Tuesday, August 20, 2013

True Blood Musings: Low-Hanging Fruit

For most of this episode, I felt like this:

BECAUSE IT WAS THE FINALE, MUTHAF*CKAS. (And I'm used to being boozy. And bougie.) Let's talk about it after the damn jump.

Alcide, the Paul Revere Falls on Hard Times and Becomes a Hobo Wig Store called, and they want their lowest-selling wig back.

I love how, when Blah-ll's feeling nostalgic, TB plays old timey music box music. It makes me hate him .0000000098% less.

Soooooo...That's a no, then? (P.S. Bonus points for Sook keeping pretty feet while being strangled.)

Well, looks like the world's most boring party is over. Blah-llith is gone and Blah-ll's back. (Yay? Boo? Don't give an eff?)

Not a newsflash, I know.

I never really pictured vamps as fans of Aeropostale.

Ghost of Gramp Gramp Past to the rescue!

Bye, Bran, you ol' boring bag of dicks.

Better get some Goo Gone, Sook.

Well, looks like the re-enactment of spring break '02 is over.

Then the best thing happened. ERIC PEEN.

Then the worst thing happened. It truly was the best of times and the worst of times.

And six months later, apparently Alcide is confounded by the fact that he's doing Sookie. (Ignore my computer sun thingy. I'm a dumbass.)

And in six months, Sookie became Jessica Tandy.

Hardcore style biting.

Listen, True Blood writers, it's supposed to be six months, not effin' Back to the Future.

This sh*t was just sad.

As was this. Eff you, True Blood.

 "Bright eyes." Haha. Bill finally says something worth a f*ck.

Eff you, Bill.

 Yeah, this isn't looking good.

I'm sure you wondering why I'm not officially freaking the f*ck out about Eric, and that's because I categorically refuse to believe that bullsh*t. I REFUSE. See you mofos next year.

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