GUUUUUURL of the Day: This Highly Refined and Sophisticated (NO.) Boy Band Video

Listen, I don't know from what year this atrocity hailed, but I would venture a guess that it's early 00's. Canned cheese on a cracker, this sh*t is bad. It meets all the criteria of GUUUURL-ness:

• Worst font in the history of fonts -- CHECK
• Biggest fright I've had from viewing a scene through a toy -- CHECK
• Most awkward frosted, chunky, super-saturated with hair wax hair that I've ever seen -- CHECK
• LAYERED wife beaters in assorted colors -- CHECK (Somebody splurged on the 5 pack)
• Adult women flirting with (and touching) an elementary school aged child -- CHECK
• Wide variety of choker necklaces -- CHECK
• Weird sexual innuendo in a video starring a child -- CHECK
• Sh*t ton of track pants -- CHECK
• Upper arm bandana -- CHIGITY CHECK
• Bulletproof vest/life jacket hybrid apparel -- CHECK
• Kid wearing a furry pimp hat -- CHECK
• Possible origination of visual inspiration for Avatar characters -- CHECK
• Skin color more unusual than that of an Avatar character -- CHECK
• Exploitation of homeless character for zero reason -- CHECK

These dudes have hair only one of these ill-advised hats could love.

Thanks be to The Ashlee Simpson Show that the early millenniums are effing over. That was a hot ass mess of a time period. Shut the door on that ish forever, ever. (Ever, ever?)

Yes. Bye, b*tch.

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Adding Crack-y Fuel to My Crazy Addiction: Lip Chap Edition

This is usually how I feel in life, and there are deep roots to this issue --

NO, I don't have a drug addiction issue, I have a LIP PRODUCT ISSUE. See, I took Accutane for acne when I was 15 or 16, and it caused my lips to be so mother effing dry that they cracked and peeled all around my mouth. It was a sexy, sexy time, and I had to keep some kind of lip sh*t on my person at all times. So ever since then, I've been all...

YES, IT'S A FLAVOR OF LOVE 2 REFERENCE. GET ON BOARD.

To say that I've tried a trabajillion kinds of chapsticks, treatments, blams, blahhhhhs is (hardly) an exaggeration. And I have now added some beast level sh*t to my arsenal.

me & the girls mentha revive lip moisturizer lipstick topper and base, $7

Meet the Mentha Revive Lip Moisturizer Lipstick Topper and Base from me & the girls -- This. B*tch. I am in love with this w. With full disclosure, I haven't used it as a base or topper for lipstick, because I can't even make it there. I just want solo time with this stuff. It's like a hybrid Kenny G/Michael Bolton of mullets in the lip balm world; all smoothness, with business in the front and party in the back.

yeah, boo. it's that smooth.

Plus, it's good for your ass (not your ASS ass) and vegan. Check out more deets and get your own here, because I'm not sharing this lip chap with you b's. MY LIPS FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE BUTTER ON THEM, AND BUTTER IS DAMN DELICIOUS.

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'Tis the End of My Era, and Somehow...50 Cent.

This crap is going to be semi-sentimental, and pretty much just about me. (ME, ME, ME!) So if you aren't feeling that, feel free to skip ahead. I'll put everything after the break, so you won't be bothered by my stupid life.

via makemelaughgifs

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Walk Up to the Club Like, "What Up? I got a big Wand!" (And a Small One. And Other Sizes.)

Holy eff, you guys. I really need to talk to you about something big in my life right now. And that thing is the ISO Beauty 5 Piece Curling Iron Set, and even bigger than that, curling wands. The nice boos at ISO Beauty sent me this set to try, and I can't keep my damn dirty hands off of it.

iso beauty 5 piece curling iron set, $395

Curling wands are my new jam, and this set is the true boss b*tch. It has five barrel sizes, so you can choose your own adventure, from beachy waves to OG Nicole Kidman.

Okay, maybe not THAT extreme. That's some tight, tight spiral perm-age.

So what's the difference in a curling wand/clipless curling iron and the curling iron you've had since '97? Mainly, the type of curl you'll get. With the old school curling iron, you get more of a classic, barrel-y curl. Here's what the curling wand creates, with different sized barrels:

what happens to old weave? science experiments!

See? Then ends aren't all weirdly crunched up and really curly, like mine tend to be with the Vanilla Ice irons. (That means the old school kind.)

But my favorite thing about clipless curling irons? THIS SH*T IS EASY. No, no. Don't worry about clipping the curling iron arm thing on your hair, then winding it up...blah, blah, blah. That crap is boring. With a wand, you wrap your hair around it, hold it for a few seconds, and done. The combination of this with surf spray creates sexy ass bedhead-y hair that looks like you give zero effs and were just born super hot.

It's that good. And good for lazies like me. And where do I find this cat? And do those glasses come in human versions?

Find out more info on the ISO Beauty 5 Piece Curling Iron Set (or whatever the hell strikes your fancy) here.




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Definitive Proof That Beards and Boyz II Men Make Dudes 100% Hotter

Skip to 7:10 for the good good.



I've always thought that John Krasinski (AKA Jim from The Office) was moderately hot. Like hottest guy you saw at the grocery store today hot, but not necessarily John Hamm/Alexander Skarsgard/face made of rugged angel Pegasus wings hot. That is UNTIL TODAY. Here he is on Jimmy Fallon's show lip syncing "I'll Make Love to You." (If you must.) That beard is KILLIN' IT for homeboy's face. I'm buying whatever you're selling here, Krasinski. I'll take a million of each.

Yes.

All of this.





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Ballsy on a Budget-- White Polish Edition

There's just something about white polish, man. It's so bright and perfect, and weirdly edgy. It makes me feel like a high school kid boredly white out-ing their asses into emo perfection.

cameo by kiki la rue, who won't get the eff out of the shot

But here's the thing about white nail polish -- sh*t's a totally b*tch to get right. It's very often bumpy, and takes friggin' FOR. EV. ER. to dry, so it's usually totally effed within the hour. But I finally got badassery in a bottle this time around with a few tricks. First, you HAVE to use a base coat. I used Bassline from Floss Gloss. I followed it up with a WHITE BASE POLISH, using the base from one of the Revlon Nail Art Neon Nail Enamels. I then used a coat (or two -- can't remember) of whatever white polish you're into. Just make sure it's opaque. Finish it up with a top coat, doy, because you don't want it to look like you used white out FOR REAL, for real. Aaaannnnd scene.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

As you should, boo boo. As you should.




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Quick Sh*t: Met Gala Roundup

The Met Gala/Met Ball/whatevs was last night, and people got all fancy as eff and walked around being important and ish. Here are some quick highlights. 

As per ush, J Law was the HBIC.

via vulture

And Marion Cotillard and Lena Dunham thought that ish was friggin' funny. SJP's badass head f*ckery blocked her peripheral vision, and homegirl missed the whole thing.

This person was there and claimed to be Zooey Deschanel. Who dat? But f'real, without bangs boo boo has 50's housewife mop commercial face.

Miley Cyrus needs to stop the insanity, and Susan Powter needs to sue this b for copyright infringement.

Her look is getting bitten WAAAAY hard. (Sorry young people, google it.)

There were a lot of other b faces that looked awesome, and a ton of people that looked half sh*tty, but I don't care enough to talk about their asses.

I SAID QUICK.




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