NSFCHB (Not Safe for Cold Hearted B's)

This is a clip from Night of Too Many Stars, which airs on Comedy Central on Sunday, and is an Autism benefit featuring different celebrities doing stuff (I'm such a prolific writer). The video is a duet of Katy Perry and Jodi DiPiazza, who is a child with Autism, singing Firework while Jodi plays the piano. This ish is touching as hell, so don't watch it if you want to retain your b face status at work (or wherever -- I'm not up in your life like that) today. But seriously, watch it. It's sweet as a mofo.

Okay, b face reactivated.

via huffington post



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Guuuurl of the Day: J Bieb's Pants

I have to say that I have never seen an episode of Dancing with the Stars. I usually feel all, "What stars?" about it. (Yep, I'm one of THOSE a-holes.) But I am currently out of town and visiting my in-laws for the week, and they are super into the show. So I saw an episode last night, and someone (thing) totally stole the show. The Biebs was there to do a "live" performance (Ha!) and this is what he was wearing.

He looks like he re-purposed Missy Elliot's black garbage bag deal from The Rain video.

 You're going to have to come a hell of a lot more original than that ish, Justi-poo. Oh, but don't worry -- I've been getting screen grabs all morning so we can all stare right into the face of the devil's pantaloons.

Are you guys dying over this ish? A DROPPED CROTCH LEATHER PANT (OR POSSIBLE ONESIE) HAS NO PLACE ON A MAN'S (Hahaha. I couldn't even keep it together on that one.) BODY. And for that, you and your pants are the GUUUURL of the day.



P.S. Just bring your dad next time.



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There Was a 25th Anniversary Full House Reunion (AKA Damn, It Feels Old to be a Gangsta)

Well, minus the Olsen twins -- of course. (How rude!) But Kimmy Gibbler's annoying ass was there, and even Steve (Aladdin's voice dude) came. Not to mention, all the mens have matching sunglasses (cute!) except for Stamos, because that ho is waaay to hot to cover that mug.

I need Aunt Becky's anti-aging secrets, because b looks good as hell. And who would've thought that Candace Cameron would be the one to turn out to be a stone cold fox?

pics via DJ Tanner's twitter


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True Blood Musings: C'EST FINI!

Oh, there's my other boo. Where've you been, you hot Nordic piece? This is the end, kittens. Let's do this.

JUMP!

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90's Dudes Today: Boy Meets World Edition (With a Joey Lawrence Cameo)

I saw a picture of Boy Meets World's Rider Strong the other day, randomly, and found that he is now pretty sexual.

Right??? He's all facial hair-y and probably still a smug little b. So that prompted me to find the other boys from the show and see how they are looking these days.

Okay, so he still (pretty much) looks the same; like a mini Fred Savage. EXCEPT that Fred Savage starred in this little gem:

OBESSION IS DEADLY, you guys. Effing deadly. One of the top five best Lifetime Movies, trust.

So that leaves us with the older brother, that I always thought was one of the Lawrence brothers for some reason. In reality, his name is Will Friedle and here he is:

Okay, clearly not a Lawrence brother. Because THIS is what Joey Lawrence now looks like:

pic via radar online

Well hello, there. Score one for team Lawr Bro. (And Rider Strong.)



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True Blood Musings: Blah, Blah, Blah.

I don't really know what my deal is lately with True Blood. I just feel a whole big ass "No Comment." about it. So this week, I just took pictures of random ish that seemed to interest me. Sorry. How you realized I'm s*tty about everything yet? Get with the program.

JUMP to see this week's True Blood in pictures.

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True Blood Musings: I Think the Wardrobe B's are Effing With Us.

So, this happened this week. I can't even handle 90% of what my eyes saw this week. Let's get this over with...

JUMP!!!

UPDATE: Holy eff, you guys. This b stole Honey Boo Boo's jam.

Mind = blown. I think I just saw the future.

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True Blood Musings: They Can't All Be Blood Fests...

The highlight of the show this week was LaLa's head wrap/earring/eyelash combo. Love it. Let's talk about the rest of this week's snooze fest-ish episode.

Jump that ish!


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True Blood Musings: Let's Get Drunk on Old-Ass Vamp Blood!

This week is brought to you by Russell's Lollipop Guild hair.

Please tell me that this man is wearing a wig. Let's discuss all of this nonsense...

JUMP!


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#HighFashion

And people wonder why I love court shows.



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Awkward Crush of the Day: Breaking Bad's Walter, Jr.

I'm pretty sure that you guys know that I pretty much hate myself. Well, I can add another reason to the ol' gross list. I have a pretty, pretty horrible confession: I have a thing for Walt, Jr. from Breaking Bad. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, first off, you need to watch this show. It's mf-ing good. Secondly, here comes the gross part. Walter, Jr. is the son of the main character, and is...umm...16. Here he is in the background, behind OG Walter. (He also has cerebral palsy, which is why he uses crutches.)

But, don't call the FBI or anything. I googled it, and he's 19 in real life! So I'm still gross, but not illegally so. JUST weird enough to be a creeper, but not enough to warrant a visit from Chris Hansen. Score, mf-er's!

And I even have a runner up:

I've never really found Joseph Gordon-Levitt sexual at all, but he's looking pretty hot here. This is how I usually think of him:

B was as sexually ambiguous as I was in the 90's. Okay, I'm seriously done exposing my weird ish (for today). Please tell me that you guys develop strange crushes on strange strange. Don't leave this b hanging!



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True Blood Musings: And There Goes a Hot B

 This picture is obvi not from this week's episode, but I love this Russell Edgington picture. It's like, "Oh, hello there. I just came in from a fox hunt-themed man wig party. I didn't see you there."

 Speaking of Russell, lets talk about this week. JUMP!

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True Blood Musing: The Supes are in T-R-O-U-B-L-E

Way to ruin the mood, Sook. Go take a dramamine with some ginger ale or something. Let's talk about this mess of a mess.

JUMP that ish!
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True Blood Musings: Let's Get Drunk

Now that's a tight eyebrow game. Speaking of, let's start talking crap...

Jump, b's!

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True Blood Musings: Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

 Some people are making big changes 'round here (thanks, Counting Crows), so let's talk about this ish. Don't look at this picture of Eric for too long. You might burn your retinas.

JUMP! JUMP!

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True Blood Musings: Let My Eric Go!

Pic via Celeb Buzz

 This picture is obviously not from this week's True Blood, but let's all pretend that we're on a little lovers' vacay with Joe, okay? Plus, there was not NEARLY enough Alcide in this week's epi. Now let's dish...JUMP!

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Beauty Inspired by a Junk-Touching Day Job (I Said DAY Job, Sickos!)

I love The Client List. I tried to resist that mess for like a month or so, then I caved and watched like five episodes in a row. (I know, I need to get a library card.) But it's good, you guys! Whatever, I don't even care if you judge my ass on this one.

Just in case you haven't seen this show (which really should air on Masterpiece Theater), the premise is Jennifer Love Hewitt's character is a massage therapist that starts doing a little hand dance and such on her clients when she has to make it as a single mom, after her husband leaves her. Side note -- Every client dude on this show is super hot, and has twenty pack abs. Even the undercover cop that tries to bust (Ha!) her. You know that ish is not factually accurate. Have you SEEN most dudes?

These are the products that I think JLH's character should use to make her day go more...smoothly.

Desert Essence Nourishing Body Oil

I bought this ish at Whole Foods for about $10, and I love it. It's an all-natural oil that combines like 10 different good-for-you oils, and it's really rich and moisturizing. It's badass and would totally work as a massage oil. I can't tell you if I like it for that purpose, because, b please, I'm way too lazy and selfish to be massaging people.

Another thing about TCL (That's what we call it on the message boards! -- If you believe that, I hate you.) is that it takes place in Texas, so everyone has hair that's big as hell. My hair is ridiculously flat and fine, so I have a couple of products that I use to get a little volume up in that piece.

L'Oreal EverStyle Volume Root Lifting Spray

I like this mess because it's pretty cheap (about $6 or $7) and it's alcohol free, so it's not super drying.

Kevin Murphy Full Again Thickening Lotion

My hair stylist got me started on this stuff, and I must say, I'm pretty into it. I can't say how much it costs, because I have no clue. I bought it when I got my hair done, so it was part of the whole price. I'm guessing from $20 to $30. This product is cool, because you put it on the ends/mid-shaft (heh) of the hair to thicken it. It's pretty, pretty sexual.

JLH spends a lot of time in some skimpy ish on this show. She's steady rubbing dudes down on their backs and their no no spots, and she usually does it in lingerie. And nothing goes hand in hand with lingerie like self tanner.

St. Tropez Self Tan Bronzing Mousse

I have spread the love with St. Tropez before, but let me repeat myself. This is the bizz-nass right here. It dries fast, the color is phenomenal, and it high fives you. (No, it doesn't) It's on the expensive side, ($40 for 8 oz at Sephora) but you will think you've died and gone to Ibiza after you use it.

If you are a masseuse that uses their hands all day, you better get it right and get it tight on those nails.

Essie Wicked

This polish is the perfect shade of super deep red that's almost black. It's my total go-to polish if I'm feeling indecisive. Perfect for the naughty girl that's a little bit "wicked." (Ugh. Barf. That was THE WORST.) At least I didn't use OPI's "I'm Not Really a Waitress." I am so completely unfunny today. Right, Tami?




When you have a long day of performing seedy activities, you need ish that lasts, right?

Revlon Just Bitten Lipstain + Balm

I have had a few of these for a while, and they last forever on your lips. The only down side is that they are drying, like all stains, but there's a little lip balm thing on the other end. But, don't try to get these b's on the lips during your "massage." They don't get down like that.

Do you guys watch The Client List? If not, you best get on it. I'm all up on JLH's vajazzled jock.



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Clear EVERY-freakin'-THING from your DVR

SyFy has come up with another cinematic TV gem. I present to you the trailer of 'Jersey Shore Shark Attack.' This ish is quite a mess, and includes a cameo by Vinny from 'Jersey Shore.' (Of course it does.) Spoiler alert: Joey Fatone (yes, that Joey Fatone) gets eaten by a CGI shark that looks like it was created around Zelda's heyday.

Get your Emmy ballots out. I don't think we need to see anything more for the TV movie category. If that exists. And if it doesn't, it should. And if it does, this movie should get a lifetime achievement award.

 Because if anything deserves an award for creativity, it's a movie told from Joey Buttafuoco's point of view. That ish is a work of fantasy. But I will say:

Those b's are com-for-table.



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Sounds Like a Good Deal to Me...

I seriously love Judge Mathis. And, yes, I recorded this myself. And, yes, I am trash.

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I Say This Without a Drop of Irony: I CANNOT WAIT FOR THIS MESS

G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS. Yes.

 It has just been confirmed that Lindsay Lohan will be starring in the Lifetime biopic of Elizabeth Taylor's life. If you haven't gotten eyeball cramps from all of the rolling of them that you're doing, wait for this ish. The name of the movie: Liz & Dick. What the WHAT? Liz Taylor would be slapping a b across the face with some glittery gloves if she knew about this. That dame would NOT want the name of her biopic to sound like it belongs in the Romancing the Bone porn collection.

Was Tori Spelling not available? That b knows how to turn out a Lifetime movie. If you haven't seen this gem, you are missing out hardcore.

A wonderful cinematic experience

P.S. I found this while trying to find a picture from one of my favorite movies:

Amazing.

If Walt started dating a character played by Tori Spelling on Breaking Bad, I could die right now happily.

I doesn't take much for me.



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