ColourPop VS NYX: Battle Of The Bargain Brows

Being on a makeup budget can be a real rude bitch.  

I will eat some Top Ramen like a Mike Tyson-level champ, but I refuse to walk around with brows that are less than bangin'. In a perfect world, I'd be swimming in women and Brow Wiz pencils, but that's just fiscally irresponsible for my low-rent lifestyle. Dreaming may be free, but Anastasia products sure as shit aren't, so I need cheaper options.

Luckily, there are some brow pencils under $10 (!!!) that will give that MF-ing high-dollar angel of a Brow Wiz a run for her money.  Let's explore two contenders: the ColourPop Brow Pencil and the NYX Micro Brow Pencil.

NYX Micro Brow Pencil in "Taupe" (Ulta, $9.99) has been a recent ride-or-die for me. It's SUPER similar to the Brow Wiz "Taupe" in color, size, and texture. It's also has similar cons, in that I can run through one of these puppies in a month-ish. But at less than half the cost, I can still live worth living. Kind of.

I've compared both of the guys we're discussing with a basic-ass pen so you can get an idea of the size of the brow stroke happenings. The NYX is a little thinner, and both have spoolies on the opposite end of the pencil. The NYX product is retractable, and the ColourPop isn't. Womp womp.

ColourPop is pretty new to the brow game, and as a giant GD ColourPop stan, I was dying to try some of their brow offerings. Especially for $5.

Sadly, I'm not loving this pencil. My first issue is that "Dope Taupe" isn't really taupe-y. It's more medium brown-y. It's a warmer tone and darker than I ever really want in an eyebrow pencil. YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS. 

But my biggest issue with the CP pencil is its texture. It's a little too creamy for my tastes (BRB vomiting), so its lasting power is diminished, like my willpower around an open bag of Ruffles chips. Those friggin' salty ridges, man. It's also a tad thicker (heh), so application is a little harder to control.

I will say that a lot of this shit is just personal preference, so I'm giving you just the facts, ma'am (or sir). ColourPop IS half the price, so file that away in your gorgeous little filofax of a brain as you wish. (Full disclosure -- I'm not really sure what a filofax is, but I feel like all of the 9 to 5 bad bitches had one and I'm trying to be cool.)

For my pennies, I'm going with the NYX pencil. I'd rather give up my chips. (That is a lie.)

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Beauty Battle: High-End vs Drugstore Brow Pencil

You know that my life's quest is to find the very best eyebrow products and present them to you in an unfortunately-worded and photographed manner. That, and to eat as many Mother's Circus Animal Cookies as humanly possible without passing on. It's a real journey. Like Eat, Pray, Love, but slightly less annoying.

I come to you today with a tale as old as time...

You find a really MF-ing delightful beauty product, but is it REALLY really worth it? And how does it compare to a way cheaper, but still boss-ass, similar product?

Let us explore. WHEEEEE!

The High-End Homie

anastasia beverly hills brow wiz in taupe (sephora, $21)

Pros:

• It's super-precise. Like almost too precise? (If that were a thing.)
• The color is perfectly ashy, so you will never have weird-ass orange eyebrows. Even Carrot Top doesn't want orange eyebrows.
• It has a spoolie on the end for blending, which actually comes in handy.
• The pencil is twist-up (automatic? I don't know, whatever). I'm a lazy, so this is big for me. I hate sharpening shit. I also hate pencil shavings. It's like #432 on my list of things that I hate. Not as high as finding a stranger's fingernail on a public table, but it's on there.

Cons:

• Boo boo is expensive. $21 for a brow pencil is pretty GD spendy, man.
• It doesn't last very long. I bought this three months ago, and have used 115% (Maury percentages) of it. I expected more from a brow pencil that costs over 20 dollars, but that's what I get for expecting things in life.

The Drugstore Darling

maybelline twin brow pencils in blonde (drugstore.com, $2.39)

Pros:

• THESE ARE CHEAP AS HELL. I bought mine from Walgreen's, the world's most expensive retailer, and got them for about $4.00. Plus, they were buy one, get one half off, so I got four pencils for about six bucks.
• They have great staying power. The package claims that these puppies are waterproof, but let's not be ridiculous. Remember the expectations thing?
• The color is like a 8.967 out of ten on the "looks pretty damn natural" scale.
• You can find them almost anywhere, so you won't have to make a special trip. Lazy.

Cons:

• You have to sharpen them, like it's the 1800's and shit. Lazy. Who am I, Laura Ingalls Wilder?
• The tip (heh) isn't as precise.

The conclusion? I have to give it to the Maybelline pencil. The color isn't as perfect as the Anastasia, but I can live with the fraction of a difference for a fraction of the price.

Not to mention, the Anastasia pencil is 0.003 oz of product, while each pencil of the Maybelline is 0.03 oz. And you get two pencils per pack. You do the math. (No, seriously, I don't know what the math is on that, but it's pretty f-ing significant.)

Viva la cheapness!

Get your ass to the drugstore, bb.

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What's Better: The Grammys Or GRAHAM-ys?

I'm not in love with awards shows. Yet I feel compelled to watch them for posterity's sake, even though I'm not 100% clear on what the f that means. So, I watched (parts of) the Grammys last night. I felt pretty warmed-over "meh" about them overall, but there were some high points for me.

But were they good enough to win out against these graham-y items? Let's decide in a head-to-head battle of goodness.

Sia's Kind-Of Grammys Performance VS Golden Grahams Cereal

Just like my use of posterity, I'm not really sure what the deal is with Sia hiding her face. I think it's an anxiety thing, which is fine. Homegirl is talented like woah, and we got to see Kristen Wiig prancercise about in a nude leotard. I don't mind. I consider myself a pretty staunch Wiig-let (this is not a thing), so I loved this performance.

Golden Grahams is a down-ass breakfast cereal. It's delicious and tastes like crunchy honey. End of list.

Winner: Grammys, by a thin scrap of nude leotard fabric.

John Mayer Looking Sexy At The Grammys, Against All Odds VS Alexander Graham Bell

LOOKING GOOD, MR @JohnMayer #GRAMMYs pic.twitter.com/SRAOUmff7U
— John Mayer BR (@johnmayerbr) February 9, 2015

JM is pretty well-rumored to be a bag of ye olde douche, so I usually find myself giving a hard pass to any kind of attraction to him. But last night? Me-ow. He looks like a sexy, non-tenured college professor who's writing a book about rocks in his spare time. Please, and thank you.

Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone and had a boss beard.

Winner: Alexander Graham Bell. I'm not THAT driven by my little lady. Give me a beard hair's breadth of credit.

Sam Smith's Acceptance Speech VS Teddy Grahams

Sam Smith is utterly adorable. And inspirational. I want to carry him around in a baby bjorn and stroke his sweet little pink (face) cheeks.

If you don't like Teddy Grahams, you can just get the hell out of here. They're a delightful snack shaped like a teddy bear. There are few things better.

Winner: Sam Smith holding Teddy Grahams. DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE. IT'S LIKE SOPHIE'S CHOICE IN THIS BITCH.

Jay Z's Reaction To Kanye's Grammys Tomfoolery VS Grannies

This moment is perhaps my favorite thing that Jay has ever done, and I MF-ing love The Black Album. The range of split-second emotions that we feel right along with him on this journey of horror and awe cannot be matched. It's incredible.

Grannies do dope shit like bake you cookies and give you five dollar bills. Plus, they do that thing where they get their hair done once a week and then sleep standing up to make it last. Grannies are the actual OGs. And kind of vampire-y.

Winner: Grammys. Sorry, grannies. I love you.

Did you watch The Grammys last night? What did you love? Hate? Love to hate? Hate to love? Are there any other combos? (Mmmmm, combos.)



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Hot Dude Dance Off: Prince Harry vs Zac Efron

First, we have the sexual ginger candy that is Prince Harry. PH definitely wins the cute points by dancing with adorable kids at a Chilean children's home. I feel like Hars is just getting more and more attractive as he ages. It's like he's the reverse Prince William. (Sorry for that burn, lil' Willy style.)

He loses points on the ACTUAL dancing, but he's with kids. It's not like he can be all Genuwine "Pony"-ing all over the youth of Chile. But even his clapping is sub-par and whiter than the purest white chocolate sauce. Yet, still hot.

Get it? Like, he's a redhead, too, so fire...My apologies.



Then there's Zac. I always forget that homeboy is a great dancer. Maybe because I've never seen High School Musical. But he is.

Plus, we know what he's working with under that slinky top. We see you, Efs. We see you.

So who are you guys feeling more? Yeezus, don't me me choose.



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90's Dudes Today: Boy Meets World Edition (With a Joey Lawrence Cameo)

I saw a picture of Boy Meets World's Rider Strong the other day, randomly, and found that he is now pretty sexual.

Right??? He's all facial hair-y and probably still a smug little b. So that prompted me to find the other boys from the show and see how they are looking these days.

Okay, so he still (pretty much) looks the same; like a mini Fred Savage. EXCEPT that Fred Savage starred in this little gem:

OBESSION IS DEADLY, you guys. Effing deadly. One of the top five best Lifetime Movies, trust.

So that leaves us with the older brother, that I always thought was one of the Lawrence brothers for some reason. In reality, his name is Will Friedle and here he is:

Okay, clearly not a Lawrence brother. Because THIS is what Joey Lawrence now looks like:

pic via radar online

Well hello, there. Score one for team Lawr Bro. (And Rider Strong.)



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Who's the Cooler Cat, (I Truly, Truly Hate Myself) Garfield or Heathcliff?

I think that we can all agree that the 90's were filled with an ish-load of awesomeness. And part of that came down to two orange cats, Garfield and Heathcliff. So the question begs to be asked in a head-to-head Battle Royale. Who was the best: Garfield or Heathcliff???

Battle of the munchies 

Food is the bomb, right? And it seems like cats like nasty ish. It's always like Salmon with a Hint of Liver and Garbage Juice on cat food labels. So let's check out what these cats were chewin' on.

Heathcliff:

Heathcliff eats fish bones and garbage.

 Garfield:

Garfield eats lasagne.

Winner: Duh. Lasagne is delicious. Garfield takes this one.

Homepeeps
Dogs have packs, and cats have...Eff if I know. But both of these cats had friends that they hung out with on the regular. Who's got the better cat gang?

Heathcliff:

Look at these hot b's. That's some fashion-forward ish.

Heathcliff even had a lady friend. With TWO pink bows. Fancy!

Garfield:

Garfield has Odie and Jon. Snooze.

Winner: Heathcliff takes this one. Those junkyard cats were fly as ish. Floppy hats? Leg warmers? Skinny ties and sweatbands? B, please. Garfield's Jon can't even hang with that mess. He looks like a cartoon version of Cousin Larry. Not hot.

Hello?!? Try to tear your eyes away from Balki's mullet. I dare you.

Theme Song
Music is an important factor in coolness. If your theme song is super lame, you can't be a true boss b. Who had the cooler theme song?

Heathcliff:

This song is still fire. If I wasn't too lazy to have a ringtone on my cell phone, I would totally use this.

Garfield:

 I don't even remember this ish, I can't lie.

Winner: Heathcliff's song will rock your damn face off.

Street Cred
When you're a cat, you kind of have to be a badass. No one respects a cuddly cat. Who's got the most street cred?

Heathcliff:

Heathcliff was always doing some hood rat stuff.

Plus, he was in a GANG that lived in a JUNKYARD!

Garfield:

Garfield was kind of a dick, so he gets major points for that.

And apparently, he's girlfriends with Lil' Wayne.

Winner: Tie. Garfield's sh*tty attitude lives on in annoying t shirts to this day, but living in a garbage heap trumps living in a creepy, middle aged, single dude's house.

Overall Winner
I'm sorry, Garfield fans. I've got to give the overall cat awesomeness prize to Heathcliff. He's a badass b (Trina style) and everything about that show screams high fashion. Agree or disagree? Bash me (or raise the roof with me) in the comments.

 

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