Hitting Up Some Revlon Newbies: Bold Lacquer Mascara and Colorstay Moisture Stain

I was in CVS yesterday, buying Father's Day cards about four days too late and armpit razors. (I buy cheap razors that I use exclusively for pit shaving times, because I don't want my spendy shit to get all dulled up with deodorant and junk.) While I was there I, of course, had to peruse the beauty section and see if there were any treasures that I just couldn't live without.

I've really been interested in trying the new Revlon Bold Lacquer Mascara, and all Revlon products were buy one, get one 50% off like woah, so I grabbed one. I decided to go for Blackest Black, because what I am, an infant?

CVS, $7.99

Here's the deal with this mascara: it reportedly adds both length and volume to your lashes, and it seems to get that job done. It's not as volume-inducing as my homie L'Oreal Voluminous mascara, but it's a lot more defining. This baby is not clumpy at all, so if you're firmly in the "I FRIGGIN' HATE CLUMPS SO MUCH" camp, you'll love this. This is not a crazy, fake-looking lashes kind of party, but it's very nice.

Because it was a BOGO(ish) deal going on, I had to pick up another product to try. I chose the Colorstay Moisture Stain in LA Exclusive, because it was pink and pretty and I love the packaging.

CVS, $9.99

This product is different than any other lip deal I've used before. The texture is really, really similar to a long-wear matte liquid lipstick, but it's moisturizing and gloss-like. It was kind of weird for me at first, and takes a little getting used to, but I like the look of the gloss a lot.

Plus, after the gloss wears off (or you blot it) you're left with a bit of color, like a lip stain. It's probably even more bold if you choose a darker shade. I like it, and I really would like to try some of the other colors in this formula.

 So I might have to go hit up that almost BOGO CVS sale. Just one more time.

I have a problem.

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Fun Times With The New Eddie Funkhouser Cosmetics Line. (See What I Did There?)

I really could write an entire post here about my high levels of jealousy that my last name isn't Funkhouser, but I'll save (most of) my neuroses for every other effing thing that I write. Eddie Funkhouser, who is badass/rocker-chic makeup artist dude, just came out with a new line of cosmetics. So, of course, I really wanted to try all that new new, and the nice EF peeps sent me some stuff to sample. Why anyone on this Earth indulges in my pleas and annoyances, I don't really know.

I first tried the Girls on Film Palette ($14.99), which is made up of non-blahsville colors like pink(ish) tones, blue and silver. They all blend pretty damn nicely, and are a welcome change from the neutral tones that I am always shoveling all over my eyeball lids.

Speaking of neutrals, OF COURSE I had to try the Utlimate Smoky Eye Palette ($14.99), too, because I'm a brat that just told you how much I love neutrals. Thanks for ignoring me. I really love this little angel of a compact, and I completely enjoy that a base/highlight eyeshadow shade is included, because it indulges my lazy lifestyle. I'm bout it, bout it when it comes to that easy life.

Speaking of neutrals (part deux), I also have a total lady boner when it comes to nude-y girl lip colors. For lipstick, I went for the Hyperreal Nourishing Lip Color in Innuendo ($11.99). It has an uber creamy (sorry, I'm disgusting myself with that word, but it's accurate) texture, and has the slightest pink touch to nude, to make sure you don't look like an undead person. It's pretty, pretty without being too princess-y.

The nude n' lovely gloss is the Hyperreal Hydrating Lip Gloss in Unapologetic ($10.99), and this beast has earned a permanent place in my purse. (It's a modern day tongue twister!) I'm a sucker ass sucker for a pink/nude gloss sans glittery goop, and this stuff is pretty killer.

via realitytvgifs

The best part of this line? It's affordable! So I can totally be a sucker for all this badassery, without having to actually sucker...never mind. Check out all of the Eddie Funkhouser fun for yourself here.




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I've Been Hoarding an Awesome Eyeshadow Palette Like a Total B Face.

When I tell you guys that I'm the worst, I'm not just being hyperbolic. Like, I am literally the worst at all things. I've had a really badass eyeshadow palette for like two months, and using it on the reg, like almost every day, and I haven't said sh*t. And that's like my job(ish).

But, LOOK. I'm trying to fix it. So let me effin' do this already.

Smashbox's Photo Op Eyeshadow Palette in Softbox II, $39

When Smashbox sent me their Photo Op Palette in Softbox II a while back, I knew it would be my jam immediately. It's a great mix of matte shadows and shimmery ish, and it's neutral, so my old ass won't look like a damn tween. (Not that there's anything wrong with being a tween. Or a twink. I'm just jealous that I'm not either.)

Here's a sh*tty-ish up close look at the colors. I literally like them all, which is super rare for me when it comes to palettes. I'm usually meh-ing the f*ck out over at least a couple of them. In my "everyday eye" look I've got happening above, I'm using all of the shadows but juniper. I have bare as my base shadow/under the brow deal. I used truffle from the crease to the lash line, then sumatra under my eye and in the crease. I then blended it out a little with russet. I finished by using a little sandstorm in the inner corner and inner lid. It's a pretty natural look, and a touch smoky. But not in a too slutty for daytime kind of deal.

Bottom line -- bee's knees, cat's pajamas, giraffe's fishnet stockings, butterfly's fancy hat, this palette is the sh*t. You can ch-ch-check it out for your own damn self here.



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I Accidentally Made a New Mascara My B*tch -- an Unintentional Review by Shannon Ray.

I usually stay pretty tried and true to my main mascara b, L'Oreal Voluminous, with dalliances with some other sh*t on occasion. But I ran out of my Voluminous a while back, bought another drugstore brand, hated it, then had to raid my stash of makeup that I've accumulated throughout my beauty blogger times. That's when I came upon this little mamacita. 

KORRES Volcanic Minerals Volumizing Mascara (Sephora, $20)

I've used KORRES products before, and I liked them, but this goes beyond. The first day I used it, I was all, "Damn dog, my lashes look pretty banging right now." Then everyone at work that day was saying how great my lashes looked.

The formula is really volumizing, and it lasts so long that I actually thought it was a waterproof mascara until I googled it. (I threw out the box like a true professional, so I didn't even know the name of this sh*t. I know. I have no idea why I'm not really successful.) Here's the science-y blah blah's from Sephora:

This Obsidian black is formulated with volcanic minerals for the deepest, darkest color and an explosive increase in lash volume. These rich pigments blend with natural film formers to create a flexible yet strong coating that covers every lash. Volcanic Minerals Volumizing Mascara provides a glossy, luminous finish with a flexible conditioned feel, without any smudging or flakes for optimal, long-wearing benefits. The tapered brush head with unique cross-hatch bristles ensures smooth, clump-free application that grabs even the tiniest microlashes.

I don't know much about all of that, but I do know that I love this mess. Like, a lot. 

This is excited as I get about anything.

 Check it out here for yourself here.



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Exfolimate: The Weirdest Sh*t I've Ever Fallen In Love With

look at this b. just plastic and metal, but so badass.

The mates from Exolimate (duh, they're Australian) sent over a kit of their face and body exfoliators to me a couple of weeks ago. When I opened it, I was all, "What the eff is this effery???" I was expecting to find some sponge, or something, when I pulled out these plastic/metal things that looked like they would spread wallpaper paste.

exfolimate, $39.95 for set with face and body

Here's how this mess works -- while showering, you hold it at a 90 degree angle from your wet skin, and apply light pressure as you drag it across the skin's surface. If my description was too sh*tty for you, here's the official rules. You get the idea. It's really easy. I wasn't really expecting much from doing this. But, weirdly, this ish WORKS REALLY, REALLY WELL.

 

I'm mostly crushing on the face one, because it makes your skin feel crazy soft and it's so fast to use. The body one is also pretty boss, but it's a lot more time consuming (no doy) so I use it less. My laziness is well-documented. I'm about that life.

You can get a set for your own self by checking it out here.






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I Report, You Decide: Did Skinn's Lip 6X Gloss Plump Up My Jams?

Lemme be real with my b*tches for a second -- sometimes being a beauty blogger can be hard, man. There are times when I have a product, and I'm into it, but I'm just not 150,000,000% sure (Maury style) that it does what it says. So, today I bring the goods to you, and let your magical, rainbow-filled, wizard brains decide.

Skinn Lip 6X Gloss Amplifying Lip Gloss, $18.50

Skinn Cosmetics sent me their 6X Amplifying Lip Gloss forever ago, but I lost it, like a dumb dumb doo doo head. After I found it wedged somewhere in my car, I tried it several times and really liked it a lot. It is really, really moisturizing, and lasts FOR-effin'-EVA on my lips. I even had a friend want to steal it from my ass after she tried it, and loved the ish out of it.

But here's the sticky sitch, and why I haven't brought it to your asses, yet. As much as I love this stuff as a lip gloss, I don't know if I feel like it actually plumps my lips. It's not the BURNING plumping gloss, like those bad b's of yesteryear. So maybe that's my problem. But like a real, live, scientist, I took pictures of my lips to see if their was any plumpness happenin' after I applied the gloss. I totally followed the scientific method 100% 0%. Here are the results:

I don't know what to think, you guys. I feel like they are kind of plumped, non? I don't know.

Sh*t, I'm the worst. So, then, this.

I'll leave it to you guys. More plumped lippies? Not at all? What are the balls of your eyes and brain waves telling you? Sound off below, and check it out for yourself for your own damn experiments here.




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I've Been Making It Rain With the Shamps (and Conditioner).

I'm weirdly picky when it comes to shampoo and conditioner combos. I know, shocking, considering I don't give an eff about anything. So I currently have an unusual situation happening. I was sent samples of three different shampoo and conditioner deals, from three different brands, AND I LOVE ALL OF THOSE B'S. I couldn't even pick one that I was feeling the most, so eff it, I'll talk about all three, BECAUSE THIS IS MY BLOG AND I DO WHAT I WANT.

Yep, it's like that. And you know what else it's like?

This. Because if you aren't into Jackee Harry and Dolly Parton shaking their sh*t in insane space-y garb, I can't even with your ass. Now let's get to business.

Eufora Beautifying Exilirs Bodifying Shampoo & Conditioner

Smells Like -- citrus-y, fresh stuff. (I'm the worst at describing smells. Good. It smells good.)

Yeah, Science! -- These Eufora products contain the Vibrant Color Complex, which you can read about by clicking, because, science. Plus, the  entire line of nine products is "based in an ALL Plant Essence of Sage and Thyme and contains ZERO water or fillers. In addition, Beautifying Elixirs does not contain: Artificial Aromas, Colorants, Sulfates, Parabens, Gluten, Mineral Oil, Petrolatum, Propylene Glycol, Sodium Chloride, Phthalates, Formaldehyde." Okay, so it smells herb-like. But not gross herbs. I promise!

Why I Love This Ish -- My hair is really fine, so it makes my hair way more voluminous. The conditioner is really lightweight, but moisturizing, which is a major feat. This combo is seriously s'mores-levels of amazingness. It has turned a tiny part of my coal heart into a diamond.

Price -- Get these badass b's for $28.50 for the shampoo and $29.99 for the conditioner. Click here to find out more about the products and find a salon near you that sells it.

Evolution Keratin Moisturizing Shampoo & Conditioner

Smells Like -- sexy, perfume-ish fragrance. Like a Pantene/Biolage hybrid, so obviously, delish.

Yeah, Science! -- These puppies are made for hair that has had a keratin treatment, so they're gentle and moisturizing, and great for color-treated hair. They contain that good good like Argan oil and vitamin E, and don't have the bad bad like sulfates and sodium chloride.

Why I Love This Ish -- This stuff just feels sumptuous, like a spa day that takes place on a rose petal. My hair always feels soft and hydrated after using these mofos. Silky haired vixen, party of one. (Or more, if you b's are coming. BYOW.)

Price -- $25 for the pair. To purchase, click here, and click here to find out more about these babies.

Van Thomas Concepts Christine Shampoo & Reconstruct Conditioner

Smells Like -- a Sweet Tart, real talk. Dammit, I'm hungry.

Yeah, Science! -- These homies have something called The Life Complex (sounds sexy) which is made up of keratin, silk proteins, and jojoba oil, and helps replenish nutrients in your hair. It's what TLC named themselves after. (No. No, it isn't.)

Why I Love This Ish -- The combination of these two is pretty damn flawless. The shampoo is really cleansing, then that beast of a Reconstruct conditioner just makes my hair feel healthy, man. Plus, the packaging says cute ish like "This package includes: a new and improved head of hair. Note: not a new and improved you. You already rock." Cue the "AWWWWW" soundtrack!

Price -- You can get the duo for $45, or the shampoo for $18 and the conditioner for $32. Click here to chigity check it.
With all this clean and condition talk, I think I need to go get down on some of these prods. My hair is dirtier than an actual MOP mop right now.

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Adding Crack-y Fuel to My Crazy Addiction: Lip Chap Edition

This is usually how I feel in life, and there are deep roots to this issue --

NO, I don't have a drug addiction issue, I have a LIP PRODUCT ISSUE. See, I took Accutane for acne when I was 15 or 16, and it caused my lips to be so mother effing dry that they cracked and peeled all around my mouth. It was a sexy, sexy time, and I had to keep some kind of lip sh*t on my person at all times. So ever since then, I've been all...

YES, IT'S A FLAVOR OF LOVE 2 REFERENCE. GET ON BOARD.

To say that I've tried a trabajillion kinds of chapsticks, treatments, blams, blahhhhhs is (hardly) an exaggeration. And I have now added some beast level sh*t to my arsenal.

me & the girls mentha revive lip moisturizer lipstick topper and base, $7

Meet the Mentha Revive Lip Moisturizer Lipstick Topper and Base from me & the girls -- This. B*tch. I am in love with this w. With full disclosure, I haven't used it as a base or topper for lipstick, because I can't even make it there. I just want solo time with this stuff. It's like a hybrid Kenny G/Michael Bolton of mullets in the lip balm world; all smoothness, with business in the front and party in the back.

yeah, boo. it's that smooth.

Plus, it's good for your ass (not your ASS ass) and vegan. Check out more deets and get your own here, because I'm not sharing this lip chap with you b's. MY LIPS FEEL LIKE THEY HAVE BUTTER ON THEM, AND BUTTER IS DAMN DELICIOUS.

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Walk Up to the Club Like, "What Up? I got a big Wand!" (And a Small One. And Other Sizes.)

Holy eff, you guys. I really need to talk to you about something big in my life right now. And that thing is the ISO Beauty 5 Piece Curling Iron Set, and even bigger than that, curling wands. The nice boos at ISO Beauty sent me this set to try, and I can't keep my damn dirty hands off of it.

iso beauty 5 piece curling iron set, $395

Curling wands are my new jam, and this set is the true boss b*tch. It has five barrel sizes, so you can choose your own adventure, from beachy waves to OG Nicole Kidman.

Okay, maybe not THAT extreme. That's some tight, tight spiral perm-age.

So what's the difference in a curling wand/clipless curling iron and the curling iron you've had since '97? Mainly, the type of curl you'll get. With the old school curling iron, you get more of a classic, barrel-y curl. Here's what the curling wand creates, with different sized barrels:

what happens to old weave? science experiments!

See? Then ends aren't all weirdly crunched up and really curly, like mine tend to be with the Vanilla Ice irons. (That means the old school kind.)

But my favorite thing about clipless curling irons? THIS SH*T IS EASY. No, no. Don't worry about clipping the curling iron arm thing on your hair, then winding it up...blah, blah, blah. That crap is boring. With a wand, you wrap your hair around it, hold it for a few seconds, and done. The combination of this with surf spray creates sexy ass bedhead-y hair that looks like you give zero effs and were just born super hot.

It's that good. And good for lazies like me. And where do I find this cat? And do those glasses come in human versions?

Find out more info on the ISO Beauty 5 Piece Curling Iron Set (or whatever the hell strikes your fancy) here.




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This Gloss is the Sauce. (Gloss on Gloss on Gloss.)

elizabeth arden beautiful color luminous lip gloss, $18 each

I'm a friggin' loose lady when it comes to lip gloss. I love that ish. It's sexy, and makes your lips feel real, real noooiiice. So when I was sent Elizabeth Arden's Beautiful Color Luminous Lip Gloss in Rose Creme, Cameo, and Coral Kiss to try, I was excited. I don't recall ever trying an Elizabeth Arden gloss before, but after trying these three, I'll let them holla at your girl whenever they want.

 Here's the deets from EA:

"Beautiful Color fuses with care. Multidimensional, moisture rich formula provides lips with long-wearing, vibrant color and brilliant shine. Infused with mango and shea butters to condition and help lock in moisture, and Maxi-Lip™ to plump the appearance of lips. Packaged conveniently with built-in mirror for on-the-go application."

These are moisturizing glosses, and supa dupa fly shiny. AND THEY HAVE A MIRROR ON THE PACKAGING, which is a boss addition to any lip gloss tube. Plus, they smell like vanilla freaking cookie. Like your grandma would make. Hot. So what I'm saying is --

Take it all, and give me ALL THE GLOSSES, MAN. Check out all the colors available here.





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Sonofa B Face, I'm in Love With ANOTHER Hair Oil.

I know, I know. Hair oil, schmair oil -- I feel like I've talked about every kind of hair oil ad nauseum, but when I find some sh*t that I'm super into I have to tell you mofos. It's like a damn sickness. And when I was sampled this Kitoko Oil Treatment, I knew that I had to tell you b's about it, even if it made you hate me (more).

 
Here's what I love about this ish; it's not oily, even if you have thin, fine hair. For those of you with thick ass manes of hair, and can use any ol' ass oil you want, then good on you. (Shut up -- I'm trying to be Born Again British, like Madonna or Gwynnie Patlrow, THE most beautiful human that has ever lived, or something.) But for those of us that are on the thinner (hair) side of things, you usually have to be super careful about toeing that fine line between lustrous and well-moisturized locks and greasy gobs of goop. (There I go again. I've got Gwyneth on the brain.)

don't act like this isn't the best thing you've ever seen. ever.

But you don't have to worry about 99 goopy problems with Kitoko Oil. And here's the science (b*tch):

Kitoko Oil Treatment combines the healing and therapeutic properties of Karité and Argan oils to revitalize, strengthen and condition the hair. It provides intense nourishment and its lightweight formula is perfect for all hair types as it helps restore shine and moisture balance. It helps tame frizzy and uncontrollable hair, alleviates scalp dryness, improves hair’s elasticity and offers instant absorption with a non-greasy feel and no buildup. A few drops help reduce dry time and replenish brittle hair and ends. The color-safe formula contains naturally derived UV filters to help protect hair from environmental damage.

Sounds boss, right? Well how's about this one -- after Shakira's (yes, SHAKIRA) hair stylist used the Kitoko Oil on her hair, homegirl requested that the company send her some to use on her Shaki head in real life. And you know, her hair follicles don't lie. (Ugh, that was terrible.) But seriously, boo boo could afford to use ANYTHING in the world, and she chooses to use this.

 

If it's good enough for Shakira, it's most definitely good enough for my trashy ass. To find a salon that sells the good good that is Kitoko Oil Treatment in your area, look here for more info.





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The Badass B List: Fuzzy Wuzzy Wasn't Fuzzy (Anymore) Was She?

Awkwardly placed facial and body hair is decidedly NOT the cat's sexy ass pajamas, I mean amiright? Unless you are one of those "I have zero effs to give about body hair" people. If so, carry on, and maybe pass go and read about Justin Bieber, or whatever. For the rest of us, get ready, because sh*t's about to get awkward. (For me, anyway.)

bliss "fuzz" off, $24

First is the worst (to talk about, anyway), so let's just do this crap. I don't find myself to be an excessively hairy human, female person. I'm just on that pre-pubescent boy that is trying to grow a creepy moustache, or Pedro from Napoleon Dynomite tip. But with blonde hair. It's quite cute. (No, it's not.) So it was a happy day for me when the Bliss people allowed me to try their new product for facial hair removal, "fuzz" off. Unfortunately, I have not had good luck with hair removal creams in the past, when I've used them on my legs and such. I always end up with rashy, irritated skin. YAY! But I was left pleasantly surprised with this bliss product. It's super easy to use (apply with applicator, wait a few minutes, wipe off), and it actually smells pretty, pretty good. And best part -- no irritation (or Pedro-esque lip hair)! Check it out for yo' own damn self here.

whish shave savour hair inhibiting gel swipes, $8 (8 pk) to $20 (20 pk)

The Whish people were nice enough to send me a sample of these brand new Hair Inhibiting Gel Swipes, which were shown in clinical studies to reduce hair density by 26% after 28 days of daily use. Pretty friggin' cool, right? My favorite thing about them (of course) is that ish is super easy to use, AKA lazy b friendly. It's like a wet nap -- rip it open, then just wipe wherever you want to make your hair less coarse. I went for the legs, because I'm a prude. And they smell like a pomegranate martini, minus the regrets and bad decisions. (Okay, not that prude.) I can't wait for my legs to look like a borderline hairless cat in a few weeks. Check the deets on these puppies here.

bikini soft smooth shave oil & razor saver, $14.99 plus s&h

When I was sent this duo from Bikini Soft, I was super iffy on it. It's just a bottle of oil, how good can this mess be??? And while I love the crap out of it for shaving the swimsuit/no no areas and legs, the true testament came from shaving my armpits. Here's a little back story on my 'pits (whether you want to hear it or not). I have always, since the dawn of shaving said underarms time, had an issue with razor burn/bumps on the armpits. No matter what I've used, it always happens. But that sh*t is completely gone after using this stuff. Insanity. And to use the smooth shave oil, just put a few drops in your hands and apply to wherever you're shaving. After you've finished, you dry off your razor and use the razor saver to increase the longevity of your razor. Bikini Soft also has a razor recycling program, where you can send your old ass razors to be recycled. Captain Planet would totally approve. Find out more about Bikini Soft here, including their 30 day money back guarantee.

Being hairlessly fresh to death has never been so easy.



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I'm Getting That Hurrr Looking Right -- by Eating (Supplement) Stuff.

I love beauty supplements. But I can NEVER remember to take a damn vitamin. That crap just flits right out of my head like I'm a chihuahua with zero attention span. But eating stuff, I ALWAYS remember that. That's one of the best things about my new down ass b that I was so generously allowed to sample, Beauty Bumps.

beauty bumps, $85

YOU EAT THIS ISH. AND IT TASTES LIKE A MINT. AND IT HAS GOLD IN IT.

But that's not the REAL real deal on this stuff. Beauty Bumps are an edible supplement that helps to grow your hair up to 42% with SCIENCE. It works by:

•    Reducing DHT which is one of the primary causes of hair loss
•    Supporting the anti-aging of the hair follicle
•    Significantly improving circulation which is essential to healthy hair
•    Helping reduce the effects of stress on the body

And to get the deets on what's actually in the bumps, click here. It's still too early to tell how long and flowing my mop is going to get using the Bumps (I've been taking them less than a month), but I'm so happy that my ass will actually get a result because I'm eating these things as directed. This is possibly the first time I've done anything as directed, ever, in life.

via realitytvgifs

Watch out Rapunzel, I'm coming for yo' ass. Check out more about Beauty Bumps here.

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