Oh, hey there, vanilla face. Sometimes you just feel a little "meh" about yourself, you know? I have a beauty pick me up that only takes a couple of minutes, and will totally SEX YOU UP. Like this:
P.S. How INSANE are homeboy's eyebrows? And is that other dude Kenny G? And whatever "making love until we drown" is sounds disgusting. And if I open a pottery painting place and call it Color Me Badd, do you think these b's will sue my ass? And if I ever smoke, it will exclusively be pink cigarettes. Okay, I'm done.
Anyway, here are the two things that will add instant sexy to a blah day: A red lip and liquid liner cat eye. Here I am, but it will be better on you. I'm only .098320482% sexier, but it's the best I get.
Now, don't freak if you don't know how to do the cat eye. Here's my tutorial from a while back. Now let's all get sexy faced, you little w's!
Donnie Wahlberg (if you don't know who that is, it's time to go) posted this picture of the current state of affairs of New Kids on the Block to his twitter. It appears that they are in a bath house of some sort, and have become an Freddie Mercury tribute band. Damn, we are all getting old, aren't we? Jon looks like he's in dire need of a nap and some cucumbers on his eyes. Danny's hardly in the picture, because he was never anyone's favorite. BUT, my man Jordan (Does anyone else find it weird that a middle aged man's name is JORDAN? People, think of these things when you name them kids.) is looking guuuurd still. I'm picking up everything he's throwing down.
Who was your favorite NKOTB? If you say Danny, you're a damn liar.
I'm pretty sure that you guys know that I pretty much hate myself. Well, I can add another reason to the ol' gross list. I have a pretty, pretty horrible confession: I have a thing for Walt, Jr. from Breaking Bad. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, first off, you need to watch this show. It's mf-ing good. Secondly, here comes the gross part. Walter, Jr. is the son of the main character, and is...umm...16. Here he is in the background, behind OG Walter. (He also has cerebral palsy, which is why he uses crutches.)
But, don't call the FBI or anything. I googled it, and he's 19 in real life! So I'm still gross, but not illegally so. JUST weird enough to be a creeper, but not enough to warrant a visit from Chris Hansen. Score, mf-er's!
And I even have a runner up:
I've never really found Joseph Gordon-Levitt sexual at all, but he's looking pretty hot here. This is how I usually think of him:
B was as sexually ambiguous as I was in the 90's. Okay, I'm seriously done exposing my weird ish (for today). Please tell me that you guys develop strange crushes on strange strange. Don't leave this b hanging!
This picture is obvi not from this week's episode, but I love this Russell Edgington picture. It's like, "Oh, hello there. I just came in from a fox hunt-themed man wig party. I didn't see you there."
Speaking of Russell, lets talk about this week. JUMP!
According to X17 Online, last night Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga, and Lana Del Rey had a sleepover at Chateau Marmont. During this CRAZY, crazy sleepover, they reportedly were "watching old movies and playing board games." Oh, ish! Hold me back. Below is an artist's (my) representation of what happened last night.
Oh, damn. GIRL TALK? This mess just got real.
If Mall Madness was up in that piece, I'm going to be jealous as hell. I wanted Mall Madness SO FREAKIN' BADLY, and my mom said it was too expensive. Sigh. Such a c-block of board game bitchin'-ness.
The peeps over at tarte sent me the what has your makeup done for you lately? kit to try, which goes on sale tomorrow only on QVC and qvc.com. The kit will sell for $50, and the value is $160. Um, yes please!
The kit contains six products:
LipSurgence lip shine: (See swatch below) I love this lil' guy. It's a lip pencil that is super glossy (for a pencil) and has a minty, yummy flavor. I also love that it has a sharpener in the cap. Yesss'm.
pure maracuja oil rollerball: This is a super-hydrating oil that comes from an Amazonian flower and is very similar to argan oil. I like that it comes in a rollerball top, because it makes it really easy to apply to your face. As an oily-skinned sister, I would probably not use this on days that I wear makeup, and reserve it for days that I'm being a complete hermity, gross blogger.
retoucher flawless finish bamboo foundation brush: This is a foundation brush that will buff your foundation onto your skinby using circular motions. I like this guy, too.
maracuja miracle 12-hr foundation with Broad Spectrum SPF 15: To be honest, I haven't given this b enough time on the ho stroll yet. I got it in the shade for my self-tanned skin, and I'm pale as a mofo right now. It comes in five shades, BT-Dubs. I do like the finish on it. It goes on smoothly and has a slightly dewy finish. But like I said, I haven't worn it all day or anything, so oily peeps use with caution.
modernEYES waterproof creaseless shadow/liner: (See swatches below) This is a little bad b of a pencil that is shadow on one side and liner on the other. It has a kind of purplely/plum undertones, and the shadow especially is a gaw-geous color.
gifted Amazonian clay smart mascara: This mascara is supposed to increase lash volume by 406%. Hell if I know, but I really like this ish. Rashida Jones, Rachel Roy and Krysten Ritter are all big fans of this mascara as well. So you know I'm in if Krysten Ritter like it. (Creepy, much? Yes, I am.)
The best part of the whole deal is that tarte is donating a portion of the proceeds of this makeup kit to the Sustainable Amazon Partnership, which helps promote lasting sustainable management of the Brazilian Amazon Rainforest. Below is a picture of a school that they helped build.
I really like all of the products in this kit, and they fact that part of the proceeds go to a good cause makes them all even better. See, I'm not a completely dark sided b!
My next installment for Allure's Daily Beauty Reporter is up. And this time I talk about my bang journey and stalking Krysten Ritter and Carly Rae Jepsen. Go read it here.
