Justin Louise (???) Bieber, You Stop That Right Now and Go to Your Room!

I can't can't take much more of this, Biebs.

pics via JB's instagram

I know that changes are happening to your body that you don't really understand, yet, but Imma need you to pull your pants up more in the crotchal region. And you probably don't really need gloves when you're working out on Soloflex. And posting topless ass pictures of yourself under the pretense that you're mocking the media isn't fooling any hoes, honey. Now go into time out, and I'll bring up a Berenstain Bears book about keeping your mother effing shirt on in public. And, yes, you can have one more pack of Gushers and a Hi-C Ecto Cooler.

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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Brenda Walsh in a Photographic History, 'Cause It's That B's Birthday.

You guys, I love Shannen Doherty's ass. (Figuratively, not literally.) And today is mah boo's birthday, so I've collected some amazing pictures of that crazy ass through the years -- or the 90's. Whatever.

jorts for effing daysssssss

well this sh*t is just massively uncomfortable...

even a bunk ass perm can't stop the FACE

...and kelly's a slut b*tch, duh.

badass 4 lyfe

that's right, dylan, oooo you can get it.

this.

ha. and a sh*tload of this. wynonna judd meets alyssa milano in fear.

who DOESN'T want to slap the ever-loving blah out of andrea zuckerman???

and just because -- what are you, wilford brimley? get your sh*t together, andrea.

Happy Birthday, Brenda (Shannen). You're forever my GUUUUUURL.

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Quick Sh*t: The "Eff That" Cat

This b don't play, mmmmkay? Quit trying to get all up in his (or her -- I don't know your life) area. Humans are so friggin' annoying in the brain area.

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I'm Getting That Hurrr Looking Right -- by Eating (Supplement) Stuff.

I love beauty supplements. But I can NEVER remember to take a damn vitamin. That crap just flits right out of my head like I'm a chihuahua with zero attention span. But eating stuff, I ALWAYS remember that. That's one of the best things about my new down ass b that I was so generously allowed to sample, Beauty Bumps.

beauty bumps, $85

YOU EAT THIS ISH. AND IT TASTES LIKE A MINT. AND IT HAS GOLD IN IT.

But that's not the REAL real deal on this stuff. Beauty Bumps are an edible supplement that helps to grow your hair up to 42% with SCIENCE. It works by:

•    Reducing DHT which is one of the primary causes of hair loss
•    Supporting the anti-aging of the hair follicle
•    Significantly improving circulation which is essential to healthy hair
•    Helping reduce the effects of stress on the body

And to get the deets on what's actually in the bumps, click here. It's still too early to tell how long and flowing my mop is going to get using the Bumps (I've been taking them less than a month), but I'm so happy that my ass will actually get a result because I'm eating these things as directed. This is possibly the first time I've done anything as directed, ever, in life.

via realitytvgifs

Watch out Rapunzel, I'm coming for yo' ass. Check out more about Beauty Bumps here.

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Quick Sh*t: I Told You B's That Walt Jr. is Hot

Today is my day of creeper vindication, mofos. I present to you (via Walt Jr.'s twitter -- or RJ Mitte, whatever) the hottest breakfast lover, except for Ron Swanson. Natch.

So suck it, America. (Gross. Not literally.) FLYNN 4 EVA.

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Rumer Willis' Everything Game is All Kinds of Wrong.

This is what Rumer Willis (who is Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's daughter, DAD) wore to some Las Vegas day club opening this weekend. But before we get into this effery, can someone tell me what in dumb's sake a DAY CLUB is? Can't it just be a club that's open during the day? Or a pool or whatnot? Quit trying to reinvent the slut wheel, Vegas.

Anyway, I don't even care about the fact that lil' boosie is wearing a bikini top and glitter eff skirt. It's Las Vegas. And a day club. I don't know the appropriate dressing etiquette. But those sandals look like they should be worn by a Pop Pop named Saul that lives in Boca Raton. And her hair isn't bad in THEORY, but for some reason it looks like it was Fashion Plate-d onto her head. It makes my eyeballs feel awkward.

Here's Rumer (Is it wrong to hope that she opens a strip club named after herself?) with a friend, that is bringing up some questions for me. What is that faux camera thing around homeboy's neck? If that silly nonsense is an iPhone case, I will LOSE. MY. SH*T. I'm getting too old for this mess, you guys.

pics via buzzfeed




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Random Homie: Duri Nail Polish

You guys know that I love telling your asses about nail polish brands that you (might) have not heard of before. The peeps at Duri Cosmetics sent me a variety of polishes from their Spring collection to try, and at $6 a pop, you need to come and ride this polish train (and ride it).

duri's spring line ($6 each), afterhours on top

The color I chose to highlight is Afterhours, which is a beige-y/silver with a dab of lavender.

afterhours by duri, $6

So I like to match my toes with my shoes with my couch. Get off my jock, man. And sorry for the foot pic, I know it's kind of gross unless you're into weird foot stuff. If so, play on, playa.

I've had this polish on my toes for almost a week now, during which time I have worn boots, heels, sandals, been barefoot in the mountains, gone to a wedding, driven through three states, worked on my tired ass feet, hung out in a (possibly) haunted house, done homies' makeup, broken up yorkie/chihuahua dog fights, and more -- and ish still looks pristine as a mofo. I'm sold. Get out your six bucks, dudes, this is good. Check out all of the Duri polish choices here.




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