Random Homie: Duri Nail Polish

You guys know that I love telling your asses about nail polish brands that you (might) have not heard of before. The peeps at Duri Cosmetics sent me a variety of polishes from their Spring collection to try, and at $6 a pop, you need to come and ride this polish train (and ride it).

duri's spring line ($6 each), afterhours on top

The color I chose to highlight is Afterhours, which is a beige-y/silver with a dab of lavender.

afterhours by duri, $6

So I like to match my toes with my shoes with my couch. Get off my jock, man. And sorry for the foot pic, I know it's kind of gross unless you're into weird foot stuff. If so, play on, playa.

I've had this polish on my toes for almost a week now, during which time I have worn boots, heels, sandals, been barefoot in the mountains, gone to a wedding, driven through three states, worked on my tired ass feet, hung out in a (possibly) haunted house, done homies' makeup, broken up yorkie/chihuahua dog fights, and more -- and ish still looks pristine as a mofo. I'm sold. Get out your six bucks, dudes, this is good. Check out all of the Duri polish choices here.




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Random Homie: KeratinPerfect 3-in-1 Multi-Action Hair Beauty Balm

My hair is thin, y'allz. Like Olive Oil thin. (As in Popeye's boo thang, not the food product.) So if I ever find a hair product that I feel like makes my hair feel thicker and more luxurious, I hold onto that ish.

keratinperfect hair bb, $28

I've been using the KeratinPerfect Hair BB for the past couple of weeks, and I actually feel like my hair is thicker and healthier. Am I an insane person? (Don't have a smart mouth.) I do know one thing FOR CERTAIN -- this mess does pretty much everything but take your ass out to dinner. Here's the deal (from the website):

REPAIRS: Progressive Repair Technology helps stop breakage.
PROTECTS: Forms a humidity barrier for all-day frizz protection.
PERFECTS: Argan, almond and apricot kernel oils enhance moisture creating soft, lustrous texture in all hair types and revealing shinier, healthier-looking strands.  Revolutionary Apple Stem Cell extract rejuvenates the hair and makes it noticeably healthier with every use. KeratinPerfect 3-in-1 HAIR BB is free of parabens, sulfates and sodium chloride and is safe for color-treated hair.

I've been using only this (as far as product goes) the entire time I've sampled this product, and I really don't feel like I need anything else. It doesn't weigh my hair down, and it's smooth and ish. And while $28 isn't Dollar Store pricing, I usually use like four products at a time, so it's not INSANE. This b is my current homie fo' sho' right now. Totally into it. Check out the deets for yourself here. Now I have to go because my ass is hown-gray. I'm trying to give up dairy, and that mess is hard.

via thestupidfaces

I kind of hope that aliens abduct me instead. If you eat cheese in outer space, that crap doesn't count.

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Random Homie: Skin Authority VitaD Fortified Illuminating Duo

skin authority vita d fortified illuminating duo, $79

I recently read an article (Shut up, I sometimes do crap like that.), that said a huge amount of Americans are Vitamin D deficient. And I'm Maury style -- 99.9% sure -- that I am one of those b's, because this is me:

Yeah, I hate being outside. And the sun. And the whole smell of outside, especially the smell of people when they've been outside, and then they come inside and smell weird. It's gross. So that's why I jumped at the chance to try Skin Authority's VitaD Fortified Illuminating Duo when they asked if I wanted to sample it. This kit is super cool, and different than anything on the market, because it consists of topical and supplemental treatments. Here's a little info on the system.



I really love this crap, because IT'S SO FRIGGIN' EASY. The topical elixir is my damn jam because it's not oily -- at all. Yeeaaaas. Finally, a topical treatment that does something badass and doesn't make my face a disgusting oil slick. The supplement is a powder in a shaker, so you just sprinkle it on your food. Vitamin D needs fat for your body to use it, so the shaker is a perfect way to just add it to your food and your body to actually absorb it (or whatever).

Since I've started using these little numbers, I feel like my skin definitely looks brighter and more clear. Plus, in one of my college classes we had a nutrition expert tell us that most vitamin pills can't be broken down in the body, and you just (you know) them out. So I feel like the powdered vitamins are the way to go. And don't worry, you can't taste that ish. Sprinkle it up, b's!

I love that cat so much. He's such an a-hole. I know that this kit is on the spendy side, but if you really are Vitamin D deficient, then this ish needs to be your new boo thang. Check out more deets on the Skin Authority VitaD Fortified Illuminating Duo here.



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Random Homies: SeabuckWonders Sea Buckthorn Beauty Prods

seabuckwonders sea buckthorn body lotion ($14.97) & exfoliating facial cleanser ($16.97)

You guys remember (or don't) that I already touted the benefits of SeabuckWonders and sea buckthorn supplements. Ish is real, real good. And because I was so way into the supplements, I had the SeabuckWonders people send me some of their beauty products to try. And friggin' surprise, surprise (not) they were pretty damn great, too.

Before I start talking about the SeabuckWonders Sea Buckthorn Body Lotion ($14.97), I have to preface it with my whole deal about body lotion, in general. I pretty much hate the ish. It ends up drying to a weird, sticky, film on my skin, that is most reminiscent of spiderwebs all up on me. Gross. So whenever I tell you b's that I'm into a body lotion, you know I much actually really like that mess. And I really like this stuff. Here's the good good on it:

With a potent infusion of Omega 3, 6, 9, and the powerful skin-healing Omega 7, SeabuckWonders Body Lotion provides nourishment with age-defying properties for soft, healthy skin.

I don't know sh*t about science, but I do know that Omega stuff is good for you. But before you start bathing in this ish, let me give you a wee bit of warning about any product with sea buckthorn in it -- it smells weird. It's not a flowery, fragrant smell. It's a supplement-y smell. BUT it goes away after a few minutes, and the benefits way outweigh a weird smell for a couple of fleeting moments.

Now let's talk about the SeabuckWonders Exfoliating Facial Cleanser ($16.97). I also have a weird thing with scrubby facial cleansers. Most of them are WAY too effin' harsh on your mug, man. Those super-gritty mofos will tear your ish up, and should be avoided. That's why I like this stuff. It's gentle, and it has all of the good-for-you junk.

Sea Buckthorn Facial Cleanser cleans skin gently, yet effectively, without stripping the skin of its natural oils. It exfoliates to remove dirt and impurities, while hydrating skin for a smooth, clear complexion. Unlike many other facial cleansers, SeabuckWonders Facial Cleanser is ideal for all skin types that will benefit from its remarkable nutritional properties, leaving skin feeling clean, balanced, and beautiful. This invigorating cleanser is an excellent first step in any skin care routine.

I also like to use it on my back and chest to exfoliate and keep my skin looking all noooiiiice. And the products aren't super spendy, so you can still get your freak on in other ways while nourishing yourself with those science-y Omegas.

Check out all of the SeabuckWonders beauty offerings here.




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Possible Random Homie, Definite Badass Deal O' The Day: IT Cosmetics Hello Beautiful Kit on QVC

hello beautiful kit, $54.96 via qvc

The peeps from IT Cosmetics sent me this little ditty of the Hello Beautiful Kit a few days ago, so I have crammed in trying this myriad of products a few times before I could tell you baby ho hoes about it before today. Why today? Well this ish is on QVC for TODAY ONLY for $54.96, and with a retail value of $155, b is a good ass deal. So my lazy ass actually had to do something, for once in my life, and hustle to get this info out. And here's the dirty dirty on this kit.

Celebration Foundation and Luxe Buffing Airbrush Foundation Brush -- The foundation is a powder foundation packed with antioxidants and such. I'm sure it's great, and stuff, but it was way too pinky for my borderline jaundiced-toned skin. (I got the light-medium shade, I believe.) But the foundation brush is friggin' cat's pajama status -- super soft and luxurious. I want to wear that sh*t like a coat.

Tightline Full Lash Length Black Mascara Primer & Hello Lashes 5-in-1 Mascara -- I'm totally crushing on  this primer/mascara duo. The primer lash wand is TINY tiny (it's the silver tube above), and the product is black, so you can really wiggle that mess right into your lash line to fill in those little sparse gaps of lash-less-ness. (Sometimes compound-compound fake words are necessary in life.) And the mascara is nice, too. It's a plastic wand brush, which I like, because it tends to clump less. It also has lash-enhancing and conditioning properties. I don't know, I like what it does to my eyeballs, mmmmkay?

Vitality Flush 4-in-1 Reviver Lip and Cheek Stain Stick -- I really expected not to like this stick deal. When I opened it, it just kind of looked like a big ass, pale chapstick. But when I dotted it onto my cheeks and dabbed it around a bit, I discovered it's actually legitimately awesome. It gives your cheeks (it's also great on lips) a really pretty, natural-looking flush. But one warning, it is waxy/oily, so for oil rig faces, like myself, this is best used for a touch-up glowy stuff when used on the cheeks. I couldn't use it in the morning and expect it to still be there at 7 pm, or whatever. But I LOVE it for touch-ups and it gorgeous on lips anytime. It's like a stain, but not drying (actually super moisturizing) and WAAAAY easier to apply.

Overall first impressions -- great value, and I'm super into the products that worked for my skin. This is my first introduction to IT Cosmetics, and I have to say that so far, impressive. I'm not hating this stuff, even a little. It makes me look like I've been for an invigorating walk through the fresh air, without actually going outside. Because going outside is the worst. AmIright?

So I'll just be here in my cave applying makeup. You b's know where to find me.





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Random Homie: Clearogen Acne Treatment

Writing skincare reviews is hard as hell, you guys. Errrbody up in here has different skin, so I can't win them all. And I am frequently sent skin products that I'm sure are friggin' amazing, but because of my old ass, acne-prone, oily, nast skin, they don't work for ME. And then I can't share them with YOU, because I don't write fake crap. So when the peeps at Clearogen sent me a set of their acne treatment system to try, I was not super sold on it. It's a three part deal, so I was all, "I've tried Proactive like TWO MILLION times. It doesn't work for me."

clearogen two month supply set, $75

But I tried it anyway. It consists of a foaming cleanser, toner (both of which have some salicylic acid), and a benzoyl peroxide lotion. Sounds pretty basic, I know, but crap works. When I use these boo boos every night (listen, I'm a lazy b, it doesn't ALWAYS happen) as directed, my skin is pretty much 100% clear. Which just typically isn't in the effing cards for me, people.

I even conducted a little experiment and sacrificed my own skin to see if it was really the Clearogen working. I intentionally would stop using it for a week, and see if there was a difference. There totally was. I would, within a few days, start getting those annoying ass tiny bumps across my forehead, and then start breaking out. I don't know how this ish works -- probably tiny elves, riding on unicorns, with magic wands that shoot rainbows. Or this:



Full disclosure -- I didn't watch that, but I'm sure it's very informative and scientific. Truth is, I don't even care how it works. I'm just glad it does. I'm sadly almost out of my sample set, so I will actually be purchasing this magical goodness soon. Which is saying a lot. I have roughly 92,384,032 beauty prods, so I rarely buy more stuff. It's got to be MAGICAL UNICORN STATUS to make me spend more money, and this stuff is.

Yep, that good. Find out more about Clearogen here. And learn about the science and such, if you must, smarty pants.

P.S. Lance Bass uses this stuff, so you know it's the good good. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO GO TO SPACE.

 

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More Random Argan Homies: Amir Leave-In Hair Treatment & Amir Touch of Tan Moisturizer

I know, I know. I can't stop talking about friggin' Argan Oil products. What can I say? I'm a big ol' bag of a-holes. But you guys, Argan is the good good. And I keep finding bomb-ass (shout out to '01) products that feature it. IT'S NOT MY FAULT, MAN.

First up is Amir Argan Oil Leave-In Hair Treatment. What I really love about this stuff is that it's lightweight. It's thinner than others I've used, so you can totally use it with a million other styling products without issue. And heeelllooo there pump, so glad you're here. The pump makes it a bajillion times easier to dispense than a lame-ass pour yourself deal, and you don't have to worry about taking too much oily goodness with each use. I mean, what am I, a damn peasant? PUMPS FOR ALL! Scizzzore to the peeps that decided on that little feature.

Now to my favorite Amir homie, the Agran Oil Touch of Tan Moisturizer. Let me tell you 'bout my best friend, here. It contains not only Argan Oil (duh) and Acai Berry, but a little bit of self tanner to give your skin a nice glow. I LOVE THIS ISH. It's not TOO tan-y, and it smells like a mother effing dream. A dream, I tell you. There is not a hint of that gross ass self tanner bleeeeh smell. It's lovely.

And here's a cool little tidbit. You can go to Amir's Facebook page and get a damn FREE sample of their Argan Oil Moisturizer. Yeaaaas, b. Yes. These are salon-sold professional products, so prices will vary according to where you buy them. If you want to find your closest retailer, you can call 1.800.386.2826 for the deets. (Or, if you want to be a hooligan, you can probs pick them up on Amazon. Rule-breaking badass.)



But you'll NEVER be on Latarian's level, so you better just quit while you're ahead.




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Hair Homies: Serge Normant Meta Silk Shampoo & Meta Velour Conditioner

serge normant meta silk shampoo & meta velour conditioner, $24 each

Soooo, here's the realio dealio happening in my (hair) life. Remember when I did that whole red thing? Well, I got over that sh*t, like I do, and I had to get rid of it. So when I went to my amazing ass hair stylist, she had to strip my hair, and then promptly made me swear on that book of hair color Barbie hair samples that I would never use boxed hair dye again. Needless to say, I kind of effed up my hurrs. So when the peeps at Serge Normant sent me over some sample-age of the Meta Silk Shampoo and Meta Velour Conditioner to try, it was perfect timing. I had to get my haircare game SERIOUSLY on point, or I would be on the express bus to bald lady town.

Luckily for me, this stuff is the sauce. The first time I used this combo, my hair felt super silky and moisturized, but not greasy or heavy. Which is big for me, because as a fine-haired lady, that ish happens A LOT. These products are straight up luxurious -- thick and creamy (no comment) and make you feel like you should be wearing some fancy ass diamond cocktail ring while using them. And you shouldn't expect any less. The brain behind the line is hairdresser to stars like Julia Roberts, SJP, and Blake Lively. This ish makes me feel like I have a trust fund.

Get fancy on yo' own ass, and shop for yourself here.





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Random Homie: tarte Ultimate Lashes MultiplEYE Lash Primer & Mascara Duo from QVC

qvc, $27 for both

I love very few things in life, a couple of them being a GOOD ass deal and luxurious lashes. So when I found out that QVC was selling this tarte Ultimate Lashes MultiplEYE Lash Primer & Mascara Duo for $27 for FULL SIZE PRODUCTS, I begged them to send me a sample to test. I mean, this ish is a $41 value, guys -- that's a badass deal.

Now before I get into the nitty gritty deets of this stuff, lemme give you a little backstory on my lash history. (Lashtory?) I used Latisse for like a year and a half, and had insane (non-clown posse) eyelashes. When I had to stop using it, for reasons of being a broke ass b, it broke my shallow heart. Since that time, I have tried a ton of products to try to get the most from my post-Latisse, "normal person" lashes. The combination of this tarte multiplEYE lash primer and Lights, Camera, Lashes! Mascara really give a ton of extra jazz hands to my lashes, and really gets the job done. I just do one coat of primer, wait a bit, then a coat (or two, if you're nasty) of mascara. Viola, sexy mofo eyeballs in the house.

If you're looking to get the most from your lashes, without going the fauxness route, totally try this little duo. Check it out on QVC here.

via parksandrec tumblr

You'll be forever photoshoot ready, Knope style.


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Random Homie: Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Daily Face Peel in Original Formula

Dr. Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Face Peel, $15-$78

I know that it seems as if I'm always bitching about the sh*tiness of my skin, and I'm trying to get better about. Like, at least I have a face. But if my new BFFs from Dr. Dennis Gross keep sending me bomb ass products like the Alpha Beta Daily Face Peel, I might not even have to whine anymore. Let's get a quote from the man to see what this stuff is all about:

“This anti-aging product not only diminishes the appearance of wrinkles, but helps complexion problems, balances oil, tones skin, and increases clarity and radiance. Plus, it proves a daily, gentle approach can give superior results vs. a harsh approach. Like exercising daily is better than a long workout once a week, it’s better to treat your skin daily."  - Dr. Dennis Gross

Dammit, I have to workout more. But I can tell you, coming from the crappy skin queen, that this product made a big ol' difference on my mean, mean mug. I mostly noticed that the discoloration I had from old breakouts have waaaaay faded, and my skin just looks more clear. Plus, it feels soft as a kitten's butt. And if you're on a budget, Dr. Gross now offers a little mini pack of five treatments for $15. Not too shabby, yo'.

Oh, and if you're worried about the degree of difficulties on something that sounds semi-ominous, have no fears. YOU WIPE YOUR FACE, WAIT TWO MINUTES, AND WIPE WITH ANOTHER WIPE. You've got this, brain surgeons. Check out all of the peel goodness here.



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Random Homies: I'm Upping My Eyebrow Game With Billion Dollar Brows.

Hi, my name is Shannon, and I'm obsessed with eyebrows. But if you guys have read, like, ANYTHING I've ever written then you already know that. So when Billion Dollar Brows sent me some products to add to my iron-clad brow ritual, I was pretty closed-minded on the whole thing. I have been using the same eyebrow pencil/powder combo for roughly 48 years, and I don't like to w around too much on that routine. I like what I like, mmmmkay?

top, sans pencil (duh), bottom, after using the universal brow pencil

I started out with the Universal Brow Pencil ($15), which is exactly what the name states -- the color blends with pretty much any eyebrow color, unless maybe if you have EXTREMELY light brows. It's a nice, ashy tone that's a lightish to medium brown color. Because lemme tell you, if you use an orangey/brassy pencil, you WILL look crazy. I promise. And I'm not really sure why it looks like I was punched in the eye in this picture, weird lighting does crazy things. (???)

They also sent over this little beaut, the Smudge Brush ($15), which I originally thought was just completely unnecessary. But using it to blend in the penciling really makes it look like 76% better than the pencil alone. I find myself using this em effer every day, which is pretty shocking, considering my high levels of laziness.

The other product I tried was the Brow Duo Pencil ($18), which is half concealer, half highlighter pencil. It's like a mermaid, but makes your eyebrows friggin' awesome. (Why can't I just be a mermaid with amazing ass eyebrows? Life is so unfair.) This pencil is the perfect little friend to carry in your purse to give your eyes a pick-me-up with a dab of highlighter under the brow or a swipe of concealer to mask any craziness that you might have happening on your mug. I wasn't sure if this puppy would be too creamy to work on my oily ass mess of a face, but it's totally awesome and non-gross. (I'm very scientific with this ish.)

Bottom line -- I've been using all of these b's on the reg, and giving my old eyebrow homies a rest. This stuff is as good as a juggling Dylan McKay...

via 90210gifs

And that's the good good. Check out everything that BDB has to offer here.




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Random Homie: Mariah Carey's OPI Stay the Night from INPINK

My hands look like they're made from glittery moon rock, you guys, and I mean that ish in the best way possible. The nice people over at INPINK sent me a sample of the highly anticipated (in my heart) OPI/Mariah Carey callabo polish, Stay the Night ($9) and also a sassy little pave bracelet ($20), which I have been wearing the eff out of.

Now let's talk the polish. It's a black, matte polish with a pink glitter in it. And the finish is called sand, which means it dries to a sandpaper-type finish. It's seriously unlike any other nail product I've used. It's like a pumice stone, but glittery as sh*t. (Is that THE WORST description, ever?) You just need two coats of polish to get this sweet ass finish, but don't use a top coat because it's meant to look like SAND, hello. And I feel like the wear of the polish will be really long, because I've been wearing it for three days, and don't really have any chips. That's pretty unheard of for me, because I am hard as hell on my nails. They are like my own ten personal swiss army knives...that are attached to my hand.

See? It's still looking damn good, people. I'm totally into it. It makes me feel like this:

via mrhankey

 I really recommend this ish, if nothing more than it's different than anything I've ever tried before. Go visit the INPINK site to see all of the Mariah Carey/OPI possibilities. Hellllllooooo, moon fingers!




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Random Homie: Bango by Pro Beauty Tools

I'm not a home-bang-cutting virgin, you guys. Part of loving DIY beauty is deciding to cut some badass blunt bangs on a whim, and then promptly doing that sh*t before thinking of the consequences. Many a time have I ended up with some whack ass craziness happening on my head area. But a little while ago, I was alerted to this new little handy kit called Bango, which helps you cuts your own bangs at home. I got to try one, and here's what it comes with:

Like, literally, everything you would need to take care of the job. There's even an instructional DVD that shows you how to trimmy trim everything from blunt bangs to split ends. But the real star of the show is that little pink clip/comb deal. You just clip it on whatever area you want to trim, slide that ish to the end, and trim to the guide with the scissors provided. Mess is so easy that it isn't even funny, you guys. This kit costs around $15, and is TOTALLY worth it for anyone that has baby/blunt/side/crazy/sane/Flock of Seagulls/whatever else bangs. Check out where you can find Bango to purchase fo' yo' own ass here, so you can quit jacking up your own ish.

Yep, like that.

P.S. I can't tell you how proud of myself I am that I made ZERO crude jokes in this post. Hooray for maturity!




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Random Homie: Dr. Dennis Gross Clarifying Colloidal Sulfur Mask

Clarifying Colloidal Sulfur Mask, $42

Who doesn't love a good face mask? (No, not like a Halloween deal-y, although those are pretty dope -- yep, I went there -- too. Except for the rubbery smell when you're wearing them. Not dope.) I've tried my fair share of the sulfur-based masks for acne skin, and I'm usually pretty friggin' "meh" over most of them. They can be overly-drying, or give you that red post-mask weird face thing, that kind of makes you look like you're just wearing a reddish mask upon your mug. So, when the Dr. Gross peeps sent me this mask to try, I was a little worried that it would be one of those culprits. But, no suh (that's my southern twang), it wasn't, to my delight. And better yet, my skin looks instantly cleaner and brighter after using this mask. But let's hear from the experts what it does:

A dermatologist formulated mask that clarifies the skin by absorbing excess oil and acne-causing bacteria. The advanced “time absorbent” formula works especially well when worn overnight.

I also tried it overnight, and it wasn't weird at all. But I feel like the ten minute job does everything it needs to just fine. You can also use it to spot treat blemishes, and it totally shrinks them. Even my big ass gross ones. The dispenser took some getting used to -- it's like a flat pump with a little hole thing that you just push down on to get the goodness out. I'm kind of a dumbass, so I was flipping that sh*t all around like an freaking baton to try to get the pump to work. The good thing is, you just need to leave that b upright and push down. Let me do all of the hard work for your ass, mmmmkay?

Check out the mask for yourself here.



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Random Homie: Pixi Lash Line Ink in Black Silk

Holy eff, you guys. It's already NYE. How the hell did that happen?!? We survived the Mayan apocalypse, so now it's time to look super sexual for your New Year's nonsense you've got happening tonight. And maybe that ish involves a sexy ass winged eyeliner. If so, I have the RH for dat azz.

pixi lash line ink in black silk, $16 @ target

The Pixi Lash Line Ink is pretty badass, mofos. The tip is soooo freakin' thin it should be illegal (don't be a perv), so you can totally pull off the extreme (or not) winged liner look.

It's also really inky and dark, which is the business, in my book. I do apologize for the lack of other makeup in these pictures, but I'm a lazy b. I have zero excuses. These pictures are also kind of Aeon Flux-y, which is both gross and creepy. What can I say? I'm the worst, and I hope to induce nightmares.

If you're ready to bring the full-on sex, go get the Pixi Lash Line Ink in Black Silk at your local Target. It's almost THIS sexy.

via 90210gifs

But let's be real, nothing is THAT sexy. Is that a wetsuit top tucked into jorts? I can hardly contain myself.

P.S. While you're there, I dare you not to try this on. It's impossible. Impossible, I tell you.




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Random Homie: Essie Recessionista Nail Polish

Essie Recessionista, $8

I was initially torn on making this b a RH, you guys. I've had this polish for a hot ass minute (I think I got it in the Allure Best of Beauty SWAG), but I never used it. It has just kind of given me a big ol' case of the "Meh"s in the bottle. But I read an article somewhere recently (my brain doesn't retain real facts) where some hoity toity fashion-y/beauty person was all, "Essie Recessionista is my jam of all jams." Okay, they were probably more like, "I really enjoy the plummy undertones of Recessionista," but you get my point. Either way, it motivated my lazy ass to actually try the polish, instead of just judging the sh*t out of it from afar.

I'm a thorough b face. Recessionista in THREE kinds of lighting.

Okay, okay. So color my ass wrong. It's effin' nice, right? It really doesn't look old lady-ish (That's just my old lady hands, shut up!) It's a deep red, with a slight purplish touch, but not ass deep as Essie Wicked or OPI Lincoln Park After Dark. Bottom line -- into it, and totally Random Homie worthy.

Pick Recessionista up for yourself at local drugstores/Targets/what have you, or here.



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Random Homie: Violent Eyes

Do you ever just want to look like a badass b in, like, 2 minutes? Then, sister friend, do I EVER have the product for your ass. This is also for those people that are all, "I CAN'T DO A DAMN CAT EYE, MOFO. MY DRAWING SKILLS DON'T SWING THAT WAY." (They talk in all caps, because they're mad that they can't look cool.)

Violent Eyes in Violet Glitterati, $9.99 for set

Meet Violent Eyes, from the makers of Violent Lips, those crazy ass/awesome temporary lip tattoos. There are a bunch of different color variations, from black glitter to Union Jack, for premiere night of Downton Abbey. (Obviously. Dowager Countess would totally approve.) They are really easy to apply. You just need a wet cotton swab (sounds kinky) to get these puppies to stick. It really takes just a couple of minutes from start to finish. And if you are applying these to your baby (totally not approved), you can trim the inner part to fit your eye.

I chose the most Amy Winehouse-ish shape (RIP, boo!) to try. Isn't this ish grand? And removal was really easy. I first tried to kind of pick at it, to see what kind of staying power they would have. Yeah, that didn't work. They didn't budge. So I took another cotton swab, and put olive oil on it, and rubbed it over the area. I could then pull it right off. If you are a fancy ass fancy person, you could also use an oil-based makeup remover. But we don't use that mess around these parts, ya' hear? I am totally co-signing on these beasts. They make me feel fancy as hell.

via nuncasabemejor

On that note, I bid you "Good day!" sir. Go check out your endless possibilities for a fancy eyeball feast here.



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Random Homie: Snap N Easy Organizer

 This is how I live my life, people. This is half of my "daily" makeup bag. Yes, it's a old, raggedy ass ziploc bag with holes in it. Deal with it. I'm a disgusting, gross, terrible human person. Luckily, Snap N Easy sent over one of their cute little brush/pencil organizers for me to try and get my damn life in order.

Snap N Easy, $14

This little muffin has eight places to stick all of your ish in, if you are a reasonable person, or a couple of my main b brushes and eyeliners, if you're me. You just snap those ho hoes right in, and as long as they aren't excessively thick or thin, they are in there for the long haul. My only small issue is that my little eyeliner brush was too skinny to hold, but that's a mutha effin' first world pain if I have ever heard one. And there's also another fun surprise on this baby.

There are crystals on that b*tch! This thing is just friggin' adorable, you guys. I put it in my purse one day when I was going to work, and the girls I work with thought it was cuter than a newborn puppy.

I'm one step away from Caboodling out in this b*tch, y'all. Watch out. Check out the Snap N Easy for yourself here. It's $14 for sparkles, b's!



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Random Homie: Incoco Nail Polish Strips in Cheers!

Incoco in Cheers!, $8.99

I have made myself VERY clear on the fact that I am captain of the Lazy Committee. (If you want to join, you do nothing. And we will never, ever meet -- we are also sponsored by the We Hate Everyone Club.) And my laziness seems to at least triple in force when it comes to nail care. If you could see my toenail polish situation right now, you would literally vomit your entire face off. Dire straits, I'm talking.

So when Incoco sent me their nail polish strips to try, I was excited but reserved. In the past, I've had mixed results with nail strips. A lot of them are like trying to put a damn child's plastic toy shovel on your nail and hoping that ish sticks. Spoiler alert: It totally doesn't. When I opened the package, this is what I found:

Like, literally, every friggin' thing you MIGHT even ever need to apply these things, including wipes to remove them. Holy eff, that never happens with these kits! And I'm pretty sure that the little pack of strips are clear coats, although I couldn't figure it out. When I opened the actual pack of polish strips, I knew these b's were something different. It actually SMELLED LIKE NAIL POLISH. Whaaaat? Imagine, nail strips made from actual nail polish. And the polish was really cool. Black with chunky pieces of glitter, not some wimpy ass glitter tossed here and there -- these were like Ke$ha glitter volume. And applying these puppies was about 39843% easier than the strips I've tried before. The whole process took maybe 15 minutes, when it usually takes me about an hour to get that sh*t tight with those tricky ass strips.

The results -- blang blam!

And the wear is pretty awesome, too. I'm on day four, and I only have some slight wear on the tips of my nails. No chips or peeling, yet. Bottom line -- so friggin' easy even I can do it. I might have some new ride or die nail homies, y'all. Check out all of the colors and such from Incoco here.

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