TELL ME YOUR PROBLEMS.

via gooodforyouu

Do you have so kind of crazy/non-crazy/weird/boring beauty problem? I want to try to solve that mess for you. Let me be your Bounty-quicker-picker-upper to your beauty spill. I'ma twerk it for you.

Either comment on this post, Facebook me, Tweet me, or email me (shannon@glossanddirt.com). I've got your back, boo.



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Random Homie: Deborah Lippman Forsaken Sookie Sookie Nail Lacquer Duo

I originally got this Deborah Lippmann Forsaken Sookie Sookie Nail Lacquer Duo from my friends over at HSN a few months ago. (Reppin' my hood...They're right down the street from me. Heeeeeey, boos!) And in a total d*ck move, I completely forgot to even try it until they were WAAAAAY sold out of the set over at HSN. 

That ish is rude as hell, and I apologize. What a crap beauty blogger I am. And True Blood fan. And person...

The two polishes in the kit include: Human Nature (mortal putty taupe), and Fairydust (ethereal shimmer). I have never used a Deborah Lippman polish before, and let me say, that mess is pretty freaking amazing. The polish is thick in a luxury way, not an "old, gross nail polish I found under my couch" way. The coverage is great, and I love both of these colors. I currently have a human hand and a fairy hand, and I'm totally into it. I can't wait to accumulate one million more DL polishes. Awwww Sookie, Sookie, now. HSN had the set at an amazing price ($25), but if you still want to get down to True Blood town with this set, it is available here from Nordstrom for a few more buckaroos.

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Reason Number 3,483,983 That Judge Judy is My Boo Thang

pic via huffingtonpost

I am completely and utterly into Judge Judith Scheindlin. She's the sassiest b that ever b-ed, and I cannot get enough of her. But apparently, I'm a terrible stalker, because I MISSED HER 70TH EFFING BIRTHDAY. It was in October, and she shared some of her B-day festivus photos on that Katie show. And here her Honor is, in a BIKINI, like a mofo boss. And guess what? B looks guuuurd. JJ says she keeps the sexy strong with diet and exercise. Oh, please. You know she burns 99% of her calories with sass alone.

via mrhankey

Werk, JJ.



And cheeseballs.




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GUUUUUURL of the Day: This Creeper in a Homemade, Arts and Crafts Koala Mask

via thisistheinternet

What in the eff kind of nonsense is this, Sir? I am an avid lovers of koala bears, and this crap is scary and all kinds of inappropriate for my mind grapes. (Sidenote: Is it normal for a woman in her 30's to still have a favorite animal? No? Then good thing I'm 26...Shut up!) Even the fake ass koala looks sad as hell. Plus, he has your spittle all over his crotchal area. Rude. I'm even offended that that poor koala has to be next to that shirt you're wearing. I can't see much of your skin tone, but I feel pretty confident that that color is doing NOTHING for you. I am not amused.

And in case you have no idea what I'm talking about (or were born in the 90's), here's a refresher.





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Explain This Ish to an Old Person -- Is This New Lady Gaga Video Good?

I would like to start out by saying that I originally typed "food" instead of "good" when I typed that title. Howngray b, party of one? But seriously, young bucks, is this supposed to be a good song? Am I supposed to be poppin' that ass to this? I'm confused. And hungry, and then more confused. And also have a strong case of the olds.

P.S. I WANT to like this mess. I mean, it's called CAKE for God's sake. (Nursery rhymes, be damned.)


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The Badass B List: Treat Yo' Self

Sometimes you just want to be a fancy ass b. AmIright? There are some beauty products that just make your ass FEEL like it's dripping in diamonds, like Little Edie when she was on the cusp of fame, with extra brooches and turbans.

And since I don't actually HAVE any brooches or turbans, I like to find luxurious products to make myself feel like a lady who lunches. (What does that even mean? Don't we all eat lunch? Do rich ladies eat lunch, but not dinner?)

One of the most luxurious beauty items, to me, are false lashes. I freaking love the look of lashes. The more I look like Flower from Bambi, the better. But I'm used to using the cheap drugstore $3 (tops) lashes. So when the people from Goddess Lashes sent me some to try, I almost died from excitement. These lashes are handmade and mink, and can be used up to TWENTY times. (I use my drugstore lashes half a time, usually.) From Goddess Lashes:

Goddess Mink Lashes are made from individually selected mink fur hair that have been harvested by the natural shedding process of live mink, no cruelty or harm to the animals. They have been sterilized to ensure a safe non- allergenic usage.

Awesome, right? They also come in embellished sets, with authentic Swarovski crystals, delicate gold studs and fresh water pearl ornaments. Here are the crystal pair:

How friggin' fun are these b's? And here are the basic signature lashes:

These are so natural and pretty. (So you think you're pretty. -Regina George) These puppies aren't cheap (they start at $150), but the quality and look of them are beyond gorgeous. And you can reuse the hell out of them, as long as you don't get all trashy and actually take care of them. (I'm totally looking in the mirror when I say that.) Go check out all of the varieties of lashes that Goddess Lashes makes, and get yo' fancy ass on!

How about super luxury for under $15??? These Tatcha Original Aburatorigami Japanese Blotting Papers are $12, and have mutha effin' GOLD FLAKES in them. Now, that's some fanciest of the fancy pants ish right there. You b's know that I have not been shy about sharing my skin's extreme oiliness. It's quite the quandary of my beauty life. Putting on makeup only to have it look a blotchy, muddy mess a few hours later, is one of the banes of my existence. So needless to say, my ass has to have blotting papers on my person at pretty much any moment of life. The thing that I really enjoy about the Tatcha blotting papers are how they leave a little moisture to your skin after you use them. You aren't left with a dry-as-a-bone face -- it feels more gentle than other blotting papers I have used. So if you are one of those combo faced ladies or gents, these would be your total homie for life.

Now let's all go drink a spot of tea together. Pinkies up, b faces!




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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Joe Manganiello Posing as a Grizzly Bear, or Possibly Vice Versa

via celebitchy

Joe Manganiello is a hot, hot b. But this is how I'm used to taking this lollipop:

I know that it's the True Blood off season, or whatever, but that doesn't mean you should be shirking basic hygienic upkeep. I just want to scrub this b with an entire bottle of Mane 'n Tail and then get after his ass with an entire package of disposable Bic razors. I totally understand if you want to let your chub out (oh, wow) when you aren't filming, but this is just way the eff over the top. The hot force is hot with you, J. Mang, so stop working your friggin' hardest to fight it, b*tch.

So, in keeping with the animal theme...

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