Make A DIY Curling Wand In 30 Seconds

Sometimes life hands you lemons. And those lemons are in the exact form of a curling iron that happens to be the perfect size, but the handle is c-blocking your hair styling flow. I love this curling iron because it's as big as a mofo and creates treasures of loose waves, but my hair is always getting yanked the hell out by the screws and springs on the clip thing-y. It's like I'm involved in a Real Housesives-esque fight every day.

So I decided to get rid of that shit. And it took 30 seconds. Here's how it works:

Use a screwdriver to remove the clip. Be careful, it kind of springs off at the end. Don't poke your eye out. While you're at it, avert your eyes from my gross nails. I'm a trash heap.

Then unscrew the spring part.

If you want, put the whole shebang in a ziploc and put it up. Who knows, you might want your OG curling iron back one day. I don't know your life.

That's it! I told you this was quick. No more hair-ripping-out-age for this beyotch.

Now you're free to...

(or whatever your flavor might be) your hair freely all up on your brand new curling wand.



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Makeup Quickie: Easy, Slightly Badass St. Patrick's Day Eye, Completely Sans Cheese

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Today is kind of one of the best makeup days o' the year, because you can pretty much get away with whatever the eff you feel like doing to your face. Glitter? Great. Neon green shit? Sure. A full-on gingery leprechaun beard made from dyed Barbie hair? As you wish, Princess Butercup.

But, if you're looking for something that's easy and has a slight edge, without screaming, "IN YO' FACE, SHAMROCK SHAKES," then follow me down this easy ass yellow brick road of St. Paddy's face fun. There are three easy steps to this eye, and then you can get on with the drinky drink times.

Step One: Line the bottom of your eye (waterline included) with a green eyeliner, swooping it up a little at the end.

Step Two: Top the line off with some green eyeshadow, and smudge it up a bit.

Step Three: Cat eye your ass off with some black liquid liner goodness on your upper lash line.

Done. Off you go to find the Mobile Leprechaun.

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Quick Sh*t: Today's My Anniversary, So Here's a Video Clip From My Wedding

Just kidding, we had way less fun than this.

via reddit


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Quick Sh*t: Happy Labor Day, B*tch.

via reddit

Sookie Stackhouse (street name Anna Paquin, if you're stupid Blah-ll) and I have the same affliction -- Bitchy Resting Face. People are always asking what the eff is wrong with me, and I'm all, "Ummm, what? I was thinking about kittens." It's hard out there for a b*tch (face).

Happy Labor Day, mofos.

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Quick Sh*t: The Most Riveting Movie Scene, Ever.

Don't ask me one detail about this fantastic scene, because I don't know a damn thing about it. Except that it is mf-ing magnificent. And that dude that leaves the room at the beginning has the loudest footsteps in the universe. I really wish that bifocals had divulged why he needed said cash flow, but alas, he was super evasive. Oh well, just sit back and enjoy this production. And then watch it again.

I have to go because I need to say, "Bloody!" to people and hang up on their asses immediately. Also, "yes, I'm not," is the best non-committal answer I've ever encountered. Yes, I'm not seeing you guys tomorrow.






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Quick Sh*t: The Best Workout Video, Ever. (No, Not Prancercise.)

I'm kind of obsessed with everything about this video. The dude is one hundred percent a reanimated corpse, and Sandy Duncan's 'fit is KILLING IT. That top looks like it belongs on a child in the casual wear portion of a beauty pageant.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

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Quick Sh*t Hits

Hey guys, I've been a little distant lately. I've been in a deep, deep Game of Thrones hole, but, sadly, that's over for a year. Since I've been gone, here's what happening.

Henry Cavill has a perfect face and can "Look, Ma, no hands," the eff outta bicycle.



I've had a thing for homeboy since The Tudors, and he sure hasn't gotten any uglier.

Also, Biebs is going to space.

 

If this is the first impressions aliens get of Earthlings, we're all f*cked.

And this happened, too.

via twitter

Listen, Juno, I like your ass, but you can't have my Skar-y.

Lastly, this exists. Goodnight, cruel world.


What's been going on with your asses? And what TV dramzzzz shall I be sucked into next? TALK TO ME.


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Quick Sh*t: Bradley Cooper's Hair is Trying to Copy Gwen Stefani

Remember when Gwen Stefani had this hair?

And this?

And this?

Now, Bradley Cooper is trying to make this happen:

via buzzfeed

Nope. America as a whole rejects this idea, BC. I asked every single human person. No, I didn't, but I know that they agree.

Hair -- you're doing it wrong, Bradley Cooper.



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Quick Sh*t: This Picture Just Made My Life

via r simms facebook

I love this picture so much that I can't even handle it. We've got my fashion idol, Richard Simmons, Sookie, and stupid-faced Bill all in one picture. My heart wants to explode with love and disdain. Richard's life has totally been made by this ish for some reason -- look at his face. And Sookie and Bill are looking smug as eff; like they can't wait to laugh about this mess on the ride back to their vampire mansion. Rude. But I think that Richie got mixed up on the premiere date for that HBO Liberace movie and made that hot ass vest from his guest bedroom duvet on the fly. Or like he's taken a part time job as a wedding dress consultant, in hopes that he can be on next season's Say Yes to the Dress. (Don't listen to me. I'm just jealous that I didn't think of those ideas.)

I can die happy (Heh, right.) now. Okay, bye.





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Quick Sh*t: Met Gala Roundup

The Met Gala/Met Ball/whatevs was last night, and people got all fancy as eff and walked around being important and ish. Here are some quick highlights. 

As per ush, J Law was the HBIC.

via vulture

And Marion Cotillard and Lena Dunham thought that ish was friggin' funny. SJP's badass head f*ckery blocked her peripheral vision, and homegirl missed the whole thing.

This person was there and claimed to be Zooey Deschanel. Who dat? But f'real, without bangs boo boo has 50's housewife mop commercial face.

Miley Cyrus needs to stop the insanity, and Susan Powter needs to sue this b for copyright infringement.

Her look is getting bitten WAAAAY hard. (Sorry young people, google it.)

There were a lot of other b faces that looked awesome, and a ton of people that looked half sh*tty, but I don't care enough to talk about their asses.

I SAID QUICK.




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Quick Sh*t: The "Eff That" Cat

This b don't play, mmmmkay? Quit trying to get all up in his (or her -- I don't know your life) area. Humans are so friggin' annoying in the brain area.

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Quick Sh*t: Start Off the Day the Right Way, With April Ludgate.

April is my spiritual sister, man. (Click to enlarge.)




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