BREAKING NEWS: Justin Bieber is Annoying, Pees in Bucket.

Is ANYONE surprised that Biebs acts like a little sh*t? No. He's also apparently a member of some after school club called "The Wild Kidz." So cute. And he hates Bill Clinton? SO EDGY.



But sadly, JB is just following a long line of douches that like to pee in stuff when there are totally bathrooms available. When Lord Disick has already done that sh*t, it's totally over.

Don't worry, I'm not even going to talk about Bieb's outfit. I'm just done with it all.

In fact, I would rather just watch this video all day than any of this effery.



Enjoy not sleeping tonight.


Biebs video via TMZ



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Brandi Glanville Does What We All Feel Like Doing, and Gets Crunk and Semi-Naked.

I kind of love Brandi from RHOBH, you guys. She always seems like she has zero effs to give, and she does sh*t like getting her swerve on on a Monday night. Like, b*tch got like boobs and ass hanging out drunk on the first day of the work week.

I'm not really sure how this dress was supposed to operate, but I don't think that this is it. Sh*t, if I had legs like homegirl, I would straight walk around like this always.

Turn it all the way up, boo. I blame Tamra.

Brandi pics via TMZ

 

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True Blood Musings: Gotcha, B*tch!

Well, things are FINALLY starting to get good in this b*tch. And this episode was full of these kind of moments:



Let's jump so we can talk deets and not upset those late to class h's that haven't watched yet.

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Happy Birthday, 'Murica (Eff Yeah!). Here are a Few of My Favorite Things About You.

America can be kind of cool, you guys. It can also be a lot of this...

But we shan't focus on this effery. Here, in no certain order, are some of my favorite things about America.

B's can where crazy sh*t like this.

I can say that this sh*t is annoying. (AND POST IT ON THE INTERWEBS FOR ALL TO SEE.)

You can eat the grossest mess in the world, if you mf-ing feel like it.

You can have wine whenever the sh*t you feel like it. (Unless you live in the deep South in a dry county. If that's the case, sorry, yo.)

Brunch.

We have national treasures like this.

And this.

Easily accessible (and affordable) hair extensions.

Being lazy is totally okay.

In fact, I don't even really have to leave the house that much.

We have TV shows like this.

via realitytvgifs

 It's completely acceptable to combine delicious candies with delicious alcohols.

All bacon errrythang.

And whatever this is.

Happy 4th, American humans.

We are some crazy ass b's. Let us celebrate. And feel free to tell me your favorite thing about the ol' US of A below.



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Don't Serve Life for These Beauty Crimes

Holy eff balls, man, being a human lady can be hard at times. It can be really tough to get your ish together beauty-wise, and just live your life like a person. Luckily for you, I've experienced many a beauty tragedy, and I have learned from my grossest mistakes.

Dalmatian-esque Self Tanner Jobs

Poor LL. The tragic victim of the Cheetos 'Stache. (Duck lips are unrelated.)

This is a very common occurrence with those of us who enjoy hitting the bottle of self tanner. Luckily, there is the world's easiest solution to this mess.

Do like this bang-coiffed child and exfoliate your sh*t before you apply your tan. A plain ol' washcloth works best for the bod, but take a little more care with your mug. You don't want to be too harsh and eff your skin up. Just use your brain area and your best judgement. But, I will say that I find a washcloth most effective for removing existing splotchiness, like on Lilo's stubborn upper lip area (or other annoying areas like armpit creases, knees, elbows, etc).

Creased n' Greasy Eyeshadow

Is there a bigger c-block to bangin' ass eyeshadow times than creasing on you lid? Imma go with "no." This is one of the easiest beauty blunders to overcome, and I owe all of that to Urban Decay's Primer Potion ($20). You just need a little dab of this magic to cover your eyelid, and I even use it on my lower lash line to keep eyeliner and such in check. I literally recommend this sh*t to everyone, and I refuse to shut the eff up about it. Sorry, I'm not sorry.

via mrhankey

OCD Nail Probs

I've told you guys before, I don't give two effs about trying to stay in the lines when I paint my nails. It's super pointless and time-consuming. You can have 100% gorgeous and glossy nails, without a steady hand and being a freaky ambidextrous circus performer. Just worry about painting the entirety of those b's, and them let them dry COMPLETELY. After they're dry, take that same raggedy washcloth, or loofah, or whatever deal you want, and scrub the skin around your newly painted nails. IT WILL COME RIGHT OFF. You can feel free on move on about your life, people. This is now a non-issue.

What other beauty probs do you need me to get to solvin'? Sound off in the comments, or send some smoke signals. Whatever. I got you, boo.




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PleaseBeRealPleaseBeRealPleaseBeReal. My Favorite Ne-Yo Cover of All Time.

I cannot get enough of this gentleman, whose name is apparently Jerome Smyle. (With a y, because he's sassy as eff.) I'm pretty sure that we're soul sisters, because we share all the same banging ass dance moves and clothing size from 579. 

Sh*t starts to get really hot in the video at the 1:10 mark, when the paddle turns and shoulder shimmies get on and poppin'. But my favorite part is at 1:35 when we completely lose track of Jerome and just look at the road scenery for a few seconds. My eyeballs glazed over for the next three minutes, but I was revived by the sexy ass penetrating gaze at the end.

If this effery is fake, I will lose my damn mind. But until then...

we dance.




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True Blood Musings: I'm Still Here

Here's how it's been feeling lately when it comes to True Blood.

We're all still here, so let's just get this over with. Jump with me, and let's talk about how this week's epi sucked a little less hard.

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