Thursday, December 29, 2011

And For the Worst Video I Have Ever Made...Urban Decay's Naked 2 Palette Review/Tutorial!

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Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Snooki Is Officially Way Thinner Than Me.

B weighs 98 pounds now. Where do I go from here in my life?

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Monday, December 19, 2011

Fresh Off Kris Jenner's Printing Press...

Let's talk about the Kardashian's Kristmas Kard. (You know Kris Jenner spells it that way.) It's obviously not split like this, but I wanted to get the closest look possible. A few points of interest:

  • Why are the lesser earners all forced to be on the left?
  • Why does Kris Jenner look like she skinned Ariel's fish tail and stole Mickey Mouse's bow tie to create her outfit? Someone thaw out Walt Disney, stat!
  • Where is Kim's chin?
  • Why is Kourtney's kid working it out harder than the rest of the family, most of which are paid models?
  • Why is Kim so blatantly shoved shoved out in the front by herself? "She's so alone and strong!" -Kris Jenner's cray cray mixed up brain.
Okay, I'm over it.

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Friday, December 16, 2011

This Looks Horrible...(ly Awesome)!

Remember when Rob Lowe showed up a couple of months ago with that terrible blonde(ish) hair?

This is his finished product for Lifetime for the biopic of that creepy Drew Peterson dude. Listen, Rob Lowe is saying "bitch." I'm down!

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It's Time for a Big Ol' Britney Spears Wedding, Y'all!

So by now we all know that my little Brit Brit just got engaged to her boyfriend, Jason Trawick. I'm so excited! I feel like Sam Merlotte's twin is a good influence on her, and she seems like she's really getting her sh*t together. In honor of her upcoming nuptials, I have decided to throw a sister a bone and help her start on her wedding planning.

As you know, Britney is a little bit country so I though she might want to sport something that reflects that on her big day. Here are my selections.

Yee haw, right? Well maybe she wants to tone it down a notch, since it is TECHNICALLY her third marriage. So maybe something a little more mature and demure would be more appropriate. No worries, I have that angle covered as well!

I mean the last one even has gloves! Just like when she married K Fed! Speaking of that wedding, maybe Britney wants something a little more like she wore for her reception last time, which was a little more...Like this:

That's miiiightly close to hoo-ha ville. Don't worry, Brit! I have some more 'revealing' dresses picked for you, too.

Too bad this one is already taken. Such understated elegance! Don't worry, I found some other winners.

Surely we have a winner here! One of them even looks like that bedazzled bodysuit homegirl wore back in the day.

I also found a couple more finishing details for Britney's wedding. We know she loves her Starbuck's frapps, so how perfect is this?

Done! How about wedding photos? Brit Brit loves Cheetos, so I found a way to incorporate that.

Perfect! All the hard work is done, y'all! You are welcome, Britney. You are welcome. Pin It

I Enjoy Drinking Weird Crap

 The first let's say 'non-traditional' thing I drink is Kombucha. It's supposed to deliver antioxidants, probiotics, and help your body rid itself of toxins. Hell if I know. It has gunky stuff in the bottom (or sometimes Chia seeds, yay!) and kind of tastes vinegary. Are you sold yet? Thought so. I usually drink the 'enlightened' version, because the original has .5% alcohol in it, and sometimes when you're driving or whatever it's not COMPLETELY appropriate to be drinking alch' tea. Remember when Lindsay Lohan said her alcohol ankle monitor went off because she drank tea? The original Kombucha was the alleged offender. It's as badass as a tea can be.

I also drink more traditional (kind of) teas. I love Guayaki Yerba Mate teas. It kind of tastes like leaves in hot water, but who doesn't like that? It's made from the leaves (See? Leaves!) of a South American tree, and gives you energy and focus. It one of those ancient-type deals. Fun, right? 

Similarly, Tulsi is an ancient Indian plant known as Holy Basil that is used to energize and calm (???). I don't know how that's possible, but don't you guys feel worldly right now?

I also like random flavorings of more traditional teas. Coconut Chai black tea? It's gurrrd, you guys!

The last thing I like to drink you might have heard of. FRS is endorsed by a lot of athletes, including Lance Armstrong. It's main ingredient is Quercitin, which is found in blueberries and red onions and such. Listen, I don't know how it works but it doesn't have a lot of caffeine (about as much as 1/4 cup of coffee) but it gives me crazy energy, but not cracky energy. I like to drink this before I workout. It's the bizz-nass. You can read about the science behind it on the FRS website.

I also eat some crazy stuff, but I'll save that for another day. Do you guys drink any cray cray drinks? Am I missing out on something that I need to add to my insane lineup?

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I'm Cheap Part 239084390: My Fave Under $20 Finds

I'm cheap, but I like to shop. We know this. Here are some of my favorite items that I have gotten over the past month or so that all rang up for under $20.

I love the drama of a faux fur. And no cute little shmanimals are harmed. Yay! I scored this faux fur vest for $12 thrift.

Speaking of drama, is there anything more dramatic than a cape? Nope, and I want to Sherlock Holmes it up as much a possible. And I got this baby for $20 on sale at Marshall's, thankyouverymuch!

I love stripes. This H&M skirt is super cute layered with tights, socks, boots, the whole shebang and it was FIVE DOLLARS!!!

Lastly, I got this sweet Badgley Mishka belt for $8 thrift. Real leather, and really versatile!

Have you guys scored any good deals lately? What's your favorite way to shop on the cheap?

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Outfit of the Day: Girly Boy!

Shirt: Thrift
Jeans: Genetic Denim, similar (And on sale!) here
Shoes: Aldo, buy (On sale!!!) here
Handbag: Linea Pelle, similar (but bigger) here
Hat: Albertus Swanepoel for Target, buy here
Jewelry: Random hodge podge of crap that I have accumulated over the years...

My husband took this picture, and because he's taller you can't really see my shoes. So here's a pic I took of myself via timer (Yay!), just because I like my shoes!

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A Hot Old B Finishes Out True Blood's Hotness Trifecta!

It has been confirmed, via TV Line that Chris Meloni (Detective Stabler 4 EVA!) will be joining True Blood as an ancient vampire. Um, yes and thank you! Are you not convinced? Then perhaps watch this 4 and a half minute video of his apparent hotness while Salt n' Pepa's 'Shoop' plays. This ish is pretty, pretty creepy.

Congratulations to True Blood's producer Alan Ball. He has now covered all of our hot bases. Sexual old dude? Check (Chris Meloni). Super sexual Nordic blonde b? Check (Duh, Eric). Super duper sexual dark and manly man? Check and check (Alcideeeeee!). Sorry, Bill. You didn't make the hot list. You may sit down.

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Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Can we Timeshare This or Something?

Holly Golightly's townhouse made famous by Breakfast at Tiffany's is for sale for almost $6 million. Anyone want to go one-millionth-sies with me? You can check out more pictures of the place, which was previously owned by some muckety muck banker dude that was collared for insider trading, over at Curbed.

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Stand By...

C. Stodd made a video for Funny or Die, which will be released on Thursday. AND it was directed by Seinfeld's Jason Alexander. Oooookay? I don't even know where to go from here. Stay tuned so we can talk ish on Thursday...

P.S. To tide you over, go check this out from Gallery of the Absurd.

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Monday, December 12, 2011

Urban Farmers' Market

Shirt: Miley Cyrus for Walmart (don't judge me)
Sweater: Karlie, find retailer here
Jeans: Blank Denim, Similar here
Boots: Old Navy, buy here
Bracelet: Target headband from circa 2004
Necklace: By boe, similar here

I had to cut my head off. I didn't have makeup on yet, and it was tragic. That's Wiggy in the background, with a cameo by a few ghosts in the form of light orbs. Yay?

This is what I wore to a local farmers' market. Because, yes, every day is an opportunity to wear something that skews at least slightly into costume territory. Pin It

Friday, December 9, 2011

WTF, Stacy Ferguson?

Fergie showed up to something called "The Night of Firsts" ( I effing hope so!) wearing this hot mess. #1 You can't zip it. #2 You're wearing a Felix the Cat dress. #3 You look uncomfortable as hell, like a b that can't zip her dress up. Oh, wait...

This is the only way that Felix the Cat should be making appearances.

And when's the last time you saw one of those? Probably when you looked like this.

You and J Love should have showed up like this last night. That would have been the realness.
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Is This Douchey? I Feel Douchey.

Jacket: Target, a million years ago
Shirt: Thrift store, Juicy Couture
Leggings: Brittney, similar here
Socks: Target
Boots: Old Navy, buy here
Necklace: Forever 21, similar (and kind of cooler) here

So I had a few (real and not imaginary) people ask me to do blog posts with my Outfit of the Day. Like, what I wore that day and whatnot. I know a lot of bloggers do this, and a lot of them are really great. But, I feel like who the eff am I that you would give half a crap about what I wore? So here is my first (and possibly last) OOTD post.

Are you guys into this at all? If so, tell me if you want me to do this fairly regularly. I will take silence as an answer of you think that I'm a douche.

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Thursday, December 8, 2011

Why Do I Feel Funny?

With the recent leak of the cover, I have been feverishly thinking (Not that way, sick brains!) about Lindsay Lohan's soon to be released Playboy issue. I mean, there is a lot of potential for awkwardness. It had to be re-shot, so what kind of crap was produced in the first go-round? Was this pre or post fixing the meth teeth? I can't remember, and I'm too freaking lazy to google it. Am I on meth?

Anyway, all of this got me thinking about celebrities posing for Playboy or simply being on the cover. There have been a lot. Some good, some bad, some that are just...awkward. So here's my list of the top five most awkward celebrity Playboy cover models and/or pictorials.

Honorable (or horrible) Mention: Shannen Doherty in German (???) Playboy

What in the hell IS this? Nobody does this to Brenda Walsh's face! This mess looks like it was painted by a blind monk that worked as Kelly Taylor dictated. Hell to the naw! (Copyright: Whitney Houston)

# 5 Teri Polo
I personally enjoy my Teri Polo starring alongside the likes of Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro in family friendly-ish films, not attempting to mouth love a strawberry and showing me her hootenanny. No ma'am.

# 4 Carnie Wilson, Tiffany, and Debbie Gibson (TIE!)

I can declare a tie! Shut your mouth. Don't get me wrong, they all looked great for their a-hem "spreads" (I'm sorry, gross.), but this is how I like and picture my Carnie, Tiffany, and Debbie (I'm not calling you Debrah) Gibson.

Now THIS is glamor, okay Carnie? Tell me you can tear your eyes away from those earrings. I dare you!

Can't you just SMELL the Electric Youth perfume wafting from this photo? And that hat? It beats boobs any day, any time.

Speaking of hats, can you even with this? Because I sure as hell can! This picture is what happens when a festive Christmas wreath marries a door knocker and births a ginger angel.

# 3 Latoya Jackson

We all know that Toy Toy is the cray cray of the Jackson clan (which is really saying something), but on the real I can't even mess with this cover. Between the studded jacket, those nails, and the glitter star earring that's bigger than her face, I can't even hate on this magical carpet ride.

# 2 Donald Trump

Why? And...No.

# 1 Candice Bergen

This is like finding a video of your parents doing it. Just a whole big ol' bag of no. What would Murphy Brown say about this? I would rather see Miles and the painter/handyman/whatever that dude did in a warm embrace than this. (I want to see that anyway.)

At least she didn't get nakey. That's something her shoulder pads could never unsee. Pin It

Ma'am, Your Boob Is Staring at Me...Angrily.

Photo via Huffington Post

Let's all just drink in this Sour Sally. This is the wife of one of the dudes that created Angry Birds, angrily donning an Angry Bird-themed dress. Why so glum, chum? Maybe she's just getting into character? Or maybe she's pissed that she kind of looks like she was wearing a normal red satin dress, and on the way in she somehow had a crazy, wacky mishap that ripped the bodice of her dress. She happened upon a display of  Angry Bird kites in the lobby of this party (which is probs for some kind of A.B. ish), and she resourcefully patched up her dress with said kite! I bet that's it. I'm sure this b didn't pay 8 bajillion dollars for this mess. (Slash, she totally did.) Sigh.

This post brought to you by Angry Birds.

(No, it's totally not. It's brought to you by me, an unemployed, bored person, but that would be cool.)
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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Oh, Get My "Notebook!"

Click picture to enlarge

See what I did there? Because it's Rachel McAdams...Anyway, b looked major AND sexual last night at the Sherlock Holmes blah blah in London last night. This silvery Marchesa is freaking ah-mama-mazing, right? Now lets say you and ol' Ry Ry get back together and make America happy!
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Now This B is Just Effing With Us.

Pic via Radar Online

You guys, try to hold back your jealousy. Just because the overly-aged alien that we call Hot Stoddy wore a prom dress to the mall yesterday, and you did not, is no reason to be mean to her! Although it does make sense. B got married to a dude the age of her Gramp Gramp before she was old enough to go to prom!  It's an "A-ha!" moment for us all.

P.S. In what world does that purse even come CLOSE to going with that dress? Oh yeah, in C Stodd's alien homeland.
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Monday, December 5, 2011

In It's About Damn Time News: Kim Richards Edition

Kim Richards of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has entered rehab to get help with her problems with alcohol. I'm glad, this b seems a mess and needs to get back on track. Good luck, Kimmy (not Gibbler)! Just keep rocking that pearl choker, sweetness, and we will all be okay.

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