Quick Sh*t: The Best Workout Video, Ever. (No, Not Prancercise.)

I'm kind of obsessed with everything about this video. The dude is one hundred percent a reanimated corpse, and Sandy Duncan's 'fit is KILLING IT. That top looks like it belongs on a child in the casual wear portion of a beauty pageant.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

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ET Should Probably Go Home.

I'll give a Fruit by the Foot to any b that can make it through this video. Not a Fruit Roll Up. What am I, effin' made of money? I'll throw in a pack of gusher to anyone that can send out a memo on what's up with that mouth situation. Mr. Bubble? Anyone?

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GUUUUUURL of the Day: Kanyeezy's Pseudo-Hero Mask

via buzzfeed

Dammit, West, what kind of nonsensical stupidity is happening here? You look like a milk man/priest/guy from Fat Albert hybrid.

Or like a kid on Halloween whose mom totally forgot that it was Halloween, because she works like three jobs (she's had some tough times), and then the kid is all, "MOOOOM, I don't even have a costume!" and she cuts a hole in the hat she's wearing and says it's a Spiderman costume. Not to mention, I'm pretty sure that you're holding your wenis like a corn cob. Can we just stop all of this sh*t, already? YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE SOMETHING'S FATHER.

Enough is a mother effin' nough.

P.S. This is why the world wants to collectively punch you.




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What in Eff's Sake ARE THESE THINGS?

via buzzfeed

As the late, great Whitney Houston would say, "Oh hell to the naw!" This is just atrocious. And needless. What are you putting in those pockets, boo? A mini notebook in the back pocket? A piece of gum in that tiny inner pocket? These are truly the devil's jean/boot/flip flop hybrid.

Let's wash our brains with some Kaitlin.



I wanna be GLAMOROUS!


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So This Happened...

According to X17 Online, last night Lindsay Lohan, Lady Gaga, and Lana Del Rey had a sleepover at Chateau Marmont. During this CRAZY, crazy sleepover, they reportedly were "watching old movies and playing board games." Oh, ish! Hold me back. Below is an artist's (my) representation of what happened last night.

Oh, damn. GIRL TALK? This mess just got real.

If Mall Madness was up in that piece, I'm going to be jealous as hell. I wanted Mall Madness SO FREAKIN' BADLY, and my mom said it was too expensive. Sigh. Such a c-block of board game bitchin'-ness.




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Fabio's Greatest Hits

I was thinking about Fabio last night, (Not in that way. Gross!) and I was wondering where that b has been hiding. So I compiled a batch of the best Fabio pictures I could find. And there are some beauts...

Fabio channels Amelia Earhart.

Fabio goes "wheeeeee"!

\

Bear Skin Rug + Body Oil = Bleh

Are those fringed suede pants? I'd rather see them on the tiger.

I kind of want this outfit. Fabio's so fashion forward!

For some reason, when I was googling "Fabio" this cat kept popping up. Into it. This is the new Fabio.

P.S. I never realized how much Fabio's chest looks like two huge loaves of half-risen bread. Delish!





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My Computer Just Updated...

And this was one of my tabs recovered when my computer restarted. I feel like I'm probably flagged by the FBI now.


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This Looks Horrible...(ly Awesome)!

Remember when Rob Lowe showed up a couple of months ago with that terrible blonde(ish) hair?

This is his finished product for Lifetime for the biopic of that creepy Drew Peterson dude. Listen, Rob Lowe is saying "bitch." I'm down!

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Stand By...

C. Stodd made a video for Funny or Die, which will be released on Thursday. AND it was directed by Seinfeld's Jason Alexander. Oooookay? I don't even know where to go from here. Stay tuned so we can talk ish on Thursday...

P.S. To tide you over, go check this out from Gallery of the Absurd.


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WTF, Stacy Ferguson?

Pic via Huffington Post

Fergie showed up to something called "The Night of Firsts" ( I effing hope so!) wearing this hot mess. #1 You can't zip it. #2 You're wearing a Felix the Cat dress. #3 You look uncomfortable as hell, like a b that can't zip her dress up. Oh, wait...

This is the only way that Felix the Cat should be making appearances.

And when's the last time you saw one of those? Probably when you looked like this.

You and J Love should have showed up like this last night. That would have been the realness.

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Ma'am, Your Boob Is Staring at Me...Angrily.

Photo via Huffington Post

Let's all just drink in this Sour Sally. This is the wife of one of the dudes that created Angry Birds, angrily donning an Angry Bird-themed dress. Why so glum, chum? Maybe she's just getting into character? Or maybe she's pissed that she kind of looks like she was wearing a normal red satin dress, and on the way in she somehow had a crazy, wacky mishap that ripped the bodice of her dress. She happened upon a display of  Angry Bird kites in the lobby of this party (which is probs for some kind of A.B. ish), and she resourcefully patched up her dress with said kite! I bet that's it. I'm sure this b didn't pay 8 bajillion dollars for this mess. (Slash, she totally did.) Sigh.

This post brought to you by Angry Birds.

(No, it's totally not. It's brought to you by me, an unemployed, bored person, but that would be cool.)

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I Can't Believe I Forgot to Talk About This Mess

 I have MAJOR love for Shannen Doherty. She is one of my favorite humanoids. If you don't love Brenda Walsh, I just can't even with you. But this ish is freaking ridiculous. I can't even co-sign this for my favorite homegirl. The first time I saw this, I got a huge case of the WTF's. Are things that bad, S. Doh? Do you need a personal loan or something? You are better than this. You're endorsing a college that says go to class in your pajamas. I need my b back! I need some c-face, and some rude side eye knives thrown at Kelly Taylor's bland ass! Not this. Pin It

What the WHAAAAT?!?!?

Pic via US Magazine

The NY Daily News has uncovered a paternity lawsuit, in which a 20 year old woman claims Justin Bieber is the father of her three month old baby. She says she had sex with the Biebs last year after one of his concerts. Whaaaaat? Go to your room, young man (woman?)! But seriously, ish just got serious. Dude, you are 16 (I think.) and a gazillionaire. If you're getting down with a random, please protect your self before you wreck yourself.

P.S. This is his new haircut. I'm not sure if we're moving farther away or closer to looking like a sweet-faced lesbian. (Which is a cute look, so whatevs.)

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Duh, Who Doesn't Love a Pizza Party?!? Super NSFW

This would have totally been my jam for sleepovers in third grade, if it wasn't for the whole n-word, f-bombs, and the constant cunnilingus/fellatio referencing thing. Pin It

Is This Real Life?

No, not this picture of Blondie and Andre the Giant. But I googled "Steven Seagal" and this came up. And wouldn't you rather look at that hot duo of sex than this?


I mean you see this enough. Every day, when you pop in your "Songs from the Crystal Cave" and you just jam the eff out. I see you. Anyway, can I get to the damn point? According to the San Antonio Press, Steven Seagal is now working for the Hudspeth County Sheriff's Office to guard to Mexico-USA border. Like for a job. Like not an acting one. I mean, for real, kid. I feel you.

P.S. I need that ring, Seagal. Pin It

Courtney Stodden's Ridiculous Tweet of the Day

So. Many. Ridiculous. Words.

This b*tch MUST moonlight as a low rent romance novelist. If not, she is seriously underachieving. Pin It

Seriously, WTF is this Effery?

Oh. My. Stars. Are we double-sided taping our eyeballs now? N'thanks. Cray cray britches! (Yes, BRITCHES, you dirty heads!) Pin It

I'm Changing the Name of This Blog...

To icantstopobsessingovercourtneystodden.com. But seriously, WTF world??? Please go look at ALL of these pictures of her "just another day at the pool" over on Superficial.

P.S. YOU ARE WELCOME! Pin It

This. B.

Ol' formerly Dash face (currently cattish? face) wore this ish BOWLING the other night. Listen, I'm a ridiculous b*tch. I overdress for effing EVERYdamTHING, and even I know this is crazy as hell. Pin It

What the Hell am I Looking at Here, Exactly?

We all know Paz de la Huerta is a crazy ass crazy, but this is a man down level of cray cray. I literally do not know where to rest my eyes. I'm not even mad that she's wearing my dream prom dress from '97. Or that her skin is half a day glo shade from that salmon on acid dress color. Or that her hair looks like one of those shitty Spencer's wigs you buy for your slutty Shania Twain Halloween costume and then wear home tossed askew on your walk of shame the next morning. What in the disgusting effery is that lipstick?!? She looks like she just made out with this dude. Who the hell am I kidding? I love this bitch. Pin It