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Showing posts with label Go Away. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Go Away. Show all posts

Monday, October 7, 2013

6 Things I'm BEGGING You Not To Be This Halloween

I motherf*cking LOVE Halloween. Anytime you get to wear a costume, wig, and an ish ton of makeup without having a million judgement eyes on your ass is a great day in my nothing-is-too-much book. But with every upcoming H-ween deal comes the bad -- those horrible costumes that were created probably just to eff with my brain region. Here are my worst list, in no specific order. Please, please don't wear these bullsh*t monstrosities.

#1 - A Sexy Male Kid's Cartoon Icon.
via yandy.com (obvs)
You guys, is NOTHING sacred? No one wants to see a slutty version of the first cartoon they ever saw, before they were even potty trained. It's weird. And uncomfortable. For every b on the block. Plus, you will probably be sued by Disney if you wear this sh*t. It's not worth all that. Stick to slutty Mr. Rogers, it's much sexier.






 #2 - A Beer Pong Table...But Sexy.


via halloweencostumes.com
I mean, really, what the eff is this all about? A vinyl minidress and a ping pong ball necklace does not a college table game make. Beer Pong Table Costume, you are so dumb.

#3 - Whatever The Eff This Thing Is.

via yandy.com
WHAT IS THIS? No, seriously, tell me. If it's an octopus (don't make a lady part joke) costume, why are there roughly 10,000 tentacles on this b*tch? It defies even sexy logic. Go away.

#4 - Weird Food Sh*t, But Sexy. OBVIOUSLY.
via buycostumes.com
I love sriracha sauce. It's delicious. But that doesn't make me want to pull on some nude fishnets and a pointy dispenser-shaped chapeau and call it a costume. Somebody had a surplus of sexy ketchup bottle costumes from last year. Burn them all.

(Dis)Honorable Mention: A Sexy Banana With a Psuedo Ween.
via buycostumes.com
WHY WOULD ANYONE WEAR THIS? It doesn't even look like a friggin' banana, and the hang-y down thing creates the appearance of junk. Stop the insanity.

 #5 - Just A Lacy Bodysuit With Some Ears Hastily Thrown On.
via forplaycatalog.com
Please use one iota of creativity in costume creation, instead of going for the Mean Girls method of costuming.


Black lace bodysuits are best left for goth strippers (AKA my dream job) and not boring ass Halloween ideas.


#6 - ANYTHING Miley Cyrus Related.
via lookhuman.com
NO MILEY CYRUS COSTUMES THIS YEAR, in any capacity. My nonsense tanks are filled well past their limits with the Cyrus family, and I will cut you if you do this mess. I can hardly even look at a mullet lately, which breaks Billy Ray's achy breaky heart.


What costumes are you guys dreading placing your eyeballs on this year? Let's hash that sh*t out.



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Tuesday, June 4, 2013

LEAVE JUSTIN BIEBER ALONE! HE JUST WANTS TO WATCH THE SPORTS LIKE A REGULAR!

HAHAHAHA. No, he doesn't. He wants to be a super pain in the ass, duh squared.


Oh, Biebs. When will you stop with this tom foolery? YOU AREN'T EVEN PRETENDING TO ENJOY YOURSELF. If you are going to bring a police officer and a giant bodyguard (where the eff is Kevin Costner?!?) to a basketball game, and be a total c block of people actually being able to watch said game, the least you can do it put on a fake ass smile and pretend your silly ass wants to be there. Kind of like what I have to do when one of your songs come on. It's just polite.


Now, let's talk about whose 1998 tricked out Camaro seats you had to skin to get that shirt. SOMEBODY loves tigers, you guys. That tattoo is about to bite off your areola, boo. I won't even mention that stone-washed hat, because I can't even see it. It's dead to me.


We're done here. I couldn't even fully enjoy looking at this picture of David Beckham, who was also there.


Okay, yes, I could. What a relief. My eyeballs aren't broken.



all pics via daily mail


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Monday, November 26, 2012

GUUUUUURL of the Day: This Dude.


I'm sure that you guys recognize this super overly used meme. It's a dude the internets have dubbed "Scumbag Steve." To most, he's just a douchey-looking douche that helps spread more douche, but The Boston Globe actually found this guy, and interviewed him. Please watch the following video, and have the terrible realization that memes are total life truth bombs.



Life imitating art? I can't even with this guy. I'm just going to put this out there -- if you wear a shirt with your own face emblazoned on it, then you are the worst. And if any of you even attempt to listen to this guy's raps, even ironically, I swear on everything I love (so pretty much baby koalas), that I will disconnect your internet. Even dial up. Even free AOL trial disks. I will smash the sh*t out of them.
via 90210gifs
 I'd rather listen to a David Silver's greatest DJ hits, with cameos by Donna's V05 Hot Oil Treament-needing hair than hear that mess ever again.

via buzzfeed
P.S. My apologies on the auto-play deal on the video. I don't know how to change that crap, I'm not freaking Doogie Howser. I owe you a delicious soft serve ice cream cone.





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