Showing posts with label Hot People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hot People. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

(Hot) GUUUUUURL Of The Day: Alexander Skarsgård In Drag

If you've ever lain awake nights thinking, "I wonder if that sexy-ass Alexander Skarsgård would make a gorgeous, 6'4" lady?" here's your answer: It's a clear and resounding, "YES, BITCH." Now you can sit back, relax, pour yourself a tall, frosted glass of Goldschlager and swallow that mofo whole. (I'm not sure that entire euphemism worked even a little, but you get it. At least kind of.)

Alexander kept it grown and sexy last night at the premiere of his lastest movie, The Diary of a Teenage Girl, which took place at the Castro Theater in San Francisco, and included a pre-movie drag show. If I have learned anything today, it's that I am not living my best life. I'm living, like, my seventh best life.

And if you think that just because such a giant man chose such an disproportionately tiny clutch to carry, or that because he looks 573% more eleganza in a floor-length, sequined dress than I ever could, would dull my attraction to this beautiful, Swedish meatless meatball, YOU ARE DEAD MF-ING WRONG. (Also, if you think that last sentence was the most awkwardly-worded thing you've ever read, you are dead right. Welcome.)

I will firmly keep AS(s) in the "will do" column, semi-sad wig ends be damned.

Pin It

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Who Would You Rather: The 90210 Dudes Edition

I'm kind of a Beverly Hills, 90210 nut, as evidenced by this picture of me wearing a Brenda Walsh mugshot t-shirt that my friend Sarah bought me. Because of my particular brand of crazy brains, I've spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about the dudes of BH High. That sounds illegal, but everyone on that show was, like, 42 during the show's run, so stop judging my ass.

All of this pondering led me to compile a list of pros and cons for each 90210-type-of-bro, so we can find out, once and for all, who would you rather?

David Silver

BAG sporting a unibrow starter's kit

  • Many awkward hair phases.
  • David and Donna were so gross, as told by this video, which is one of the more horrific things even burned into my eyeballs and ear holes.

    BRB, vomiting and bleaching the Earth.

    Bottom Line: Whatever, I can't even keep up this front. DAVEY WAS THE WORST.

    Brandon Walsh

    B Dubs, the stern years.

    • He did charitable shit like bring homeless men home for Thanksgiving dinner and had relationships with Kelly Taylor.
    • He was well-beloved by crazies (Emily Valentine) and bores (Andrea Zuckerman) alike.
    • He had the privilege of sharing a womb with Brenda.
    • He had the second-best dude hair on the show. (Except for that short-lived mullet. Hard pass.)
    • Just..This...

      • He did horrible shit like have relationships with Kelly Taylor.
      • He got kind of judgey over walking Earth treasures Brenda Walsh and Valerie Malone. 
      • These sunglasses fill me with a deep and fiery rage. There's something so Wilford Brimley about them that make me want to throw hot oatmeal.

      Bottom Line: I like Brandon. But do I LIKE like Brandon? Like, loins-like him?

      Dylan McKay

      Okay, so this was IRL Luke Perry, BUT I DON'T CARE.

      • Please see above.
      • That voice.
      • He had the best hair that's ever even graced a friggin' TV screen.
      • He had rough times, but had a heart of GD GOLD.
      • He almost pulled this look off. And that's a lot of look.


      • That tramp-ass-tramp Kelly Taylor.
      • He doesn't love me.

      Bottom Line: Everyone loves Dylan McKay. If you don't, you aren't a living human being. Shit, even ghosts haunting old Victorian-era mansions probably love that mofo.

      Steve Sanders

      Steve loves coochie cutters, and he cannot lie.

      • Steve kind of gave zero effs about ANYTHING.
      • He had a weirdly sexual confidence about him.
      • Semi-unrelated, but, uhhhh....
      • Ian Ziering did this in my life, so major bonus points:


      Bottom Line: Current-day Ian Ziering? Hot. Steve Sanders? Not.

      Conclusion: Please, this was all a flimsy, farce-filled, flim-flam facade! And you fell for it. MUAHAHAHHA. DYLAN MCKAY 4EVA.

      How much do you still love Dylan McKay, one to eight trillion?

      Pin It

      Monday, June 30, 2014

      Hot Dude Dance Off: Prince Harry vs Zac Efron

      First, we have the sexual ginger candy that is Prince Harry. PH definitely wins the cute points by dancing with adorable kids at a Chilean children's home. I feel like Hars is just getting more and more attractive as he ages. It's like he's the reverse Prince William. (Sorry for that burn, lil' Willy style.)

      He loses points on the ACTUAL dancing, but he's with kids. It's not like he can be all Genuwine "Pony"-ing all over the youth of Chile. But even his clapping is sub-par and whiter than the purest white chocolate sauce. Yet, still hot.

      Get it? Like, he's a redhead, too, so fire...My apologies.

      Then there's Zac. I always forget that homeboy is a great dancer. Maybe because I've never seen High School Musical. But he is.

      Plus, we know what he's working with under that slinky top. We see you, Efs. We see you.

      So who are you guys feeling more? Yeezus, don't me me choose.

      Pin It

      Monday, May 12, 2014

      The Game Of Thrones "Who Would You Do?" List

      I love Game of Thrones. It has all the things that I look for in a show: an old time-y setting, bomb hair and costumes, and a bunch of people acting like pure and unadulterated assholes. And the fact that it's packed to the gills with hot bitches doesn't exactly hinder my viewing pleasure.

      With that in mind, I've compiled a ranking of the best "Would Do" candidates, as well as the "Eff No" mofos from the world's most character-filled-and-also-switching-friggin-actors TV show. (Don't lie, that shit confuses you too.) 

      The Would Dos:
      #1: Jaime

      Okay, so he's had his horrific moments, and might have Borderline Personality Disorder. He also (half) created the worst human in fake history. And his hair is kind of terrible this season. But that jawline...

      #2: Khaleesi

      I mean, COME ON. Daenerys Targaryen be banging. And if you say that you wouldn't, you're a damn lie.

      #3: Khaleesi's Dead Husband's Ghost

      This dude was super hot. And nice, in a murderous way. Plus, the real life guy is married to LISA MF-ING BONET. You don't turn that down.

      #4: Jon Snow

      JS is super-sexual, and really should be higher on the list, but I can't stop thinking about extreme hygiene issues whenever my eyeballs graze his ass. INVENT SHAMPOO, ALREADY.

      #5: Tyrion

      I love Tyrion. He's smart, funny, actually uses the empathetic area of his brain, and is really cute. Sign me up.

      #6: Brienne of Tarth

      Brienne is not only a bad bitch, she's also ridiculously loyal. Which is pretty much the opposite of anyone else on this GD show. Not to mention that she's crazy tall and attractive.

      The Would NOT Evers:

      #1: Joffrey

      HATE. SO MUCH. Plus, I think he's supposed to be 15 or something. Major pass.

      #2: That One Guy

      Sorry about all of that stuff, buddy. You were okay before, but now I'm just not into you. Or whatever is happening in your Weentown area code.

      Edit: You guys, THIS DUDE IS LILY ALLEN'S BROTHER. Where the eff have I been???

      #3: Cersei

      She's gorgeous. She's the worst. Her no no was probably replaced with a venus fly trap. No thanks.

      #4: Ygritte

      I wasn't even into homegirl before she got all arrow-happy. But now, I definitely bid you "Good day." GET OUT.

      Which GoT peeps are on your would/wouldn't do lists? Let's hash it out.

      Pin It

      Thursday, February 13, 2014

      BREAKING NEWS: Models Rejected Our Boyfriend, Jared Leto.

      It's currently New York Fashion Week (and also Valentine's week), but that didn't stop a couple of models with ice-cold hearts from rejecting the world's prettiest man, Jared Leto. Here's what happened, from Page Six:

      Jared Leto struck out Tuesday when he asked a female friend to help him ask for two models’ phone numbers at a Fashion Week bash.
      The Oscar-nominated “Dallas Buyers Club” star was chatting with and “twirling around” the models at Guess’ On the Road to Nashville party.
      Later, Leto sent his friend over to get their numbers. But, to his surprise “They said no,” our spy reports.

      THEY SAID NO. NO.  Listen, models, I know you're all model-y and hot, and therefor it's great for you to use some discretion when giving out your number, and sh*t. I'm not in that gorgeous creature life, so I can't judge you for that. But this is Jared Leto.

      Maybe you don't follow him on Instagram, so you couldn't be instantly charmed by his vegan pancake flipping video.

      And you're models, so I'm assuming you are of a ripe, young age, so maybe you've been caught unaware with the likes of JORDAN mf-ing CATALANO.

      I guess it's possible that you're allergic to flannel and corduroy, or something, but take a Benadryl and solider the eff on. Us normals are counting on you, hot models, to take a seat on the Leto Express. If you don't, we run the risk of acts of domestic terrorism like this happening:

      via j's instagram
      This is NOT an option.

      P.S. Leto, you might need to re-up on your game techniques. You sent a friend over to simultaneously get two girls' numbers after you twirled around them. You're in the big leagues now. This ain't some Angela Chase sh*t.

      Pin It