Weekend Update: Justin Timberlake Totally Got the Color Me Badd Haircut.

I mean, seriously, bro, could you LOOK anymore like this dude? (Chandler Bing voice.)

No, not shoulder-padded-not-really-cute-enough-to-be-in-Milli-Vanili, and not Kenny-G-stole-the-suit-from-The-Mask. Not even Hoops McPosing4mylyfe. I'm talking the Ozzy Obsourne eyewear thief in the back. The only difference is C.M.B. dude's brows are tweezed thinner than Kate Moss' ass in the 90's.

Exhibit B:



I rest my case on that sh*t. And the worst part is, this isn't even JT's most unfortunate haircut.

Never forget.

RIP doucherows and the weirdest rectangular brows I've ever seen.

Peace be with you, Little Orphan Annie hair.

And, of course,  a big l'chaim to the Ellen-with-a-spiral-perm days. I just feel bad for the b*tch that has to hair wrangle the ish of that mop and flat iron and pomade ever piece to death.

Next time, just get "the Rachel," champ.



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Karate Moves So Sweet That They Can Demolish Buildings (Set to Faux Backstreet Boys Tunes)

You guys, coochie cutters can really bring the heat, when necessary, because this dude is straight killin' it with his kuh-rat-tay. Here's the apparent story behind this hot damn mess (via YouTube):

So here's the story... For those of you from Southern Ontario, it's likely that you went to Canada's Wonderland in Toronto during the late 90's/early 2000's in the Summertime. I have very fond memories of the roller coasters, waterpark and food at the amusement park. One year, I went with some friends and we came across the new video karaoke; essentially, you pay them some money and they create a blue screen video of you and your friends singing a song. They would broadcast the song, including the videos of whoever was singing at the time, on the outside of the building.They had all the hits at the time, including a number of songs by the Backstreet Boys. While I never had the guts to go in and sing something, we happened to be outside the place when this guy went in for his solo. The park staff were stunned, and my friends and I were on the ground crying with laughter! Needless to say, I wanted this video, and the staff were kind enough to oblige. I spent the rest of my spending money for the day on the VHS copy of his performance, and to this day, I still consider it money well spent. It's been hiding in a box in my basement for years, and today, I converted it to digital. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you WTF Backstreet's Back. Enjoy!

Dammit, if time machines ever get invented, I'm setting it to 1999 so I can totally creep on this Danielson.

Werk that locker key, boo.



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I've Been Hoarding an Awesome Eyeshadow Palette Like a Total B Face.

When I tell you guys that I'm the worst, I'm not just being hyperbolic. Like, I am literally the worst at all things. I've had a really badass eyeshadow palette for like two months, and using it on the reg, like almost every day, and I haven't said sh*t. And that's like my job(ish).

But, LOOK. I'm trying to fix it. So let me effin' do this already.

Smashbox's Photo Op Eyeshadow Palette in Softbox II, $39

When Smashbox sent me their Photo Op Palette in Softbox II a while back, I knew it would be my jam immediately. It's a great mix of matte shadows and shimmery ish, and it's neutral, so my old ass won't look like a damn tween. (Not that there's anything wrong with being a tween. Or a twink. I'm just jealous that I'm not either.)

Here's a sh*tty-ish up close look at the colors. I literally like them all, which is super rare for me when it comes to palettes. I'm usually meh-ing the f*ck out over at least a couple of them. In my "everyday eye" look I've got happening above, I'm using all of the shadows but juniper. I have bare as my base shadow/under the brow deal. I used truffle from the crease to the lash line, then sumatra under my eye and in the crease. I then blended it out a little with russet. I finished by using a little sandstorm in the inner corner and inner lid. It's a pretty natural look, and a touch smoky. But not in a too slutty for daytime kind of deal.

Bottom line -- bee's knees, cat's pajamas, giraffe's fishnet stockings, butterfly's fancy hat, this palette is the sh*t. You can ch-ch-check it out for your own damn self here.



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True Blood Musings: Errrybody's Effed

You guys know how I felt about the first few episodes of TB this season.

Luckily, it HAS gotten better. Now I'm a little more like this.

I won't spoil it for you peeps that haven't watched, but serious ish-nay went on this week. Jump with me, and let's talk about it.


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BREAKING NEWS: Beyonce Tries Normaling, Shops at Target.

Some mofos with Twitter accounts totally caught Yonnie scoping out the 30% Xhilaration bangles, or whatever.

via twitter

via twitter

PleasebeSolangeinawig. PleasebeSolangeinawig.

Here's the thing, guys. If I had a drop of the bajillions that the Yonn-Z family has, I would never shop at Target. I wouldn't even leave my house.

I would have mini unicorns with wings of Monarch butterflies created for me to bring me such plebeian things as Dawn dish detergent. If any of my foots even touched a Target floor, it would immediately sear off in normal person germs. But, sadly for me in my actual life, going to Target is a luxury afforded for times like when I win the grand prize on Supermarket Sweep.

GET ALL THE HAMS, B. ALL THE HAMS. Well, I'll see you guys at CVS, shopping with only Extra Care Bucks like it's Monopoly money.



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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via realitytvgifs

This week for Allure, my love and hours spent watching trash TV all pay off with "Beauty Lessons I've Learned From Watching Way Too Much Reality TV." Go check it out here.



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Trash Box Nail Tutorials: Glitter Sand Art Edition

Did you guys ever have on of these sand/glitter deals as a kid?

You would flip it over, and then the sand/glitter mixture would move around and make another boring formation. It was one of those things that was half cool to look at and half thing that your parents bought to shut you up.

Well, today's nail idea is based on these boringly badass art memorabilia.

SOMEWHAT similar, right? Oh, who the eff knows. I literally made this sh*t up five minutes ago. If you happen to want to try this quasi-nail art look yourself, here's what you'll need.

Three glittery nail polishes. I chose Dimepiece and Stun from Floss Gloss, because I effing love the kids, and Follow Me on Glitter from Nicole by OPI from the Kardashian Kollection because I really, really hate myself. Let us never speak of me buying anything Kardashian-related ever again, mmmmkay?

Here's what you do:

Step One -- Paint on the first color about halfway up your nail.

Step Two -- (There's so much we can do. P.S. If you don't click on that link and watch it in its entirety, I hate you.) Paint the second color slightly overlapping the first, and almost to the tip of your nail.

Step Three -- Take the third color, overlap a little with color two, and to the end of the nail.

Step Four -- Take color number one and blur the edges between the first two colors, so it's not a straight, blah ass border between. DONE!

The best way to get an opaque glitter look with one shot with this sh*t is to lay the brush flat on your nail and glob it on. This is a textured look, so you don't want it to be perfect. Go ahead, eff it up a little.

Easiest. Nail. (Kinda) art. EVA.



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