Showing posts with label Blogging Note. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blogging Note. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

I'm Having Surgery And Going To Be On Bed Rest, Here's How I'm Preparing My Beauty Life

I have to have surgery on Thursday. But before you start a massive (or tiny) kickstarter to fund a parade in my loving memory, know that I should be fine. It's going to take me a few weeks to recover, but please save your carnation get well bouquets for someone more deserving.

It turns out that I have a GIANT (like, 4.5 inch) ovarian cyst growing inside my body. I took a picture of it, but I don't know how delicate your sensibilities are, so if you like to peep weird, gross shit, you can check it out here. I know you don't know the normal state of my abdominal area, but that ain't it. It's pretty much like I shoved a grapefruit into my belly through osmosis. Or some other kind of science that I clearly don't understand.

I've known that I have this surgery coming up for a week or so, so I've been trying to prep myself for being laid up for a while and not being able to do my usual beauty nonsense. I was already a big ol' dummy and painted my nails, thinking it would make me feel better. Then I remembered that you have to take all of your polish off before surgery to...check your oxygen levels? Monitor your nail beds? Evaluate your cuticle situation? Shit, I don't know.

So, I started focusing on things that I needed to get done to make myself less of a MF-ing horror show after this process. Looking (relatively) human is the end goal.

The Lazy Razor

I hate shaving my legs, and I rarely do it. It's just so time-consuming for something that I give zero to few shits about. But since professional strangers are going to be doing things to my unconscious body, I thought I might as well clean up all ye olde parts. 

And let me tell you a little something -- if I'm using a razor, the only one I want slice up my ankle bones with is the Schick Intuition Razor (especially this Pure Nourishment with Coconut Milk & Almond Oil one -- it's so moisturizing you'll want to hug it). It's a one-stop shop. You don't need freakin' shaving cream, gel, soap, shampoo, conditioner, or whatever the hell you use, and I've tried it all. It's the razor of my people -- the lazies.

Poppin' Bottles of (Dry) Shamps

I'm kind of anticipating not being able to wash my rug on the daily, and that's going to be rough for an oily mofo like myself. Luckily, I've been stockpiling some of my favorite dry shampoos to remedy this sure-to-be-tragic situation.

I've already mentioned my love for the cult classic Pssssst! Dry Shampoo. It's cheap, it smells good, and it's mild. If you're OILY oily, you'll probably need something stronger, but this is a good pick-me-up spritzer.

My newest cheap(ish) ride-or-die is Batiste Dry Shampoo. I got this one at Marshall's for $5.99, and I'm pretty, pretty into it. It banishes grossness a little more than the Pssssst!, so I like it for second day hair. And I'm anticipating third/fourth/fifth day hair up in this mother. HALP.

Anti-Pasty Legs

CVS Beauty Club was kind enough to send me a whole gaggle of new drugstore beauty stuff, and that included these spankin' new Jergens Natural Glow products. Because you KNOW that I'm in a deep and undying love with Jergens NG stuff, I was pretty jazzy jazzed. Also, my legs are so pale right now that they're weird and purple-y, so I'm all about getting tans on my legs and not on my face RN. You know, to look un-bedridden and whatnot.

I used the Jergens Natural Glow Color Primer In-Shower Scrub for pre-tan exfoliation, and it's pretty fantastic. I'm usually pretty staunchly "I Don't Want No Scrub" when it comes to self-tanner exfoliation, but I really liked this stuff. It has a light and non-annoying scent, and totally gets the job done. I couldn't find it to purchase online, so just check your local CVS if you want to give it a whirl. Or a scrub.

I then used the new Jergens Natural Glow Instant Sun Sunless Tanning Mousse, which is completely different from their standard NG lotions, in that it works instantly to deliver that bronzy good good. And this is a mousse, which I LOVE. They dry faster and are way easier to apply. I rubbed it on with bare hands, just to see how orange it made my palms. It was mid-level, so I would wear gloves, especially if you want to do your whole bod.

The final result is very natural and not-Lohan-esque, but also not crazy dark. So if you want something deeeeep, you might need to apply this stuff a couple of times.

The last product is the Jergens Natural Glow Tan Extender Daily Moisturizer. I haven't tried this yet, because I JUST rubbed my damn tan on, but I'll report back and let you know if it allows my laziness to grow leaps and bounds by extending my fake tan. It sounds promising.

Fancy-Ass Feet

My feet are a HOT ass mess, mostly because I haven't had a pedicure in years on years on years. So when I got this Micro-Pedi (also sent to me by CVS Beauty Club), I was like:

My feet are literally and figuratively rough, and I didn't want to be scratching myself up like I live in a sandpaper factory while I lie in my sickbed. N'thanks.

I didn't really know what to expect when I used this contraption. You use it on dry skin, but I did it over the bathtub, because I didn't know how much skin fallout (BRB vomiting) to expect. Let me just fill your beautiful brain with this: THIS THING IS AMAZING.

It's like a little baby sander for your feet. It doesn't hurt, and it really gets the Josie Grossies off. I was very impressed, and that is rare. I love this so much, I want to elementary school marry it.

That's it. I'm as ready as I'll ever be for this shit. I'll catch you on the flip side, so in, like, a week or two. I'll keep you updated!

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Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Blogging Note: I Might Be MIA For A Minute

Hey, it's me. Remember me?

I was out of town last week, so I really couldn't post. Now I'm extremely sick, and can't even think about stringing sentences into a cohesive format. So, I will probably be taking this week off. If it goes beyond that, I'll let your ass know.

Sorry for being horrible. Just please enjoy this kitten.

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Monday, May 19, 2014

Allure Insiders: Details On My Latest Allure Magazine Collabo

Just in case you don't happen to follow me on the likes of my Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram (WHY THE HELL NOT, BY THE BY), you may have missed my announcement about my latest project that I'm doing with Allure. It's called Allure Insiders, and it's pretty much me and nine other homies that are way cooler and more talented than me, each creating two videos per month covering a ton of beauty goodness for Allure's new video channel.

This is my bio video, but you probably don't even need to watch it because you ALREADY KNOW THIS, MAN. My real, real videos will start next week, then come out every other week. I'll be covering two different categories: Get the Look, which are celebirty/pop culture-based tutorials, and Outrageous Beauty, where I try out different strange or extreme beauty treatments.

Nothing's changed, I'll still be here doing my thang-a-lang on the regular. But now I can just be upfront and be all, "I've got a lot of video editing to do this week. I'm not THAT lazy," when I get sparse around here. And I'm sure I'll post all of my vids here when they come out, so you can peep that scene, if you feel so inclined. Or don't, it's your life.

In the meantime, some of the other Insiders' videos are up, as well as errrybody's bio vids, so feel free to check out what they've got dropping on either the Allure video channel or the Allure YouTube channel. Okay, that enough info for your brain wrinkles. I'm out.

via realitytvgifs
JK, Tamra and I will see you later tonight. Or tomorrow if ish gets sideways (AKA lazy).

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Friday, April 11, 2014

Blogging Note/Happy Weekend: Go See The Special Man

Sorry I'm been lax on the posting this week, homies. I've been working on some other stuff (we'll talk about that another time) that has been taking up all my time. I'M SORRY. I KNOW.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend
Next week will probably be shitty too, so preemptive apologies all around. I'll do my best (which you probably know is like a regular person's worst).

In the meantime, let's enjoy this (I'm 99.9999% positive) Addy Award-winning TV commercial. Because it's perfect.

I know that this is a thing of friggin' beauty because I don't even know who my favorite person is in this thing. It's like picking which is my favorite, wine or pizza. (Psssh, it's wine.)

Anyway, enjoy this tiny dude's hair enigma. I'll catch you on the flip side, or the crossroads, whichever comes first.

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Saturday, October 19, 2013

Blogging Note: You're About To Be Real Tired Of My Bullsh*t.

Hey guys, how's whatever you're working with hanging lately? I wouldn't know, because I haven't even opened my laptop in days. Why? I'm currently the worst.

here's a glittery kitten graphic for your troubles.
I found out earlier this week that I'm moving (from Florida) to a far, far land in the contiguous United States in less than two weeks. I'm being annoyingly vague because my husband works in the entertainment(ish) field, and I can't even say where I'm moving until that sh*t is announced. But it's a shipping cars/dogs flying on an airplane for the first time/I don't even know what the eff I'm doing kind of deal, and that means that I hate everything on this Earth right now. Oh, and I'm working my retail job until the day before we go. I hate everything to Mars.

Bottom line, I'm not going to have an inordinate amount of time for blog effery. So please don't stab my eyeballs out with flaming toothpicks for being even more sh*tty than normal. Or maybe you don't have two effs to rub together about my lack of posting, I don't know your life like that.

So that will be my deal for the next few weeks. I will be trying to post as much as I can, so don't totally give up on this hot ass mess. And if you have helpful tips on how to make two terrible chihuahuas actually behave like civilized creatures, or know how to be an effective packing person or just life person -- let my ass know. Or send me a wine basket.

Keep up with my nonsense on my Twitter and Facebook, if you care to be in my bizznazz.

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Monday, May 13, 2013

'Tis the End of My Era, and Somehow...50 Cent.

This crap is going to be semi-sentimental, and pretty much just about me. (ME, ME, ME!) So if you aren't feeling that, feel free to skip ahead. I'll put everything after the break, so you won't be bothered by my stupid life.

via makemelaughgifs

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