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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Who's Ready for Transition?

I'm sick of sweating my ass crack off, boob sweat, upper lip sweat. All that ish. I'm ready for a season change. I'm always on board for transitional pieces. Anything that will bring me on in to the following season is great, because I'm impatient as a mofo. I really wanted some motorcycley/bad ass b*tch boots. So I tried these Steve Maddens on.

They were super soft and flopped down just like I wanted. One problem. I looked like a damn bowling ball. Stumpy stump stump stumpsville. It was a hot ass mess. I have to say, I have given up on paying like $200 for shoes that make me look like sh*t.

So instead I got these Vince Camutos.

I'm in love, you guys. They feel like friggin' butter. My legs don't look (as) stumpy. Cute with skinnies, skirts, dresses, yadda yadda.

And, yes, I have already been wearing them even though it 5 million degrees outside. I don't give an eff.

What are you guys excited about wearing for Fall? Next on my list is a cape/poncho!

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Is This Supposed to Make We Want to Buy Expensive Ass Ish?


I mean, what is this effery? This reminds me of one thing...


Yep. These hot b*tches are possessed. Only explanation.

P.S. Thanks to my homegirl, Kristen, for the tip.

P.P.S. If any of you hoes want to suggest a blog topic or whatevs you can always email me at glossanddirt@gmail.com Pin It

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Lazy Exfoliation Is My B*tch

So we all know it's important to exfoliate your face, blah, blah, blah. But it's kind of one of those things you kind of forget about. Maybe you're in Walgreens or whatever, and you walk by the St. Ive's Apricot Scrub and you're all, "Damn, I used to LOVE that ish in 8th grade!" As did I, peeps. But put that crap down. I have your adult/lazy girl exfoliator right here.


Kate Somerville's ExfoliKate Gentle is my b. Truthfully, I originally bought the gentle version because it's $20 cheaper. I'm cheap. We all know this mess. But now I'm on Retin-A (more on that another time), and it makes you super-sensitive to the effing world so I'm grateful for my cheap-assness. I used this when I first bought it, like a year ago, and I liked it. It became one of those products that got pushed to the back of my massive product cabinet, and I forgot about it. I was kind of scared that it would be too much for my skin now (Remember? Super-sensitive bull ish?) but it's totally not. AND I know it works. I use a Clarisonic brush daily, and the Retin-A, which exfoliates the sh*t our of your skin. So I used the ExfoliKate with super lowered expectations. I was seriously surprised, you guys! My face was super soft! I'm hooked again. ExfoliKate is back on my A Team.

If you want some of this ish, check it out at Sephora. Or if you are a bad ass, you can get the Intensive Formula.


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Monday, August 29, 2011

What Kind of Effery Happened Last Night?

I hate the VMA's. That ish is boring. I literally caught 2.3 seconds. This is what I saw.


Is this what we are doing now? Too. Much. Bitch couldn't even walk with that ish on her head.


Listen, Biebs. You have left butch lesbian and are starting to look lipstick. You are wearing a friggin' YSL BROACH for God's sake!!! This crap is getting ridiculous. I don't even know what is happening. You are one step away from looking like Betty White. Pin It

True Blood Musings: My Boyfriend's Back, and You're Gonna Be in Trouble!

 When I saw my boy La La this week, this was all I could think about.


Let's talk about it!

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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Hey, Katy?


Quit fighting the hot, honey. You can start by borrowing my bottle of hair dye. See you at Sally's! Pin It

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

True Blood Musings: Wait...What?

I don't know, guys. I kind of got the yawns this week. Were you guys kind of bored?


Okay, not you, Alcide. You're good. Yep, you are good. Let me collect myself, and let's do this.


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Thursday, August 18, 2011

Let's Talk About This Krap.


 Have you guys heard about this line the Kardashian sisters are doing for Sears? Well they had a launch party last night for said line, and they are wearing the wares. Please hop on over the the Sears website so you can view this Kardashian Kollection. Okay, are you back? Let's talk about this mess.

First of all, stop with the "K" bull ish. It's not "kute." Now let's talk about the clothes. They are pretty much what I would expect. Kind of tacky and cheap looking, okay, fine. Not too shocking. You know what is shocking the eff out of me? The frigging price!!! Take Kourtney's outfit in the picture above. The top is $96 and the skirt is $99. B's, you are out of your damn minds. Almost $200 for a SEARS OUTFIT?!?

Target has been doing successful collaborations with REAL DESIGNERS like Alexander McQueen and Zac Posen for years, and at slightly above their normal, low prices. Dresses are usually $30 to $40. And customers understand the the quality will not be the haute couture of the normal high-end designs. I really don't know where these people get off. WTF? You are turning away your Sears customers by pricing this crap so highly.

What do you guys think? Are you into these looks? What about the prices? Pin It

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Things That Me Go Meeeeeh

I feel like everyone has their beauty product nemesis. I have a few. One is foundation, and another is dry shampoo. We will talk about foundation another time, today is all about the quest to have lazy (yet not disgusting) hair. So I purchased a new dry shampoo a couple of weeks ago, so let's review that ish.


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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

How to Smell Like Food

Not like a hot ham sandwich (which sounds delightful) or anything. Think sweet. If you are totally over vanilla, come on over to the cotton candy side of the sugar factory.


This is my down-ass b, Pink Sugar. It smells so good! The only downside is it make me hungrier than I already am (And girl, I'm houwngry!). Whenever I wear it, people ask who baked cookies. Yep, I like to smell like a baked good. Don't judge me.

If  you would also like to smell like you came straight off a carnie's cart, or fresh from the Walmart bakery (Who doesn't?!?!?) this little gem can be purchased here. Pin It

This. Is. Horrifying.


So you guys remember this chick, right? The supposed 16 year old that's constantly making creepy sex faces that married the old dude from Green Mile? Well, it gets grosser. You have GOT to read her twitter. This crap is highly disturbing coming from a "16 year old girl." I feel all kinds of illegal right now. Pin It

Monday, August 15, 2011

True Blood Musings: Somebody Get This W(B)itch Out of Here!


 Ugh. This b. Let's talk crap about her.
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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Get Ready to Feel Old as Eff: Part 198430918


This b is pregnant. (Not like, here in this picture. Don't be gross!)

Hilary Duff announced her pregnancy via her website. Now let's all just pour a little out for our homies that were her big veneers. (Remember that??? Then like a week later she filed them down?) Pop bottles.

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Time to Freshen That Mess Up!

Okay, I have not been overly barraged with Summer's Eve commercials (Although, I kind of have, and I give them snaps [shoutout Clueless] for the creativity. And spot buying power. Damn I see those b's a lot.). Anyway, this is not a post on your feminine hygiene. I don't know your life, maybe you have that on lock down; maybe you don't. So get your (my) mind out of the gutter (impossible) and let's talk about your hair.

Do you ever feel like your hair is just kind of...meh? Not that shiny, not very lively, not very Jhirmack bounce back beautiful hairy? So you use more conditioner and products, and you still have bad hair? You might need a little clarifying in your life. Using a clarifying shampoo can get rid of all of that stuff we use every day. Moroccan Oil, Biosilk, leave-in conditioner, whatever. Once again, I don't know your life.

 This is what I currently use. It's from Rusk, and it's pretty cheap ($10-$12) and you can buy it at CVS or wherever you choose to do your moderately low-rent beauty shopping. I use this stuff two to three times a week, but like I have said before, I am oily as hell. I also have super-fine hair. So that works for me. Whether I have platinum blonde, black, or somewhere in-between hair. But here's another little beauty factoid about me. I'm not scared, and I'm extreme. Just do what works for you and your hair type. 

If you're like, "But I dye my hair Rihanna cray cray red! Won't it fade my hair???" Yeah, probably. So if you're scared, or you have super fragile(istic) hair, consult a professional. Which I am not.

What do you guys think? Are you super clarifyers like me? Or do you like to let it marinate?
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Friday, August 12, 2011

Get My Sharpie.


Time for my dogs to up their eyebrow game

Edit: Crap. You can't use a hot phrase like "eyebrow game" twice. B's notice that.

via buzzfeed

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Thursday, August 11, 2011

Eff. One More Thing to Add to My Eyebrow Game.

Ish, guys. I'm so over myself. As if I don't have enough items I use to do my brow every day. I HAD to go out and try something new. And it HAD to be friggin' awesome. I used to believe any ol' eyebrow gel, clear mascara, hairspray on a mascara wand (Hush your mouth. Don't give me that judgey-ass side eye!) would do to keep my artistic drawings on my eyebrow glued on. Until I met my new soulmate.


Anastasia Clear Brow Gel. Do you hear angels singing? I do. The top picture is how it looks in package, and the bottom is the actual tube. I was kind of unsure about this crap because it was like $20, and as I said I kind of felt like everything is the same. Whatevs. But I have heard great things about Anastasia products. She's an eyebrow guru, and I better step off.

But OMG, you guys. This stuff is really great. It holds my ish in place without gloopy, goopy (shoutout Gwyneth Paltrow) crap all over my eyebrows. It dries to a pleasant finish, not hard and crazy like when I use, a-hem, hairspray. And it lasted until my lazy ass finally washed my face at like 1 am. Big ups. Try it.

P.S. Can be purchased at my house, a.k.a Sephora or here.

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Wednesday, August 10, 2011

OH. MY.

Story on your boyfriend here. Pin It

Just an FYI

Ali Lohan is now a real, professional, represented model.

P.S. She is 17. Yes, that's a one in front of the seven. Yep.


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Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Tell Me WTF To Do

I am a high heels, platforms, wedges as high as they make them kind of girl. Probably because I am short as a mofo and I have a complex with my legs being a-hem, "stumpy." But I digress...I have recently moved to a bigger city, that is much more conducive to actually walking places. Or like parallel parking and walking to your destination. Bleh. It is becoming increasingly tough to wear my beloved five and six inch heels all the time. So, I have been wearing flip flops more and more. I don't like flip flops. So here I am.
Toms. Are these me? Do I keep schlepping around in flip flops? I like their whole give a pair of shoes to needy kids for every pair they sell thing. What do you guys think? I'm facing an internal war of glam versus flats! I need help. Pin It

I'm a Terrible Person

Let's just go into this knowing that, okay? So last night I was watching Intervention (Obvs.), and I became transfixed on something other than the standard craziness ensuing. I noticed something and it got my cray cray photographic memory working, and BAM here we are. Let us take a journey, because I believe a non-drug related intervention may be in need for some of these poor, unfortunate souls. (Shoutout to Ursula the sea witch!)

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I'm Still Obsessed: More Fake Tanning

So I let you guys in on my self tanning obsession in one of my very first blog posts. I'm not into looking even older than I am, so I choose to rub my tan on! I am also always on the lookout for the freaking absolute best, and easiest self tanners. The one that I have been using for a couple months I can't find in my hood, so I started doing a little digging on the top rated Sephora self tanner. So let's see what I found!


St. Tropez Self Tan Bronzing Mousse. Have you guys tried this? Let me tell you what I like. I love a mousse. That shit dries fast. (Yay!) My O.G. self tanner from back in college was a mousse, and and I haven't forgotten the bad assness of it yet. But unlike my old school crap, this doesn't stink (that badly). It's kind of flowery and not completely self tannery.

The only thing I'm not 100% on is the darkness. It's a little on the light side for my tastes. I want to look cray cray! But I tend to have to play around with the amount I use to make sure I get the crazy tanorexicness that I crave. What to see before and after pictures of my pasty ass? Then jump!

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Monday, August 8, 2011

True Blood Musings: Witchy Bitchy

 I tried to find a picture of Jason doing his crazy workout, but all I could find was this.

 Apparently, Ryan Kwanten is a Vinyasa yoga teacher. Ohhhh-kay! I will leave all of that to you dirty bitches' imagination. Let's discuss this week.

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Sunday, August 7, 2011

Nail Art is the Shizz...And if You Don't Know, Now You Know!

In case you guys haven't had internet access or lost your spectacles or something for six months, nail art is super hot right now. I've been trying out a variety of craziness, and today is no different. Today's little summer camp arts and crafts project is ridiculously easy, too. Check out what I've been up to after the jump. (You know you want to see my hot ass mess.)


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Thursday, August 4, 2011

Why Can't I Quit You, F21?

I effing love Forever 21. I can't help it. I'm too old to shop there; got it. But there's just something about rifling through all the piles of cheap crap that's like black tar heroin to me. And my most favoritest (???) part of F21 are the accessories. They are cheap as hell. And I love it.


Ahhhh, I love a cluster eff of bracelets. I'm a gaudy ass bitch, yesss'm. And I got that panther/tigery little treasure the other day at F21. It was like $3 or something! Do you guys share my passion for the ol' 2-1?

P.S. I also got some other good stuff like big ass door knocker earrings. What up!

P.P.S. I'm afraid this is turning into a blog for cheap b's. Sigh. Pin It

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

OMG. I Think Butterflies and Glitter Just Exploded From My Heart Valves!

Interspecies Intermingling of the Day

If you want to see a video of this cuteness, skip on over to the Daily What and check it out. He's wearing jean shorts you guys! Awwww!

Note: The only time it's cute for a guy to be wearing jean shorts is if he's non-human. Pin It

I Just Can't.

There are so many reasons that this is sad.

via buzzfeed Pin It

Monday, August 1, 2011

I Have a Confession.


I love this bitch. I feel like Brenda Walsh was my life mentor from a young, impressionable time in my childhood. I would like to blame Brenda/Shannen for my c-face. So, with this in mind, I am so freaking excited. Shannen Doherty has a reality show coming out! (Don't ask me when or where, I'm too lazy to actually do some research. Pashaw!) And it's about her impending 3rd (or something) marriage! (Don't roll your eyes!) And if you don't share my everlasting love for Brenda/Shannen (Yes, I feel like they are very similar. Remember all of her shenanigans?!?! No? Just me? I'm old? Okay.) This will change your mind.


Just look at that stone-cold shade she is throwing at that dumb Kelly Taylor! Yes!!!!
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True Blood Musings: Eric + Sookie Edition (Boo Bill!)


 See, b's? I'm already updating. In your face! I actually googled Debbie Pelt because I wanted to point out how I still don't trust that w, but Lafayette came up instead. Hey, it's cool with me. Let's do it.

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