Make A DIY Curling Wand In 30 Seconds

Sometimes life hands you lemons. And those lemons are in the exact form of a curling iron that happens to be the perfect size, but the handle is c-blocking your hair styling flow. I love this curling iron because it's as big as a mofo and creates treasures of loose waves, but my hair is always getting yanked the hell out by the screws and springs on the clip thing-y. It's like I'm involved in a Real Housesives-esque fight every day.

So I decided to get rid of that shit. And it took 30 seconds. Here's how it works:

Use a screwdriver to remove the clip. Be careful, it kind of springs off at the end. Don't poke your eye out. While you're at it, avert your eyes from my gross nails. I'm a trash heap.

Then unscrew the spring part.

If you want, put the whole shebang in a ziploc and put it up. Who knows, you might want your OG curling iron back one day. I don't know your life.

That's it! I told you this was quick. No more hair-ripping-out-age for this beyotch.

Now you're free to...

(or whatever your flavor might be) your hair freely all up on your brand new curling wand.



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Beauty Science Fair: Avocado Hair Mask Edition

Remember elementary school science fairs? The white backboards that were Elmer's-glued to the gills with construction paper, diapers bursting with food coloring, sprouted potatoes -- that shit was so stressful. But one great thing about the forced attendance to these science fairs was gleaning all of that random ass childhood knowledge without having to actually do the boring work.

So that's really what I'm doing here (well, the grown lady/cheapass/low rent version). I'll do all the work with the beauty experiments and you can reap the benefit of the results, ranging from good to crap.

For today's experiment, I'm taking on a DIY avocado mask and tracking the results, in the style of the Scientific Method. Remember the Scientific Method? Sorry for bringing back your third grade anxieties. Get out your four color pen and take notes.

Purpose: To get hair that's as shiny as a mofo.

Hypothesis: If you blend together some seemingly innocuous avocado and other food stuffs, maybe your hair will get all healthy and glossy glossy.

Procedure: I searched the ol' World Wide Web until I found this recipe for an avocado hair mask that contained all ingredients that I already possessed. Because you know that my too-lazy-to-refill-my-water-glass ass isn't going to actually leave the house to buy some nonsense. I mean, this whole thing really came about because I had an avocado that I bought a week ago with the idea that I was going to make guacamole, then I got shitty and let it go half bad. So here's what you need:

• Your own kind of shitty avocado (a normal one, not a dinosaur-sized huge one)
• 1/4 c of olive oil
• 1 Tablespoon of lemon juice

I put everything in a bowl and mixed it up, and started to notice how Josie Grossie this crap looked.

The texture of the mixture was straight-up (now tell me) guh-ross. I kept thinking stuff like, "Is this what baby poop looks like? Is this what baby poop feels like?" I must have a weird baby poop thing. I wasn't aware. But it was grossing me out.

It says to use it on damp hair but that's just too much damn work, and homie don't play that, so I just kind of squished it all over my head. Then I waited an excruciating 20 minutes. (Okay, it wasn't excruciating. It was moderately bleh.)

But seriously, how effing gross does this look? My expectations for the outcome of this hot mess were lowered to say the least.

After the 20 minutes, I got into the shower and rinsed and shampooed my hair. I would file the way it felt under "meh." So I slapped a light conditioner on and immediately rinsed it out. I followed up with my regular ol' basic bitch hair routine when I got out, which is a spray leave-in conditioner and an Argan oil serum. My hair felt normal, with a dab of dryness.

Analysis: I usually have a semi-hard (heh) time brushing through my hair when I'm blow drying it, and I can never just blow dry and go. I have to curl or flat iron (or air-dry and leave it the hell alone) to keep it from looking slightly puffy and pre-styling tools middle school-y. A bitch that can do a blowout and call it a day, I am not.

But I found that I could easily run a round brush through my hair, which pretty much never happens. And as my hair dried, it was looking as smooth as that terrible Santana/Rob Thomas song. My ends weren't weird and my mop was shining bright like a diamond, circa 2012. (I apologize for the surplus of dated musical references. I've had wine and it's late.)

Conclusion: I was wholly prepared to be all, "My hair feels like a greased-up porcupine's b-hole," right to your face, but I was wrong. Like a big dummy. This shit is the bee's knees. The only con to this whole deal was that my oily roots were oily, so I would probably hit up the shampoo twice. Rinse and repeat et al.

Overall, my hair feels amazing. It hasn't feel this soft 'n' silky in recent times. It's like Jennifer-Aniston-when-her-hair-was-at-its-peak-levels of dopeness. I know that this all seems hyperbolic, but I AM NOT OVERSELLING THE FEELINGS OF MY HAIR RIGHT NOW. You know that I don't care about things enough to oversell them. Especially not avocados.

Sorry, avocados.





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Gettin' Sh*t Done On The Cheap: DIY Banana And Honey Hair Mask

Sometimes, in life, that cash flow source is strong to quite strong, and other times you're broke as a joke. Sh*t happens, and whatnot. Just because it might be one of those times when you've got way less disposable income, doesn't mean you have to give up your beauty game.

Bananas are packed with vitamins, healthy oils, and a bunch of that good good that makes head hairs gaww-geous. Whipping up a beneficial banana hair mask right in your kitchen takes about 1.4 seconds and contains sh*t that you probably already have up in your semi-bare cabinets.

Pro tip: Look behind the wine.

Grab a bowl, a ripe ass banana, and some honey. End of list.

Break up the nanner and put it in the bowl with about a teaspoon of honey.

Pro tip: Don't eat the mixture, no matter how tempted you are at this point. (And you will be tempted. Trust.)

Blend it all together, getting out all of the lumps. If you don't, those chunky chunks will get caught up in your mop, and ain't nobody got time for that.

Once you're blended into smoothness, put it all over your hair. Put a shower cap on your noggin, or wrap it up with plastic wrap, if that's more your speed. Leave your science experiment on for 20 minutes or so. Then rinse, and get back to your regularly scheduled program of shamps and conditioning.

Make sure you're insanely thorough with the rinse/shampoo job, because my lazy ass still had bits of banana in my hair. But banana pieces aside, my hair was left moisturized and smooth. Bonus points for everything smelling like a damn smoothie.

Looking for a more intensive DIY hair mask? Check out the coconut oil hair mask here.




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Commit Assault And Battery On Your Under-Eye Assailants

There are very few things that can kill your "I'm looking pretty damn fine" swagger quicker than under-eye issues. That is, except maybe these pants that I just witnessed Tiffani (Amber, I refuse to stop saying this) Thiessen wearing on Lifetime Movie Network.

 

Oh, 1995 fashions, what a cruel mistress you were. Almost as hated as the bags, puffiness, dark circles, and a myriad of other drama-starters that were the original focus of this blog. There is not a perfect fix for any of these rude ass situations, unfortunately, but we can greatly improve upon them. Thank you, Yeezus. (He'll just take credit anyway.)

Get Your Natural Remedies On

I LIVE for a great DIY solution to beauty problems. Well, that and wine. And bacon. Luckily, there are a couple of boss b at-home remedies for under-eye circle/bag/puffiness that rivals the Stay Puft dude from Ghostbusters. The first one involves tea bags. Of the tea variety, only. I promised myself that I wouldn't make any kind of inappropriate anatomy joke with this, so shut your yam holes.

After you've brewed yourself a cup of delicious tea something, preferably a concoction with caffeine, like black or green, put the bags in the fridge to cool. You want caffeinated goodness because it helps to reduce puffiness and swelling. As in buh-bye baginess. The coldness from refrigeration also helps with this dreadful bag situation. Now all that remains to be done is to lie back with the bags on your eyes for ten minutes or so. HOLY TRASH BOX, THAT WAS SO HARD TO KEEP IT TOGETHER AND BE AN ACTUAL ADULT. So many dirty opportunities wasted. I hope you're happy, mom.

Fresh out of tea bags? (Not a word!) Cucumber slices are also a great option to de-puff. Same deal applies -- cold cucumber slices, putting them on your peepers for ten minutes. Your swollen soul-windows are on their way to being history.

Carrying a Conceal(er)ed Weapon

I'm pretty sure that a great concealer could be the eighth Wonder of the World, and I've been using this Koh Gen Do Liquid Treatment Concealer (Sephora, $48) on the daily from the moment they sent it to me. It's not super heavy, but it's moisturizing as a mofo. It also has great stuff like brightening properties and jojoba and shea butter. My photography skills are as lame as they get, so please ignore them, but this stuff is the new Supreme of my concealer coven.

No matter your concealer choice, the best way to blend away your under-eye shadows is with a firm (but also lenient) ring finger application. Pat the concealer on the area from the inner corner of your eye, while blending out and down toward your cheekbone. If you have really, really dark circles, use a concealer with a more yellow tone -- it cuts those hard-to-hide blue-ish hues more.

The (Eye) Cream Machine

Ugh, eye area, why must you be so delicate and crows' feet prone? And why do I have to be so into expensive sh*t? My favorite eye serum is Obagi's ELASTIderm Eye Complete Complex Serum (Skinstore, $93.60), because it doesn't make me breakout, and it's moisturizing without being heavy. But, it costs roughly three arms and seven legs, so I can only get this stuff on very rare occasions. 

A close second for me is Glytone Anti-Aging Eye Cream (Amazon, $29.83), which is more affordable and still has all those cat's pajama-esque ingredients like caffeine (remember that?) and vitamins, or whatever. Whatever you end up using, just use something. It'll keep your crinkly eye issues at bay for longer, so don't skip that mess.

This eye care stuff is serious business. Tread lightly.

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One Broke Girl: Beauty Treatments You Can Do on The Cheap

Listen, people. Times are mutha effin' tough in this b*tch. Sometimes you are on an all-ramen-all-the-time diet, but you still want to:

via nbcparksandrec tumblr

It's only natural. Just because you have roughly two dimes to rub together doesn't mean that you have to shun beauty treatments completely. I've rounded up a few ways that you can still get super grown and sexy, without the extra cash flow.

All Coconut Oil Errthang



I made a tutorial on coconut oil hair masks like a million years ago, and I've learned a few things since then. First off, you don't need to heat that mess up. It's a solid at most room temperatures, and liquifies with heat. There's no need to get out an effin' blow torch, or anything, just scoop the ish into your hands, rub them together a little, and apply it to your dry hair. The rest of the video is still as valid as any other crap that I throw together.

The next part of my coconut oil infogasm is that you can use it for about a billion things. I now also use it for my reg body moisturizer. I also use it to pop popcorn. These two items are completely unrelated. I'm not use how much a jar is, maybe $5 to $10, but that mess lasts forever. Invest. Save your damn pennies.

 St. Ives Apricot Scrub -- But Not For Your Mug

target, $2.99

I know, you used the hell out of this sh*t in middle school. And you might even still use it on your face. If you do, stop that immediately. It will eff up the collagen in you face, because it's just too rough for your face's delicate constitution. BUT it's great for a body scrub, especially if you are a victim of the dreaded backne. And it's so cheap. Get it on BOGO somewhere, and you're set for years. If you want to make it a little more moisturizing, just add a little swig of olive oil.

Homemade Aspirin/Lemon Juice Mask

If you need a little exfoliation for cheap/free if you've got this stuff, I've got the mask for you. This is from the Dr. Oz show, and you know that homeboy knows his stuff. It's based on aspirin, which contains salicylic acid, and lemon, which has a fat ass amount of vitamin c. Both of these things are great for the el skino.

Ingredients:

- non-coated aspirin
- lemon juice
- baking soda

Instructions:
1. Crush up 6-12 non-coated aspirins and combine with freshly squeezed lemon juice.
2. Let the aspirin dissolve until it turns into a paste.
3. Apply the mask to your skin and leave it on for 10 minutes.
4. Remove the face mask by dipping a cotton round in some baking soda and some water.

WARNING: So I just tried this sh*t, and it works just fine, but when I went to remove it with the cotton round with water and baking soda, it burned my skin like a cray cray banana hammock. So, I recommend skipping that part, and just rinsing with water, unless your skin is made from impenetrable steel, or something.

Okay, cheap asses/fellow poor peeps, it's like we're a broke ass beauty parlor up in here! You don't have to look raggedy and crazy, just because we aren't bazillionaires.

Do you guys have any cheap beauty tricks? Share with all of us other poor unfortunate souls!





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ANNNNND My Hair Transformation C'est Fini. (I'm Fancy and French.)

So, I got brave(ish) on T-gives and dyed my own hair. See the reveal after the jump and how I effed up...And ended up in Walmart at the start of Black Friday with all of the crazies.

via 90120gifs

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My Strange Addiction: Hair Color Edition

I'm weird. (I know, no ish on that one.) But one of my weirdest quirks comes to my treatment of hair dye. I have a horrible habit of having a boss b as a hair stylist, and then deciding that I should dye my own sh*t. I don't know what the eff my deal is. I'm an a-hole.

In my quest to be the world's worst hair client, I have tried just about every home hair dye out there, from the cheap mess to Sally Beauty Supply "professional" stuff. I'm surprised I haven't melted my own face off at this point. I stopped by the ol' Sephora today and got Couture Colour's Luxeblend™ Crème Hair Colour With Pequi Glossing Serum in Dark Brown, because I have been dying (har, har) to try a little bit more of an upscale at home dye, and this one doesn't have ammonia.

This is what the kit looks like. It comes with a brush (but no bowl) if you want to apply it that way, or it also has a bottle tip, if that's more your bag. They also include a little vial of pequi oil (whatever the hell that is) to use to condition the hair after coloring. I guess it's like a Moroccan/argan oil. That's what it seemed like to me.

I chose to use the brush application method, because a) I'm a badass, and b) I have a hair color bowl. It actually makes a pretty large amount of dye when mixed. It was really just the perfect amount of product to do an all-over color. I was a little worried (not really) about how the color would turn out, because I had read some reviews on the Sephora website that said all of the colors were darker than the box. Um, duh peeps. It's home hair color. That ish is always darker. And it's called DARK brown. Dark.

Here are my before and after results. I have had some ombre/balayage highlights for several months now, and I'm over it. So I really just wanted to cover them b's up. The afters are an inside and an outside photo. I'm happy with the color. It's a dark brown, which is what I expected, and the color is very even and shiny. And the smell was pleasant (to me anyway) but I actually like the smell of hair dye. I'm a gross weirdo.

I think I have found my new go to hair dye for the periods of time when I want to pretend that I know WTF I'm doing. Are you guys DIY-ers? Or am I the only crazy ass?




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Yo, I Can Do at Home Gel Manicures Like a Boss!

Red Carpet Manicure Pro Kit, $79.99

This is the good good, you guys. I can't lie -- I was super skeptical on the whole gel-manicure-at-home deal. I had heard about it, but I was all, "I've had a gel manicure in the salon. And that ish is the bizzle. It can't be like that." Then the good peeps over at Red Carpet Manicure sent me the Pro Kit to try.

It includes all the stuff you need: the light thingy, and all of the steps involved in the whole process, including a basic red shade of the gel polish. But here's the thing -- I kind of suck at painting my nails. I'm of the theory that one can paint the whole top part of one's finger, then peel everything off the skin around after the polish has dried. Yep, I'm very professional in life. So I was pretty unsure if I could do this mess. But guess what? I did it! And ish looked guuuuurrrd. Who's got a cookie for my ass?

The manicure lasted about two weeks for me, until it grew out. It was pretty much just like the gel manicure I have had a few times in the salon. I think at the $80 purchase price is well worth it, when you think about the fact that each gel manicure is over $20. They also sell more colors, and they can even be purchased at Ulta. I'm going to buy more tomorrow, because I'm a total makeup hoarder.

P.S. I would have taken a picture of my hands, but I just took the polish off a day ago. AND I'm lazy. AND my hands look like a 95 year old woman's. (I'm all veiny. It's gross. Trust, I'm saving you on this one.)



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Lazy Custom DIY Mani: The Creamsicle!

Have you ever thought about the fact that you don't have to be limited to the nail polish color options in your CVS? (Or Sephora if you're fancy.) I almost always have some crazy color polish idea in my head that I want to come to life. So I usually just make it myself. And it's not hard. (Duh, I wouldn't do that ish. I avoid actual work like the plague.)

Lately, I have been craving a creamsicle. (Popsicle and manicure) But I haven't found a creamy, light orange polish in stores. So here's what I did.

I took two polishes that I already own (cheap a b), and combined them. I took the white polish (It's was pretty skanked out, too.) and poured out about half of it. Then I poured in about half of the orange polish into the white bottle. Now I still have the orange (that I'm still into), and I'm using the crappy a white that I would have thrown out anyway. Life is like a box of chocolates...I don't know what that has to do with a damn thing.

Let's see how this mess turned out.

I'm into it. I want to eat my wrinkly little fingers off it's so creamsicle-y! And wasn't that mess easy as eff? And it's not like you have to have a freaking lab (meth or otherwise) to get this ish done! Let's see what one of my dogs thinks about it.

Obvs, she likes it. What do you b's think? Will you try this? Or do you think I'm trash? (The correct answers are "yes" and "yes.")

P.S. Don't bring up my dog's tooth situation. She's sensitive about that ish.




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