Get Out Your Jnco Jeans, We're Getting Our Rave Sh*t On With CIATÉ Corrupted Neons Nails

I dragged my ancient ass to a music festival this past weekend. I'm probably way too old for all of that hippie effery, but I just can't quit that sh*t.

Anyway, it was the perfect time to give the Corrupted Neons Manicure Sets that Ciaté so kindly sent me a try.

ciaté corrupted neons manicure set, $25 (sephora)

The kit comes with a neon(y) polish, loose glitter, and a top cot THAT GLOWS IN BLACK LIGHT. My annoying ass 17 year old self shopping in the Spencer's Gifts poster section just f*cking died. The finish is kind of rough matte glitter, and it's pretty boss.

from l to r : club tropicana, foam party, shout out, and megaphone

So this is a sh*tty picture, and doesn't really give you any idea of what the polish really looks like, but you can get an idea of an idea. Plus, I used every damn one so I could try to fool festival patrons into thinking that I MIGHT not be an old ass b. (It didn't work.) I think my favorite color was Foam Party, because the glitter was glittery-er...Somewhere on this earth Mariah Carey just threw so much shade at me.

But look at them in the black light! Except for it highlighting the sh*tiness of my manicuring skills, it was pretty, pretty good. Nothing has ever looked this saucy in a black light since water-filled Captain Morgan bottles met highlighters.

And it really wasn't that hard to do. (You know I am incapable of completing difficult tasks.) You paint two coats of polish, dump some glitter on while the polish is still super wet (don't be gross), and add the glowy top coat deal after it dries.

One word of warning -- much like my life, this sh*t can get messy, so do the glitter part over the sink. Other than that, this stuff is a really fun, non-extacy induced way to feel rave-y and nouveau retro.

And my sink doesn't really have black mold, or anything. It's just a dirt filter that cool people use. Check out the whole deal about the Corrupted Neons here.



Pin It

My Latest Non-Beauty Tenderonis

I know that I'm usually up your asses with beauty this and beauty that, so today I'm taking a break from that sh*t and talking about my current ride-or-die b*tches of the non-beauty world.

Bkr Water Bottle in Bambi

bkr water bottle in bambi, $28

You guys, I am OBSESSED with this damn water bottle. When the bkr (pronounced like beaker) people sent me one of their water bottles, this one is called Bambi, I didn't think I'd give an eff about it. I have roughly 34543580 water bottles, and I usually feel a big ass "meh" about them. I MEAN IT'S A WATER BOTTLE FOR EFF'S SAKE.

 But there something about this one that makes me use it every day. Maybe it's the fact that the mouth part is small like a plastic water bottle. Or that water just tastes good as f*ck from glass. Or that it's small, so it's not heavy. I don't know. But I love it. Get off me. And people are always weirdly complementing me on it. So, if you like strangers giving you random complements, this is the bout it, bout it bottle for your ass. Check the full color selection here.

Urbanears Zinken Headphones in Olive

urbanears zinken in olive, $99.90

Holy sh*t, man. These headphones are the HBICs. I've been wanting to try some DJ-style headphones for a while, but I never got around to getting any. So, when the Urbanears peeps sent these to me, I pretty much lost my damn mind. There are some ridiculously badass features on these little puppies, like: a socket that allows another set of headphones to plug into for music sharing (if you actually happen to like other people), they're collapsible, and there's a cool little microphone/remote thingy that has a button that will pause your music and pick up calls when it's plugged into your phone.

Like I said -- f*cking awesome. Oh, and you really and truly can't hear ish when you've got them on. So, if you love ignoring b's (Who doesn't?!?), they're perfection. Check out all the colors and such here.

All Cat Errrythang

So, this one is a little random, but I CAN'T STOP BUYING SH*T WITH CATS ON IT.

I know, I'm a grown ass woman, and I have a child's cat phone case. With effing ears on it. Jesus take the wheel, because my ass can't stop. And, sadly, this is just a fraction of the cat bullsh*t that I have.

But, at least I'm in hot company, because Olivia Wilde is into "PAWS" shirts, too. So take that, mofos!



Sonofab*tch, I forgot how bad Take That was. Slow snaps in the rain all around. Ugh. I just hate watched all 3:59 of that mess.

P.S. If you ever find yourself caught in a super-sexual rain storm, TAKE OF YOUR FUR HAT WITH FLAPS. That sh*t makes no kind of damn sense.






Pin It

Ballsy on a Budget -- Pop on the Mouth (OF COLOR)

I'm writing this in the dark, with a waning energy source, a full-on sh*tty wifi hotspot, and two insane chihuahua hovering over me because the power is out. Someone send the Geek Squad or Ghostbusters or some ish, cause I am not in the mood. Make sure they have a bottle of wine.

make up for ever aqua rouge in 16 fuchsia, $24 at sephora

Today we're getting ballsy with a bright lip, because nothing screams, "I have zero effs to give about what your ass thinks," like bold lipstick. Plus, it's easy, and you look like a badass with little effort. MUFE sent me this bright, bold, pink to try, and I fell in love real, real quick. It's the Aqua Rouge formula, so it's one of those long wear deals.

sephora, $24

I wore it to lunch today, and it only started coming off when I ate something oily. (Gross, but whatever. It happens.) Say you are going out for little sip of the sauce, or something, this sh*t will stay the eff on like white on rice. (Which is a super annoying saying, because what in the hell does that mean, anyway?) And to remove it, I just use vaseline, or whatever, and wipe it off. No biggie. (RIP, Biggie.)

But listen, I know that this stuff isn't insanely cheap, although I think it's totally worth it, so I also have a drugstore pick for your asses. I picked this stuff up last year at the ol' Mart of the Wal's, and the color is really cool. 

cover girl lip perfection lipstick in spellbound, $5.59 at drugstore.com

You guys are lucky that I love your asses, because I had to go searching for this mess with a gifted Bath and Body Works mini candle on its last legs. I was wandering the damn apartment like I was on mf-ing Sleepy Hollow, or some sh*t. It wasn't not cute.

And there you have your luxe (and cheap) ballsy b's. Now my power time is pretty much up, and I am off to find ways to entertain myself that don't involve electricity, or Lifetime Movie Network.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

BOOOORRRRING. I feel so old-timey.

Pin It

Walk Up to the Club Like, "What Up? I got a big Wand!" (And a Small One. And Other Sizes.)

Holy eff, you guys. I really need to talk to you about something big in my life right now. And that thing is the ISO Beauty 5 Piece Curling Iron Set, and even bigger than that, curling wands. The nice boos at ISO Beauty sent me this set to try, and I can't keep my damn dirty hands off of it.

iso beauty 5 piece curling iron set, $395

Curling wands are my new jam, and this set is the true boss b*tch. It has five barrel sizes, so you can choose your own adventure, from beachy waves to OG Nicole Kidman.

Okay, maybe not THAT extreme. That's some tight, tight spiral perm-age.

So what's the difference in a curling wand/clipless curling iron and the curling iron you've had since '97? Mainly, the type of curl you'll get. With the old school curling iron, you get more of a classic, barrel-y curl. Here's what the curling wand creates, with different sized barrels:

what happens to old weave? science experiments!

See? Then ends aren't all weirdly crunched up and really curly, like mine tend to be with the Vanilla Ice irons. (That means the old school kind.)

But my favorite thing about clipless curling irons? THIS SH*T IS EASY. No, no. Don't worry about clipping the curling iron arm thing on your hair, then winding it up...blah, blah, blah. That crap is boring. With a wand, you wrap your hair around it, hold it for a few seconds, and done. The combination of this with surf spray creates sexy ass bedhead-y hair that looks like you give zero effs and were just born super hot.

It's that good. And good for lazies like me. And where do I find this cat? And do those glasses come in human versions?

Find out more info on the ISO Beauty 5 Piece Curling Iron Set (or whatever the hell strikes your fancy) here.




Pin It

Ballsy on a Budget-- White Polish Edition

There's just something about white polish, man. It's so bright and perfect, and weirdly edgy. It makes me feel like a high school kid boredly white out-ing their asses into emo perfection.

cameo by kiki la rue, who won't get the eff out of the shot

But here's the thing about white nail polish -- sh*t's a totally b*tch to get right. It's very often bumpy, and takes friggin' FOR. EV. ER. to dry, so it's usually totally effed within the hour. But I finally got badassery in a bottle this time around with a few tricks. First, you HAVE to use a base coat. I used Bassline from Floss Gloss. I followed it up with a WHITE BASE POLISH, using the base from one of the Revlon Nail Art Neon Nail Enamels. I then used a coat (or two -- can't remember) of whatever white polish you're into. Just make sure it's opaque. Finish it up with a top coat, doy, because you don't want it to look like you used white out FOR REAL, for real. Aaaannnnd scene.

via yourewelcomeforbeingmyfriend

As you should, boo boo. As you should.




Pin It

Random Homie: Incoco Nail Polish Strips in Cheers!

Incoco in Cheers!, $8.99

I have made myself VERY clear on the fact that I am captain of the Lazy Committee. (If you want to join, you do nothing. And we will never, ever meet -- we are also sponsored by the We Hate Everyone Club.) And my laziness seems to at least triple in force when it comes to nail care. If you could see my toenail polish situation right now, you would literally vomit your entire face off. Dire straits, I'm talking.

So when Incoco sent me their nail polish strips to try, I was excited but reserved. In the past, I've had mixed results with nail strips. A lot of them are like trying to put a damn child's plastic toy shovel on your nail and hoping that ish sticks. Spoiler alert: It totally doesn't. When I opened the package, this is what I found:

Like, literally, every friggin' thing you MIGHT even ever need to apply these things, including wipes to remove them. Holy eff, that never happens with these kits! And I'm pretty sure that the little pack of strips are clear coats, although I couldn't figure it out. When I opened the actual pack of polish strips, I knew these b's were something different. It actually SMELLED LIKE NAIL POLISH. Whaaaat? Imagine, nail strips made from actual nail polish. And the polish was really cool. Black with chunky pieces of glitter, not some wimpy ass glitter tossed here and there -- these were like Ke$ha glitter volume. And applying these puppies was about 39843% easier than the strips I've tried before. The whole process took maybe 15 minutes, when it usually takes me about an hour to get that sh*t tight with those tricky ass strips.

The results -- blang blam!

And the wear is pretty awesome, too. I'm on day four, and I only have some slight wear on the tips of my nails. No chips or peeling, yet. Bottom line -- so friggin' easy even I can do it. I might have some new ride or die nail homies, y'all. Check out all of the colors and such from Incoco here.

Pin It

Best of Beauty Party! Ahhhh!

Okay, so I was supposed to be LIVE blogging everything. Ha. You should have known that my massive laziness would interfere with that ish. Quit being so obtuse. (I don't even really know what that means, but I have always wanted to say it. I've also always wanted to throw a drink in someone's face, but that doesn't really apply here.) So last night was Allure magazine's badass Best of Beauty party, and I GOT TO GO TO THERE! (That's a 30 Rock reference, I'm not THAT terrible with writing.)

 

And here's what I wore, because I know you are all DYING to know. (Cough, cough. Yeah right.) And, yes, those are sequined leggings. Stop freakin' judging me.

Here's the boss ass view from the party. It was completely gorgeous. I met a ton of people, and it was completely fantastic. I didn't take anymore pictures at the party, because I didn't want to be a weird creeper.

And here's all of the SWAG that I got with my prize. Good Lawd, that's a lot of beauty products. Hot damn, this ish is crazy.

P.S. I'm really not "live blogging" because my hotel charges like $14 a day for internet access, and hell to the naw. I. Will. Not. Pay. That. Mess.



Pin It

EXCITING ASS BLOGGING NOTE

The time has come upon us. I am going on my badass trip to NY that I won with the Allure Beauty Blogger of the Year contest on Monday. So I will be live blogging/tweeting/something on the trip. I won't be doing any of my regular nonsense, because I'll be too busy ballin' out of control. (Just kidding, I'll be the only one wearing Forever 21 and Target or whatever.) So stay tuned here so you can see whatever fun ish that I will be getting into.




Pin It

Go From Betty Blahsville to Edgy Edith in One Easy Step!

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror and feel a big ol' "Meh" escape your lips? Do you want to look more like you might shank a b? I feel like this dude right now, but this is NOT the direction in which we are going:



We're talking more of the eyeliner variety, of the darkest and deepest blackness (IE: the shade of my heart. Why does that sound like a Backstreet Boys song?)

I'm talking the newest shade of Urban Decay's 24/7 Eye Pencil in Perversion. Oh just how black IS THIS, pray tell? Turn it down a notch, I got you.

Yep, we are talking liquid liner dark. You can throw this b on, smudge, and be a sexy, minxy, sexpot in roughly five seconds. These pencils are also touted to be 'waterproof'. Oh really, Urban Decay? Is that how we're playing?

Well, damn. Here's my hand after scrubbing the hell out of it. You win, UD.

You can buy this ish for $19 at Sephora or UrbanDecay.com.



Pin It

This is Badassness

Check this ish out. On the boutique website Edgeofurge.com you can make your own feather earrings! Now before you're all, "B, that mess is over with. NEXT!" You can put a bunch of different stuff on them, including UNICORN HAIR. Sign me the eff up!

Here are just a few options you can add. A wolf head? A skull thingy? Go check out all the options.

 

The possibilities are endless! Ahhhhh! What do you guys think? Cute? Or hell to the naaw?

Pin It

Is Anyone in Hong Kong? I Need One of These!

These are badass, non? Meet the Fragmented Chronicles ring collection, by Shannnam of Hong Kong. There are over 100 different landscape designs, and they are all uber cool! You can hop on over to Design Boom to see all of the styles, but don't fall too hard (like I did) because they aren't available stateside, yet. Boo! Hiss!!!

Let's all have a good, long, deep sigh over the fact that we will probably never get to own one of these babies. Tear.

What do you guys think? Are you into these, or am I crazy? Pin It

It's the Most Wonderful Day of the Year!

Happy Birthday, Judge Judy. You are the only person that can make a grown woman collapse into tears bye uttering, "Goodbye!" That's my b. Pin It

True Blood Musings: It Ain't Over!

Okay, yes, it is indeed over. (For now.) Sadness all around. Pour out a little Tru Blood for our True Blood homies lost this season, and let's all get drunk until next season. Because it's prohibition, y'alls! More on that later...But you know what I do hope is over?

This is just a heaping "no" sandwich. A hot, messy one at that. Let's talk TB finale, bitches.


Pin It

Easy(ish) Cute Hairstyles

I'm always on the lookout for cute, easy things to do with my hair. I get bored easily, and I try to avoid doing drastic, somewhat permanent things to my hair by finding new styling techniques. So, yeah, basically I'm a crazy b that makes rash decisions. Yay! Check out the cuteness that I found scouring the interwebs. So cute, non? I am linking to the blogs where I found this badassness (with instructions, yay) so we all can have amazing hurrrr. For that friggin' awesome bun, find out how do create it here. And the braid instructions are here. Okay, annnnnnd go!

Pin It

This. Is. Awesome.

Via WOW Report. Pin It

Hot Cheap Sh*t: Missoni for Target Edition

I'm so excited, you guys! On September 13th, Missoni is releasing a HUGE collection (Over 400 pieces!) for Target. From Missoni's signature zig zag printed knit pieces to housewares to a bike (Eeeep!), this ish is hot.

Target has also released a lot of the lookbook, which you can check out here. I'm dying over stuff like the tights and this hot ass poncho deal right here. But also the clutch, the swimwear...Ugh! So much! Crap, I'm going to be at Target for 2309483098 hours next Tuesday. B's better make way!

What do you guys think? Are you excited for Missoni for Target, like I am (obvs)? Pin It

Cheap Crap I Love: Waterproof (ish) Eyeliner

I love eyeliner. The blacker the better, and that mess better stay on like a boss. I don't want that greasy, smudgy crap. And don't be all, "But I can't wash it ALLLLL the way off at night...." Who gives an eff? What are you in a nightly sleeping beauty pageant? Get on it. And guess what? I have a hands-down favorite that costs less than $5. And comes in blackest black. So, yeah, it's pretty much my bitch. Ready for the big reveal?


Pin It

Put this on Yo' Nails

I am almost constantly on the hunt for my new "favorite" nail polish color. I still feel like I will never find the true red of my dreams, but I digress. There are an ass load of great summer polishes out right now, and I feel like I need to be snatching some of these b's up!

First up, let's see what is currently residing on my toes...

Pin It

Listen to This: New Music (Comes Out Tuesday)

Disclaimer: If you hate indie/alt rock, you will probably HATE every single thing that I recommend.

Those of you that are still with me, lets take a little journey. Bon Iver is my  newest musical "thing." This ish is awesome. The vocalist, Justin Vernon, is from Wisconsin (What?!?) and has a completely unique sound.

Here the dude is. Yup, looks indie, huh? But ol' dude worked with Kanye, Rick Ross, et al  on this...

And on the other end of the musical spectrum, here's a track from the new, self-titled album.

Versatile, non? Anyway, CD comes out this Tuesday. I listened to it in it's entirety, and it's friggin' awesome. If you want to read more about Bon Iver, he is the cover story of Spin magazine's July edition. Read more here. Pre-order the album on iTunes or here on Amazon. Let the Indie wash over you. Don't worry, you can still shower on a regular basis. Pin It

You Need This: Embarrassing Edition

I have an absolute favorite eyeshadow brand. But, I kind of hate myself over it. Ugh, here it goes. Like Kriss Kross says, "Jump!"

Pin It