sections of neutrals (left), cools (center), and warms (right). It also comes with a little guide book deal, telling you how to achieve the look you want to work. I ignored it, because ain't nobody going to tell me nothing. I just want to slap some shit on my eyeballs.

I did some really quick and dirty looks using each section of shadows, starting with the warms.

These shadows are probably my favorite, because I'm just a warm person. (don't get sassy) The shadows are so pigmented and smooth that they're almost creamy (sorry).

I threw these shadows on the day that I bought the palette, and I hadn't even washed my face, so don't look for perfection here. I think you know better than that anyway.

The next day I played around with the cools.

Cool tones are kind of my least favorite in general, just because I prefer warm stuffs, but I actually ended up really liking these. That dark gray is really nice, because it has kind of a brown-y base instead of a blue. I'm pretty, pretty into it.

For the neutrals, I just added to the existing cool eye, so it's a little bit of a hot mess, but you can get the smokey gist of it. Excuse my damn beauty.

My least favorite shadow of the whole palette ended up being the dark neutral brown, just because it kind of had an assload of fallout. Not enough to keep me from using it ever, just something to keep in mind.

Bottom line, because I know you just said "eff it" and looked at the gifs, I really love this palette, just like every other KVD thing I've ever owned. Just add it to the pile, baby. Speaking of piles of product, I have to go wash all this schmutz off my face. I need to triple wash, like a bag of baby spinach.

Pin It

Reminder: Dame Helen Mirren Is Way Cooler Than All Of Us

Helen Mirren is basically cool as shit, and knows it. And Hells should really be in every commercial. That's a free tip, advertising agencies.

Don Draper is totally going to steal my idea.




Pin It

Want To Win The September Allure Sample Society Box?

Allure sent me their September Sample Society box to root through and see what it's all about, and I made this little baby haul video to share the info. There are lots of fun thingy-dos in this puppy. I'm actually pretty, pretty excited about it. If you want to see what's in the box (heh), watch away.

If you want more info on Allure Sample Society, you can check it out here. And if you want to win one of these babies for yourself, click here and see info on how to win one in the description box. Treat yo' self!



Pin It

TGIMF(Almost)F! Let's Get Down With This Jam.

Sometimes you just have to jam the eff out, because it's (soon to be) Friday night and you feel alright. So you put on your super-slimming, black Mandarin collared shit shirt, fluff your hair bang wave and hit the town in downtown(ish) Minneapolis, or wherever. Major. Nothing says Friday night jam sesh like everything that happens after 1:11 in this video.

I would polish this dude's Napoleon Dynamite spectacles all night long. Take me away to Oasis Karaoke, mofos!

Pin It

Blogging Note/Happy Weekend: Go See The Special Man

Sorry I'm been lax on the posting this week, homies. I've been working on some other stuff (we'll talk about that another time) that has been taking up all my time. I'M SORRY. I KNOW.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

Next week will probably be shitty too, so preemptive apologies all around. I'll do my best (which you probably know is like a regular person's worst).

In the meantime, let's enjoy this (I'm 99.9999% positive) Addy Award-winning TV commercial. Because it's perfect.



I know that this is a thing of friggin' beauty because I don't even know who my favorite person is in this thing. It's like picking which is my favorite, wine or pizza. (Psssh, it's wine.)

Anyway, enjoy this tiny dude's hair enigma. I'll catch you on the flip side, or the crossroads, whichever comes first.


Pin It

Dammit, I'm Back On The Gloss

I've been on a major lipstick bender for the past few months. It's been a pretty ride-or-die matte lipstick moment in my life, really. Then all of that flew out the window when I got a box of samples from tarte, which included EIGHT SHADES of the LipSurgence lip gloss ($19). I peed my friggin' pants a little, then I fell in love.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

It was like lip gloss screamed, "I'm back, bitches!" in my heart. And it was like we had never parted. Like The Notebook or some shit.

tarte LipSurgence lip gloss in tipsy, $19

Is this too dramatic? Sorry. I've always been an over-actor. Bottom line, these homies are legit. They're super shiny, not sticky, are pretty long lasting (for a gloss), and come in a variety of cupcake-y colors. Here are the ones that I gave a whirl:

I arranged them in order of what I felt like I would wear most to least, but that's really a load of bullshit, because there was not one that I was all, "Ick, nast," about. And that's saying something, because I hate 99% of all things.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

But I would wear every single one of these puppy dogs in the drop of a dime piece, no questions asked. The colors are sheer, but still pigmented, and I think they would be gorgeous on a wide range of skin tones. EVERYONE WINS.

If you want to check them for yourself, see the full tarte LipSurgence cornucopia of offerings here.


Pin It

Aubrey Plaza Makes Us All Want Ring Pops To Add Life Drama

Ring Pop! - watch more funny videos

This video really has everything that I need in life: Aubrey Plaza's unconventionally dark weirdness, rock candy masquerading as crack rock, love triangles, and fanny packs. It's Ring Pop-levels of perfect.

I want THEM ALL.

Pin It

Adding Crack-y Fuel to My Crazy Addiction: Lip Chap Edition

This is usually how I feel in life, and there are deep roots to this issue --

NO, I don't have a drug addiction issue, I have a LIP PRODUCT ISSUE. See, I took Accutane for acne when I was 15 or 16, and it caused my lips to be so mother effing dry that they cracked and peeled all around my mouth. It was a sexy, sexy time, and I had to keep some kind of lip sh*t on my person at all times. So ever since then, I've been all...

YES, IT'S A FLAVOR OF LOVE 2 REFERENCE. GET ON BOARD.

To say that I've tried a trabajillion kinds of chapsticks, treatments, blams, blahhhhhs is (hardly) an exaggeration. And I have now added some beast level sh*t to my arsenal.

me & the girls mentha revive lip moisturizer lipstick topper and base, $7

Meet the Mentha Revive Lip Moisturizer Lipstick Topper and Base from me & the girls -- This. B*tch. I am in love with this w. With full disclosure, I haven't used it as a base or topper for lipstick, because I can't even make it there. I just want solo time with this stuff. It's like a hybrid Kenny G/Michael Bolton of mullets in the lip balm world; all smoothness, with business in the front and party in the back.

yeah, boo. it's that smooth.

Plus, it's good for your ass (not your ASS ass) and vegan. Check out more deets and get your own here, because I'm not sharing this lip chap with you b's. MY LIPS FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE BUTTER ON THEM, AND BUTTER IS DAMN DELICIOUS.

Pin It

GUUUUUURL of the Day: Brenda Walsh in a Photographic History, 'Cause It's That B's Birthday.

You guys, I love Shannen Doherty's ass. (Figuratively, not literally.) And today is mah boo's birthday, so I've collected some amazing pictures of that crazy ass through the years -- or the 90's. Whatever.

jorts for effing daysssssss

well this sh*t is just massively uncomfortable...

even a bunk ass perm can't stop the FACE

...and kelly's a slut b*tch, duh.

badass 4 lyfe

that's right, dylan, oooo you can get it.

this.

ha. and a sh*tload of this. wynonna judd meets alyssa milano in fear.

who DOESN'T want to slap the ever-loving blah out of andrea zuckerman???

and just because -- what are you, wilford brimley? get your sh*t together, andrea.

Happy Birthday, Brenda (Shannen). You're forever my GUUUUUURL.

Pin It

This Is Really Happening.

pic via la gear

Hot damn, you guys. Do you know what those little puppies up there are? They are the re-launched LA MOTHER EFFING LIGHTS SHOES. These exist, and I'm so friggin' excited. I had LA Lights the first time around, and they were (obviously) my jam. I mean, a shoe that lights up at you walk is totally appropriate for a woman in her 30's, right? I feel like Jem (or maybe the Misfits) just drove her van over a rainbow made from Rainbow Brite dolls to deliver these to me. Go check out the badass color selection (and be fresh to death, if you want, and buy a pair) here. Can we do this, people? Or am I being even more insane than normal?



Pin It

Get Your MF'ing Cowboy Boots On, B*tches!

Hey Dude is coming back! According to Entertainment Weekly, Teen Nick 90's Block (This exsists?!?! Where the eff have I been?) is adding Hey Dude to its Friday night lineup. Crap, I need to find out if I have this mess on my cable. I'll see you b's later. I'm leaving JTT in charge. Let's see what he has to say about this news.


Awesome. He's totally on board with it. Pin It