Quick Sh*t Hits

Hey guys, I've been a little distant lately. I've been in a deep, deep Game of Thrones hole, but, sadly, that's over for a year. Since I've been gone, here's what happening.

Henry Cavill has a perfect face and can "Look, Ma, no hands," the eff outta bicycle.



I've had a thing for homeboy since The Tudors, and he sure hasn't gotten any uglier.

Also, Biebs is going to space.

 

If this is the first impressions aliens get of Earthlings, we're all f*cked.

And this happened, too.

via twitter

Listen, Juno, I like your ass, but you can't have my Skar-y.

Lastly, this exists. Goodnight, cruel world.


What's been going on with your asses? And what TV dramzzzz shall I be sucked into next? TALK TO ME.


Pin It

Beauty Sh*t I'm Going to Bring With Me When I Take a Time Machine Back to Game of Thrones Times.

Dammit, you guys. I JUST STARTED WATCHING GAME OF THRONES YESTERDAY. I know, I know. I'm a dumb d*ck.

I just hate this kid's face. So much.

And don't effing spoil crap for me, because I'm only in the middle of the first season. I already read all the hoopla from this week's episode on social media, and and I don't want to know what it means, and I want to keep it that way. I will come to your house and slap you if you tell me ANYTHING.

 Okay, I won't. I love your asses, but still. Don't.

After watching going on six hours of this magic, I decided that I totally want to take a time machine back to the Game of Thrones olden days. BUT, I want to be able to take beauty products with me, because Khaleesi. (That gorgeous, gorgeous b.)

Burt's Bees Facial Cleansing Toweletts, $6

The first thing that I'll desperately need are these Burt's Bees face wipes. I have tried a dragon's egg ton of face wipes, and these are the bee's knees. (Ugh. No. Someone stop me.) If you're living in pre-shower times, these mofos are a must.

Johnson's White Baby Powder with Cornstarch, $2.44

And because I am the oiliest humanoid on this planet, the fun oily times don't stop with my face area. I shall also require the assistance of a baby powder to sop up the grossness of second day (and beyond) hair. If you have dark hair, sadly, you are SOL when it comes to using cheap crap like baby powder as a dry shampoo. Someone once told me that you can use cocoa powder, but I've never tried that mess. Let me know if you have primary research on that sh*t, so we can all get our lives together.

Colgate Wisp Optic White, $7.99 for 16

C'mon, ain't nobody got a toothbrush up in those days, so these disposable tooth deals with be super necessary. Can you even imagine what everything smelled like back then? I can't even handle sexy time scenes. You know it was gross as hell.

Revlon ColorStay Ultimate Suede in Backstage ($7.49) and Stila's Stay All Day Mascara ($22)

I DO NOT plan on roaming about without any makeup on. Sorry, homies, not happening. But I have narrowed that sh*t down to the bare essentials. Imma need a waterproof mascara, and Stila's Stay All Day is my ride-or-die choice. It's supposed to be volumizing, but it's not so much. But it does separate the lashes nicely and has great staying power, which is essential. You know my ass will be crying all day, erry day. My constitution is quite delicate.

I picked Revlon's ColorStay Ultimate Suede Lipstick in Backstage for dual purposes -- lips and cheeks. Backstage is a pretty dark berry-ish color, so I don't apply it like a regular lipstick. I blot it on lips and cheeks, then blend it in, so it's like a lip stain. Plus, it's got great staying power, just in case I'm forced to work at a pleasure house, or something.

Always be prepared. Now, if you'll excuse my ass, if going back to my endless GoT watching sesh.

Pin It

LEAVE JUSTIN BIEBER ALONE! HE JUST WANTS TO WATCH THE SPORTS LIKE A REGULAR!

HAHAHAHA. No, he doesn't. He wants to be a super pain in the ass, duh squared.

Oh, Biebs. When will you stop with this tom foolery? YOU AREN'T EVEN PRETENDING TO ENJOY YOURSELF. If you are going to bring a police officer and a giant bodyguard (where the eff is Kevin Costner?!?) to a basketball game, and be a total c block of people actually being able to watch said game, the least you can do it put on a fake ass smile and pretend your silly ass wants to be there. Kind of like what I have to do when one of your songs come on. It's just polite.

Now, let's talk about whose 1998 tricked out Camaro seats you had to skin to get that shirt. SOMEBODY loves tigers, you guys. That tattoo is about to bite off your areola, boo. I won't even mention that stone-washed hat, because I can't even see it. It's dead to me.

We're done here. I couldn't even fully enjoy looking at this picture of David Beckham, who was also there.

Okay, yes, I could. What a relief. My eyeballs aren't broken.



all pics via daily mail


Pin It

I Report, You Decide: Did Skinn's Lip 6X Gloss Plump Up My Jams?

Lemme be real with my b*tches for a second -- sometimes being a beauty blogger can be hard, man. There are times when I have a product, and I'm into it, but I'm just not 150,000,000% sure (Maury style) that it does what it says. So, today I bring the goods to you, and let your magical, rainbow-filled, wizard brains decide.

Skinn Lip 6X Gloss Amplifying Lip Gloss, $18.50

Skinn Cosmetics sent me their 6X Amplifying Lip Gloss forever ago, but I lost it, like a dumb dumb doo doo head. After I found it wedged somewhere in my car, I tried it several times and really liked it a lot. It is really, really moisturizing, and lasts FOR-effin'-EVA on my lips. I even had a friend want to steal it from my ass after she tried it, and loved the ish out of it.

But here's the sticky sitch, and why I haven't brought it to your asses, yet. As much as I love this stuff as a lip gloss, I don't know if I feel like it actually plumps my lips. It's not the BURNING plumping gloss, like those bad b's of yesteryear. So maybe that's my problem. But like a real, live, scientist, I took pictures of my lips to see if their was any plumpness happenin' after I applied the gloss. I totally followed the scientific method 100% 0%. Here are the results:

I don't know what to think, you guys. I feel like they are kind of plumped, non? I don't know.

Sh*t, I'm the worst. So, then, this.

I'll leave it to you guys. More plumped lippies? Not at all? What are the balls of your eyes and brain waves telling you? Sound off below, and check it out for yourself for your own damn experiments here.




Pin It

YOU GUYS, the Trailer for the Anna Nicole Lifetime Movie is Here.

Remember that time a bajillion years ago when I told you that Lifetime was making an Anna Nicole Smith movie, and I created a fake cast? Well, that ish is on the brink of its premiere (it's on the 29th), and Lifetime used exactly ZERO of my ideas.

But, whatever, I'm totally not mad. Anyway, here's the trailer for this mess.



Clearly, I will be watching the sh*t out of this. I do have one issue, though. I feel like the actress portraying ANS would be better suited for a Jennie Garth biopic. amiright?

DAMMIT, KELLY! STOP MAKING IT ALL ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME!




Pin It

Adrienne Maloof Dons Her Best Freakum Onesie

Hey guys, remember that time that Real Housewives of Beverly Hill's Adrienne Maloof was 51 years old? Probably. Okay, then remember when SHE forgot?

Holy effin' kitten mittens, that's a lot of errrything happening in one tiiiny piece o' cloth. Lettuce take a wee bit closer look.

Well that was a huge mistake.

 

Now, let me be clear. I'm not just being a Judgy McBFace because I'm a terrible prude. I've had my own major days o' ho dress, myself.

This way my standard (obviously) garb for my late teens/early twenties. BUT, there' a time to leave that Bebe peek-a-boo/sheer/high-waisted/hot pantsed/koala bear face (it's my new name for extreme camel toe) inducing romper on the clearance rack, Maloof. AND THAT TIME IS NOW.

Hold for applause....

Good day.

AM pics via celebitchy

Pin It

ET Should Probably Go Home.

I'll give a Fruit by the Foot to any b that can make it through this video. Not a Fruit Roll Up. What am I, effin' made of money? I'll throw in a pack of gusher to anyone that can send out a memo on what's up with that mouth situation. Mr. Bubble? Anyone?

Pin It