Thursday, May 8, 2014

TGIMF(Almost)F! Let's Get Down With This Jam.



Sometimes you just have to jam the eff out, because it's (soon to be) Friday night and you feel alright. So you put on your super-slimming, black Mandarin collared shit shirt, fluff your hair bang wave and hit the town in downtown(ish) Minneapolis, or wherever. Major. Nothing says Friday night jam sesh like everything that happens after 1:11 in this video.


I would polish this dude's Napoleon Dynamite spectacles all night long. Take me away to Oasis Karaoke, mofos!






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Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

this looks disgusting but it was amazing

This month for Allure, I get back to my roots, and talk about glorious food. I'm pairing up your favorite snack with an inspired beauty look. Check it out here.



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Sunday, May 4, 2014

BREAKING NEWS: Adam Levine Now Has Gwen Stefani Hair

via AL's twitter
No, this ain't no hollaback girl, sadly, it's Adam Levine and his new head rug. Yeezus, take the wheel. After resting my eyeballs on this, I think that we can all now officially calm our tits on the great debate over whether Adam Levine is hot in a skeeze way or not. This cat's face speaks volumes on the "Would you still?" topic. You can just feel the "eff no" in the windows to his soul.


It seems like when AL bleached his hair to Courtney Stodden on the color scale, and it really brought out the douche in his bone structure. What makes it worse is that he's totally got his "I look super hot right now" face on in the picture, but for me it's reading more "I live in a basement with mannequins."


What do you guys think? Am I being a super bitch? Is this actually hot? Tell how me to live.



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Thursday, May 1, 2014

GUUUUUURL Of The Day: The Topless Fire Bro



There was a big ass fire burning near an LA-area neighborhood today, so of course the news was there to report on it, wearing their let's-pretend-we're-on-the-Weather-Channel serious outdoor jacket finery. But an absurdly large rain coat and windy day half-pony do not a "GUUUUUURL Of The Day" make. Oh, no. That accomplishment could only be obtained by the shining star that is this dude, who was so douchey that his dog asked for his face to be obscured out of sheer horror and shame.


Not only does this shirtless, snapback-ed wonder ask out a random stranger on live TV, in what seems to be at least an orange on the dangerous encounters scale, but he also opines that the fire is "pretty cool." SIR. GO HOME. We've had just about enough of your bullshit for today.

via realitytvgifs
Sorry, dudes. This b-hole ruined it for everyone. This is why you can't have nice things.


via buzzfeed

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Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Our Rude Prayers Have Been Answered: Prince Hot Harry Is Single

pic via eonline
Good news/kind of shitty news, guys. The sexual beast that is Prince Harry (Is that illegal to say about a royally-blooded mofo?) broke up with his scrunchie-loving homegirl Cressida Bonas. Good for you single young bloods: you've still got a chance! But bad news: I really liked this girl. Here's why I'm really into her --
  • She's almost always wearing a scrunchie.
  • She has the beautiful hair that looks like she washes it with pee or apple jam, or something.
  • She's not fancy and uptight. You know that the Queen never even let her absolutely worst hat be in the same room with this chick.
  • Her name is Cressida Bonas, which kind of sounds like Croissant Boners.
I'm just scared that PH is going to date some boring, bland bitch next. Like someone with Avian Bone Syndrome, or some bullshit. I'm not okay with that. At all.


Also, HOW WILL THEY SPLIT THE SCRUNCHIE COLLECTION? HOW, I SAY?!?


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Snitching On My New Favorite Hair Stuffs

Last week I broke it down about my terrible skin probs, and this week I'm kicking it to another problem area -- my thirsty hair. I have really, really fine hair, so the longer it gets the more of a basic, annoying b it becomes. My natural hair (I'm almost always wearing clip-in weave) it at that bra strap-level point now, so it's starting to rebel like a 13 year old girl and get all tangle-y and unmanageable.

Luckily, I have found a couple of products that have made my hair life immensely easier, and kept me from having constant tumble weed head.

Keracolor Purify Plus & my shitty water
My first new buddy is really kind of badass. The peeps at Keracolor sent me their new product called Purify Plus, which takes all of the shitty stuff in your water, like chlorine and trace minerals, and kicks it to the curb, like it's 1997. Okay, so it really neutralizes the impurities, or something more scientific, but you know what I mean. And with the spray came a little kit for me to test my water for all of that badness, which made me be all:


So I put some of my crap water (not literally, don't be sick) in the tube, then put some of the science drops (I have no idea what they were) in the water tube thing. If there's chlorine in the water, the drops turn it ol' yeller.


Uh oh, it's looking a little pee lite. That ain't good, man. Chlorine is kind of a c-block to banging hair, causing funky color changes and brittleness, and homie don't play that. The next part of this mini experiment was to add the Purify Plus to the water.


Annnnd buh-bye yellow times! Mr. Wizard would be really proud of me. Or maybe yell at me a little.

Here's the low down: I've been using the spray for a few weeks now, and I'm completely into it. I don't really know what my hair/hair color would look like without it at this point, because I use it every day. I'M PROTECTING MYSELF BEFORE I WRECK MYSELF. It's also really lightweight, but as moisturizing as a light leave-in conditioner. So you can totally use it in conjunction with your other hair prods as you wish, Buttercup.

Keracolor Purity Plus is a salon-only kind of deal and will run you $20, so contact them here to see where you can cop your own bottle, AND PROTECT YO' SELF.


My next new hair baby daddy's daddy is something that I had heard rumblings about on the beauty streets, but didn't understand what the fuss was all about. I'm the type that, typically, gives zero effs about a hair brush. I could use a Barbie brush or a dinglehopper, for all I care.

But like I said earlier, the longer my hair is, the more of a pain in the ass it becomes, and when it gets to its current length, it gets really hard to brush through. Even with a wide tooth comb. Or wide-set fingers. So I decided to give into the rumors, and buy a Wet Brush.

The Wet Brush (Sally's, $7.99)
I was expecting this puppy to be way over-hyped, but I was a wrong, wrong bitch. This brush is a friggin' miracle worker. It glides through my tangled, wet hair with the greatest of ease. It brushes through the knots that I get at the base of my head in less than zero seconds. A tiny sorcerer might live inside this thing. I don't really know, and I can't really be bothered, but I'm obsessed.

What new hair products are you guys into? What are all the kids doing these days, besides that chapstick on the eyelids business?





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Monday, April 28, 2014

I'm Too Old For This World Music Monday: Cody Simpson's "Surfboard"



I don't know who this kid is. If I was forced to wager a guess, I would say that it's the test tube creation of Spencer Pratt and Puck from Real World: San Francisco. But, I do know that the video vixen (Are the kids still saying that? No? Where's Nelly?) is Yolanda's daughter, of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fame. So there, mf-ers! I've only got one foot in the oldie grave!

Is this a complete song derived from that one lyric in Beyoncé's song? Is that how we're coming up with content now? I didn't know that I could take a line from, like, "Who Let the Dogs Out" and just make a whole song about it. Seems kind of shitty in terms of songwriting, but what do I know? Not much.


Also, are we just putting all songs inside of one song now? Or did I just listen to this baby Max Headroom's entire album smooshed together in a three minute bundle?

Help me children, WHAT IS ALL OF THIS?

Love,
Gam Gam Shan


P.S. Send more Werther's.







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