Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

this looks disgusting but it was amazing

This month for Allure, I get back to my roots, and talk about glorious food. I'm pairing up your favorite snack with an inspired beauty look. Check it out here.



Pin It

BREAKING NEWS: Adam Levine Now Has Gwen Stefani Hair

via AL's twitter

No, this ain't no hollaback girl, sadly, it's Adam Levine and his new head rug. Yeezus, take the wheel. After resting my eyeballs on this, I think that we can all now officially calm our tits on the great debate over whether Adam Levine is hot in a skeeze way or not. This cat's face speaks volumes on the "Would you still?" topic. You can just feel the "eff no" in the windows to his soul.

It seems like when AL bleached his hair to Courtney Stodden on the color scale, and it really brought out the douche in his bone structure. What makes it worse is that he's totally got his "I look super hot right now" face on in the picture, but for me it's reading more "I live in a basement with mannequins."

What do you guys think? Am I being a super bitch? Is this actually hot? Tell how me to live.



Pin It

GUUUUUURL Of The Day: The Topless Fire Bro

There was a big ass fire burning near an LA-area neighborhood today, so of course the news was there to report on it, wearing their let's-pretend-we're-on-the-Weather-Channel serious outdoor jacket finery. But an absurdly large rain coat and windy day half-pony do not a "GUUUUUURL Of The Day" make. Oh, no. That accomplishment could only be obtained by the shining star that is this dude, who was so douchey that his dog asked for his face to be obscured out of sheer horror and shame.

Not only does this shirtless, snapback-ed wonder ask out a random stranger on live TV, in what seems to be at least an orange on the dangerous encounters scale, but he also opines that the fire is "pretty cool." SIR. GO HOME. We've had just about enough of your bullshit for today.

via realitytvgifs

Sorry, dudes. This b-hole ruined it for everyone. This is why you can't have nice things.


via buzzfeed

Pin It

Our Rude Prayers Have Been Answered: Prince Hot Harry Is Single

pic via eonline

Good news/kind of shitty news, guys. The sexual beast that is Prince Harry (Is that illegal to say about a royally-blooded mofo?) broke up with his scrunchie-loving homegirl Cressida Bonas. Good for you single young bloods: you've still got a chance! But bad news: I really liked this girl. Here's why I'm really into her --

• She's almost always wearing a scrunchie.
• She has the beautiful hair that looks like she washes it with pee or apple jam, or something.
• She's not fancy and uptight. You know that the Queen never even let her absolutely worst hat be in the same room with this chick.
• Her name is Cressida Bonas, which kind of sounds like Croissant Boners.

I'm just scared that PH is going to date some boring, bland bitch next. Like someone with Avian Bone Syndrome, or some bullshit. I'm not okay with that. At all.

Also, HOW WILL THEY SPLIT THE SCRUNCHIE COLLECTION? HOW, I SAY?!?


Pin It

Snitching On My New Favorite Hair Stuffs

Last week I broke it down about my terrible skin probs, and this week I'm kicking it to another problem area -- my thirsty hair. I have really, really fine hair, so the longer it gets the more of a basic, annoying b it becomes. My natural hair (I'm almost always wearing clip-in weave) it at that bra strap-level point now, so it's starting to rebel like a 13 year old girl and get all tangle-y and unmanageable.

Luckily, I have found a couple of products that have made my hair life immensely easier, and kept me from having constant tumble weed head.

Keracolor Purify Plus & my shitty water

My first new buddy is really kind of badass. The peeps at Keracolor sent me their new product called Purify Plus, which takes all of the shitty stuff in your water, like chlorine and trace minerals, and kicks it to the curb, like it's 1997. Okay, so it really neutralizes the impurities, or something more scientific, but you know what I mean. And with the spray came a little kit for me to test my water for all of that badness, which made me be all:

So I put some of my crap water (not literally, don't be sick) in the tube, then put some of the science drops (I have no idea what they were) in the water tube thing. If there's chlorine in the water, the drops turn it ol' yeller.

Uh oh, it's looking a little pee lite. That ain't good, man. Chlorine is kind of a c-block to banging hair, causing funky color changes and brittleness, and homie don't play that. The next part of this mini experiment was to add the Purify Plus to the water.

Annnnd buh-bye yellow times! Mr. Wizard would be really proud of me. Or maybe yell at me a little.

Here's the low down: I've been using the spray for a few weeks now, and I'm completely into it. I don't really know what my hair/hair color would look like without it at this point, because I use it every day. I'M PROTECTING MYSELF BEFORE I WRECK MYSELF. It's also really lightweight, but as moisturizing as a light leave-in conditioner. So you can totally use it in conjunction with your other hair prods as you wish, Buttercup.

Keracolor Purity Plus is a salon-only kind of deal and will run you $20, so contact them here to see where you can cop your own bottle, AND PROTECT YO' SELF.

My next new hair baby daddy's daddy is something that I had heard rumblings about on the beauty streets, but didn't understand what the fuss was all about. I'm the type that, typically, gives zero effs about a hair brush. I could use a Barbie brush or a dinglehopper, for all I care.

But like I said earlier, the longer my hair is, the more of a pain in the ass it becomes, and when it gets to its current length, it gets really hard to brush through. Even with a wide tooth comb. Or wide-set fingers. So I decided to give into the rumors, and buy a Wet Brush.

The Wet Brush (Sally's, $7.99)

I was expecting this puppy to be way over-hyped, but I was a wrong, wrong bitch. This brush is a friggin' miracle worker. It glides through my tangled, wet hair with the greatest of ease. It brushes through the knots that I get at the base of my head in less than zero seconds. A tiny sorcerer might live inside this thing. I don't really know, and I can't really be bothered, but I'm obsessed.

What new hair products are you guys into? What are all the kids doing these days, besides that chapstick on the eyelids business?

Pin It

I'm Too Old For This World Music Monday: Cody Simpson's "Surfboard"

I don't know who this kid is. If I was forced to wager a guess, I would say that it's the test tube creation of Spencer Pratt and Puck from Real World: San Francisco. But, I do know that the video vixen (Are the kids still saying that? No? Where's Nelly?) is Yolanda's daughter, of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills fame. So there, mf-ers! I've only got one foot in the oldie grave!

Is this a complete song derived from that one lyric in Beyoncé's song? Is that how we're coming up with content now? I didn't know that I could take a line from, like, "Who Let the Dogs Out" and just make a whole song about it. Seems kind of shitty in terms of songwriting, but what do I know? Not much.

Also, are we just putting all songs inside of one song now? Or did I just listen to this baby Max Headroom's entire album smooshed together in a three minute bundle?

Help me children, WHAT IS ALL OF THIS?

Love,
Gam Gam Shan

P.S. Send more Werther's.







Pin It

SMMFS (Save My Mutha F@*&%#$ Skin)

I have not been shy with you about my long, storied past (and present) skin issues. I've had bad skin for 20 dumb years now, and there seem to be no signs of stopping this beastly trainwreck. It's not cute. No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom album could have been named after the topography of my skin. (Or a play on words with Magic Kingdom, but whatever.)

Most of my issues have always surrounded acne, and it's bitch cousin, acne scarring. I've become well-versed in that crap. But since I moved to Phoenix six months ago, I have encountered new and uncharted territory. MY SKIN HAS ALSO BECOME MATURE-LOOKING AND DEHYDRATED in this lack of humidity/sun-heavy ecosystem blah blah. What. The. Eff. Am I going to have to move into a Bio-dome? Luckily, I don't venture out much.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

So now my skin life revolves around not only acne (which was off the mf-ing chain for my first five months here), but also dry weirdness and boring wrinkles. I've had just about enough of this bullshit, skin gods. Yeezus, save me. 

Kanye must have rubbed the legs of his leather sweatpants together in a certain way for me, because I have found a routine that has made my skin much, much better than it's been since I moved. If you find yourself with any of the laundry list of skin issues that I've listed above, travel along this skin brick road with me to see what's up. (Okay, that was too much and not normal. I've been watching too much Hannibal.)

Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream: Intense Hydration 

Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream: Intense Hydation (Kiehl's, $26.50)

When I started noticing the extreme dehydration of my face happening, I reached out to my Kiehl's peeps and begged them for help. They sent me the Kiehl's Ultra Facial Cream Intense Hydration to try, and it has helped so, so much. I really wanted to try this cream because it was "torture-tested" by Kiehl's, in a study in the hottest and driest city in the country...Phoenix. WHERE I LIVE. And what did the test (and my face) find? That 97% of subjects showed a reduction in visible skin dryness by 30% in just 7 days. 

Here's the bottom line on this stuff: it's the perfect night-time cream for me. It doles out a ton of lasting moisture, without being heavy. It's too much for my skin for a daytime deal, because I'm still ALSO OILY. Yes, karma is a bitch. Or something. But if you're a drier skin-type this will be great for you, regardless of what time it says it is on your cuckoo clock.

tarte Maracuja Bronzing Serum

tarte Maracuja Bronzing Serum (Sephora, $47)

Speaking of daytime face stuffs, this is heaven in a shimmery bottle. I've been completely hooked on it, ever since tarte sent it to me with all of those amazing lip glosses a few weeks ago. It's not really the texture of the regular Maracuja Oil, which is also great, but it really dries to more of a matte finish that I can totally wear under makeup/sunscreen items during the day.

But besides having all of that good good junk for your mug in it, there's also a dab o' sunless tanner in the Maracuja Bronzing Serum. Just a little touch of tan. Nothing insane. You can sign my ass up forever and ever.

Clearogen 

Clearogen Acne Treatment Set (Sephora, $39.50)

I won't go on and on about Clearogen again, but I credit this stuff for finally keeping my ridiculously over-the-top breakouts in check. My skin is made of complete bullshit, and this really is the only thing that keeps me from looking like a total monster. 

I love this stuff so much that I cannot go one day without it. If fact, BRB (in AOL IM lingo), I have to go buy some more of the Acne Lotion. I WILL NOT let my face get crazy again.

 Pixi Glow Tonic

pixi Glow Tonic (pixi, $29)

I love a great toner, and this is a total bad b of a toner. It's probably made from finely pressed True Blood fairy wings, but I don't even care. (Okay, okay. It really has stuff like Glycolic Acid, Ginseng and Aloe Vera.) It exfoliates my skin and leaves it soft and buttery. 

Pixi Glow Tonic is like a refreshing alcoholic drink on a hot, disgusting day. But, you know, on your face. With an tiny umbrella. But no maraschino cherries. Those are sick.

Adovia Dead Sea Mud Soap

Adovia Dead Sea Mud Soap (Cleopatra's Choice, $11)

I bought this soap on a whim one day when I fell down a scary rabbit hole of internet beauty product shopping. One of those deals that you don't even know how you ended up somewhere, and you're just buying random shit that seems like it might work.

Well, weirdly enough, this Adovia Dead Sea Mud Soap happens to do it for me. It's one of those cleansing bars that really feels like it's getting all up in there and kicking gross stuff's ass and taking names. This would be a terrible life choice for people with dry skin, though. Proceed with caution.

Do you have a favorite skin care product? What do you swear by? TELL ME EVERYTHING.



Pin It