Beauty Sh*t I Learned From Watching This Season of Girls (Beyond Not Sticking a Q-tip In Your Ear)

I'm sad, you guys. This season of Girls is over, and that mess was my jam. And because I HAVE to talk about stuff I like here, I also found some valuable beauty lessons from watching the show this season. Feel free to add your own in the comments, or talk about whatever the eff you want. I'm not the boss of you.

Don't Cut Your Own Hair.

via elle

 And if you do, expect it to look like a recovering heroin addict shaped that ish up in the back. (Thanks, Laird.) That's not to say that a b can't trim her own bangs, or whatever. But let's get real in this mutha -- MOST people cannot duplicate a Carey Mulligan-esque haircut with scissors you stole from the UPS Store. Leave that mess to a professional, mmmmkay?

Perfect is Boring.

via hbo

Even Marnie was bored with how boringly perfect Marnie is, and at least kind of lost her ish this season. Being perfect is for the effin' birds, man. How sexy is Jessa and all of her crazy, imperfect, weirdness? I'm not saying not to be a classy, coiffed lady, if that's you. But if you're a bit of a sh*t storm -- that's cool, too. Do you, baby.
  
Even B's With Gorgeous, Kate Middleton-y Hair Can Have Crap Hair Days.

Not to keep slapping Marnie with a big bag o' d's (okay, so I kind of hate her), but her hair wasn't so Jhirmack-bouce-back-beautiful this season. And homegirl's got some banging ass hair. So whenever you're having one of those days when you wished you owned a collection of Dolly Parton's wigs, remember that everyone has those days. Then put your damn hair in a bun, or something, and move on.

Never Underestimate the Mini-Makeover.

via vulture

Seriously, how hot did Charlie get this season? He was scruffier yet more chic and tailored, and just all around sexier. It's not like he changed that much -- facial hair and better hair styling? The details make the difference. Just ask your lady business, that girl knows what's up.

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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

This week for Allure, I cover How to Pretend You're on a (Beauty) Spring Break, without all the debauchery. BOOO-RING. Check it out here.



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I Can't Stop Staring at Jon Hamm and All of His Dude Business.

Have you guys seen the new promo pictures for Mad Men Season 6? Those are some hot ass mofos, right? And in anticipation of the upcoming MM premiere next month, I have compiled a photo collection of the sexiest b in the group -- Jon Hamm. (Freakin' doy.) So let's explore why Hammy is so damn hot.

He's got a bangin' ass beard.

I mean, come the hell on.

He has a cute dog, whose face is adorably tiny for his body.

He has sexual corrective lenses.

Are you fuh-real with that smile? That crap could rip ladies' pant off.

He likes to keep that ish cas. (Stop trying to make cas happen.)

I'm not into the ciggie, but I'm totally into breakfast. Like, anytime.

Homeboy knows...

How to wear...

A friggin' pair of pants.

And really, is there ANYONE hotter than Don Draper???

(KIND OF) NSFW UPDATE: This is why I love my people. (Name withheld for embarrassment purposes.)

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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Bradley Cooper Sporting What I Can Only Hope is a Precursor to a Tight, TIGHT Ass Perm

via huffpo

Brad Coo is making some crazy ass movie where he apparently works at a slutty Army Surplus store that does illegal perms on the side. Or not -- I don't know what the hell this is all about, but if tight spiral perms are involved, sign my ass up. I've been looking for a hot as eff hairstyle from a movie, because I haven't really felt one since that dick Darryl Soul Glo-ed it up in Coming to America.

I know, I know. Dude straight up ripped off Lionel Richie's "Hello" hair, but it was a hot look. So whatever the eff Bradley's movie is about, that hair better be looking right. If not, he has to do this, like, ALL THE TIME.



Don't even play like you aren't into this right now. Stop it.


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Possible Random Homie, Definite Badass Deal O' The Day: IT Cosmetics Hello Beautiful Kit on QVC

hello beautiful kit, $54.96 via qvc

The peeps from IT Cosmetics sent me this little ditty of the Hello Beautiful Kit a few days ago, so I have crammed in trying this myriad of products a few times before I could tell you baby ho hoes about it before today. Why today? Well this ish is on QVC for TODAY ONLY for $54.96, and with a retail value of $155, b is a good ass deal. So my lazy ass actually had to do something, for once in my life, and hustle to get this info out. And here's the dirty dirty on this kit.

Celebration Foundation and Luxe Buffing Airbrush Foundation Brush -- The foundation is a powder foundation packed with antioxidants and such. I'm sure it's great, and stuff, but it was way too pinky for my borderline jaundiced-toned skin. (I got the light-medium shade, I believe.) But the foundation brush is friggin' cat's pajama status -- super soft and luxurious. I want to wear that sh*t like a coat.

Tightline Full Lash Length Black Mascara Primer & Hello Lashes 5-in-1 Mascara -- I'm totally crushing on  this primer/mascara duo. The primer lash wand is TINY tiny (it's the silver tube above), and the product is black, so you can really wiggle that mess right into your lash line to fill in those little sparse gaps of lash-less-ness. (Sometimes compound-compound fake words are necessary in life.) And the mascara is nice, too. It's a plastic wand brush, which I like, because it tends to clump less. It also has lash-enhancing and conditioning properties. I don't know, I like what it does to my eyeballs, mmmmkay?

Vitality Flush 4-in-1 Reviver Lip and Cheek Stain Stick -- I really expected not to like this stick deal. When I opened it, it just kind of looked like a big ass, pale chapstick. But when I dotted it onto my cheeks and dabbed it around a bit, I discovered it's actually legitimately awesome. It gives your cheeks (it's also great on lips) a really pretty, natural-looking flush. But one warning, it is waxy/oily, so for oil rig faces, like myself, this is best used for a touch-up glowy stuff when used on the cheeks. I couldn't use it in the morning and expect it to still be there at 7 pm, or whatever. But I LOVE it for touch-ups and it gorgeous on lips anytime. It's like a stain, but not drying (actually super moisturizing) and WAAAAY easier to apply.

Overall first impressions -- great value, and I'm super into the products that worked for my skin. This is my first introduction to IT Cosmetics, and I have to say that so far, impressive. I'm not hating this stuff, even a little. It makes me look like I've been for an invigorating walk through the fresh air, without actually going outside. Because going outside is the worst. AmIright?

So I'll just be here in my cave applying makeup. You b's know where to find me.





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Hurry! There's Still Time for You to Look Like You (A-hemed) a Leprechaun. (In a Totally Cool Way.)

Happy St. Patty's Day weekend, mofos. Before you get all crunk ass and green-ed out, I suggest one more item to up your game.

violent lips "the shamrock", $7.99 for a pack of two

These are The Shamrock Violent Lips, and they are ridiculously fun and easy to apply. It's just like a temporary tattoo for your lips. It doesn't even feel weird -- kind of like the long wear lipsticks that have been around forever. I only wore them for 30 minutes or so, because I'm a hermit and I'm not doing anything tonight, but I could tell that these puppies would last a long ass time. The package says four to eight hours, and I totally believe it. To remove, you just put a little baby oil (or I used coconut oil) on your lips for a minute or so, and then rub it off with a paper towel, or a textured cotton pad.




To find out where you can find these bad boys locally, check here. Or, if you don't give and eff about St. Patrick's Day (How rude!) you can see all of the other Violent Lip options here. Now go have fun tonight, b's. And don't consume everything green in sight.

via mrhankey

Or, you know, do.



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This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things.

Nicky just wants to get a rich dude and drink beach drinks. And eat/not eat pork. And wear/not wear hipster glasses from the Russian Claire's Boutique. I'm not really sure if this video is real life or not, but I don't really give an eff. Nicky is the voice of our generation, because who is REALLY sure which faux fir vest they want to wear??? Not I, world. Do ringtones still exist? This is all too much. I need a drink.

You're welcome. I just gave you a reason to get your party started.





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