Random Homie: Incoco Nail Polish Strips in Cheers!

Incoco in Cheers!, $8.99

I have made myself VERY clear on the fact that I am captain of the Lazy Committee. (If you want to join, you do nothing. And we will never, ever meet -- we are also sponsored by the We Hate Everyone Club.) And my laziness seems to at least triple in force when it comes to nail care. If you could see my toenail polish situation right now, you would literally vomit your entire face off. Dire straits, I'm talking.

So when Incoco sent me their nail polish strips to try, I was excited but reserved. In the past, I've had mixed results with nail strips. A lot of them are like trying to put a damn child's plastic toy shovel on your nail and hoping that ish sticks. Spoiler alert: It totally doesn't. When I opened the package, this is what I found:

Like, literally, every friggin' thing you MIGHT even ever need to apply these things, including wipes to remove them. Holy eff, that never happens with these kits! And I'm pretty sure that the little pack of strips are clear coats, although I couldn't figure it out. When I opened the actual pack of polish strips, I knew these b's were something different. It actually SMELLED LIKE NAIL POLISH. Whaaaat? Imagine, nail strips made from actual nail polish. And the polish was really cool. Black with chunky pieces of glitter, not some wimpy ass glitter tossed here and there -- these were like Ke$ha glitter volume. And applying these puppies was about 39843% easier than the strips I've tried before. The whole process took maybe 15 minutes, when it usually takes me about an hour to get that sh*t tight with those tricky ass strips.

The results -- blang blam!

And the wear is pretty awesome, too. I'm on day four, and I only have some slight wear on the tips of my nails. No chips or peeling, yet. Bottom line -- so friggin' easy even I can do it. I might have some new ride or die nail homies, y'all. Check out all of the colors and such from Incoco here.

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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Everyone I Know, for Not Getting This Dude to Do a Dance for Me

Why can't this dude "YOOOOUP" twerk it up in a circle for my birthday? Dammit, Aaron. You're such a damn good gift giving hog. But for real, that was really weird. Why did that man have to wear a skirt? Why did that man have to then lift the skirt? Why do old people love wearing socks and awkward shoe combos? BUT REALLY, WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIFT THE SKIRT???

This is my dog, Wiggy, and we both usually think that everything is the worst, so it just seems apropos at this point. (And, yes, I made a meme of my own dog. Get off my junk.) But you know what isn't the worst? Tickling baby penguins named Cookie.



See, everything ended up okay in the end. Now we won't all be hearing "YOOOOUP" in our dreams, and envisioning undergarments that just can't be unseen.


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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

It's almost Doomsday, b's! Make sure you're ready to still be presentable for the zombie folk, with my post apocalyptic beauty tips and tricks in my Allure blog this week. Click here to read that ish.




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Random Homie: PureCeuticals Multi-Enzyme Pumpkin Peel

PureCeuticals Pumpkin Peel, $42

I don't mean to harp, but I have sh*tty skin. So whenever I find something that makes it feel or look better, I am on freakin' board, man. And I also like to try skin products multiple times before I give them my glowing endorsement. (See what I did there? I'm the worst.) PureCeuticals sent me some products to try a while back, and I feel totally and unabashedly in love (Can you tell I've been reading classics?)  with this Pumpkin Peel. I've used it probably four times, and it is awesome. It not only makes you feel like you rubbed Fall all over your damn face, but it makes my mug feel supa dupa soft. You only use it once a week, so although the price isn't cheap, it should last your ass a while. And all of the PureCeuticals products are free from:

• No Parabens
• No Sulphates
• Products not tested on animals
• No Petrochemicals
• Fragrance composed with 100% essential oils
• Environmentally Conscience

I love the tingle it gives me (my face, sicko), but if you have very sensitive skin, you might need to pass on this lil' baby. But oily, dry, norms, whatever peeps -- peel on, yo'! I just had a baby sample, so I'm about one more peel away from feeling like this:



Until I buy the big daddy...Then my face will once again have purpose.


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My Child-Sized Spirit Animal Lives in My Town, and I Had No Idea

Apparently this little boy's stage name is "Little Fear," and he has been dancing with the Tampa Bay Buc's cheerleaders this season. My ass hates sports, so I was left completely unaware that there was a little dude that lives in my area that can werk it like a mofo. I've never been so jealous of a young boy.

 Okay, so maybe this is is a close second.



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Should I be Turned On, or Weirded Out Right Now?

via ohnotheydidn't

Mario Lopez's wife tweeted this picture are few days ago, and it's making me feel all kinds of confused. Even the Windex bottle feels awkward, and had to turn away. On one hand, it's Mario Lopez, and he's pretty hot. And it's a picture of dude ass. On the other hand, homeboy's decorating a Christmas tree with a toddler. It all feels borderline illegal in my bathing suit area.

Ugh. That's curly mullet gets me every time.



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Fake Your Way to a Knocked Up Glow

We all know by now that the Duchess of somewhere (formerly common-type lady known as Kate Middleton) is pregnant with the royalest royal baby that's ever royaled. Sidebar: What if it comes out all ginger-y and Prince Harry like? Wouldn't that be awesome? Okay, I'm getting off track. Pregnant ladies are known for having that lovely ass glow of life, or something. But what about for people like me, who will probably never have a kid-in-the-uterus type situation happening? I'm more of the "fly solo around the world and die alone" type. (Possibly RIP, Ameila Erhardt.) Don't cry for me, Argentina, it's just my personality. I'd rather read 2.7 million books alone. (I had a sh*t ton of Book It free personal pan pizzas racked up when I was a kid.) Luckily, I have pawed through a lot of beauty products to MANUFACTURE THE GLOW. 

tarte amazonian clay blush in natural beauty, $25 & nars blush in orgasm, $28

I have found a beast of a combo when it comes to glowing cheeks. I start with tarte's amazonian clay blush (I use the color Natural Beauty, but you can do whatever rocks your ish.) for staying power. NOTHING stays on my oily mug like this blush does. Then I like to top it off with Nars blush in Orgasm, to give the cheeks a little shimmer and glow.

chanel's lucky stripes iridescent powder, $95 & physician's formula pearls of perfection, about $13

If you are looking for an all over face glow, I have found two great products at opposite ends of the rich b*tch scale. I was given the Chanel Lucky Stripes sometime/somewhere, and have found it to be quite friggin' delightful. I find myself using it when I want to be all glowy-faced and a pretty, pretty princess. But let's be real -- ish is expensive. If you are a little lighter in the pocketbook (I'm looking at myself), then the Physician's Formula Pearls of Perfection is a little more realistic. It's not AS great as the Chanel powder, but it's pretty damn good for a drugstore product, so don't cry over it and sh*t.

davine's nounou illuminating conditioner, $22.50 at drugstore.com

What about pregnant lady hair? I've always heard that they have great hair days, like for nine months. Must be hormones. Freaking science, man. I have been loving davine's Nounou Illuminating Conditioner to keep my hair looking flossy, lately. It's super gentle, and moisturizes hair without being heavy and gross.

Now don't be offended if people ask if you're expecting. It's not your empire-waited top, it's your gorgeous ass glow. Glow worms have nothing on you, boo!




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