MacGyver Makeup Creations -- The Deep Wine Lip

As evidenced by this tweet, I've been semi-obesessing over wine lips as of late. Listen, this lip is not for people that like to pussyfoot around (or even dick around) with the bold lip thing. It's really only for those that are downright bout it, bout it.

I've been searching for a perfect wine lip product, so if you've got a line on one, let my ass know. I don't really want one Gaga dark, but definitely bold as f*ck. But in the meantime, I decided to play around with the million lip things that I already have to find something to tide my impatient ass over.

I started by lining my lips with a nude-ish liner, and then applied MAC Pro Longwear Lipcreme in Approaching Storm with a lip brush, because that sh*t is darker than my effing soul if you apply it directly.

I topped it off with Styli-Style Lip Paint in Tres Chic. End of story, maybe I pussyfooted around the lipstick portion of this deal too much, because I really wish I ended up with a darker result. And I'll keep searching for a badass b*tch of a deep wine lipstick/gloss/whatever the eff. But for now, I've MacGyver-ed some ish that I can live with. Result level -- pretty, pretty, pretty...okay.

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Lazy Blogging: Read Something That I Already Wrote

via allure

Because my ass is full-on obsessed with Orange is the New Black, I made a weird Choose Your Own Adventure-style beauty game for you to live your beauty lives vicariously through your favorite ladies of OITNB. Figure out which one you are, and live your damn life accordingly. Check that sh*t here.



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True Blood Musings: Low-Hanging Fruit

For most of this episode, I felt like this:

BECAUSE IT WAS THE FINALE, MUTHAF*CKAS. (And I'm used to being boozy. And bougie.) Let's talk about it after the damn jump.


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Well, All Five of My Senses Just Rejected Themselves From My Body, So Tan Mom Must Have a New Music Video Out.

You guys, seriously, don't watch this sh*t. It's the actual worst thing.

Tell me about it, Fancy Cat. TM name drops some annoying asses in this mess, like Teen Mom Farrah and Michael Lohan. Why not mention Puck from The Real World while you're at it? I mean, we're just mentioning random ass people, right?

But really, when will this Tan-Mom-trying-to-sing-grossness nightmare end? A kiosk-bought acrylic clip-in pony tail does not a terrible pop star make, Patricia. But I will say that homegirl is totally killing it with the brown lip liner and frosted white lipstick, 1998 style. (Spoiler alert: No, she's not.)

But, I do have a few (least) favorite moments in this sh*t cesspool. Around the 1:55 mark, she she's talking about how she's sober now and says, "Hell no to the no." Most prolific lyric of our generation? Then around 2:09, she drops the bomb on us THAT SHE HAS A SKIN CARE LINE.

But the best part comes at 2:15, where SHE'S WEARING A LACE THONG AND A SMILE. That poor Italian Greyhound probably has a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome and permanent ringing of the ears. The only bright spot in this student horror film is the chest hair dude's dance moves. That sh*t on point.

 I know I won't, no matter how much bleach I pour into my ear holes.





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New Badass Skin Care Line Alert -- Drunk Elephant

 First off, you can't even hate on a brand that has "drunk" in its name.

 It's effin' impossible.  Here's the deal on this COMING OUT TODAY brand -- it's not some cheap ass drugstore skin care, but it's super legit.

drunk elephant virgin marula luxury face oil, $72

Here's a little about the line from the founder, Tiffany, who is pretty much my opposite (AKA really nice and smart):

The name Drunk Elephant is rooted in a myth that says that elephants love to eat the fruit that has fallen from the Marula trees. Once eaten, fermentation occurs inside their very large tummies and the elephants become drunk!

Virgin Marula oil, straight from the "pip", can be found throughout our line. It is an oil that I believe is superior to ANY I’ve tried due to the high content of fatty acids and antioxidants. It soaks right in. I’m in love with it. The products are all safe, completely unscented and non-irritating. I hand-picked almost every ingredient in this line. There is no doubt about it, Drunk Elephant was developed with lots of care and love and a large dose of determination.

Drunk Elephant Skin Care represents what I would use on my own skin and what really works for me. It is safe, minimal, effective, and non-toxic. I know I’ll be looking no further for the perfect skin care routine–for I have finally found it. I hope you will love the Drunk Elephant system; finding yourself looking forward to the ease of using it every day, getting real results and not wanting to be without it.

Bottom line, here's the badassery regarding this line -- there's no bullsh*t in it. I'm talking no sulfates, parabens, fragrance, yada yada. You can see the entire long ass list of grossness that's been blacklisted here.

I was lucky enough sample this line, and my favorites are the C-Firma Day Serum, TLC Framboos Glycolic Night Serum, and the Virgin Marula Luxury Face Oil. I'm not doing a real and proper review on these b's yet, because I haven't been using them long enough, but I wanted to bring the newness to your attention so you could get that sh*t hot off the presses. 

Here's another bonus: For a sneak preview of these goodies in temporary packaging, you can get 15% off of everything by using the code SNEAKPEEK until they're gone. The REAL REAL isn't launched until September, so scoop this sh*t up while the gettin' is good, man. 

 

 

You can chiggidy check all the Drunk Elephant products here.

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BREAKING NEWS: K Fed Gets Married, Doesn't Look Bad

pic via people mag

You guys might've heard that Kevin Federline married his tall girlfriend over the weekend. (Somewhere, Shar Jackson is PISSED.) All of that is fine and good, I mean he also had a kid with Tally Talls (street name Victoria Prince, which is total 1996 Penthouse Pet name, and I mean that as a sincere complement), so "yay!" for due diligence, or something. But here's the meat and potatoes of the matter -- K FED IS LOOKING AIIIGHT.

pic via people mag

Yes, his hair is very 90's Thom Yorke.

But, considering star-shaped cornrows have been a viable hairstyle choice of his in the past, dude looks good.

Stars are for Lucky Charms, not hair shapes.

And there's a 0% chance of over-sized t-shirts in that b*tch, too, so I'm effing really happy.

But, I am disappointed to not see one of these klassy azz garter/mini dress pictures in the new Federline wedding photo album. (I'm lying. This sh*t was gross and unnecessary for all human and animal eyeballs.)

Bottom line, K Fed is making me feel like he's borderline hot here, with minimal white trash vibe. UPGRADE!

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True Blood Musings: One Flew Over the Vampire's Nest

Happy Wedding day? Funeral day? I don't know what the f*ck is happening. Let's all find out together after the jump.


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