Random Homies: I'm Upping My Eyebrow Game With Billion Dollar Brows.

Hi, my name is Shannon, and I'm obsessed with eyebrows. But if you guys have read, like, ANYTHING I've ever written then you already know that. So when Billion Dollar Brows sent me some products to add to my iron-clad brow ritual, I was pretty closed-minded on the whole thing. I have been using the same eyebrow pencil/powder combo for roughly 48 years, and I don't like to w around too much on that routine. I like what I like, mmmmkay?

top, sans pencil (duh), bottom, after using the universal brow pencil

I started out with the Universal Brow Pencil ($15), which is exactly what the name states -- the color blends with pretty much any eyebrow color, unless maybe if you have EXTREMELY light brows. It's a nice, ashy tone that's a lightish to medium brown color. Because lemme tell you, if you use an orangey/brassy pencil, you WILL look crazy. I promise. And I'm not really sure why it looks like I was punched in the eye in this picture, weird lighting does crazy things. (???)

They also sent over this little beaut, the Smudge Brush ($15), which I originally thought was just completely unnecessary. But using it to blend in the penciling really makes it look like 76% better than the pencil alone. I find myself using this em effer every day, which is pretty shocking, considering my high levels of laziness.

The other product I tried was the Brow Duo Pencil ($18), which is half concealer, half highlighter pencil. It's like a mermaid, but makes your eyebrows friggin' awesome. (Why can't I just be a mermaid with amazing ass eyebrows? Life is so unfair.) This pencil is the perfect little friend to carry in your purse to give your eyes a pick-me-up with a dab of highlighter under the brow or a swipe of concealer to mask any craziness that you might have happening on your mug. I wasn't sure if this puppy would be too creamy to work on my oily ass mess of a face, but it's totally awesome and non-gross. (I'm very scientific with this ish.)

Bottom line -- I've been using all of these b's on the reg, and giving my old eyebrow homies a rest. This stuff is as good as a juggling Dylan McKay...

via 90210gifs

And that's the good good. Check out everything that BDB has to offer here.




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Oh, Sh*t. GUUUUUURL of the LIFETIME, You Guys: This Guy.

Bill Dollear, just effing marry me, you son of a b. I have seriously NEVER laughed so hard at someone's lofty, broken ass dreams as I did just now. I am truly a heartless, cold b*tch, but this ish is hilarious. Sorry, Bill -- call me. You can hang your tarp in my garage/car port/rec room whenever you want. Oh, and I'm pregnant.

P.S. WHO THE EFF IS REPRESENTING THIS PERSON? HOW DOES THIS EXIST???

via reddit

UPDATE: If you can't get enough, and you are wearing Depends adult diapers and have some eye drops handy, please watch Gary Murphy. (B doesn't blink ONCE. Like, ever.) Oh, and language is NSFW on this one, because GARY IS A BOSS.



Okay, I'm done. I think I can be an actor.




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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Kanyeezy's Pseudo-Hero Mask

via buzzfeed

Dammit, West, what kind of nonsensical stupidity is happening here? You look like a milk man/priest/guy from Fat Albert hybrid.

Or like a kid on Halloween whose mom totally forgot that it was Halloween, because she works like three jobs (she's had some tough times), and then the kid is all, "MOOOOM, I don't even have a costume!" and she cuts a hole in the hat she's wearing and says it's a Spiderman costume. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure that you're holding your wenis like a corn cob. Can we just stop all of this sh*t, already? YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE SOMETHING'S FATHER.

Enough is a mother effin' nough.

P.S. This is why the world wants to collectively punch you.




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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week's Allure blog is all for you, beauty bloggers of the world. This is "Why You NEED to Enter the Allure Beauty Blogger Awards (Yes, You)."



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I Think It's Time to Talk Timberlake for a Minute.

via timmy's website

I've kept pretty effin' mum on JT for a long ass time. I didn't say sh*t about that rude ass wedding video, I haven't mentioned how Jessica Biel is irritating to me, I haven't even brought up the meeeeeehhhhh feeling that his new song bring me. (Is it two songs? Is it kind of super boring? I'm old and confused.) But THEN I came across the photos posted on Justin's website of his ass back in the studio, and realized that #1) he looks hot, and #2) his beard isn't very neck beard-y. I mean, amiright?

Not even a shade of this monstrosity in sight, which is completely newsworthy to my ass.

both photos via jt's website

A couple of other noteworthy things -- henleys are apparently the hot sauce to ol' JT, and Timbaland is back. Are we still doing the whole Timbaland thing? I guess Timbaland is to JT what Grumpy Cat is to me. Whatever floats it, I suppose.



I totally know where Justified is biting his style from, however. I watched Paris is Burning for the first time last night, and that henley is looking MIGHTY close to the one that Ken Pendavis is wearing at the 6:30 mark in this video. I see you, Timberlake.

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Why I Still Love Grumpy Cat, and I WILL NOT Stop the Effery.

She HATES cuddling. As do I -- get off my jock/personal space, other humans!

GC hates the outdoors. Being outside is TERRIBLE, you guys. It smells weird.

We both hate parties. TALKING TO ACTUAL PEOPLE?!? No.

She is NOT into grocery shopping. It's SO EFFING ANNOYING.

GC knows that being cold is SO GROSS.

We both know how HORRIBLE sports are. Why do people like this sh*t???

Are you guys sick of Grumpy Cat? Why can't I let her go? How do I move on with my life?

All photos via grumpycats.com.

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Random Homie: Mariah Carey's OPI Stay the Night from INPINK

My hands look like they're made from glittery moon rock, you guys, and I mean that ish in the best way possible. The nice people over at INPINK sent me a sample of the highly anticipated (in my heart) OPI/Mariah Carey callabo polish, Stay the Night ($9) and also a sassy little pave bracelet ($20), which I have been wearing the eff out of.

Now let's talk the polish. It's a black, matte polish with a pink glitter in it. And the finish is called sand, which means it dries to a sandpaper-type finish. It's seriously unlike any other nail product I've used. It's like a pumice stone, but glittery as sh*t. (Is that THE WORST description, ever?) You just need two coats of polish to get this sweet ass finish, but don't use a top coat because it's meant to look like SAND, hello. And I feel like the wear of the polish will be really long, because I've been wearing it for three days, and don't really have any chips. That's pretty unheard of for me, because I am hard as hell on my nails. They are like my own ten personal swiss army knives...that are attached to my hand.

See? It's still looking damn good, people. I'm totally into it. It makes me feel like this:

via mrhankey

 I really recommend this ish, if nothing more than it's different than anything I've ever tried before. Go visit the INPINK site to see all of the Mariah Carey/OPI possibilities. Hellllllooooo, moon fingers!




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