Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Our Rude Prayers Have Been Answered: Prince Hot Harry Is Single

pic via eonline
Good news/kind of shitty news, guys. The sexual beast that is Prince Harry (Is that illegal to say about a royally-blooded mofo?) broke up with his scrunchie-loving homegirl Cressida Bonas. Good for you single young bloods: you've still got a chance! But bad news: I really liked this girl. Here's why I'm really into her --
  • She's almost always wearing a scrunchie.
  • She has the beautiful hair that looks like she washes it with pee or apple jam, or something.
  • She's not fancy and uptight. You know that the Queen never even let her absolutely worst hat be in the same room with this chick.
  • Her name is Cressida Bonas, which kind of sounds like Croissant Boners.
I'm just scared that PH is going to date some boring, bland bitch next. Like someone with Avian Bone Syndrome, or some bullshit. I'm not okay with that. At all.


Also, HOW WILL THEY SPLIT THE SCRUNCHIE COLLECTION? HOW, I SAY?!?


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