Allure Insiders Get The Look: The Hunger Games Capitol Retrospect

It's almost time for The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1 (??? I don't know the format of these titles). Whatever the hell you want to call it, I'm excited about it.

If you want to relive the heyday of the Capitol (I don't know, maybe you're all #TeamPresSnow), watch my Allure Insiders video for a makeup look inspired by the Capitol. But wearable-ish. May the odds be ever in your favor, and all.


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If You Can't Get Too Many Cooks Out Of Your Head, Here's Your Antidote

This is such a friggin' confusing piece of fine art. These British (???) people seem to have only heard of three fast food places. Nary a Taco Bell in Europe, I guess.

And they're talking about sex times, yet the dancing dog with the Jem makeup makes me think that your latest ringtone is for children. But the ass-slapping while singing about sauce and the "I'm coming back for more...HOTDOG!" makes me hope this is really not for juveniles. And I don't even want to know what "let's eat to the beat" means.

I just need to know which life-size My Buddy Special S&M Edition™dolls these three yanked those outfits from. I need to see everyone's receipts.

P.S. If you clicked there to buy the album, I can't talk to you anymore.

P.P.S. If you would now like to reinstall Too Many Cooks back into your brain after this hot mess express, you can watch my jankety remake here.

P.P.P.S. If you don't even know what the hell I'm talking about, get on everyone's level.


via reddit


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Who Would You Rather: New Hot Mugshot Guy Or The Local News T.I. Aficionado

It's been a total sausage fest for the last 24 hours, man. No, not at my house. The only sausage fest around here would be me literally just eating actual sausage in a festive manner. And it's more of a bacon fest at my house.

I'm talking about dudes taking the internets by storm with kooky antics and/or hotness, depending on your view. So this guy-o-rama clearly lends itself to the question -- WHO WOULD YOU RATHER? Let's take a look at the dazzling contestants.

pic via santa cruz police department

First up, the most recent gentleman (???) to be dubbed 'Hot Mugshot Guy'. (Yes, I just linked to a Yahoo! News article. I like to kick it old school.) This smize expert was arrested in Santa Cruz on Halloween for:

"...attacking a person dressed as a Fox News reporter.  The suspect attacked the victim telling him he “hates Fox News”.  The suspect grabbed the victim’s microphone and placed down the front of his pants and proceeded to rub the microphone on his crotch.  The suspect then attacked the victim with an aluminum tennis racquet.  The victim was not injured and reported the incident to police.  The suspect fled as officers approached, but was eventually ran down and caught by pursuing officers." 

I'm a little torn on this one. This guy is a clearly a total sexpot in the ol' face department, but that flesh-colored t-shirt is doing him zero favors. Also, why are you assaulting someone dressed in a costume of something that you don't like? Has he been asleep for several years, à la Rip van Winkle, and didn't know it was Halloween? Where did he get a tennis racket? Was he dressed as Anna Kournikova? The non-timeliness of that costume actually supports my Rip van Winkle story. Also, maybe don't assault people. Also, the victim in this case should sell the crotch-rubbed microphone on eBay. I'm sure some people would buy that shit.



Next up in this man-on-man competition is this local TV news guy annoying the shit out of his co-host with his T.I.-themed voguing.

I love this dude for his impromptu use of props and Clark Kent hair. He loses points for lack of edginess in my book, but there were zero assaults happening, so there's that. Except for homie being cut via eyeballs from his co-anchor.

So who would you guys rather? I'm slightly leaning toward Mug on this one, mostly because those eyes and cheekbones really speak to my bathing suit area. Thoughts?

P.S. Alex from Target is not in this contest because I'm not trying to catch some charges.

video via reddit



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All Eyebrow Everything (Seriously, Like, Everything)

I tried to cover any and every eyebrow issue I could think of in this video -- trimming, which products to use for what, how and where to fill your eyebrows -- every-damn-thing.

If there's something you still aren't sure about, let me know in the comments, because I'm tapped, bruh.



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Farrah Abraham Uses Frozen To Stunt Queen For Ween

via farrah's twitter

This story is about Farrah Abraham being ridiculous and inappropriate, part 4958630. I know, color yourself shocked. On this particular occasion, the grossness lies in the decision to dress up as a character in a Disney movie to sell her sex toys. In case you've found yourself unawares, F Dot sells molds of her lower bathing suit area for dudes to do sex things with. Yay for all!

This is so offensive to me. No, not that she's using a kids' movie to sell sex stuff. I'm talking about this shitty costume. What the hell is on homegirl's head? It looks like a mangled marching band hat and Mother Goose had an alien baby. Her legs are spray-painted white for no explicable reason. She's wearing gloves that really only belong inside a Spears/Federline wedding photo.

Inappropriate as eff. And worst of all, WHERE THE SHIT IS YOUR WIG?

If you're going to pull some stunt shit, pull some stunt shit. Don't half-ass it. Maybe take a page from a better stunt queen's book, bb.

See more pictures of this great tragedy in American history over at Uproxx. I have to go floss, or something. Everything is gross.



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Halloween Is My Favorite Holiday: A Retrospective Look

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have already seen this picture of the soaring heights of my Halloween costume creativity, paired with some nonsense child that clearly doesn't hold a candle (zing!) to my costuming endeavors. Actual child, please.

As you can see, it's an understatement to say that I MF-ing love Halloween. I've always preferred a costume to boring human attire, so this holiday is right up my alley. It's an alley that leads straight to Crazy Town, so tread lightly. Don't believe me? Do you know who else loved costumes?

Thank you. Little Edie is my homie 4LYFE, but she crazy. Get on our level.

My favorite Halloween memories are not the ones that include the slutty monkey outfit that consisted of a faux-fur bra/ears/tail that I constructed myself, or even these mermaid stripper boots that took me almost 349852039 years to shoddily hot-glue into life.

They are of my childhood costumes, 99.9% of which were purchased at some shitty pop-up Halloween store adjacent to the mall. During this time, I had a bratty habit of wearing my OG costume for weeks on end before trick-or-treating, and getting completely burned out on that costume. So much so that I would sometimes make my mom buy an entirely different costume. I know, I know. What a dick.

Here's a perfect example: I got a bride costume one year (ick, nast, inappropriate), but don't worry, I only chose it because it had a white, stretchy sateen bodice trimmed with sequined elastic. And a tulle-y, possibly mullet skirt. I'm also remembering white lace fingerless gloves, although my brain might be confusing that detail with this. Or this. I have a shitload of fingerless lace gloves in the old memory bank. (I unfortunately can't find a picture of this damn getup, but I do have this picture, which is equally inappropriate for a child.)

I wore that shit over and over, because, doy, it was like a ballgown to my second grade self. I was fancy as eff. And a child bride, but whatever. When Halloween week finally rolled around, I was so over the bride costume. It had become like my favorite acid wash jean skort -- nothing special.

So I did whatever any rude kid would do; I whined until my mom bought me a bumblebee costume that I wanted strictly because it had antennas made from gold glittery balls on springs attached to a headband. The glitter ended up all over my stupid face by the end of Halloween night. But I deserved the risk of a scratched cornea for being such a crap ass.

I also don't have a picture of the bumblebee costume, because I suck, but here I am serving it as a witch in a wig. Don't ask me what homie next to me is supposed to be, but he's really utilizing that tarp/disposable tablecloth well.

Halloween rules, every other holiday drools.



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Allure Insiders Outrageous Beauty: The Pumpkin Enzyme Facial

The second Allure Insiders facial video is a major Fall staple...the pumpkin! I'm getting all up in the Pumpkin Enzyme Facial, which is kind of like rubbing a Pumpkin Spice Latte on your mug, except that it's great for your skin.

What does it feel like? What does it smell like? (Side note -- I had to edit out at least five minutes of me talking about what each thing smelled like. It was getting creepy like woah.) Watch the video to get the answers to these burning questions and more. FALL 4EVA!


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