This Is Not A Drill: JAMES FRANCO IS REMAKING 'MOTHER, MAY I SLEEP WITH DANGER'

In the best thing you've ever heard in your life news (no, Koala Yummies aren't coming back), Vulture has just reported that the possible/questionable/it's-just-a-vibe-I-get douche James Franco will be remaking everyone on the planet's favorite movie, Mother, May I Sleep With Danger. Merry Christmas, Happy (belated) Hanukkah, and Happy (early) Kwanzaa.

In even better news, TORI SPELLING MIGHT BE PLAYING THE MOTHER.

This person.

You know, this human being.

The person that's always keeping it 100 on the streets. Totally real. (Tor-tally Real?™)

Just stays keeping it all the way real.

Speaking of real talk, I have this shirt. Bye forever. Or until MMISWD reboot is presented to my eyeballs.

Be honest -- is today the most exciting day of your life? If you say no, I don't even know you.








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A Scene From The Saved By The Bell Lifetime Movie Is Here, And It's The Best Worst Thing Ever

YOU GUYS. It's almost time for the masterpiece that is The Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Story (cool name, dude) to be thrust upon our souls. (It comes on September 1, so clear your MF-ing palm pilots for that day, YOU'RE BUSY.)

If this sneak-peek is any indicator of the class of film that we have in store, we are in for a massive-ass treat. This shit looks terrible. But that should come as no surprise, because the "movie" is somewhat based on Dustin Diamond's book that he wrote about his experiences on the show. And if you've ever seen anything from real-life Screech Powers, he's kind of known to be (ALLEGEDLY) a pretty tool-y tool.

Side-stepping those issues, who are these actors? I feel like Napoleon Dynamite might have been the casting director. Here's a dramatic recreation of how I think casting went:

Casting person/director/I don't know these things: "Hey, assistant person, I need for you to find any group of four white people, an African American person and a Hispanic person. Doesn't matter who. Oh, and grab some blonde hair dye, an eyebrow pencil and as many pairs of pleated pants as you can find. And if they still make those bendy hair roller things, get some of those. 

Assistant person:
 

Aaaaaaand scene.

All of those things being said, I can't wait to watch the shit out of this. Assistant, bring me my Filofax so I can set it aflame to clear my schedule forever and ever.



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YOU GUYS, the Trailer for the Anna Nicole Lifetime Movie is Here.

Remember that time a bajillion years ago when I told you that Lifetime was making an Anna Nicole Smith movie, and I created a fake cast? Well, that ish is on the brink of its premiere (it's on the 29th), and Lifetime used exactly ZERO of my ideas.

But, whatever, I'm totally not mad. Anyway, here's the trailer for this mess.



Clearly, I will be watching the sh*t out of this. I do have one issue, though. I feel like the actress portraying ANS would be better suited for a Jennie Garth biopic. amiright?

DAMMIT, KELLY! STOP MAKING IT ALL ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME!




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The Day I Have Been Waiting for: My Beauty Interview With Hot Stoddy!

Pic via Courtney Stodden

If you guys have been reading this blog for any time at all, you know that I have a slight obsession with Courtney Stodden. And now that I have a tiny bit of street cred, you know that the first thing I wanted to do was try to get an interview with my favorite homegirl.

And she actually agreed. I know, right? So, I now present to you, a beauty interview with Courtney Stodden...

Q: Eeeek! I'm so excited to be interviewing you. I'm somewhat obsessed with you. But I'll try to keep it professional up in this piece. Do you have a number one favorite beauty product of all time?

A: The pleasure is all mine. My favorite beauty product would have to be my self tanning micro mist by Sun Laboratories. It gives you a beautiful sun-kissed glow, easy to use and best of all it's animal cruelty free which is extremely important to me.

 Blogger's Note: Um, who else has two thumbs and loves to self tan? (Spoiler alert: This girl!)

Q: It takes me roughly a million years to get ready every day. There are so many steps to being girly! You look like you like to get pretty glammed up on the regular. How long does it take you to get ready?

A: Depends what is on my agenda for the day. If I am just hanging around the house, not doing too much ... it takes me about a half an hour of time to shower. But, if there is a photo shoot that I need to be at or simply just going out for the evening, I'd say roughly around 2 1/2 hours.

Q: How about perfume? Do you have a favorite? Or  what do you like to smell like? (I like to smell like sugar cookies, like any normal, 31 year old woman.)

A: I'm in love with Pink Sugar perfume - smells just like candy. Just squirt yourself with some of that stuff and you'll have every guy wanting a taste, haha.

Blogger's Note: Pink Sugar is my favorite. I want to bathe in that mess.

Q: I'm always looking for a new shampoo and conditioner combo. Is there one that you just LOVE?

A: I am currently using Redken shampoo & conditioner for blondes. It does the job nicely.

Q: One final question: How many pairs of lucite heels do you have? Is it like one favorite pair? Or a million different ones? Oh, and is your foot better?

A: I couldn't have enough 8in heels in my closet! And yes, my foot is feeling much better ... thank you for asking! xo

Blogger's Note: I also am a fan of very high heels. I'm feeling a BFF vibe. Anyone else? No, just me?

Okay, I will go back to obsessing over the enigma that is C. Stodd from afar, and stop creeping her out.

Thanks so much to Courtney for allowing be to be weird with her!



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I'm Not Young, and I'm Hardly Adult...But I'm So Pumped Over 'Hunger Games'!

This is completely unrelated, but the title of this post forced my brain to go here...



Don't act like your grown ass didn't just sit here and watch that entire video. And don't act like Britney wasn't super hot then! Blerg!

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Are you guys into The Hunger Games? Or you all, "Hello...That's a Young Adult series, and I am grown and sexy!" (P.S. If you really did just think that, Mom, stop reading this blog and go back to reading How Stella Got Her Groove Back.) If you aren't on the H.G. train yet, you better hop the hell on, b! The movie of the first book comes out in March, and the buzz keeps building. Adding to the fabulousity is the newly created Capitol Couture site, which shows off the hottest H.G. fashions, starting with ol' Effie Trinket. (Duh.)

Ugh! How much are you dying right now??? Hopefully we will get more sneak peeks as we get closer to the release of the movie. But now, I have to go powder my face (literally) and get a pink wig. (Yay for two semi-Britney Spears references in one completely unrelated post!)


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