Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Help This B.

Uggggh. I am the most indecisive person in the world. I hate a commitment to anything, even hair color. So I need my home peeps to help me pick my next hair color. Here's somewhat what I currently look like:

Ignore my scrunchie. Or don't, and judge the eff out of me. So you get the idea. It's a darkish brown with some slightly lighter panels. Okay. So here's the thing -- I've had EVERY HAIR COLOR EVER.


I mean, AMIRIGHT? Here are my thoughts -- I really like this hair color. I have blocked the face of this young lady, because I don't even know who she is.


In my wildest fantasies, I want this:


But everyone that I've ever met is STRONGLY opposed to this choice. I hate everyone. OR should I stay pretty much on the hair path that I am currently on? This was the color inspiration for my current color:


I am, of course, open to other options. Help my annoying ass! I don't know what to do with my life!

P.S. Not that it really matters, but my real hair color is a dark, ashy blonde. It's horrendous.







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The Badass B List: Drugstore Cowboys

I have shared with you guys before that I'm a cheap ass b.  I love perusing the aisles of Target/CVS/Walgreens/Wherever the hell to see the newest drugstore wares available. I've been doing it since I was in college, which was roughly two years ago. (Shut up! I want to start lying about my age. I'm sick of being the Blanche of the group. I want to be the Brenda Walsh again. I want to go to Paris on Summer break!) Over all of these years I have found some old standby favorites, and have compiled them here for you.

Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair Serum 
drugstore.com, $19.99
I effing adore this stuff. As a beauty blogger (hoity toity ass), it's kind of my deal to try out a lot of different skin care dealios. They don't always work for my skin, which results in crazy breakouts and a hot, hot mess of a face. My life is very glamorous. But, I can always count on this stuff to bring my face back to normalcy. It's a little pricey for a drugstore item, but it's very reasonable for a retinol. Trust. And retinols are great for acne as well as wrinkles, so another sweet thing about this formula is that it's a serum, and not paired with some heavy ass cream that won't work for oily skin.

Sally Hershberger Supreme Lift Root Boost & Heat Protect
drugstore.com, about $11
Have ya' heard? My hair is fine and flat. Meh. I've tried almost one billion (I counted) volumizing products, and I feel like this one works the best. I apply it only at the roots, because it takes away shine, like all volumizers tend to do. And the hair stylist used this on my hair when I was a fancy lady and got my hair cut at the Sally Hershberger salon in NYC. So that means one thing: It's good, y'all.

Dr. Bronner's Peppermint Castille Soap
target, $16.99 for a BIG ASS bottle
 I'm kind of a hippie. I'm one of those annoying people that tries to eat only organic food, buy my food from a local hippie market, blah, blah, blah. That ish does not really mix well with beauty products a lot of times. So whenever I can, I try to use more natural-ish stuff. Dr. Bronner's is pretty much as natural as you can get when it comes to soap. I use it as a body wash and a shaving cream, but apparently you can even use it for toothpaste and cleaning your house and crap -- too much work. A little goes a long way with this stuff, and the peppermint is refreshing as hell. Just make sure you avoid your eyes and no no spots with extreme care. There's peppermint oil in that thurrr bottle.

L'Oreal Voluminous Mascara
target, SPECIAL HOLIDAY DUAL PACK!!! $8.99
This. B*tch. Seriously, I love this mascara (almost) as much as I love cake. And I know I have shared my love before, but I have been trying a friggin' myriad of brands and formulas over the past several months, and I always seem to come back to Voluminous. I put it millimeters under my ride or die b's, Diorshow and Lancome Hypnose. Voluminous is just so damn rich and thick and makes it look like you have the lushest of lashes. AND it's not crunchy when it dries. (I hate that mess.)

Rembrandt Deeply White Toothpaste
drustore.com, about $6
This toothpaste is about twice the price of a tube of Crest, or whatever, but the whitening power is so much greater. I am not CRAZY about using a non-natural toothpaste (hippie, again), but sometimes my vain ass overpowers my brain. And when it does, I use this toothpaste. Because the ish works. Period.

Seche Vite Top Coat
CVS, $8.99
Once again, this is a little pricier than a cheapo polish top coat. BUT. This stuff is freaking amazing. It's very thick, but not in a hard-to-apply kind of way. It's more of an almost acrylic looking nail that you are left with. And it's a fast drying top coat, so you don't have to sit on your ass of three hours waiting for your nails to dry. (That part is completely optional.)

That's it, boo boos! Have you guys used any drugstore items that you can't live without? Share with a b! This ain't no one way street.

P.S. Maybe being Blanche isn't so bad.




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Monday, November 5, 2012

Random Homie: Susan Posnick COLORME in Lilly

Lemme make this ish quick, because I'm going to be late for work. I was sent this little beaut from the peeps at Susan Posnick, who was a celebrity/model makeup artist. It's called COLORME ($32), and it's a little blush system. And I say system, because it has a powder puff on top, which is the perfect size for the baby apple of your cheek! And the top has a mirror, which is the knees. (Shortening of Bee's Knees. It's what the kids do these days.) So because of these factors, this little kitten has been delegated as my purse blush. (Which is totally a thing that I need, being the oily grossness that I am. Blush fades from oily faces like a mofo boss. It's not awesome.) I can just pop this stuff on my cheeks in two seconds, and I'm back to looking like an in-my-30's cherub. Something that I'm into, if you're wondering. Oh, and the color that I have, Lily, is inspired by Natalie Portman. Now that's just sexy. So what I'm saying is...
via mrhankey
Now I gotta go get them dollas. And I'm not a stripper, though I wish I were.



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Sunday, November 4, 2012

This is a Completely Pointless Post. I Just Wanted to Share My Weirdness.

I came to a realization today of who I want to be in life.


I saw one of these old timey weird bicycle things on TV, and after googling, found out they are called a penny farthing. (That's some fancy ass ish. I can't get enough.) So, I want to ride one of these around while wearing a sexy tuxedo and top hat like this:

Babette (I want that name, too) from Boardwalk Empire.

And these Victotian-style buttony boots:

And of course a monocle (I kind of want that most):

This is from a place called "Gentleman's Emporium." Are you dying?
So that will be my outfit of choice as I ride around on my penny farthing and blow bubbles from my bubble pipe made from the world's finest mahogany. And I will also bid people "Good Day" in anger, while occasionally slapping b's across the face with my white gloves with tiny buttons on them. (Why were there so many tiny buttons in the early 1900's?)

What do you guys want to be when you grow up?

P.S. I say "Good day" to you sir! I say "Good day!" (Just practicing for life.)

P.P.S. I also with I could grow a twisty, maniacal moustache.

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BREAKING NEWS: Beyonce Got Bangs.

pic via usweekly
I don't like them. Nor do I enjoy your ensemble. (To be read en-sam-blay.) Carry on.

Thoughts, people?


via usweekly



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Friday, November 2, 2012

The Only 90's Tori Spelling Photo Round Up You'll Ever Need. (You Are Freaking Welcome, People.)

If Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus and broccoli had a baby, this would be its hair.
This is a helluva lot of look, T Spell. Helluva lot.
I really just wanted to post BAG's hair in this picture.
What is happening? Even the dog is freaked the eff out.
Dream 90's wedding. Annnnnnd cue vomit.
Somebody get the V05 Hot Oil Treatments in bulk. Immediately.
Holy sh*t. Lumiere is hanging from Donna Martin's ear. Times are tough, man.
My God. No. Is this a Project Runway/Michael's challenge?
I can't ever stop with this movie. WATCH. IT.
Oh, brother. Trim your bangs.


Like I could leave out mutha effin' Violet. Harry Potter bit homegirl's look.
And THIS. EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS:



P.S. I still totally dance like this. I am joking 0%.


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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Shaun White's Seashell Boobs and Dinglehopper

pic via shaun white's twitter
I've been posting a lot of semi nude men lately, but this is just crossing (heh) the mofo line. This is Shaun White's Halloween costume. Get it? He's Ariel. (Ginger, tail, dinglehopper...) I secretly have a warm spot (Shut up! It's warms -- in spots -- sometimes.) for ginger dudes. For some reason, I think that they are sexual in one way or another. Two words: Prince Harry. I think it's because I have a red haired recessive gene in my family, and it's nature trying to keep the red huurrr going strong. Whatever. I do find Shaun White's hair sexy, but only if it was on my head. B has some good ass hair, right? So I did a little research, AKA googled, and here's what he says are his hair tips to People in like 2010:

“My secret is an awesome new product – called water,” White deadpans. “It’s pretty curly on its own. I just use the hotel shampoo and conditioner and wash it every other day, because otherwise it gets huge. Two days of snowboarding in a helmet helps — it looks better dirtier.”

Smug b.


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