Allure Insiders: Details On My Latest Allure Magazine Collabo

Just in case you don't happen to follow me on the likes of my Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram (WHY THE HELL NOT, BY THE BY), you may have missed my announcement about my latest project that I'm doing with Allure. It's called Allure Insiders, and it's pretty much me and nine other homies that are way cooler and more talented than me, each creating two videos per month covering a ton of beauty goodness for Allure's new video channel.

This is my bio video, but you probably don't even need to watch it because you ALREADY KNOW THIS, MAN. My real, real videos will start next week, then come out every other week. I'll be covering two different categories: Get the Look, which are celebirty/pop culture-based tutorials, and Outrageous Beauty, where I try out different strange or extreme beauty treatments.

Nothing's changed, I'll still be here doing my thang-a-lang on the regular. But now I can just be upfront and be all, "I've got a lot of video editing to do this week. I'm not THAT lazy," when I get sparse around here. And I'm sure I'll post all of my vids here when they come out, so you can peep that scene, if you feel so inclined. Or don't, it's your life.

In the meantime, some of the other Insiders' videos are up, as well as errrybody's bio vids, so feel free to check out what they've got dropping on either the Allure video channel or the Allure YouTube channel. Okay, that enough info for your brain wrinkles. I'm out.

via realitytvgifs

JK, Tamra and I will see you later tonight. Or tomorrow if ish gets sideways (AKA lazy).



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Well, Earth, It's Time To Pack It In: It's "The Plastics" Video That We Never Asked For

So, I'm about a week too late on talking about this masterpiece of mess, but c'est la vie or whatever. If you've been caught unawares on the shit you just witnessed, this is the newly-formed "band" called The Plastics. This wildly talented crew is comprised of the 33 year old dude that wants to look like Biebs and the homegirls that fancy themselves Jennifer Lawrence and Madonna.

Here's my take on this literal bullshit: I don't give half an eff what you do to your face and body. If you want to spend 100k on plastic surgery and plop a straw-like bowl cut on your dome, do it. It's your life and crazy face. YOLO-alter your face into an actual b-hole, I don't care. It's none of my GD business. Thanks, Salt-n-Pepa.

But you know what is my business? These mofos committing assault and battery on my eardrums with their auto-tuned effery. This is (OF COURSE) brought to you/written by that dude that made the Tan Mom song. Can someone on this planet please hire that guy to do ANYTHING ELSE but make these videos? Closet organizer? Dress sock quality control tester? Denim jacket bedazzler? Professional vajazzler? Anything. This has to stop.

And I have more important shit to focus on.

via realitytvgifs

P.S. Is it possible that Fakestin Bieber's pants are actually worse than the real deal's pantaloons? Too close to call.


Thanks to Amber for the heads up on this crap.


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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

In my latest piece for Allure I dug into the vintage TV commercial archives and pulled out the best hot ass beauty looks of the past three decades, in "Flashback! The Best Beauty Moments From Childhood TV Commercials." You can check it out here.




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Gross Beauty Probs, Quit Killing My Vibe.

It's always something with me, man. I can't just let shit be. I'm constantly stressing myself out over SOMETHING beauty-related. My current freak out is getting rid of all things gross on my body. More specifically, dead face skin and hard water hair distgusting-ness.

After massive amounts of research (okay, googling), I found two products that pretty much slayed these annoying issues. So now I can be on to the next one. Great.

Hard Water Hair: Malibu Hard Water Treatment

I really got the idea of how shitty my water is stuck in my brain wrinkles after I started using Keracolor Purify Plus. I began obsessing over the hard water stains on my shower door that I just couldn't get off and thinking, "IF THE WATER IS DOING THIS TO GLASS, WHAT THE EFF IS IT DOING TO MY HAIR???" So I started researching about how to rid hair of hard water deposits, which can eff your hair game up MAJOR.

That's when I came across the Malibu C Hard Water Weekly Demineralizer. It comes in a box of individualized packets that you use once a week. You shampoo, use the treatment, shampoo, then condition. The first time I used the Malibu C, I noticed that it said it contained "crystals" on the package, so naturally I was picturing this:

Don't get excited. It's just a powder that you mix with water to create a paste and leave on your hair for five minutes. Because it's kind of a drying type deal, I followed it up with my OG deep conditioner, L'Oreal Nature's Therapy Mega Moisture Nurturing Creme. I've used the treatment twice so far, and it's removed any brassiness from my hair and made my highlights brighter. Score one for the hard water-afflicted bitches.

Gross Dead Skin: Pure Aqua Gel Exfoliator

I read about this Japanese exfoliation product a while back, and I knew that I must try it. Because if you don't love something that exfoliates your face skin like a GD champ, then I don't know what to say to you anymore, quite frankly. Cure Aqua Gel is reportedly Japan's top selling skin care product, or so Amazon tells me, so I really felt like I had no choice but to shell out the 35 bones and try this shit.

The issue that I ran into after getting the bottle is that all of the instructions are in Japanese. So I did a little digging and found out how to use this stuff, and then made a little video showing you what the deal is with Cure.



After using Cure a couple times, I'm pretty ride-or-die on this stuff. It's not cheap, but if you're into exfoliating, it will be your jam. You can cop it from Amazon here.

I'm off to figure out my next beauty dilemma (ft. Kelly Rowland) to harp on like a nagging hen. I love life.





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The Game Of Thrones "Who Would You Do?" List

I love Game of Thrones. It has all the things that I look for in a show: an old time-y setting, bomb hair and costumes, and a bunch of people acting like pure and unadulterated assholes. And the fact that it's packed to the gills with hot bitches doesn't exactly hinder my viewing pleasure.

With that in mind, I've compiled a ranking of the best "Would Do" candidates, as well as the "Eff No" mofos from the world's most character-filled-and-also-switching-friggin-actors TV show. (Don't lie, that shit confuses you too.) 

The Would Dos:

#1: Jaime

Okay, so he's had his horrific moments, and might have Borderline Personality Disorder. He also (half) created the worst human in fake history. And his hair is kind of terrible this season. But that jawline...

#2: Khaleesi

I mean, COME ON. Daenerys Targaryen be banging. And if you say that you wouldn't, you're a damn lie.

#3: Khaleesi's Dead Husband's Ghost

This dude was super hot. And nice, in a murderous way. Plus, the real life guy is married to LISA MF-ING BONET. You don't turn that down.

#4: Jon Snow

JS is super-sexual, and really should be higher on the list, but I can't stop thinking about extreme hygiene issues whenever my eyeballs graze his ass. INVENT SHAMPOO, ALREADY.

#5: Tyrion

I love Tyrion. He's smart, funny, actually uses the empathetic area of his brain, and is really cute. Sign me up.

#6: Brienne of Tarth

Brienne is not only a bad bitch, she's also ridiculously loyal. Which is pretty much the opposite of anyone else on this GD show. Not to mention that she's crazy tall and attractive.

The Would NOT Evers:

#1: Joffrey

HATE. SO MUCH. Plus, I think he's supposed to be 15 or something. Major pass.

#2: That One Guy

Sorry about all of that stuff, buddy. You were okay before, but now I'm just not into you. Or whatever is happening in your Weentown area code.

Edit: You guys, THIS DUDE IS LILY ALLEN'S BROTHER. Where the eff have I been???

#3: Cersei

She's gorgeous. She's the worst. Her no no was probably replaced with a venus fly trap. No thanks.

#4: Ygritte

I wasn't even into homegirl before she got all arrow-happy. But now, I definitely bid you "Good day." GET OUT.

Which GoT peeps are on your would/wouldn't do lists? Let's hash it out.




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TGIMF(Almost)F! Let's Get Down With This Jam.

Sometimes you just have to jam the eff out, because it's (soon to be) Friday night and you feel alright. So you put on your super-slimming, black Mandarin collared shit shirt, fluff your hair bang wave and hit the town in downtown(ish) Minneapolis, or wherever. Major. Nothing says Friday night jam sesh like everything that happens after 1:11 in this video.

I would polish this dude's Napoleon Dynamite spectacles all night long. Take me away to Oasis Karaoke, mofos!

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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

this looks disgusting but it was amazing

This month for Allure, I get back to my roots, and talk about glorious food. I'm pairing up your favorite snack with an inspired beauty look. Check it out here.



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