Gross Beauty Probs, Quit Killing My Vibe.

It's always something with me, man. I can't just let shit be. I'm constantly stressing myself out over SOMETHING beauty-related. My current freak out is getting rid of all things gross on my body. More specifically, dead face skin and hard water hair distgusting-ness.

After massive amounts of research (okay, googling), I found two products that pretty much slayed these annoying issues. So now I can be on to the next one. Great.

Hard Water Hair: Malibu Hard Water Treatment

I really got the idea of how shitty my water is stuck in my brain wrinkles after I started using Keracolor Purify Plus. I began obsessing over the hard water stains on my shower door that I just couldn't get off and thinking, "IF THE WATER IS DOING THIS TO GLASS, WHAT THE EFF IS IT DOING TO MY HAIR???" So I started researching about how to rid hair of hard water deposits, which can eff your hair game up MAJOR.

That's when I came across the Malibu C Hard Water Weekly Demineralizer. It comes in a box of individualized packets that you use once a week. You shampoo, use the treatment, shampoo, then condition. The first time I used the Malibu C, I noticed that it said it contained "crystals" on the package, so naturally I was picturing this:

Don't get excited. It's just a powder that you mix with water to create a paste and leave on your hair for five minutes. Because it's kind of a drying type deal, I followed it up with my OG deep conditioner, L'Oreal Nature's Therapy Mega Moisture Nurturing Creme. I've used the treatment twice so far, and it's removed any brassiness from my hair and made my highlights brighter. Score one for the hard water-afflicted bitches.

Gross Dead Skin: Pure Aqua Gel Exfoliator

I read about this Japanese exfoliation product a while back, and I knew that I must try it. Because if you don't love something that exfoliates your face skin like a GD champ, then I don't know what to say to you anymore, quite frankly. Cure Aqua Gel is reportedly Japan's top selling skin care product, or so Amazon tells me, so I really felt like I had no choice but to shell out the 35 bones and try this shit.

The issue that I ran into after getting the bottle is that all of the instructions are in Japanese. So I did a little digging and found out how to use this stuff, and then made a little video showing you what the deal is with Cure.



After using Cure a couple times, I'm pretty ride-or-die on this stuff. It's not cheap, but if you're into exfoliating, it will be your jam. You can cop it from Amazon here.

I'm off to figure out my next beauty dilemma (ft. Kelly Rowland) to harp on like a nagging hen. I love life.





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The Game Of Thrones "Who Would You Do?" List

I love Game of Thrones. It has all the things that I look for in a show: an old time-y setting, bomb hair and costumes, and a bunch of people acting like pure and unadulterated assholes. And the fact that it's packed to the gills with hot bitches doesn't exactly hinder my viewing pleasure.

With that in mind, I've compiled a ranking of the best "Would Do" candidates, as well as the "Eff No" mofos from the world's most character-filled-and-also-switching-friggin-actors TV show. (Don't lie, that shit confuses you too.) 

The Would Dos:

#1: Jaime

Okay, so he's had his horrific moments, and might have Borderline Personality Disorder. He also (half) created the worst human in fake history. And his hair is kind of terrible this season. But that jawline...

#2: Khaleesi

I mean, COME ON. Daenerys Targaryen be banging. And if you say that you wouldn't, you're a damn lie.

#3: Khaleesi's Dead Husband's Ghost

This dude was super hot. And nice, in a murderous way. Plus, the real life guy is married to LISA MF-ING BONET. You don't turn that down.

#4: Jon Snow

JS is super-sexual, and really should be higher on the list, but I can't stop thinking about extreme hygiene issues whenever my eyeballs graze his ass. INVENT SHAMPOO, ALREADY.

#5: Tyrion

I love Tyrion. He's smart, funny, actually uses the empathetic area of his brain, and is really cute. Sign me up.

#6: Brienne of Tarth

Brienne is not only a bad bitch, she's also ridiculously loyal. Which is pretty much the opposite of anyone else on this GD show. Not to mention that she's crazy tall and attractive.

The Would NOT Evers:

#1: Joffrey

HATE. SO MUCH. Plus, I think he's supposed to be 15 or something. Major pass.

#2: That One Guy

Sorry about all of that stuff, buddy. You were okay before, but now I'm just not into you. Or whatever is happening in your Weentown area code.

Edit: You guys, THIS DUDE IS LILY ALLEN'S BROTHER. Where the eff have I been???

#3: Cersei

She's gorgeous. She's the worst. Her no no was probably replaced with a venus fly trap. No thanks.

#4: Ygritte

I wasn't even into homegirl before she got all arrow-happy. But now, I definitely bid you "Good day." GET OUT.

Which GoT peeps are on your would/wouldn't do lists? Let's hash it out.




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TGIMF(Almost)F! Let's Get Down With This Jam.

Sometimes you just have to jam the eff out, because it's (soon to be) Friday night and you feel alright. So you put on your super-slimming, black Mandarin collared shit shirt, fluff your hair bang wave and hit the town in downtown(ish) Minneapolis, or wherever. Major. Nothing says Friday night jam sesh like everything that happens after 1:11 in this video.

I would polish this dude's Napoleon Dynamite spectacles all night long. Take me away to Oasis Karaoke, mofos!

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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

this looks disgusting but it was amazing

This month for Allure, I get back to my roots, and talk about glorious food. I'm pairing up your favorite snack with an inspired beauty look. Check it out here.



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BREAKING NEWS: Adam Levine Now Has Gwen Stefani Hair

via AL's twitter

No, this ain't no hollaback girl, sadly, it's Adam Levine and his new head rug. Yeezus, take the wheel. After resting my eyeballs on this, I think that we can all now officially calm our tits on the great debate over whether Adam Levine is hot in a skeeze way or not. This cat's face speaks volumes on the "Would you still?" topic. You can just feel the "eff no" in the windows to his soul.

It seems like when AL bleached his hair to Courtney Stodden on the color scale, and it really brought out the douche in his bone structure. What makes it worse is that he's totally got his "I look super hot right now" face on in the picture, but for me it's reading more "I live in a basement with mannequins."

What do you guys think? Am I being a super bitch? Is this actually hot? Tell how me to live.



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GUUUUUURL Of The Day: The Topless Fire Bro

There was a big ass fire burning near an LA-area neighborhood today, so of course the news was there to report on it, wearing their let's-pretend-we're-on-the-Weather-Channel serious outdoor jacket finery. But an absurdly large rain coat and windy day half-pony do not a "GUUUUUURL Of The Day" make. Oh, no. That accomplishment could only be obtained by the shining star that is this dude, who was so douchey that his dog asked for his face to be obscured out of sheer horror and shame.

Not only does this shirtless, snapback-ed wonder ask out a random stranger on live TV, in what seems to be at least an orange on the dangerous encounters scale, but he also opines that the fire is "pretty cool." SIR. GO HOME. We've had just about enough of your bullshit for today.

via realitytvgifs

Sorry, dudes. This b-hole ruined it for everyone. This is why you can't have nice things.


via buzzfeed

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Our Rude Prayers Have Been Answered: Prince Hot Harry Is Single

pic via eonline

Good news/kind of shitty news, guys. The sexual beast that is Prince Harry (Is that illegal to say about a royally-blooded mofo?) broke up with his scrunchie-loving homegirl Cressida Bonas. Good for you single young bloods: you've still got a chance! But bad news: I really liked this girl. Here's why I'm really into her --

• She's almost always wearing a scrunchie.
• She has the beautiful hair that looks like she washes it with pee or apple jam, or something.
• She's not fancy and uptight. You know that the Queen never even let her absolutely worst hat be in the same room with this chick.
• Her name is Cressida Bonas, which kind of sounds like Croissant Boners.

I'm just scared that PH is going to date some boring, bland bitch next. Like someone with Avian Bone Syndrome, or some bullshit. I'm not okay with that. At all.

Also, HOW WILL THEY SPLIT THE SCRUNCHIE COLLECTION? HOW, I SAY?!?


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